Hello everyone and welcome to my new work! It will be a re-writing of Chain of Thorns and focus mainly on Cordelia and Matthew. We will also meet other couples along the way, like Alastair and Thomas (simply because they are amazing) or Lucie and Jesse (because they didn't get enough attention in the book). So if you ship James and Cordelia, you might be wrong here. I will also try to focus a little more on Cordelia's and Lucie's friendship, because I think it was not described that well in the book.
Comments are always welcome, they always motivate me to continue writing! I would also love to hear what you think of the first chapter. I'm sorry that it is so much like in the book, but I had to start somewhere and this seemed to be a good point. I changed many details, though. I'm curious to see if you notice! In later chapters, the story will be different than the book!
For those who already knows me it won't be a surprise that every chapter is accompanied by a song in my stories. For this one, it is 'Will You Be There For Me' by Take That.
I don't own the characters or places!
"Come on, let's go, shoma mitavanid tozieh bedid, che etefagi brayehe in ahmagha mioftad vagti ma mirim," Alastair said. You can explain what's going on with these idiots when we leave. Apparently it had slipped his mind that James had been learning Persian.
"Go on ahead of me. I'll join you in a moment," Cordelia said. Alastair nodded and withdrew to the carriage. Cordelia turned to face Matthew and James.
"I don't know how I feel," she said. "There is too much going on – too many complications. In some ways, I am angry at you both." She looked at them steadily. "In other ways, I feel I have hurt you both, been unfair to you. These are things that must be settles with my own conscience."
"Cordelia -" Matthew began.
"Don't," she said wearily. "I am so tired. Please, just understand, I care about you both."
She hurried down to the carriage and held out her hand, and Alastair took it to help her up the steps. As the door closed, James could hear Alastair asking Cordelia if she was all right, or if he was required to hit anyone for her. The carriage rattled off, leaving Matthew and James alone with each other, and a silence where Cordelia had been.
James turned to look at Matthew. His parabatai was almost bloodlessly pale, his eyes like dark green smudges of paint in his white face. "Math," he said. "We shouldn't fight."
"We are not fighting," Matthew said, still looking at the spot where the carriage had been. "I told you already I would cede the field to you."
"But that isn't your choice to make," said James. "Or mine. It is Cordelia's. It will always be Cordelia's."
"You're not going to mind seeing James, will you? It won't bother you?" Alastair asked on their way to the Devil Tavern. The Merry Thieves had requested both their presence for a meeting in the afternoon, even if Alastair had been too surprised to believe it first. It had taken Cordelia lots of persuasion – and maybe also repeating Thomas' name several times – to make her brother accompany her in the end.
Cordelia looked down at her entwined hands in her lap. She was wearing the striped dress Matthew had gotten her in Paris, even if it had taken her some time to finally put it on. All her other clothes were still at Curzon Street. In the house at Cornwall Gardens, she only had the dresses her mother had picked for her before they came to London, all in those pale colours that made Cordelia look horrible. She'd considered putting on the pale lavender dress, but her gaze had always been drawn to the clothes from Paris, even if it hurt to think of that time now.
To be honest, she wasn't sure what she felt at all. The time in Paris already felt like a dream, but so did her time with James before she ran away with his parabatai. In fact, everything that happened since she came to London felt unreal. There was only one thing Cordelia knew for sure. She hated to see James and Matthew hurt.
"I left him, Alastair," she said to her brother, hoping that the answer would satisfy him. "Not the other way around."
"I know, but sometimes we leave people to protect ourselves, don't we? Not because we don't want to be with them. Unless, of course, you're in love with Matthew, in which case, you had better tell me now, and not spring it on me later. I'm braced, I think I can bear up." And there it was again, Alastair trying to talk about her feelings. Inwardly, she sighed. Sometimes, it was exhausting to have a brother who was so attentive. He hasn't always been this way, a small voice inside her head reminded her. It only started some time ago, after you came to London. Somehow, she suspected that it also had to do something with a certain Lightwood.
She grimaced. "I told you, I just don't know what I feel -" She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence because in this moment, the carriage stopped. They'd already arrived at the Devil Tavern. They got out of the carriage and Cordelia heard Risa telling them that she'd wait for them around the corner where there was less traffic. However, she barely noticed the words. Her heart was beating faster in her chest now and she wondered if it really was a good idea, them coming here. Cordelia wasn't sure if James or Matthew wanted to see her after everything that happened.
Once they were standing in front of the door upstairs, Cordelia paused and took in the inscription once more. It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives. S. J. Next to her, Alastair regarded the sentence with some interest. She placed a hand on his arm to get his attention. "I want you to be nice in there," she said sternly. "I don't want to hear any comments about how the furniture looks or anything else."
Of course her brother had to make a comment to that, saying that he didn't care about the furniture and that it was the company who was important. With a loud sigh, Cordelia forced down her frustration and entered the room.
Inside, it was already crowded and Cordelia realized that they were the last ones who'd arrived. There were James, Matthew, Thomas and Christopher, Lucie and Jesse, Anna and even Ariadne Bridgestock. The first thing Cordelia noticed was that James and Matthew weren't sitting next to each other. It didn't surprise her after everything that happened. Instead, she just felt relieved that they both showed up and didn't exchange glares.
When Cordelia and Alastair entered, the others started to greet them loudly. Thomas even stood up from where he'd been sitting on the arm of Anna's chair and came over to them, his eyes shining. "You came," he said to Alastair.
"Well, I was invited." Alastair replied simply and Cordelia suspected that she was the only one to know him well enough to see that he was pleased by Thomas' greeting. "Was that your doing?"
"No," Thomas protested a little too fast. "Well, I mean, you are the current holder of Cortana – you ought to be here, and you're Cordelia's brother, it wouldn't make any sense to leave you out -" As cute as his rambling was, Cordelia decided that this was the right time to leave the two of them alone. She smiled at Lucie awkwardly, remembering her last words before she'd left the Institute. She knew that she would have to talk to her soon, but right now wasn't the time. Not with so many people around. So she only mouthed We need to talk at her best friend and Lucie nodded shortly, telling Cordelia that she understood. Later, Lucie mouthed back. Cordelia felt relieved at this, hoping that things with her would turn out all right in the end.
While she went to the sofa and sat down next to Ariadne, she could feel more than one pair of eyes on herself. "I heard you were in Paris," Ariadne said with a smile. "I've always wanted to go there. Was it wonderful?"
"Paris is lovely," Cordelia said, knowing that it was the truth. The city was beautiful, one of her favourites in the world. Across the room, her gaze met Matthew's. He'd been watching her until now and in this moment, he smiled. It wasn't his normal, joyous smile, but rather a sad one. But then his eyes flickered to Cordelia's clothes and she thought that there was a hint of happiness in his eyes. His lips twitched. She used this moment to take in his appearance. To be honest, he looked awful – at least for his standards. His waistcoat didn't match his jacket, a lace had broken on one of his boots and his hair was untidy. He also looked tired, with dark rings under his eyes. It hurt her to see him like this.
She also noticed that his hands were shaking slightly, even if he tried to hide it as good as possible. Unpleasant thoughts came to her mind in this moment. Was he drunk? Had he been drinking before coming to the Devil Tavern? It still hurt to know that he'd lied to her in Paris all along. However, she also couldn't be really mad at him. She was rather... disappointed.
Her eyes wandered to James and it didn't surprise her to see that he looked as usual. Calm, composed, completely normal. He didn't look at her, but Cordelia already knew that he'd be wearing the Mask if he did. He was so good at hiding his feelings, sometimes it could be a little scary.
She decided not to dwell on thoughts about Matthew and James. Instead, she turned to Ariadne and started a conversation with her. It turned out that Ariadne wasn't living at her parents' house anymore, but with Anna. Something that surprised Cordelia, but at the same time didn't come as a surprise at all. Please don't die, she heard Anna's voice inside her head again. She decided to ask Lucie about the two girls later.
Not much later, Christopher started the meeting and the room fell silent. When James announced that the meeting would be about Cordelia and her bond with Lilith, she was surprised. "We need to find a way to break the connection between them." James finished his speech and for the first time that day, his eyes flickered to her. Cordelia looked away quickly, not sure how to react to it. Soon, a discussion about paladins and their history started, though no one knew something helpful. In the end, the discussion turned back to Belial and Cortana. Jesse mentioned that he'd read many books about such things when he was a ghost.
"As a result, the books containing such information are few, and old. And they do not solve the paradox. They are full of such riddles. Lucifer lives, but does not live. Belial cannot be killed, but Cortana can end Belial with three mortal blows." Jesse shrugged. "Belial certainly seems afraid of Cortana. I think we must trust that means something."
"Perhaps a third blow from the sword will put him into a deep and permanent sleep?" Thomas suggested.
"What about your dreams, James?" Anna threw in when Matthew made a nasty comment about that. "In the past, you could see what Belial was planning."
James shook his head, looking a little frustrated. "There's been nothing," he said. "In fact, there's been so much nothing that it's begun to worry me. No dreams, no visions, no voice. No hint of Belial in my mind at all since – well, since I was in Cornwall." He frowned. "I dreamed I saw a long blank road, with demons rushing by above, and I heard Belial's voice. Nothing since then."
"You've heard his voice? What did he say?" Anna demanded to know.
"They wake." James muttered.
Cordelia stiffened at that, but she tried not to let it show. Her eyes met Matthew's. He looked startled as well. She shook her head lightly, silently asking him not to say anything yet. When he nodded, she relaxed again slowly. They would keep quiet for now. To her surprise, it didn't feel odd to have a secret together with Matthew.
"But what does it mean?" Anna thought loudly. "They wake?"
It turned out that no one had a real idea about that. They were all sure that somehow, Belial tried to prevent James from seeing what he was up to. But next to that, they all felt clueless. It was frustrating, though Cordelia hadn't expected anything else. How could you break the bond between a Shadowhunter and a demon who's lived for ages?
They also could all agree that most probably, Belial was trying to keep James from seeing what he was doing. Belial was planning something, and it had to be something big. Something dangerous. However, they were also sure that Tatiana wouldn't know about it, if she showed up again. Jesse suggested searching Chiswick House anyway and they all agreed that it could be useful. After all, Tatiana could have something important hidden there.
Unfortunately, they couldn't go there to look at the house immediately. "I can't," said James. "Nor Lucie, nor – more crucially – Jesse. We were only able to convince our parents to let us come here because it's still daytime. If we aren't back for dinner, they'll send their own search party after us."
"And while Chiswick won't be the first place they look, it'll probably be the third or fourth." Lucie agreed. "Searching Chiswick is a good idea, but there must be something we can do to try to help Cordelia, too. I don't expect to find anything about Lilith, or paladins, among Tatiana's things." At this, Lucie smiled at Cordelia.
She took a deep breath. "She is still very much watching me. She sent demons to attack us, in Paris. So that I would fight back and summon her."
"What?" Alastair and James asked at the same time, suddenly both staring at her. Then they glared at each other before focusing on Cordelia again. "For what purpose? What did she want?" Alastair demanded to know, his eyes flickering to where Matthew was sitting for half a second.
"She assumed I'd still have Cortana." Cordelia explained. "Once she realized I didn't, it was mostly taunting and threats." She tried to let it sound harmless. For the second time that day, her eyes met Matthew's across the room. All at once, she remembered the fear she'd felt for his safety. The worry that Lilith might hurt him, just to get back at Cordelia. His lips turned into the ghost of a smile, a sign of silent support. He knew exactly what she was thinking of.
"Why didn't you tell us?" This time, James asked the question, his golden eyes blazing with fury.
"Because nothing happened." She said simply. Which had been sheer luck, she assumed, but had no intention to mention that.
"We had the situation under control." Matthew added with more confidence than he probably felt. After all, he couldn't do anything else than watch during the encounter with Lilith.
For a short moment, James and Alastair glared at him, but then they turned to Cordelia again.
"Do we know anything that can hurt Lilith?" Thomas threw in quickly, sensing the tension in the room. "Cortana could, of course, but... it's not an option."
Once more, they started a discussion about different weapons that could injure Lilith. James' revolver couldn't, she seemed unharmed when Cordelia and Matthew saw her in Paris. So what else? Alastair even had the idea to summon the real Wayland the Smith, but no one had an idea how that could work. In the end, it was Christopher who ended the discussion.
"I think that this will call for some significant research!" He announced with a smile.
That seemed to end the meeting and soon, everyone in the room started to chat. Christopher began trying to recruit fellow researchers, while Lucie began to organize who would go to Chiswick House and when they would meet. Only Matthew didn't take part in any conversation. He remained sitting, with closed eyes and looking quite sick. Hungover, Cordelia thought sadly. Suddenly, she felt an incredible urge to go to him and comfort him in some way. She didn't know if it was a good idea, though.
So she decided to do another thing which had to be done first. As unobtrusively as possible, she stood up and approached James. He was standing in front of a bookshelf, looking for something.
"James, I need to speak to you in private." She said quietly.
He turned to her, a look of surprise on his face. "Really?"
Only then did she realize that it sounded as if she wanted to talk about their marriage. She felt her cheeks turn red. "It's about something I heard in Paris." She added hastily. "I thought we'd better talk at the Institute before alarming everyone. Lucie ought to be there too."
For a moment, he remained frozen and Cordelia suspected that he was fighting down disappointment. Then he nodded. "Of course. We can speak at the Institute. If you like, you can stay for supper."
"Thank you." She smiled at him and watched as he turned away to say something to Christopher. Her eyes fell on Matthew again. His eyes were open now and she was surprised to find him watching her with a frown on his face. Once more, she considered going to him, but there were too many people in the room. They needed to have a conversation, but alone. So she just smiled at him and when he smiled back a little hesitantly, she felt relieved anyway. Maybe things with him weren't completely ruined, after all.