Rey Johnson only had one wish in life; she wanted to belong to a family that loved her. She had a real family once but she would settle for a fake family too; one that protected her and loved her like she was one of their own.
She barely remembered her real family. What she did remember was running into a cornfield at age five, hearing her Mother's voice calling her in the distance. The cornstalks were massive compared to her tiny frame. She couldn't see past all of the green leaves in front of her. She would run blindly through the field, basing the direction that she was bolting towards solely on the sound of her Mother's voice. Gasping for breath, she ran straight into the waiting arms of her Mother. She felt warm and secure as her Mother held her tightly to her chest.
The next morning, she remembered being on a small plane that only her family and a pilot were traveling in. Her parents were sitting beside her. Her Mom had her hand on top of Rey's small hand.
Rey's next memory was of her screaming hysterically at the top of her lungs as she's wretched out of her Mother's arms by Unkar Plutt. Her parents walked away from her. She was desperately trying to break free from Unkar's grasp but she was too small, her kicks to his shins seemed to have no impact on his grip of his hands around her waist. Her terrified screams landed on death ears as her parents didn't turn around and look at her before the plane door closed.
Life living with Unkar was mundane. He treated her like one of his workers in the salvage yard. He especially liked the fact that she could steal parts that he needed from his competitors because no one questions a sweet looking young child , that breaks away from him as soon as they enter the shops and stole whatever he told her to.
The area that they lived in, Jakku was remote and lawless. Even if the store owners discovered the items missing, there wasn't anyone to report it to. Sometimes the shop owners would have surveillance footage. They'd march themselves into Unkar's junk shop and demand the item back. He'd deny that she was his child, that he didn't know her and they'd walk away huffing and screaming about what a bastard he was.
Unkar's wife encouraged him to send Rey to school. The school in Jakku was small and most of the lower grades were lumped together into one classroom. Rey didn't mind though. She enjoyed being with other children and learning. She would be given books and she'd stay up all night reading and studying. Her favorite book was Wuthering Heights. It saddened her that Cathy and Heathcliff loved each other but suffered from tragedy after tragedy and never got a happy ending.
She felt like Unkar and his wife tolerated her but she would never go as to far as to say that they loved her or showed any love towards her. They provided her with the very basic necessities just as they had apparently promised her parents that they would. They clothed her, fed her and sheltered her. It didn't matter if the roof leaked or that Rey wore thread barren clothes. She had been relatively thin, mostly because the food that she was given to eat made her nauseous and was never appetizing. Any money that she made off selling the junk parts she scavenged went to Unkar and his wife. She never had any extra money to buy any luxuries.
Even though most of the kids at her school were also poor, Rey got laughed at a lot for her appearance and rhat she didn't have that they had. She didn't have a cell phone to call anyone. She was out of luck if she had any emergency. She only owned one pair of tennis shoes that were at least a size too small for her. When she would hike in the woods, she'd trip in her ratty canvas sneakers and would long for a pair of hiking boots.
When she was fourteen, under pressure from her teachers, Rey was sent away to live with Unkar's cousin's family, the Klampers so that she can attend a high school in the closest city. Her teachers deemed her too smart not to obtain a proper education. She was left alone in the house a majority of the time that she stayed with the Klampers. They traveled a lot and left without restocking the refrigerator. That meant Rey often scavenged for food and ate whatever she could find.
Rey quickly made new friends at the school. She tried to stave off her loneliness by randomly chatting with any kids that she found sitting alone. Rey often felt alone herself so she gravitated to others that were also by themselves.
She ate lunch with a girl named Kaydel who had caramel blonde hair that is always braided and tied into buns on either side of her head. Kaydel frequently invited her to visit her at her home. She told Rey that she lived with her aunt and uncle. She had an older cousin named Ben who was occasionally there as well when he wasn't at his apartment at the University. Kaydel would always gush to Rey about her cousin; how he was so sweet and athletic. At the time didn't understand why he didn't have a girl friend or at least he hadnt mentionedhaving a girlfriend.
Rey grew curious about meeting Ben and a few days before summer break of their freshman year, Rey took Kaydel up on her offer.
After meeting Ben for the first time at Kaydel's house, he met all of the expectations that Kaydel set for him. He was tall, with hair that was the color of raven's feathers, just brushing past his ears. Hs eyes were a piercing mocha color that Rey feels like bore into her soul every time he looks at her. He was also intelligent , top of his class, had an internship at a prestigious financial investment firm. He was guaranteed a job after graduating. Rey thought that he was going places and she can't help but admire those qualities in him.
Rey spends her weekends at Kaydel's house. She didn't think that the Klamper's missed her or even noticed that she was gone half of the time. She'd stroll in to the house on Monday morning and Ms. Klamper would nod at her, her weekend bag of clothes and toiletries slung over her shoulder. Ms. Klamper never asked her where she had been.
Kaydel's aunt, Leia Organa is a Senator and frequently had to fly out to the capital when congress is in session. She was kind to Rey but acted distant towards her. Rey felt like she looked down on her. Rey felt like Leia didn't believe that she was good enough for her family. Rey was surprised that she allowed Kaydel to attend public school, since she didn't want her family to hang out with the 'riff raff 'of society. Kaydel's uncle Hans Solo waa also welcoming to her when she spent time over there but she also felt that there was some type of underlying tension between him and the rest of the family. Rey couldn't quite put her finger on what caused thectensuon but she sometimes felt uncomfortable when they were all in the room together.
Ben on the other hand was always kind to her. She only wanted to be there when he was there. She felt comfortable enough around him to tell him all of her deepest secrets and what terrified her. She hadn't yet revealed those secrets though. She thought to herself one day she would, but at the time she just enjoyed being in his company any chance that she could get.
Ben treated her like he treated Kaydel; like a big sister. He teased her about school and sometimes about boys that Kaydel brings up. Rey felt uncomfortable when he mentioned other boys. She wasn't interested in any other boys, she only had eyes for him. She hadn't felt like she was ever going to be brave enough to tell him she has a crush on him. She didn't want to ruin the dynamic that they had between them.
She didn't often get to spend much time alone with Ben. Most of the time, Kaydel is with them but there were a few awkward moments where Kaydel finds herself getting to their house before Kaydel arrives and watching TV with Ben or handing out with him on their back deck. She often didn't know what to say around him. She was shy to a fault, when she did talk to him she tried her best to have a normal conversation but found herself tripping up her speech around him.
She'd sometimes start daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss Ben. He was eight years older then she was so she imagined he'd already kissed a lot of girls. She hadn't kissed anyone and longed for her first kiss to be with him.
Shortly after Rey's 17th birthday the Klamper's moved away and she was told she had to go back with the Plutt's to live. She didn't want to miss out of her senior year and graduating with her friends and was highly distressed . Kaydel; noticed that she was upset and when she brought up what the cause of the stress was Kaydel suggested that she stay with the Solo's in their mansion just long enough so that she could graduate.
Rey shared a room with Kaydel. It was large enough for two twin beds , 2 wardrobes and 2 tall dressers. Living with Kaydel had been much more exciting then living with the Plutts or the Kampers because she had someone to talk to whenever she was bored or lonely. Plus she ate food that wasn't from a can or from a frozen package. Kaydel's aunt and uncle were happy that Rey could help clean the house and assist Kaydel with her homework as she struggled with her grades. They didn't make her feel like a live in housekeeper though, she felt like she was finally part of a family.
Ben moved out of the house into his own apartment after graduating from college. Rey looked forward to seeing him on weekends. She didn't date anyone because she held out the hope that Ben was going to ask her out. She had turned down advances from boys in high school as well as college. She was frequently labeled as 'a frigid bitch' by the guys that she turned down.
Sometimes he would take her out to lunch or to grab breakfast and they'd talk for hours while enjoying their meal. When he was at his apartment he'd frequently text Rey to find out how her day went. He'd send her words of encouragement when she expressed how frustrated she was with his classes. Sometimes he'd even buy her small gifts like a bunch of daisy's, which were her favorite flowers. He would say they reminded him of her, delicate and sunny. He would bring her chocolate bars because he knew she loved chocolate. He'd leave a note with them on the kitchen table, usually to the effect of 'I hope you have a great day, I know you'll ace that test'.
When someone would ask if she had a boyfriend she'd tell them yes because she thought of Ben as a boyfriend. Everyone, except Kaydel that was. Kaydel would have known right away that she was lying through her teeth as she never saw her with anyone. Kaydel started dating a guy that was going to a University an hour away and spending less time at the house but since she was Rey's best friend, Rey knew she'd see right through her if Rey told Kaydel she had a special someone in her life.
Ben never expressly told her that he cared about her as anything more than someone he saw as a sister but Rey felt it through her bones that he did. He never touched her intimately either. However even when he brushed his fingers up against hers or he ran his hand up and down her shoulders to congratulate her she'd feel like her whole body was on fire from his touch.
Rey would fantasize about Ben being her first sexual experience. She knew that he wouldn't ever refer to her as frigid. She pictured his toned arms wrapped around her body and his muscular legs on top of her spread legs. She would supplement her fantasies by watching porn. Every tall, pale, dark haired man in the porn videos man morphed into Ben.
Rey took a job at the local bar, 'Chalmun's Cantina as a bartender when she was 18 and worked there a year so that she could make enough money to pay for her local community college classes as well as put a deposit on an apartment . She had been given a deadline by Leia regarding moving out and at 19 almost 20, she was quickly wearing out her welcome.
One evening Rey was just about to close up the bar around a little before 1 am when she looked up and noticed Ben strolling through the front door.
"Oh am I too late to grab a drink", he asked grinning impishly at Rey.
Rey had shook her head and smiled back at him, "Nope not too late. What can I get for you?", she responded.
"Whiskey sour", Ben responded. Rey went to make the drink and slid the glass over to Ben.
Ben sat on a bar stool and sipped on his drink.
"Have you picked a major yet that you are focusing on? What do you want to do Rey with your life once you graduate from school", he asked.
"Uhh, I think I like marketing so maybe business administration or communications so that I can work for a marketing or advertising firm.", she replied.
"Yes, I think you'd be good at that", Ben responded.
Rey sighed. Relegated to small talk like usual. Rey picked up a different vibe from Ben on that night. She sensed that he was nervous. She could tell by the way he fidgeted with his fingers crossed together, his leg shook and banged against the wood paneling on the bar.
"Are you nervous Mr. Solo", she joked. She wanted to ask him if she's the one that made him nervous but chickened out before the words crossed her lips.
Ben laughed but again his laugh was stuttered and low. He is nervous, Rey thought to herself.
"Nope, not nervous as all", he responded. He said it so confidently.
Rey wasn't buying it. His foot knocking against the wood continuously confirmed that she was right.
"Are you drinking to build up your courage to do something or say something?", she pressed him.
He finished his drink in one slow gulp and slid the empty glass towards her. "Nope darling, its nothing really", he assured her.
After twenty minutes of more lighthearted banter, Ben stood up. "I gotta go. I hope to see you tomorrow at the house Rey, we can talk more there. Goodnight darling",he said.
Rey basked in the glow of him calling her an endearing term. He doesn't typically call her darling or dear. In fact she couldn't remember him calling her anything but 'Rey' since she'd known him.
As she went around the bar and embraced him, she started to back up he leaned his face down to hers and as gentle as a feather tickled her cheek, he brushed his lips against her cheek, very close to her lips.
He stepped away from her and started to walk out of the bar. Rey wished she could follow him but she had to close up the bar for the night.
Her heart raced and she felt a blush creep up her cheeks and she watched him leave.
Later as Rey walks to her car, she bit her bottom lip and looked down at her fingers nervously. She noticed that her hands are shaking. 'I've got to tell him', she thought. 'He has to know. Its got to be tonight because I don't want to move out without him knowing my heart skips a beat only for him. I don't have anything else more to lose', she said to herself trying to motivate herself to take the risk and tell him.
As she sits in the car she dials his number, hoping to get her feelings off of her chest but she gets his voicemail. She doesn't leave a message.
The next day after their talk at the bar, Rey worked up the courage to tell Ben her feelings for him. She hadn't ever told anyone else in her life that she loved them. She was completely nervous about what Ben's reaction to her confession would be. Would he be receptive? Would he confess that he was also in love with her? Would he laugh at her and tell her that she was too young at 19 to know what love really was?
She had a glimmer of hope last night when Ben leaned in to kiss her. Yes, his mouth had landed on her cheek just grazing the corner of her lips but she felt a spark in that kiss, she had thought she had seen a pleading look in his eyes, a look that he was receptive to her just skootching over a held an inch to the left so that her lips would come crashing up him. She had only been a half an inch away from kissing Ben Solo..
She had brushed her finger tips on the area where his lips had lightly touched her face and she felt tingly all over.
Rey could barely focus on the class notes during her Calculus class. It's the only class she was taking which was at night and typically she was on the ball but her thoughts were racing that struggled to focus on anything else but her thoughts of Ben and their conversation the night prior.
When she arrived home from her night class he called her into his room, he was sitting on the edge of his bed and he beckoned her to him.
He patted a spot on the bed next to him. "Sit Rey, I have some news for you", he said.
Rey sat down taking a shaky breath and smiled up at him. "I have something to tell you too Ben Its something I just need to get off of my chest and after last night, I feel comfortable telling you", she told him.
He nodded at her and moved his hand to cover hers. She took that as a positive sign, a sign that maybe he was hinting at his feelings for her.
"Ok you go first", he said.
Rey felt like her chest is about to burst open. Rey takes a long, shaky breath and smiled sweetly at Ben while focusing on his expresso colored eyes with flecks of gold tinting them that seem to bore their way into her soul.
"I am in love with..", she started to say but Ben seemed to anticipate what she was about to say and cut her off.
"Rey, there's something you should know before you say anything more. It has to do with why I called you in here. I've been seeing someone, for about a year now. She's the daughter of one of the high commanders. Her name is Bazine. Bazine and I have this connection and my Mother thinks that we are the most perfect couple, she's been encouraging me to take our relationship one step further as it would make a positive impact on her political career.", Ben said in a steady, calm tone.
Rey gasped, her mouth dropped open. She wasn't aware that he was seeing anyone, he hadn't ever mentioned it before. Much less dating someone for a whole year. She asked herself how she possibly could have not known this information. She hadn't ever seen him speak to her on the phone and Bazine's name had never come up in conversation when she was around.
The fact that Leia approved of him and Bazine being together just piled on more pain because she couldn't imagine Leia ever approving of him having a relationship with Rey. Rey was a nobody and her son dating Rey would never improve her political career. If anything, it would create issues for her, having to explain how her niece's best friend that lived with her and was practically like a sister to Ben was professing her love to him.
Rey tilted her head, her mouth still gaping open. She was at a loss for words, but she implored him with her eyes to keep speaking. She wanted him to tell her that none of what he was confessing was the truth, she wanted him to reverse the pain that she felt.
After a few moments of silence, Rey's voice came back to her. "This can't possibly be true. Please tell me that you are lying to me. I can't believe what you are telling me. You never told me you were dating anyone. When we are together, I feel like it's just you and I, you see me like no one else does and I felt like you are the only man that I could have ever fallen in lo…", she choked out the words.
Ben cut her off again. "I would never lie to you Rey; I only want to be truthful with you. You called me last night after I left you at the bar and the reason, I didn't answer the call was because I was with her. I drove to her apartment, and I proposed to her, Rey. I got down on one knee and I asked Bazine to be my wife".
Rey refused to meet his intense gaze. She looked down and just shook her head in embarrassment. She was embarrassed that she had put herself out there to Ben. Even though he didn't let her finish her sentence, it didn't matter to her, she was sure he knew what she was going to say . He didn't even allow her the dignity to finish her sentence and to express her love for him.
Ben still had his hand on top of hers and she immediately snatched it back and stood up suddenly and jerked her body away from him when he stood up to face her. She didn't want to believe what he was telling her. Ben was engaged, her Ben. The only man she ever pictured herself someday marrying. He was marrying someone else. He wanted to spend his life with someone else and not with Rey. Rey felt like she wasn't good enough for him and never would be.
It was all too much to take. She couldn't spend another moment there with him. She choked back her tears that had welled up in her eyes; those tears were threatening to rain down on her cheeks, but Rey didn't want to let him see her crying for him. She bit her lip she ran out his bedroom door and bolted down the stairs and out the front door, "I can't be around you right now Ben" she screamed into the night air.
Rey continued to run, she was so blinded by her tears she couldn't see anything in front of her, she just knew that she had to get away, far away from Ben, who had just torn her heart to pieces with his words.
She thought she heard a voice in the distance calling out her name into the darkness of the night, but she wasn't going to turn back. She didn't want him to see how he had hurt her. She deducted that by him not even letting her get out the word "love" that he needed to live his life with his soon to be wife and didn't need Rey there to interfere in his life, pining after him like a lost puppy. She concluded that she needed to move away and move on with her life, without Ben Solo as part of her future.