BACKSTORY

6th Pegasus Moon 1171

Lilia stood atop the hill in the fading daylight. Purple skies hung overhead and the sun glowed orange as it gradually disappeared behind the distant mountains.

Byleth sat on the edge of the hill, facing the horizon.

She looked at him, the boy she'd once been afraid of, the pale lifeless child who'd chilled her to the bone. Once upon a time, Jeralt had asked her to place her faith in the idea that Byleth would change, that he would become more human overtime. The prospect had seemed impossible all those years ago, and yet a feeling, an intuition, had made her give Byleth another chance. Over time, her faith had been rewarded. Over the years, Byleth did change, growing from a pale, thin and blank-faced child who sat staring at walls all day into a strong, witty and smiling boy, who read, fished and who went out of his way to help others.

But something had changed recently. He'd become reserved, had stopped smiling and the sparkle in his eyes had gone. He wasn't sleeping and whenever she tried to ask him why, he avoided answering. She didn't think anyone else, bar Arthur, had noticed his change yet. Jeralt hadn't had time with Byleth in weeks and the others were also busy. If Alain had noticed then he'd kept it to himself (though she didn't believe someone like him would care about such things anyway.) She'd told Arthur about her concerns for Byleth, and he'd reckoned that his issues were down to him still recovering from the stomach bug he'd just had.

The idea that a stomach bug was behind the boy's problems made sense to her, and yet it didn't alleviate her worry. Was she being paranoid again? On paper, it seemed like she was, and yet something felt different this time.

Did the illness cause his issues? Or did his issues cause the illness?

'Byleth?'

The boy jumped (she'd never seen him do that before). He flashed his head around. He looked at her. His face was pale and large, dark bags hung under his eyes.

'Is everything alright?' she asked.

Byleth nodded.

'What are you doing?'

There was a long pause before Byleth finally responded. 'Watching the sunset.'

'May I sit with you?'

The boy blinked. She watched him, noting the pause in his reaction.

He does not wish for my company.

Slowly, he looked down and nodded. She lowered herself down beside him in the swaying grass. A breeze brushed past her and she shivered.

'How long have you been here?' she asked.

'A while,' Byleth replied, eyeing the horizon.

'And you are not cold?'

The boy shook his head. Lilia moved a hand to his arm. Her eyes widened.

'You are.'

The boy shook his head. 'I am fine.'

Lilia ripped her jacket off and handed it to him. 'Put it on. Do not argue.'

Byleth did, slowly. He looked down, and when the jacket was on, he looked ahead once again.

'Did you sleep last night?' Lilia asked.

Byleth's face paled. 'A bit.'

Lilia felt her heart sink at the boy's lie. She turned and looked out towards the distant mountains. The sky was darkening and only a quarter of the orange sun was still visible in the sky. As she looked, she heard something.

Byleth's breath.

She listened to its rise and fall. She counted the seconds of each inhale and exhale. They were different each time. She studied him, and then put a hand on his shoulders.

'Drop your shoulders and relax,' she said. 'You cannot breathe properly if you are tense.'

Byleth nodded. Lilia kept her hand on his shoulder.

'One, two, three, four, five... Back two, three, four, five, six...'

She did this, following his inhales and exhales until his breaths matched her counting. Gradually, his shoulders fell.

'Does that help?' she asked.

'Yeah,' Byleth muttered. She could tell from his voice that he meant it, and yet, he still didn't look at her.

'Is something troubling you?' she asked.

For the first time in six years, the boy didn't respond to her.

'I know something is tormenting you, because you are acting in the same way I did when I was scared,' she continued. 'I do not know your problem, but I understand how scary it can feel. It can feel like there is no hope, but I promise you the feeling does not last forever.'

Byleth looked at her. Lilia saw something in his face she'd never seen before.

Desperation… and hope.

'You do not have to tell me if you do not want to,' she said. 'You do not have to tell your father either, or anyone. Your thoughts belong to you and you alone, but talking to someone I trusted helped me, and I think it will help you as well.'

The boy lowered his head and stared at his gloved hands. Lilia watched him brush his thumbs along his fingers. He opened his mouth and then closed it. Just when she thought he wasn't going to speak, he did. Except his voice was different. It didn't sound like him at all.

'W-Why am I...'- The boy trailed off. He tensed and started to tremble. His fingers twitched. His hands began to clench, his fingernails moving towards the bottom of his palms, ready to dig in once again.

But they couldn't. Lilia slipped her hands into his and interlocked their fingers.

'You are safe,' she whispered.

In truth, he wasn't safe, neither was she.

They weren't alone.

She gently pulled Byleth's gloves off, revealing the cuts at the bottom of his palms. Her eyes widened.

'Oh Byleth,' she choked. The boy said nothing. She interlocked her fingers with his again and for a moment, their hands glowed in a golden ball of light. it lasted for a few moments before fading.

'That will help the wounds,' she said. 'But tell me, what were you going to say? What is troubling you so much that you would hurt yourself?'

'I-I c-can't.'

'Why?'

Byleth's trembling worsened. 'S-Scared.'

Lilia's eyes widened. She squeezed his hand. 'You're braver than you think.'

The boy let out a shaking exhale and then turned and faced her.

'Why a-am I d-different?'

Lilia's mouth dried. 'What?'

Byleth shook harder. He released one hand from Lilia's grip and moved it to his chest, his eyes wide.

'A-Alain t-told you t-that I don't h-h-have a...'-

'Goddess! You heard! That is what's troubling you! (She gripped Byleth in a near bone-crushing hug.) I am so so sorry you heard that. He's wrong!'

She held the trembling boy in her embrace and started to cry. In the distance, sun continued its descent and the skies above darkened further. Another gentle breeze brushed past them.

I just lied to him. He doesn't have a heartbeat… but what about everything else Alain said? What if I am wrong about everything?

She shook her head, holding the boy to her chest. Nonsense, he said Byleth was emotionless, yet here he is, petrified. That's not the boy Alain described. A lack of a heartbeat doesn't mean-

But either way, he's still different, a voice said. And he may not become the boy you or Jeralt envision. He may not change any further, and what if his lack of a heartbeat does shorten his life?

No…, Lilia thought, mashing her eyes shut. I do not want to believe that. I-

A memory flashed into her head. She was standing in the rain on the cobbled streets of Fhirdiad. Jeralt stood facing her, his eyes bright and determined, yet pleading with her.

"If we take care of Byleth, I believe the same will happen to him. Overtime he'll become more… human as well. So I don't know why he is the way he is, but I can promise you he'll change if you give him the time to, I can feel it. I beg you, don't give up on him."

Other thoughts rushed into her head. She thought of Byleth sitting with her, reading. She thought of him looking up at her with eyes, once dull, now bright and curious. She thought of him joking with Arthur, of playing with Jeralt. She thought of him fishing and she saw the precious smile that'd been on his face when he'd caught the goddess messenger. She saw a boy who was everything Alain had said he wasn't or could ever be.

It does not matter what I, Jeralt, Alain or anyone believe. It is about making sure our beliefs do not harm Byleth. It is about making sure he is given the love and support to grow into whatever the best version of himself may be.

'A-Alain s-said because of... I m-might d-die early.'

Byleth's voice came out in a whine that made tears well in Lilia's eyes. She released him from her embrace and smiled at him, tears streaming down her face.

'He'-

'Good day!'

Lilia spun. Three men in dark robes walked towards them, pinning them at the edge of the hill. Two of the men's faces were hidden behind long hoods, but the man in the middle wasn't wearing one. He had short, parted black hair and a moustache. The last time she'd seen him, back at the opera house in Enbarr, he'd been leaning on a cane. He didn't have one now.

The man who'd once introduced himself as Reginold strode towards her, smiling.

END OF BACKSTORY