'Byleth.'
The high-pitched voice echoed. He opened his eyes. Sothis sat on the throne, watching him.
'You were troubled, so I brought you here.'
'Why?
'To talk.'
'About what?'
'What do you think? About what is making you feel so horrible inside.'
Byleth shook his head. 'I don't'-
Sothis leaned forward on the throne. 'Well I do! I understand perfectly well that you do not want me around, but guess what? What happens to you will affect me, so we are going to talk about what is bothering you because when you suffer so do I!'
Her voice boomed. When the echoed died down without response from him, she spoke again.
'You are clearly tormenting yourself over the decision to reassume the role of profess'-
'I don't want to be a professor.'
Byleth blinked, surprised yet again at the venom in his voice. Sothis lifted her hands. 'I do not care about what decision you make. What I am concerned about is the torment you are putting yourself through over it. If you are so set on leaving, then why is this all causing you so much stress?'
'I…'-
Byleth blinked, feeling his throat tighten.
'Why don't you want to be a professor?' Sothis asked.
'B-Because I don't want to.'
'But why?'
'Because… b-because…'-
He dug his fingernails into his palms again and that's when Sothis rose to her feet. 'I do not want you to suffer any longer. Allow me to read your mind. It will allow me to understand what is bothering you without you needing to tell me.'
Byleth froze. He opened and closed his mouth several times but nothing came out. Sothis took a step towards him.
'Sharing such personal things is scary, I know, but you do not deserve this horrible pain. I want you to be free.'
Byleth closed his eyes and remembered the exact moment he looked up at Lilia on the hill and had tried to tell her everything. He then remembered the moment he'd tried to open up to Moira. Both times he'd been interrupted, but he didn't think he would be this time. For the first time, someone would know everything. He took a deep breath in, opened his eyes and nodded.
'Thank you,' Sothis said. She closed her eyes.
She stood still, and Byleth watched her. Her brow furrowed.
'You said you do not wish to be a professor because… (her brow furrowed) you are a…. Why… why do you think…'-
She fell silent again. Byleth waited, reminding himself to breathe as he did so. Then he heard a rattling voice that made him jump.
It was the voice of the old man, Podrick, from Remire.
"I-I'm P-Podrick and w-was w-wondering i-if y-you n-need b-b-bread?"
The old man's wheezy voice echoed from Byleth's right. He turned and saw the old man staring at him, trembling. Behind him, Byleth saw the swaying trees and blue skies of Remire. From the viewpoint of the "painting", Podrick was looking down at him from a standing position, and Byleth knew why, he'd been crouching when the man had spoken to him a week before. He eyed the memory, and then he heard another voice behind him.
"First impressions are important so how about you move that glum expression along and try and smile."
The voice was sharp and it stung his ears. Byleth turned and saw Manuela glaring at him, her voice echoing in the audience chamber. She'd uttered those words to him, he remembered, just after he'd learnt he was to be a professor at the Officers Academy. She vanished and then the Blue Lions came into view, just after Felix had introduced him as the Ashen Demon in the courtyard.
"You don't laugh or cry. You don't smile either. The same expression is always on your face regardless of whether you're sleeping or killing someone. You're famous for your skill and for the fear you put in others."
Felix's voice echoed and Byleth saw the other students shrink away from him. A scream then pierced the darkness from above. He snapped his head up and saw Bernadetta, cowering behind one of the pillars in the Black Eagles classroom. It'd been after she'd slapped him. She shrank away from him, her eyes wide and her face pale.
"I-I'm P-Podrick and w-was w-wondering i-if y-you n-need b-b-bread?"
He looked down and saw the old man from Remire again. After a few moments, Manuela and Felix then repeated their lines before Bernadetta screamed once again. They repeated again after that, louder than before. They came from different directions, surrounding him. He turned and looked at Sothis, but her eyes were still closed.
"Enjoying the view, Professor?"
The sound of Hubert's voice made his stomach churn. He looked left and saw the tall, gaunt-faced man glaring at him from the Black Eagles classroom. "So far we've learnt you doubt your combat abilities, that you've never led a group into battle and that you've never taught before."
Byleth snapped his head away. 'Sothis,' he called, but her eyes remained closed. He tried stepping towards her to no avail. Just as had been the case on the stone steps, he was rooted to the spot.
"You do not care about Lady Edelgard or the others. You are what your nickname suggests, a soulless being. Are you even capable of caring? I doubt it. You are not fit to be our professor"-
'Sothis,' he repeated, louder this time, but still, she didn't move. She vanished behind another memory, one that made him freeze. He saw a man in bright-coloured clothing. He juggled blades on a rotten-looking stage. The memory was from Derideu, he knew, because that day very clearly.
The juggler dropped his blades and snarled at him. Byleth, the Ashen Demon, felt the hairs on his neck rise in the same way they'd done back then. The juggler spat at him.
"I don't want your gold you little freak. How about you fuck off and join that tramp on the stage over there? The crowd would love it. You're a freak as well. You'd be called the "Walking Corpse Act."
Byleth looked away. Behind him, Podrick once again asked him in a terrified voice if he needed bread. His own mind spoke to him as well.
That man was terrified of you… because you're a-
"First impressions are important so how about you move that glum expression along and try and smile."
"You don't laugh or cry. You don't smile either. The-
The other memories continued to loop and he felt himself struggle to breathe again. He put his hands to his ears but Bernadetta's shriek and Manuela's sharp voice rattled in his head all the same. He closed his eyes but the juggler was still there, pointing a dagger at him. A large tree then appeared. Past it was a clearing where a man and a woman stood. The man had long, dreadlocked hair and thick arms covered in scars and dark ink. The woman had scars of her own and long blonde hair. Byleth recognised Alain and Lilia and felt panic prickle inside him.
'No….'
He spun away from the memory, mashing his eyes closed and pressing his hands tighter over his ears, but he still heard and saw everything clearly, just as he'd done so all those years ago.
"He's not normal, he'll never make friends or fall in love"-
"For all we know, his lack of a heartbeat might mean he dies sooner than the rest of us."
"My point is that you worry about his feelings and emotions, but I don't think he has much of either.'-
"… you're grasping for things in him that aren't there, you want him to be normal but he never will be."
"He's an empty shell…lifeless."
"-thump-thump."
'S-Sothis,' Byleth tried to say, but his voice was suddenly drowned out by the sounds of hundreds of people crying. He opened his eyes and saw the grand hall he'd been in in Enbarr, the one he'd watched the opera in with Lilia and Arthur. He saw all the people, sobbing. The sound made him feel sick, just as it'd done back then.
'Sothis!' He darted his head back and forth but didn't see her. She'd vanished, and in that moment, he was alone, alone in the darkness with the voices. He clawed at his skin and drew blood under his clothing, willing himself to "wake up", but he didn't. He thought things couldn't get any worse, but then they did.
Another memory appeared. It showed three gravestones lying in long, wet grass that shone in the moon's illumination.
"Kid, I'm so sorry."
Jeralt's voice echoed beside him. He watched his father's face scrunch up, unable to hold back the tears at the sight of Alain, Arthur and Lilia's graves. Byleth looked at him, and then down at the gravestones, yet he didn't cry.
Because I'm a-
'Enough.'
Sothis's voice rung out behind him. He turned and there she was. She was standing and her eyes were open.
A tear rolled down her cheek.