Byleth had spent much of his life wondering how someone else would react if they knew everything about him. What he saw on Sothis's face wasn't what he'd been expecting. Her wet eyes were wide and blazing. She shook her head.

'My, Byleth. You have been led astray. Your suffering does not come from you not wanting to be a professor, it stems from your belief that you are unworthy… not only of being a teacher but being unworthy of… anything.'

When he'd first seen Sothis as a child, he'd screamed. Yesterday, it'd taken everything in him to meet her gaze, now he couldn't look away from her, and for so long the sound of her voice had chilled him to the bone on the stone steps, but in that moment, he hung on her every word.

'You have allowed the misguided words of others to make you believe things about yourself that are untrue. You have tricked yourself into believing that you are a monster, a freak who is hated and feared by everyone, a soulless husk who lacks the capacity to care for others and so does not deserve love themselves. You have been led to believe that these things are true because you do not have a heartbeat and have never cried before. It is true, you do not have a heartbeat, nor have you cried. I do not know why, but they do not make you the soulless monster you tell yourself that you are, it is a false belief. Just like the Ashen Demon nickname you carry, the false belief was given to you, but like the nickname, is not a true reflection of who you are.'

'But'-

Sothis thrashed her head from side to side. 'First, you are not a monster, you are human, even if your heart does not beat, you are alive. Second, to suggest that everyone either fears or hates you is an outright lie. You have been loved dearly your whole life, by Jeralt, and by the mercenaries, including Lilia, Arthur, and even Alain.'

Byleth shook his head. 'They'-

Sothis rose to her feet. 'Loved you!'

Her voice vibrated and for a moment the ground shook. She glared at him and then lowered herself back onto the throne and wiped her eyes.

'And Jeralt still loves you. Some people do dislike you, but almost everyone is disliked by someone, you are not different in that regard. As for fear, I do not need to read your mind to know that many people are not afraid of you, but of the stories told about you, much of which are often exaggerated. Most people who get to know you behind the Ashen Demon name actually like you. Need examples? Both Dudley the gatekeeper and Moira the nurse were afraid of you at first, yet in just a few days they both have grown a liking to you. You have the girl, Flayn, who has declared you her friend and you even have the Adrestian heiress doing all she can to keep you as her professor. There is Dimitri and Claude and Alois, you had Dorothea, Petra, Linhardt and Ferdiand amongst others all wanting to connect with you as well alongside Leonie. So, clearly not everyone is frightened of you in the way you think, and many of those who are scared drop that fear once they get to know you.'

'But….'

Byleth trailed off. His mind had turned to mush. Although he'd sat in the infirmary for most of the day, speaking with Sothis had taken everything from him.

'Second of all,' she continued, 'you are not a soulless husk that is incapable of caring for others. The reason why you believe this is horrible. You started to believe it after that horrible juggler called you a freak in Derideu when you were a child and it got worse after you overheard Alain's misguided words… then….'

She stopped herself and took a deep breath in. 'You then assumed that because you did not cry when Alain, Arthur and Lilia'-

Her voice wavered and she shook her head. Her face scrunched up in a mixture of disgust and hurt. 'When they died, you did not cry, and you took that to mean that you never loved them. You told yourself that your feelings for them were a lie, that Alain was right about you, that your lack of tears were proof that you could never love or care for anyone, your own father included. It was this that made you condemn yourself as a soulless husk, and from there on, you allowed the voice in your head to torment you.'

Byleth dropped his head. To his surprise, Sothis let out a sniffling chuckle.

'Your actions just there are proof enough that you were wrong to believe those terrible things, and it also proof enough that Alain was wrong about you. You love your him, even though he hurt you, and you loved your father, Arthur and Lilia, for their deaths still dwell in your head now and you are still hurting over their loss. You cared for them, deeply, and…'-

Her mouth opened and closed several times, and then she leaned forward on the throne.

'…and a part of you deep down knows that, still believes that you did love them. It is like a small flame inside of you and you are frightened it will die out. You avoid people not because you do not care about them, but because you are afraid of them rejecting you, of confirming that your misguided beliefs about yourself are correct and in doing so, killing off that small flame flickering inside you. That is in part, why you do not want to be a professor and why you avoid others, because you are afraid of them rejecting who you are.'

Byleth suddenly felt blood rush to his head. He clenched his hands into fists, hard enough for his skin to turn white and shake.

'And that fear proves you are not the empty shell Alain once described. In fact, you have been showing emotion all this time, with your constant panic attacks and fear of me. Even now, you are hurting yourself, digging your fingernails into your palms because you are struggling with your emotions.'

Byleth closed his eyes and started to count numbers under his breath again.

'When Alain said you might die young, you assumed that was what the stone steps were all about,' Sothis continued. 'You thought that I would kill you once you reached the top, that it was life punishing you for being different. I hate that, and I hate that I have caused you so much suffering, it makes me all the more determined to help you now. You are not a monster, a soulless husk or someone to be hated or feared. You are not what Alain said you were, and you are not the Ashen Demon. You are Byleth, someone who is loved by others, someone who is caring and kind and someone who deserves so much better.'

Byleth raised his head and looked at her, still struggling to breathe smoothly.

'I know these things to be true,' she continued, 'but it does not matter what I say, it is what you believe. You need to let go of all the lies you have told yourself.'

Byleth stood still as he counted from one to five and back under his breath, but instead of becoming calmer with each count, his chest became tighter.

'I….'

He lowered his head, and when he did, the voices from before returned, louder this time.

"I-I'm P-Podrick and w-was w-wondering i-if y-you n-need b-b-bread?"

"First impressions are important so how about you move that glum expression along and try and smile."

"You don't laugh or cry. You don't smile either. The same expression is always on your face regardless of whether you're sleeping or killing someone. You're famous for your skill and for the fear you put in others."

"You do not care about Lady Edelgard or the others. You are what your nickname suggests, a soulless being. Are you even capable of caring? I doubt it. You are not fit to be our professor"-

"I don't want your gold you little freak. How about you fuck off and join that tramp on the stage over there? The crowd would love it. You're a freak as well. You'd be called the "Walking Corpse Act."

"He's not normal, he'll never make friends or fall in love"-

"For all we know, his lack of a heartbeat might mean he dies sooner than the rest of us."

"My point is that you worry about his feelings and emotions, but I don't think he has much of either.'-

"… you're grasping for things in him that aren't there, you want him to be normal but he never will be."

"He's an empty shell…lifeless."

"-thump-thump."

Byleth once again began to tremble and in at that moment, he shook his head.

'I… I can't… because I'm'-

The voices, those of Podrick, Manuela, Felix, Bernadetta, Hubert, the juggler and Alain suddenly ceased. It was quiet for a moment, and then other voices started.