Castle bristled as Alexis rolled him down the hallway. She wasn't going fast enough for his anxiety. His nurses hadn't approved of him wheeling his wheelchair on his own, the muscles in his chest screaming and straining even as he had pushed himself out of his bed. He had wanted rest, but Ryan's text to Alexis had propelled him upwards. Kate was out of surgery, awake. He had practically catapulted out of the hospital bed, disconnecting his IV in his stress. He had only made it to the door before being intercepted by nurses, pushing him into a wheelchair. Alexis had run interference, explaining his sudden madness. She had had to promise he wouldn't leave the hospital, that they could find him in the I.C.U. with his wife. His Kate.
Detectives Ryan and Esposito were standing guard outside the door of an I.C.U. room, the curtains drawn, carrying worried and stoic expressions. Lanie was sobbing softly into Esposito's chest, pulling any comfort she could from his stoicism, Ryan's clothes still covered in dried blood. Castle didn't question it, but it made him worry about the state of his wife. Was that much blood hers? What horrendous sight would be waiting for him? Why weren't they in the room with Kate? He couldn't stop his mind from racing. Ryan silently opened the sliding door and Alexis wheeled his chair into the room.
The curtains were pulled around her bed, blocking any vision from the door. He had to maneuver his chair around the edge, straining his chest as he pulled the curtain back. There she lay, so pale, fragile, small. Her pale foot peaked out from under the hospital sheet. He reached for it, the first part of her he could touch. It was cold, the type of cold and clammy that freaked him out. The cold of a dead body. Oh my god, was she dead? He desperately rolled his wheelchair up to the front of her hospital bed in desperation, a bit lopsided in his path on account of his chest wound and anxiety, the consequences of his own bullet wound.
"Please Kate, don't be dead! Please….. Kate." He begged the universe at large.
Launching his body forward onto hers, he led with his hands, aiming for her face. In his haphazard desperation, he accidentally pushed the oxygen cannula off her ears and further up her nose. A hurried, persistent beep assaulted his ears, but he didn't care. He had to hold her, had to know. Under his hands, her face contorted in pain, a small grunt escaping her pale pink lips. The relief poured over his body. She was alive.
"Ow…" she whispered, everything requiring great effort.
"Thank God Kate." He could be heard, muffled and crying into her neck, his large thumbs stroking circles over her cheeks, his fingers tangled in the hair near her ears, his palms pressing to feel her heartbeat through her ears. She tilted her head up slightly, trying to get a look at him, this large weight flopped across her supine and sore body. The oxygen cannula draped over her face pulled uncomfortably up her nose; he had accidentally trapped it with his hands. Wherever the bulk of his torso was laying over hers also pressed down in considerable pain. She was trying to recall why it might hurt there, but couldn't. Nothing but acute pain and blackness. That was all she remembered right now. This was a position she hated being in.
"Ow" she repeated, a bit louder and breathier this time. He finally noticed he was hurting her, easing slowly up and backwards off of her body. He flopped back down into his wheelchair as she struggled to lift her tethered right hand to fix the contraption prodding her face. She noticed him wipe the tears off his face with the sleeve of his own hospital gown.
"Here Kate, let me get that." He offered, stopping her hand halfway and tenderly fixing the cannula back around her ears and nose. As she dropped her right hand, she started to take in the seriousness of her situation. This hand was heavily IV'd, multiple lines emanating from the top of her hand and wrist, a stretchy gauze wrapped around the area, keeping everything in place. Heavy and tethered. Shit, this wasn't good.
Continuing her observations, she ran her free left hand up to the cords coming out of the top of the hospital gown.
"Heart monitors." A voice offered from the corner of the room, pulling back the curtain, professional but kind. Castle's hands reached for her, squeezing hard.
Kate closed her eyes with a sharp inhale, not sure what hurt worse, her body or her pride. The voice brought back memories, memories she couldn't quite place. They reminded her of a different time, but similar place, tethered to an I.C.U. hospital bed by the tangle of monitors, waves of pain emanating from an injured body. Last time she was in a situation like this, she recalled pushing Castle away. Not wanting him to see her this vulnerable, this reliant on monitors, in this much pain. Now though, she needed him, and she welcomed his warm and large hands anchoring her to this reality. The pain in her body was agonizing, she needed an anchor to keep her from thrashing it away.
She could hear his voice, a bit gruff asking, "Why? She wasn't shot in the heart, right?"
"Precautions. Previous chest wounds, heart surgery. Her heartbeat was thready all through the surgery. These monitors now are a precaution". The voice of reason. She didn't want to open her eyes, didn't want to face the reality that was yet another I.C.U stay due to her heart. Her chest tightened with the phantom pain. She had recovered, thought the healing was done, thought she could move on from it. Thought she would never have to be tethered to a bed by the tangle of cords again.
"Whoah now. Take a few deep breaths." the voice of reason poked through the fog, now from her right side, through a background throb of too fast beeping. A warm hand on her shoulder intended to soothe her, slow the anxious rhythm bouncing off the monitor. "We don't want your heart rate spiking too much."
She exhaled sharply. Who was this guy? Where did she know this voice from? Turning her head to his presence, she blinked open her eyes. Josh? Correction, Dr. Josh Davidson, her cardiologist ex-boyfriend.
"Hi Kate." He offered softly, one hand on the monitors mounted high above her bed. The beeping stopped abruptly, silencing the broadcasting of her anxiety.
"Hmmmm" she offered painfully, shaking her head. She was barely conscious as it was, her sense of reality faltering as her body shook with confusion and pain.
"I know you don't want to see me, but I was the cardiologist on call when you were brought in. Your heart was working really hard to keep up with your wounds. You really should stop getting shot." He ended with a sad chuckle. Turning to press more buttons on the monitors, he chose to ignore the frustrated look on her face, the jealous tinged malice starting to form on Castle's own. He was keeping cool in his professionalism, she could too, they all could. "I'll get the surgeon in here to talk with you, go over your injuries. But for now, rest."
"Thanks." Castle responded curtly, a slight bite to his voice. Despite it being years since she had pushed him away in favor of Josh, he still wasn't completely over it. As Dr. Davidson departed, offering a slight nod, Kate let the wave of relief that was washing up her arm take over. The soothing warmth made her feel like floating, her head full and heavy. Turning sluggishly to Castle, she tried to speak, but all she knew was that her mouth moved, unsure if the words actually materialized.
"What was that?" Castle leaned into her face, trying to hear what she had mumbled. Kate faded back to sleep, her pained expression being replaced with peaceful contentment. She clearly needed her rest, and he sealed it with a soft kiss to her cheek. He settled back in his wheelchair, still gripping her hand. He wasn't going anywhere. He had too many questions that needed answers.
Castle was still gripping her left hand tightly when she blinked slowly awake. It had been about two hours since Dr. Davidson had been in. Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Alexis, and Jim had all rotated in to check on them, but Castle hadn't moved the entire time. He was due for his own pain relief, but nothing could pull him away from his Kate. From attempting to relieve her pain.
A smile grew over her face as she met Castle's worried and loving expression.
"Hi Kate."
"Hey" she managed to mumble. She wanted to say so much more, but her mind was still foggy, everything still causing pain through her body. Pressing her hands into the mattress, she tried to push to lift her chest up even just an inch.
"Ow!" she exhaled hard, falling back rough against the scratchy sheets.
"Why did you do that?" Castle offered, springing up at her pain.
"I want to sit up. Be more comfortable. More awake?" She felt so pathetic, so weak, so small. Her body betrayed her. Sitting up made her feel more in control, more able to assess the situation.
"There's better ways to do that." he added, fiddling with the buttons on the side of the bed rail. The top part of the bed began to rise, her head falling back into its perceived luxury. She knew she didn't always have to do things the hard way, but she needed to prove it to herself first, before asking for help. Castle moving the bed for her was a gesture of love she had to remind herself to allow.
This new angle, although painful on the bandaged bullet wound in her left torso, allowed her a better vantage point of her bruised and shot up body. Internally, her left side felt worse. She perceived layers to the pulling, like internal organs were protesting the shift in angle. She could also feel the bandages along her right pectoral muscles, the stitches there holding together apparently a second bullet wound. The muscles were screaming with every movement, ripped and torn. Then another feeling, a weird thick gauziness between her legs, up against the underside of her pelvis. What was that about?
A soft knock on the sliding door welcomed an older doctor, graying black hair betraying his experience. Rubbing the sanitizer into his hands, and balancing a tablet under his elbow, he took his position at the foot of her bed.
"I see you figured out how to sit up. Comfortable?"
Adding a silent chuckle to diffuse the tension, Kate shook her head no.
The doctor continued moving to the side of the bed and pressing the tablet screen as he talked, "I'm Dr. Quidely, I was the attending surgeon who fixed you up. Two bullet wounds, clean entries. The one up here, " he pointed out her injuries on the mock up of her body, digitized on the tablet held so both her and Castle could see. "Ripped your right pectoral and settled against the inside of your scapula, but clean surgery there. You'll have an interesting recovery, but that's not my department." He chuckled at his own joke, as his fingers danced over the touchscreen, centering on her torso instead. " We called Dr. Davidson in right away, seeing previous scarring in your chest and your erratic heart beat. Your heart was trying to fight with us the whole time." She nodded in response, soaking it all in, both of Castle's hands wrapping around her free left one, warming it. This is the first time he was hearing this information as well.
"Your left torso wound was a bit more complicated," the surgeon continued, "Tore into your stomach and spleen, a bit of your intestines. We saved the stomach and intestines, although you will be on a restricted diet for a while. But we couldn't save the spleen." He paused to let this information sink in.
Kate was a detective, not a doctor. Castle wasn't a doctor either, so neither really took in the severity of what the surgeon was saying. Finally Castle spoke up, "What does that mean for her? How does that affect her future?"
"Well, her immune system will be down a bit while the body recovers. You can absolutely live without your spleen, your liver takes over most of the functions. It can just take a while to adjust. You might get sick faster than you used to, or a simple illness might be stronger than usual. But it should all even out in the end. The main thing is that you are alive." He reassured the couple. Kate was glad Castle was here, she didn't have the strength or the brainpower to ask these important questions.
"There's one more thing." Dr. Quidely's voice softened. He grabbed for a nearby chair, pulling it closer to the side of her bed. The change in pitch and emotionality caught her attention and she turned slightly toward it. "Did you know about your pregnancy when you were shot?"
It hit her harder than the bullet wounds had. She felt her chest tighten, her lungs pulling inward, trapping breaths. The monitor above her head throbbed out a fast anxious rhythm. She felt like she was falling, flailing, everything out of control, her vision spinning. She pressed her eyes closed, bracing for impact.
"Kate! Kate!" Castle's panicked voice broke through the chaos. He was shaking her arm hard which didn't help her disorientation.