Rey sleeps through the night without having a nightmare that startles her awake. She remembers seeing herself running through a field of blue cornflowers. The sun was shining. She had on a long white dress and her hair was down, flowing free in the wind and felt happy and warm as the sun shone on her. There felt like there was someone that she was running towards but she couldn't see anyone around her in the field, she just kept running in the same direction hoping that the person she was running after would be there.
Then she opened her eyes and saw that the sunlight was pouring in through her blinds. She opened one eye partially and turned her body.
There was no one beside her. She was alone.
Of course he didn't stay the night, she thought to herself. He's just doing his job and you aren't paying him to stay the night so he won't.
She always was hopeful though that she would wake and Kylo would be there beside her.
How well do you actually know him Rey, he's a cuddler. You pay him to cuddle you until you fall asleep and then he leaves and go home.
He told her that he loved her.
She knew it was a lie. She had asked him to lie to her.
He hesitated to say it, he only told her that he loved her after she pleaded.
Rey knew that he only said it out of pity for her.
She knew that it wasn't true. She thought that e didn't love her and he certainly didn't care about her. He was doing his job that she paid him for.
Rey felt the tears that had welled up in her eyes , run down her cheek. She tried to wipe them off with the back of her hand.
Her phone buzzed on the bedside table. Rey rolled over and grabbed it.
The text was from Kylo. 'Good morning Rey. As promised I am sending you the job link for the opening in my office. Once you apply, my secretary will call you to set up an interview. It won't be with me, it will be with my partner. I couldn't be the one interviewing you for obvious reasons. You would be a good fit here at Snoke Law Firm.
His message made her smile again even though the fresh tears still ran from her eyes . He had told her about the opening for a paralegal in his office.
Working with Kylo would mean that she could spend more time with him but it would also mean spending less time with Finn and Rose. They had saved her from herself at a time that she thought she would self destruct after Armie's death. She felt that she owed them.
She didn't like being on her feet for hours at a time or having her as smacked by arrogant men who viewed her as an object and not as a person. Those same men wouldn't even bother leaving her a tip after slapping her ass and whistling at her.
Plus she struggled to pay for rent , food and other necessities. She was just narrowly getting by. When she was working as a paralegal in Armie's legal firm she never worried about things such as her electricity being shut off or getting by on peanut butter and toast for dinner.
Plus she wouldn't be able to afford to keep seeing Kylo. Kylo, who brought her comfort . Kyl who allowed her to sleep without being plagued by dark nightmares. Kylo, who took her out for ice-cream and made her smile for the first time in a long time.
She didn't want to lose Kylo from her life.
She could potentially him during the day even if she could not longer be with him at night during the weekdays.
His weekends were his downtime though when he wasn't working. She was just work afterall and even if she did get to work professionally alongside him she didn't expect him to see her any differently.
Rey wondered who he spent time with on the weekends. She wondered if he had a girlfriend or dated. He never talked about his personal life. Not that Rey hadn't tried to bring it up,he would just shut her down and tell her the session was about her and not him. He kept her at an arms length to remain professional.
Rey didn't think he would let her in to that personal side. She would take that piece of him that he offered to her though as he made her feel safe.
She remembered the dream she had the night before. She imagined that maybe she was running in the field of flowers towards looked so happy and free in her dream. Maybe Kylo had that effect on her by telling her that he loved her. It didn't matter if his statement was true or not.
Maybe she should take Kylo up on his offer; it wouldn't hurt her to at least apply.
Rey got dressed for the day and grabbed her laptop. She said a little prayer and clicked on the link in the email that Kylo had sent to her.
She read over the job description. She had done everything listed in the description at Hux's father's firm when she was working as a paralegal.
She knew that she was taking a leap of faith but at the same time she didn't think it would hurt to apply.
She spent the next hour completing the application and sent her resume. She clicked on the completed' button and shut her laptop.
It was a Sunday so she knew that she wouldn't hear back from Kylo acknowledging receipt of the application. She didn't expect to hear from him at all as she knew Sunday was his free day. He had told her that he took Sunday off to unwind and relax.
She was lost in thought when she heard a knock on her front door.
'Peanut, its me. Open up the door", Finn loudly stated from the other side.
Rey went to open the door and invited Finn to come and and sit on her couch.
As she sat across from him on a side chair, Fin sighed and frowned at her.
"We need to talk about Kylo Rey. I don't think that he has your best interest at heart. He was there for you last night but would he have been there if you were not paying for his bullshit cuddling services?", he questioned.
Rey shook her head and stared into Finns eyes, she saw only genuine concern reflected back at her.
She sighed deeply before addressing him. "Finn, I appreciate your concern and I know that you are only looking out for me but where was that same concern for me with Armie? ", she asked.
His eyebrows raised, "What do you mean Rey? Hux loved you and he wasn't pretending to care for you.", he asked. Rey scowled as she knew he was feigning ignorance.
Rey shook her head, "Really? So why was he picking stupid little fights with me months before he passed? Things that I did that never bothered him in the past all of a sudden became and issue such as the way I dressed or how I cleaned the house. I felt like he was pushing me away from him.", she explained.
Finn frowned, "Rey I don't understand what those things relate to me? I didn't know that you guys were fighting. He never said anything to me and neither did you", he said.
Rey bit down on her bottom lip nervously. "You were at the house with Rose when he drove off that night. I had told you I was working late and was on my way. You promised that you would wait there for me. You saw him before he left. Plus you both were there when the police officer came to talk to me.", she explained.
Finn's shoulders sagged a little but he still cocked his head and looked at her confused."I still don't know what you are getting at Rey."
"He wasn't by himself in the car that night . There was another passenger with him that survived the crash. A female passenger. She was with him that night."
Finn continued to give Rey a puzzled look. "Peanut, I don't see what you are trying to get at. Yes, we know Gwen Phasma was with him that night. They said they were going to an awards ceremony and she came to your place dressed to the nines that night. She was his law partner after all. Why would I have questioned their relationship was anything but professional. You never questioned me on this before", he stated.
Rey sternly looked at Finn. She loved her friend but she suspected his words were hiding some known truth. "No but I kept having these nightmares about the crash and sometimes I would sense that someone else was there even though I couldn't see them and I felt a strong bond between that person and Armie."
She took a staggered breath before continuing, "I sensed in my nightmares there was love. A strong bond of love that I always assumed was directed towards me. What if their relationship was more then just professional. What if he was picking stupid fights with me because he was trying to push me away to start his new life with Gwen. ".
Finn looked down at his hands, "Rey, you've been through so much, I don't think us speculating about a supposed relationship that was never brought to the light before Armie died is doing any good for your mental well being".
Rey looked at Finn with pleading eyes, "I just want to know the truth Finn, even if it means that I have to confront Gwen about it".
Finn shook his head, "You know Peanut, sometimes it is better to believe in a reassuring lie then to be aware of the painful truth. You are just starting to move on with your life and you don't need to dig up the past. You also don't need some stranger putting these negative thoughts in your head. That man Kylo is just toxic and you should just cut off his services. "
Tears started to well in Rey's eyes. She tried he best to not let Finn see her cry.
"Kylo isn't putting these thoughts in my head Finn, if anything he's finally making me realize that I need to get past this rut that I am in and move forward. He makes me feel good about myself and I finally can sleep without having terrifying nightmares keeping me awake every night."
Finn's phone started to buzz and he pulled it out of his pocket and stared down at it.
"Its Rose, she needs me to help her set up a an app on her computer. Please think about what I said about Kylo Rey. He's going to be there for you as long as the money is coming in but once you aren't able to pay him, he'll be gone just like if you weren't able to pay a therapist or a ..you know…Gigolo.
Finn stood up and started towards the door.
"Finn for the millionth time, Kylo is not a gigolo. I am not having sex with him", she shouted to his back.
Finn opened the door and turned to face Rey, "Yet, Rey. You aren't having sex with him yet. That man will soon enough manipulate you into having sex with him. He will take advantage of your sadness and loneliness. I can guarantee it. The way he was looking at you it looked like he was going to devour you whole."
Finn shut the door and walked out.
Rey finally released the tears. She burst into tears and went into her bed. She curled into a tight ball, hugging onto her legs as the tears flowed down her cheeks.
She told herself that Finn was wrong about Kylo. Kylo was genuine. Kylo wasn't trying to take advantage of her. He had sympathy for her and listened to her.
She couldn't shake what he said though, "It is better to believe in a reassuring lie then to be aware of the painful truth".
Finn was right about that. That's why she asked Kylo to lie to her and tell her that he loved her. It was reassuring to hear, even if she knew it was a lie. A part of her wanted to believe it was the truth.
It was better than knowing what she suspected was the truth. Armie loved her but he wasn't in love with her, he had fallen in love with someone else. He was going to leave her for someone else.
Believing at least someone would put her first and want to be in love with her, even it was a lie was better than facing the truth, that no one wanted her to be theirs.
She let out a sob as her phone rang. She saw that it was Kylo calling and took a long, deep breath before answering.
"Hi Kylo, whats wrong?", she asked. She didn't expect him to call her on a Sunday so instinctively felt something must be wrong.
"Rey, I forgot something at your place. I would wait until Monday night until I see you next but I need it for a meeting on Monday morning. So figured if you were home I could just swing on by and pick it up. Will you be home until 5 pm tonight? I promise I won't be any later then that. I hope you are feeling better", he said.
Rey let out a shaky breath and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She did remember seeing a messenger bag in the hallway by her bedroom door last night but hadn't really paid attention when Finn came over to talk to her.
"Sure that's fine. I'm feeling better. No fever but I'm still really tired".
"Don't worry, I won't be too long and will let you rest. Rey, are you sure you are ok, you sound different", he questioned.
"I'm…fine..I promise", she stuttered out.
"Oh ok. I will be over in about an hour.", he exclaimed before hanging up.
Rey tried her best to put herself together before he came over. She put the messenger bag by the door so he could just grab it and leave. She dried her tears and splashed her face with mirror. She put on a casual pair of jeans and a grey Vneck T shirt that emphasized her cleavage. She smeared some cherry flavored chap stick on her lips. She placed her hair in her standard three bun up do and secured the largest bun in the back with a pair of hair sticks.
Just as he promised, Kylo knocked on the door an hour after he called Rey. He stared at her for a few moments as she stood I the door way. He cocked his head to the side and looked at her inquisitively.
She sighed. She may have wiped he tears but she knew her face must look still swollen and puffy from crying.
"Rey are you sure you are ok? Do you want to talk about it? I have some time. Why don't we sit on the couch and we can chat", he told her.
Rey really didn't know what to say to him. She sill wasn't thinking correctly, her thoughts still scattered after her argument with Finn.
She briefly looked up at him trying to avoid directly looking at him. "I'm fine, I swear. Everything is ok. Don't you have to get back to your family..or your girlfriend..or umm..boyfriend", she stated.
She knew that she was fishing because she didn't know if he was in a relationship or not. He had refused to tell her any personal information about himself other than that he was a lawyer.
Kylo's eyebrows shot up and he shook his head. "I don't have anyone at home waiting for me", he responded. That still didn't answer Rey's question if he had a significant other just that he didn't have a live in significant other.
He must have noticed that she was still looking at him with an inquisitive look. "I don't have a girlfriend Rey. I work so much and with the Cuddler side gig, it wouldn't be fair to the person that I was with. I wouldn't be able to give them all of me. If I am dating someone I want to give them my all, any less then that would be cheating them out of the real relationship that I couldn't provide to them", he explained.
Rey sat cautiously on the edge of the couch. She nodded at his explanation. It made sense really. He was too busy to date. That meant he would be too busy to have Rey in his life for real, something other than just his client. He would be too busy to date Rey. She sighed.
"Its fine, Kylo. I don't want to hold you up. I know Sunday is your day to relax. I just got in a fight with Finn is all over my relationship with Armie. ", she said. She purposely left out the part about Finn's vitriol towards Kylo.
Kylo reached out his arm to place it on Rey's back and started to rub small circles on her lower back. "That guy has a stick up his ass but I can see that he cares about you. His concern last night about me was understandable. He was just looking out for you".
Rey nodded. "I know, he does care about me.", she tried not to give him extra information as not to give him an additional reason to stay any longer. "I am really tired Kylo, I want to just crawl back into bed.
Kylo nodded and glanced at her with a look of concern. "I'll call you a little bit later to check on you.", he said as he stood up and grabbed his bag.
Rey remembered about the job .
"Oh and Kylo, thank you for the reference to the paralegal job at your firm. I applied earlier today. I didn't know if I had any chance in getting the job but I though why not", she told him.
Kylo winked at her as he walked out the door.
"I am glad you applied Sweetheart. I think you have a good chance at getting the position" he said.
As the door closed, Rey smiled for the first time that day.