Rey spent hours in the office trying to come up with rough draft designs for Ben's campaign. She was really frustrated at her lack of creativity. If may be because the idea of Ben being present with beautiful, lanky and thin models at the photoshoot sparked a little bit of jealousy. She tried to repress that because as she reminded herself, he wasn't hers and there was no reason to be jealous.
Finn on the other hand was hers, she was happy with Finn. He had made her forget her woes about Ben not choosing her. He provided comfort, love and support throughout the years. Her heart had mended. She had forgotten all about Ben stomping all over her heart.
Now Ben was back and she just felt…confused. She didn't understand why he was trying to insert himself in her life. He was being so sweet, almost like he used to act around her as a teenager. However this time he wasn't passively nice. He was forcefully nice. In her face syrupy sweet nice.
Why he was acting like nothing had happened between them all of those years before that would have ripped them apart from each other's lives?
Rey felt like it was an omen. She wasn't sure if it was a bad omen though just yet.
When she got home she was exhausted. She wanted desperately to sit down and eat dinner with Finn just to talk about their days and then cuddle with him in bed. She was too tired to have sex. Most of the time Finn told her that he was also too tired to have sex and just wanted to hold her. She had stopped trying to initiate sex with him most nights because he would kiss her on her head and told her he just didn't have the energy.
She waited for him to make a move on her. Which did happen at least once a week, sometimes twice. Oral sex happened more often. Sex with Finn was comforting but not exciting. She appreciated when he made an effort to please her by going down on her just as much as she went down on him.
For the last three months Rey hadn't orgasmed when they were together. She didn't want Finn to know that he hadn't made her cum. He always seemed eager to please her in the past but now he didn't seem to make the same effort. He seemed satisfied with Rey's passive moans.
She didn't want to let him know that she wasn't satisfied. She didn't want him to know that when he left her in the morning she desperately tried to bring herself to an orgasm with her vibrator. Most of the time without success.
Rey had given up on hoping for passionate. All consuming sex and had settled for the vanilla variety.
She loved Finn and he loved her and that's all she thought that she needed to be satisfied.
Rey came home and opened their door fully expecting to see Finn sitting on the couch watching TV. He had promised he that he would be coming home at a decent hour the entire week after she voiced her concern about him working so late in the office.
The apartment was bathed in darkness and the living room was silent when Rey stepped inside.
She searched for him in their bedroom and then in bathroom.
He wasn't there.
Rey's heart dropped. She just wanted him there to hold her and tell her everything was going to work out and be ok. That Ben dropping back into her life wasn't the bad omen that she thought it was.
She reached into her purse and double checked her phone for any missed messages.
Sure enough, there was a missed text, telling her that he grabbed dinner with Poe and may go out to get a drink with him at the Cantina.
Rey rubbed her eyes to keep the tears that had welled up from spilling onto her cheeks. She sighed and made her way over to the fridge to grab a microwave meal from the freezer.
She had been prepared to make a meal from scratch for Finn but given that he had indicated that he already had eaten without her, she would need to make do with the tasteless, salty meal of Fettucine Alfredo.
She grabbed a chocolate chip cookie for her dessert.
Rey was determined to wait up for Finn because she still really wanted to speak with him and not go to bed alone.
Three hours later and three episodes into Queen Charlotte, Rey heard shuffling at the front door and than a pronounced sound of laughter. There was muffled voices coming from the other side but Rey distinctly recognized two voices.
Three seconds after the door flew open and hit the wall and Rey saw that Finn was being supported in Poe's arms as he giggled incessantly. Poe was not laughing and gave Rey an apologetic look,
Finn crashed down on the couch next to Rey, "Hey Peanut. Sorry I am late. I had a little too much to drink and Poe drove me home".
Normally when Finn had come home late in the past, Rey brushed it off. He had always used the excuse that he was working late on a major project with tight deadlines.
This time was different though, he was coming home drunk and looking like a mess.
"Really sorry Rey to bring him home in this condition but he insisted on not sleeping it off, that he had to come home to you and I tried to sober him up by taking his home and giving him a cup of coffee. Little good it did though", Poe apologized.
Rey examined Finn's face. His eyes were glassy and red. His face was flushed. His clothes looked disheveled. His button down collar was opened several buttons down and not buttoned to the top. She could see the Hanes emblem in the front of his white cotton T-shirt. It looked like he had either gotten dressed in the dark or rushed to put on his clothing.
Rey couldn't remember what he had looked like that morning but Finn was always careful about his appearance. He took time to ensure that everything he wore was ironed and properly fit before heading out the door.
So Finn had gone to the bar and then to Poe's place to sober up. Rey's thoughts wondered. Her thoughts went to the worse case scenario possible.
She believed that Finn may be secretly together but hiding it from her.
The late nights at the office, not coming home until after midnight some nights. Rejecting her advances for sex, only wanting oral sex from her. Not answering her texts most weekday nights.
Rey couldn't help but to deduce that Finn was cheating on her and not just this night but for a while. Right before their wedding.
Rey had unwanted images of the two of them kissing, of Finn running his hands through Poe's hair as they caressed.
She shook her head, trying to keep those images out of her head. She threw her arm backwards, forgetting that she had placed her chocolate chip cookie on a napkin on the couch. Her hand smashed down on the cookie, causing the cookie to crumble beneath her flat palm.
Rey mindlessly brushed the crumbs onto the floor.
Rey glanced over at Poe. He just had on a black T shirt and a pair of Grey sweats. His hair did look tousled though. Although it was windy outside so that could have been the cause, she thought to herself.
Poe met her eyes and smiled.
Finn fell backwards onto her lap and reached out to touch her face. "You still have makeup on, you look so perrrty my Rey Rey", he slurred his words.
Rey thanked Poe for getting Finn back home safely and helped Finn get into bed. Once he was tucked in she started to grab workout gear from her dresser drawer. A pair of grey yoga pants, a black sports bra and a white cotton tank top.
She started to strip off her clothes and changed into the workout gear.
She slipped on a pair of socks and then her running shoes.
"Where are you going Rey Rey", he said quietly. No longer slurring his words or speaking so loudly.
I'm going next door to the gym to run.
The gym was open until midnight and Rey needed to run on the treadmill to clear her thoughts. To think logically. She wasn't in the right headspace after believing Finn was the one protecting her from pain of unrequited love.
Having secrets, lying to her face, gaslighting her. That wasn't protecting her. That was just breaking her heart all over again.
Rey knew that if she broke up with Finn she would again be alone.
She didn't want to be alone again.
He patted the sheet on the mattress beside him, "No Rey, come to bed with me. I want to hold you. Please come to bed.".
Rey felt like yelling at him and jut unleashing all of the bottled up emotions that she had held inside of her.
She wanted to confront him and ask him…why?
Why would he do this to her? Why would he betray her trust?
Rey didn't have the energy to argue so she went over to the bed sat down next to him and gave him a hug so that he would not stop her from leaving. She gently stroked his cheek with the back of her hand.
"I will not be long. I promise. I've been cooped inside all day and anxious. Running will help to calm my anxiety so that I can sleep properly.", she said.
Rey took a deep stuttering breath to calm herself before walking out of her apartment.
She didn't have any proof that Finn was cheating on her with Poe, only her gut instinct , which pieced the small subtle signs that she had seen plus the huge flashing neon sign that she had seen that night together to form an assumption.
She wasn't ready to have a confrontation with Finn but she didn't want to be in bed with him, sleeping beside him, knowing that he may have just fucked his best friend.
She just couldn't stand that thought.
So with thirty minutes to run on the treadmill before the gym closed she picked an empty treadmill, put in her wireless headphones and set the treadmill. She started to run and listened to her favorite techno pop music playlist on Spotify.
She didn't pay attention to anyone else that was in the gym with her. Her only focus was straight ahead of her, facing a wall with a giant clock hanging on it.
Ten minutes into her workout, she felt a tap on her shoulder and she heard someone talking but she couldn't hear what they were saying over the music. She immediately hit the stop button on the treadmill before turning to see who it was. She took off her headphones and turned around.
Shocked, she stared directly into Ben Solo's eyes.
"What are you doing here Ben?", she asked.
Ben grinned at her. He wiped sweat off of his brow with the back of his hand.
Rey took a step back off of the treadmill and took a really good look at him.
He was wearing a black T shirt and grey basketball shorts. He was drenched in sweat. It was pouring down from his black hair, down off his neck and down his back.
"I come here all of the time to work out", he explained. "I obviously came at the right time tonight because I get to see your lovely face again. This must be my lucky day. I get to be graced by your presence".
Rey gave him a half smile and nodded.
Rey thought it strange that he didn't ask her what she was doing running her heart out at close to midnight.
Rey shook her head, befuddled by his answers. She didn't know what the chances were that he would happen to be there are the exact time that she was there. She hadn't planned to go to the gym. She didn't typically go at this time of day.
Such a strange coincidence, she thought.
Rey glanced down at the floor before catching Ben's gaze again. Now that the music had stopped and she wasn't running, all of the memories from the night came crashing back to her.
She tried to steady her breath but she knew that her breath was coming out in quick gasps and she held on to the treadmill to stead herself.
He placed his palm on her arm and held it stead. "Are you ok, Rey? You don't look so well. You are pale.".
He held out a water bottle in her direction. She had forgotten to grab one from the fridge before she left.
She shook her head to clear her thought. "I uhh umm, yeah I am fine. I just got a dizzy spell by hopping off the treadmill too quickly." She grabbed the water bottle and took a few sips before swallowing.
She then took a deep breath. "Its just been…a night.", she explained. She didn't want to say much more. She didn't want to concern Ben with her personal problems.
He came up beside her on the other side and grabbed her shoulder firmly with his arm. She relaxed her body in his arms and let her self fell his warmth, to feel his hard arms around her.
Ben looked at her with concerned eyes. "I'll walk you home. As I said you don't look too well. I cant tell if you look upset or feverish but its best if I come with you to make sure you make it back home ok", he told her.
Once they walked out of the small neighborhood gym's doors Ben let go of her shoulders and took a hold of her hand. He wrapped his fingers tightly around hers as her held her hand.
Rey felt like with Ben holding her hand she didn't want to hyperventilate anymore. She felt like she could breathe normally again. She felt more steady and in control of her own body.
Rey thought that she must be out of her mind to be walking hand in hand with Ben Solo. Her teenage self would have melted inside whenever Ben held her hand. Her adult self was still melting.
On the walk home she didn't say a word to Ben but he kept talking. She didn't catch all of what he said but his low, mellow tone of voice brought her to her senses.
"It will be all ok Rey. Whatever is troubling you wont be an issue forever. The dark clouds are temporary and the sunshine will come another day", he said.
Rey repeated what he said, "It will all be ok". She wasn't thinking straight. She just wanted to continue to hold Bens hand while not having to think about crawling into bed with Finn. Finn who may have cheated on her and still told her that he loved her while calling her his nick name for her. She didn't know if she wanted the truth or not. Living in ignorant bliss was better than knowing that there was a possibility something happened but not knowing the whole truth.
She never wanted to be called, "Rey Rey or Peanut" again.
Rey pointed to her building, "You don't have to walk me all the way in", she stated as they stood still in front of the marble step of the brick building.
He squeezed her hand. "Yes, I really should", he said.
They arrived to her door and she impulsively hugged him. He grinned at her and swiped an errant lock of hair that had fallen on her forehead behind her ear.
"Call me if you need me Rey. No matter the time or place, I promise I will be there for you. Please don't hesitate, ok?".
Rey wanted to ask him so many questions but instead she just nodded and accepted that Ben was there at the right time when she needed him.
Rey nodded and turned to open the door. The apartment was dark. She stealthily approached the bed and heard loud snoring.
Finn was out cold.
Rey changed into her pajamas that were strewn on the covers of the bed and crawled into bed.
She positioned herself with her back to Finn.
She would confront him in the morning.