I may have cursed myself with the ending Author Note of last chapter. Amongst being put on suicide watch, some physical health problems, and on top of everything, death of another dog, things have been rough, but they're getting better. Thank you for reading, and I'm back now, so please enjoy! To respond to the Question of the Chapter from last chapter: It's okay to make mistakes, that's how you learn.
There's an Official DGOP: Moonlight Ripples Playlist on Spotify now! I hope you give it a listen!
I hope you've had amazing days/nights so far. Thank you all for the comments and kudos and love, please have a happy new year!
Recap:
"If you'd like to know a little more about the old gods, I can explain." The gentle, watery voice interrupted the heartfelt moment, and everyone felt Tsukino stiffen. Lifting her head, bright green met pale green as their eyes locked, a tightness in her chest at the tears that rolled down Akane's cheeks, the mixed emotions twisting Akane's delicate face in disbelief, joy, and regret. As the group hug broke, Tsukino and Akane stood staring at each other, until "Tsukino." a sob, "It's really you right?" Her hand came up to her mouth, and Tsukino couldn't help but notice how badly her hands were shaking, "I thought you were dead!"
Chapter 16: I hear you singing in the shower, I hear you breathing in my bed, but there's nothing I hear louder than the words I never said - No Peace in Quiet, Delta Rae
(Objective Point of View)
If there were ever a single child who seemed to be favored by the cosmos, with luck and love following their every step, that child would be Akane of Starfall. Though her parents and origin were unknown, it was clear without a doubt that she was born during the largest meteor shower known and recorded in history. Every year, on the anniversary of her birth, and subsequent entrance to the orphanage, as soon as twilight began, stars would rain across the heavens, lighting the sky. This occurrence led to the naming of the newborn, who was left on the steps of Kiko Orphanage in a basket draped in silver and platinum silks with a single card holding words in elegant writing that said, 'This is Akane, my precious child. Keep her safe.', Akane Hoshizaki: Akane of the falling stars. A gift from the heavens. A child who was born with so much luck, that just being in her presence seemed to boost one's own fortune.
Of course, a child born with such favor seemed to be doused in the need to please, to continue to earn such love. Such a child might even wonder if they deserved such love, or if what others assumed of her was what they loved. Before long, Akane wished to be seen as that. Not a star, or a gift, or a good luck charm, but as a girl. As Akane.
'So what?' She'd think, 'If they do not see me.' Hoshizaki Akane - Akane of Starfall was not only blessed with good fortune, a storm blowing in after a remark on how she'd like a reason to stay home, or a hundred beri note carried to her after the wind when she remarked she needed some pocket change, she was also blessed with strong emotional perception. She could understand that the love she was wrapped up in, slathered with like cream on a cake, was superficial. It went as far as they could see, but they did not wish to look. And after learning this, Akane rebelled. Attempted to become a despicable child, deplorable, and hated. 'They don't see me.' Rude words and actions twisted, blunt truths padded, and grimaces and glares somehow perceived as smiles and endearments. A gift from the heavens.
No matter how hard she tried, there was always an excuse someone would make for her, a laugh, or her least favorite, disregard. If she did not fit her description, like the main character of a story must be kind and polite, they would just pretend she hadn't gone off script. Fear crept up in her, the love she was given was better than the nothing that she had when she was herself, so she'd pretend. But she still knew. 'They don't see me.' Akane would be fake, and manipulative, and perfect, since that was what everyone told her they wanted to see from her. Seen as a blessing no matter how she acts. She would perform, play the part of the dainty, beautiful anomaly. And she'd hate herself for reading those lines, for desiring love even if it was fake.
Then there was a new arrival at the orphanage. She lifted her eyes, and Akane couldn't breathe, because this girl, strange and unnerving to be around, had eyes that pierced through her. Brushing it off at first, she walked up to the dirty, matted haired girl and smiled, putting out a hand despite her reluctance to touch the dirty girl, and recoiled as the girl said, "Why are you smiling like that?"
"What do you mean? I always smile like this."
"...Oh, I see." The girl hummed, "It's performance." A pause - weighted and worried, as this girl's eyes bore into Akane's. "You don't know how to smile genuinely." Of course, as the dark-haired girl spoke, onlookers, both adult and child, didn't like her words, rushing to defend Akane from the new threat. As they condemned the dirty child with eyes that glowed like bioluminescent algae, Akane stood there, shaken to the core at the truth of this new child's words. 'Ah….' Akane thought, for the first time in all her life, 'she sees me.'
Pushing through the group of well-intentioned 'protectors' Akane reached out her hand, grabbing the dirty girl's hands in her own. "I'm Akane." Omitting the given last name she'd come to despise. "What's your name?"
The girl's eyes widened, eyes glowing like she was seeing the entirety of the red-haired child's life, and, in truth she was. Blinking, the glow seemed to subside, and despite the recoiling and shouts of those around them, she smiled a smile that took away Akane's breath, more sincere than any other smile she'd ever seen. "Fujimoto D. Tsukino is my name. I'm nine. Would you like to be friends?"
All Akane could do was nod, at a loss for words, having been ready to ask that same question, shaken at the way this Tsukino seemed to have read her mind. Turning, Akane walked away, hand still gripping Tsukino's tightly, bringing her away from the crowd, from the people who loved the idea of her, and each step felt like she was stripping away the costume, the mask, and closing the script. 'I was supposed to see the newcomer, take pity on her, and save her from being a lonesome thing. That's what they expected of me, but…' Akane replayed Tsukino's smile in her head, the sharp, piercing eyes, and the words that struck her to her core, excitement buzzing insider her. 'She sees me. Someone finally sees me!'
Time passed, and though Akane was still a golden child, Tsukino was seen as a witch, misfortune incarnate, unnatural in all the wrong ways. The only thing that changed, was the fact that when Tsukino was by her side, whatever haze of adoration that followed Akane like a ghost seemed to weaken. People were beginning to see Akane. And it terrified her. But through all the mixed emotions, and turmoil, Akane realized that Tsukino, despite seeing through Akane, despite hearing her callous thoughts and cynical judgements of people, Tsukino truly cared for her deeply.
Of course, Akane, drunk on the sudden visibility, wanted to be seen by everyone for who she is, while continuing to be loved. She'd never not been loved. She wanted to walk a perfect line, and in the desire for that specific goal, she began to unconsciously censor her care for Tsukino, spurred on by the wariness of how others treated her, and why. Tsukino was special, but strange. There were no explanations for her strange powers, the fact that she could see the future, relive the past, and dissect the present. Her powers ostracized her, and Akane began to fear what she used to seek out. 'If I'm myself, if I show how different I really am from them, will they treat me like Tsukino? Like Tera?' So, she'd walk that delicate line. Even after Tera arrives and leaves in a whirlwind, breaking Akane's routine and shattering Akane's idea that Tsukino was hers with the knowledge that Tera was Tsukino's first friend, Akane worries over the line she'd forced herself to balance on.
As Tera integrated herself into Akane's life, teaching her how to swim, saving her from drowning, and later, from suffocating in a burning shed, Akane knew her exclusive bubble had expanded from just her and Tsukino to the three of them, no matter how reluctant she acted about it. Tera was blunter than Tsukino, she said what she meant and meant what she said. Her eyes were piercing, much like Tsukino's, though where Tsukino sees right through you, Tera's stare is oppressive, making her sight's target squirm uncomfortably, as though Death has set her sights on you.
The three of them became a unit, hot-headed Akane clashing with no-nonsense Tera, both held together by Tsukino, who smiled knowingly, ever understanding and gentle. Living together up the hill from the village, in a little house no one had touched for years due to superstition, Akane found her balance to be manageable, with her haven on the hill, and her life in the town where she was loved. Even after trying to regain her friend's sympathy by getting herself kidnapped, and how it went severely wrong. Even when Tsukino was locked up for months, and after Tera left the island. Even through all that, Akane found her balance on the line, treading carefully.
Akane noticed the way her line would waver, how she would stumble, and though Tsukino would inform her that she could step off at any time, she still stayed by her side, arm outstretched if Akane ever fell. She began to wonder if she'd ever expressed her gratitude fully, knowing just how often Tsukino was there for her. 'I'll thank her tomorrow; we'll spend a whole day together. I'll make sure everything is perfect, and after dinner, I'll tell her how thankful I am that she's my friend and come clean about everything. Yes, I'll make sure everything is perfect!' It was her attempt to finally dismount the balancing beam, and the following day was anything but perfect. Starting off by falling off her bed, she felt that luck wasn't on her side, and when she tried to treat Tsukino to ice cream, she forgot her wallet, and then… and then….
And then- a gunshot. And the balancing beam Akane had so carefully tread splintered and snapped as she ran forward, planting her fist in the face of the man who shot her best friend. By the time government officials had come and gone, taking the man who shot Tsukino away, Akane understood Tsukino's actions. 'I joked…. I told her she was acting like I was gonna die. I didn't think-' Being pried away from her spot cradling Tsukino's limp body, Akane sucked in a breath, but still felt like she wasn't getting enough air. 'That's... Tera was right. If it's not about me, I never think. A spoiled princess whose castle is made up of lies of her own making.'
A day, maybe two, or three, Akane couldn't really tell how many passed, caught up in just how warped the wood of her balance beam really was. "What do you mean there'll be no funeral!" 'These people… who I loved, who praised me and made me feel trapped, and wanted, and still left me wanting. Just why… Why did I want their love so much? When it was clear I had it. Why wasn't I advocating for Tsuki? Why didn't I try to get them to love her as much as they loved me? Tsuki…' "Where's her body?! I'll do it myself! I'll hold a funeral for her, so-"
"Please, Starfall… just let it go. It'd be bad luck for the islands if we were to bury the witch here, so-"
"So where'd you bury her?"
"Starfa-"
"Where is Tsukino! What did you do to her!"
"Starfall, plea-"
"Don't call me that! Where is she? Tell me now!"
"They dumped it." Akane felt like she'd been struck, tears streaming down her face as the words echoed in her head. "After the officers left, the town decided as a collective that it was better to take it away before it cursed us. That thing- the witch's body- at about three in the morn- Starfall!" Akane didn't let him finish, heart breaking with every word as he continued to treat Tsukino as a thing, even after she saved everyone. Feet falling in rhythmic pace, much faster than anyone in the village could fathom, she ran to the center square. Grabbing the nearest barrel, she threw it with ease, watching as it shattered upon impact with the stone fountain, beer spraying and mixing with the shooting water.
Making a commotion, shouting, causing destruction, Akane stood in the middle of the square, seeing every member of the village she'd grown up in gather, shaken from her outburst, her display of sheer strength. As they began to question, to ask why she was upset, why she was acting this way, Akane only responded with a question of her own. "Is it true?" Did they throw Tsukino into the ocean without a second thought?
Some people laughed, others cheered when someone said it was for the best, that Tsukino was unnatural. "There's no need for someone with strange, unexplainable powers to be in our village! It's not like the witch was a devil fruit user!" 'Why…' Walking to the fountain, hair shadowing her eyes, she took a stance, pulling her left fist back and letting out a centering breath. As her weight shifted and her back foot turned, Akane struck, the fountain shattering upon contact with her fist as water, no longer regulated, shot into the air, raining down on the square.
As the villagers stood, shocked, rained on in the middle of a clear, sunny day, Akane lifted her bloody hand, right hand hovering over the knuckles of her left. A white, almost golden light emitted from her as everyone watched Akane's split skin mend and close, leaving bloodied knuckles. "Then there's no reason for me to be here."
As she made to push through the crowd, bracing for the cruel words that had been stabbed into Tsukino and Tera's space every day, a hand stopped her. "Amazing!" Head snapping up, Akane's sight was met with adoring gazes and eyes filled with wonder. "That's amazing! You really are a blessing!" She felt like she'd been struck.
"Did you see that golden light!? It's like she was sent from the heavens!"
"It was so warm, I recalled Gamm's embrace just by basking in it!"
The village clamored and noise grew, the woman who had grasped Akane's arm smiled at her, "It's different if it's you, Akane. We all were prepared; we've heard legends of a child beloved by the Cosmos appearing on a day when the stars cry. A prophecy passed down from ancient gods. We were skeptical at first, but you've always tried to be a splendid child. We've seen your efforts, your desire to be seen. Even befriending those two, you showed us they weren't a threat to our home. But who can say what her spirit will do when we wronged her while she was living? She'd become a vengeful ghost if we kept her here. It was for the best. Akane, everyone here loves you for who you are."
'What is this?' Words she'd wanted to hear for years, and they felt more painful than if they'd cursed her like they had Tsukino. She knew why. 'What have I even been striving for this entire time? Tsuki-' Akane remembered every time Tsukino told her she didn't need to hide. That she didn't need to pretend, or go to extremes, or feign weakness. '"I hope that there comes a day when you don't feel like you need to hide to be loved. There will be people who won't try to see you regardless of what you do, but they won't matter in the end, Akane. You don't need to perform, the people who matter will see you. Despite any arguments, they may scold you or be upset, but they'll care. I promise, the right people will care to see past the surface."' Akane couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, but she was unable to stay still either. 'She knew. This entire time she knew. She could hear my every thought, and she knew they'd act like this, that what I wanted was entirely unreasonable. That if I wanted to be truly seen, I'd need to let go of my obsession with these people. I wanted…. I thought I wanted this, but nothing's changed! Was what I wanted this shallow? Didn't I learn that these people will never see me? When did I get so afraid of being unloved that I stop wanting to be seen?'
"STOP IT!" Akane's voice has always been clear, but today it was resonating through the air, striking and commanding. "Stop with the praise! With the endearment, and the honeyed words. You couldn't even look Tsuki in the eye!" Every nerve in her body was shaking, and Akane clenched her fists, frustration radiating off her. 'How did I look Tsuki in the eyes this entire time?' "You treated her, and Tera, like they were worse than dirt! Like they were dirty, like their existences weren't worth acknowledging!" 'And I let them. I ignored it like it wasn't my problem. And then had the gall to call them my best friends.' "You'd curse them and praise me in the same breath. My dearest friends. Did you ever think how that made me feel? How that made them feel?" Akane recalled being locked in a shed, the way the village kids let all their frustrations out on her. "Almost all of you have kids, yet you treat me better than you've ever treated them. When you shower me with attention for breathing and then neglect them, did you think of how they'd see that? No." Akane shook her head, tears streaming from her pale green eyes. "Tsuki saved this village several times, even her last act was to make sure no one else got hurt, and this is how you treat her memory? Her body!? I don't want to hear any more of it. Child of falling stars, a gift… or a blessing to this island, all of it! I… I…" Closing her eyes and wiping her tears, Akane started forward, pushing past the group of people who all had a hand in raising her.
Stopping at the edge of the square, Akane lifted her head, not looking back at the townspeople. "I was so content with your fake love." There were murmurs in the crowd at that. 'I really was allowing Tsuki to pay the price in my stead while I closed my eyes to it.' "I'm not even sure you know what it means to truly care. You'd pretend I was sitting prettily when I screamed, not every questioning why I might be crying out. Tsukino has treated all of you with more care than any of you have treated me, or your children, or even each other. Not to mention how you treated her in return." Akane looked down at her shaking hands, the phantom of Tsukino's limp, bleeding body still weighing on her. "I hope you all can forget that prophecy, and judge what is actually good or evil without the weight of superstition. Without the catalyst for your behavior." 'Without me.' Turning, Akane took a stilted breath. Every step she took away from the village, she felt her resolve strengthen, even against the protests and calls of the villagers, her feet falling faster with each step. 'I'll leave this place… and change myself….'
'Why….?'
Returning to the house she once shared with Tera and Tsukino, Akane locked herself in, every corner, each drape and book reminding Akane of the two people she wanted to see more than anything. 'Why did it take Tsuki dying to realize? Why…Why-' Finally alone, Akane let herself cry. "Tsuki! Why did you have to die!? Why!? Whywhywhy!? Waah-" A hiccup. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I was a shitty friend! I let you pay the price for my ignorance! I should've trusted you more, I should've done more for you! I know that now, so… I'll do better, I'll learn to be better, so… Come back! Tsukino!" It was undeniable begging, hand grasping the bracer-locket on her wrist that housed Tsukino's picture as she curled in on herself. "Please come back! Please! Please…."
Tears poured down Akane's face, and she wailed, knocking over a vase as she crawled to the couch she had coaxed Tsukino from, wishing that she could go back in time and insist they stay in and read. 'I never tried to stay in and do what Tsuki wanted. What if we'd stayed here! If I hadn't insisted on going out. What if I had just made ice cream with her? She'd still be here. And then we'd laugh and talk about how we'd leave this island to find-' Akane gasped for breath, shock and numbness swirling as she recalled Tsukino's note. Rubbing her eyes raw while stumbling to her bedroom, she picked up the napkin that had replaced all the decorations that used to be on her nightstand, reading the words again.
"Apologize to Tera yourself, Tsuki! Don't make me talk to Tera without you! I couldn't face her knowing…" 'Knowing I'd killed you.' Akane's brows drew together, swollen eyes red from crying and irritated from the sheer number of times Akane had brushed away tears, and lips twisted and bitten raw, crying without abandon. "She already hated me for taking away your time and attention, but now… Now you want me to tell her you're… that you're…"
Akane lied awake on the floor that night, though her bed was within arm's reach she stared at the ceiling, waiting. The sun rose once again, not to Tsukino's humming, or the smell of pancakes, not to Tsukino scolding her for sleeping on the ground again, or to Tsukino's breathing when she stayed with her due to her nightmares, but instead, to quiet, unsettling, absolute quiet. Akane had, in a few short, yet infinitely long days, grown to hate the sound of quiet.
Feeling like she was weighed down with heavy stones, Akane moved slowly, foregoing food and a shower to sit on the couch, opposite of Tsukino's spot. Sun rising and falling, and Akane moved only to go to the bathroom and then return to the couch, grabbing the blanket Tsukino always set over her lap to cover her legs when she wore shorts. What ifs and memories crashed and collided in her head, replaying every moment she'd seen Tsukino smile, every time she'd wanted to apologize to Tsukino for something she'd thought that she knew would be heard, for every time she went out instead of spending time with Tsukino. She wondered, 'Did she know how much I loved her? How much her existence changed my life? Did she… without knowing how important she was? Even moments before, she was reassuring me, was making sure that I'd be safe, did I ever make Tsuki feel safe?' There was a pit in her gut as she stared blankly at Tsukino's spot, a terrible fear that the answer to those questions were a resounding 'no'.
If tears fell from her face, Akane didn't notice nor acknowledge them, and time passed, maybe hours or days, but Akane stayed holed up, ignoring every villager that knocked on the door, called through the window, or left gifts. Instead, she went through everything that she wanted to say, every apology she never got out, and as the thoughts swirled, and her stomach growled, Akane blinked slowly, noticing another day had set with the smell of cooked meat and fragrant spices emanating from the kitchen. 'Tsuki!' Hope welling up in her chest, Akane slid off the couch, Tsukino's blanket falling to the ground as she ran to the kitchen. There, she paused, all the momentary joy evaporating at the empty kitchen.
"Haha-" Laughter slipped from her mouth as tears began to gather once more. "Ahaha! Hahahahaa! Of course-" 'She wouldn't be here.' "She's dead!" As the laughter bubbled from within, Akane gasped for air, sobs and laughter mixing, more bitter than anything she'd ever experienced. 'Because of me. Because I killed her. She's not here because I didn't take care of her, she didn't know how much I needed her because I neglected her. This is all…' "My fault! Hahaha! She'd be here if it wasn't for me!" There was no one to see Akane anymore.
Standing in the middle of the kitchen overwrought with laughter, face wet with tears, she slowly got her breathing under control, realizing with a shock that she hadn't hallucinated the smell of food. "Wha-" On the table, set for one, was a plate holding steaming, thinly sliced meat, spiced and buttered mashed potatoes, and grilled vegetables. The plate was clear, and the napkin beneath the silverware was a silky platinum. Sandwiched between the silverware and the napkin, was a card with a glossy finish and elegant handwriting. Swallowing back her shock, Akane checked the windows, noting that the locks were strong and intact. The only entrance to the house was the front door opposite the couch, and Akane, even in her haze, knew no one had come in or out. Checking the door, Akane confirmed it was locked tight before returning to the kitchen. 'I don't have an appetite.' Reaching towards the dish to throw it away, Akane paused, the handwriting visible between spoon and knife familiar, and Akane stared at it for an inordinate amount of time. 'There's no way…'
Returning to her room, Akane knelt in front of her bed, pulling out an impeccably kept box, the only indication of its age in the corners. Carrying the box to the kitchen, she set the box gently on the tabletop, removing the lid and setting it aside with slow, shaky hands. Inside the box was a folded, well-kept blanket made from silver and platinum threads that formed a pattern of thousands of stars, a much smaller silk cloth folded into a bow that could fit on a newborn's head, and a glossy card nestled in the center, with perfectly neat letters stating Akane's name and the wish that she'd be kept safe.
Looking at them side by side, there was no doubt. The cloth of the napkin was the same silk-like type of material, unverifiable as actual silk. When Akane took it to see if she could find her parents, it was revealed that the material was foreign, unlike anything on the island. This napkin was that same material, and the card….
Slipping the card out from between the napkin and the silverware, Akane read the familiar-but-not handwriting. 'Eat, dearest. The ocean's beloved daughter would hate to see you starve, after all.' It was made of thick, glossy paper that shimmered when held up to the sun. Whirling around, Akane checked the windows before running outside; at a loss when she made certain that no one had come by for hours. Breath coming out harsher and heart beating faster as she re-locked the door, Akane failed to sort through her racing thoughts.
Returning to the kitchen table, Akane looked at the similarities between the only clues of her birth, and the message just sent. "Is… is this some kind of trick?" 'But…' Closing her eyes, she allowed the residual energy on the card to flow through her, and compared it to the faint energy of the older card. 'The energy of the deliverer is the same. Whoever delivered this, delivered me to the orphanage 16 years ago.' Her eyes traced the words of this new message. 'The ocean's beloved daughter… Tsuki?' Her heart wavered.
"Tsuki… would feel awful if I starved. If she saw the way I was wasting away, she'd blame herself, even though I'm the one neglecting myself. Even though… It's my fault, but she'd try her best to cheer me up." Placing both hands on the platinum plate, Akane let herself use her powers without regret or remorse, letting the intentions of those who touched the plate flow through her. 'Those who have held this plate, pride and satisfaction- probably the crafters, more recently, hunger, then satiation, and finally, genuine worry and extreme care. It's not poisoned, at least.' Sitting down, Akane set the plate of food back down and picked up the utensils, feeling residual auras to be sure of a lack of malicious intent.
Eating the food, she let herself truly feel all of the warring emotions that had welled up inside her. Anger, fear, loneliness, and regret. Biggest of all, guilt. 'Tsuki is gone. I can't change that fact. But what I'm doing isn't going to bring Tsuki back. What I need to do now is…' "Tera." 'That's right, I can't hide from Tera forever. She deserves to know about Tsukino face to face. This is the least that I can do for Tsuki now.' Finishing the food on her plate, Akane leaned back and sighed. "There's also this message. Someone who would call Tsuki the 'ocean's beloved daughter', there's not a single person on this island. Will I find them if I leave this island? That person who knows I'd do something if it was for Tsuki, who knows Tsuki enough to know she'd hate how I'm behaving. The person who brought me to this island?"
The following morning, much earlier than any villager would have awakened, Akane left the house that was once the three girls' home, only a bag with the remaining money, a few pairs of clothes and provisions, and the otherworldly messages, cloth and metal that appeared. Setting out on the ocean, Akane shivered, her fear of water still gripping her, even though Tera had taught her to swim beautifully. "I'll need to head west, there's an island past Rifted Reef that I'll stock up on supplies at. Then, I'll set out for real."
Akane opened her eyes, head pounding as her surroundings rocked back and forth. "Dreaming about Tsuki… how typical can I be? Ugh- my head!" Sitting up, she cradled her head in her hands, relishing in the coolness of her palms. 'I got caught in the storm, much like Pimiko said I would, but it was lucky of me to tie everything up. Otherwise capsizing like that would've been really…. Ah, the waves tipped the boat right side up again too, I didn't have time to marvel since the force made me hit my head.' Slowly moving her head side to side, she looked ahead and followed her finger. 'I don't think I've got a concussion. But I should definitely check with someone who can actually examine my eyes properly. Now then-' Akane looked around, "Where am I?"
Taking in what was clearly a woman's room, Akane stood slowly, wary of the rocking ocean and her pounding headache. "Two desks, a wet bar," Akane walked along the rooms' perimeter, "bookshelf and closet." Opening the closet, Akane noted clothing in two different sizes. "Two women at least." She concluded. Scanning the room for an exit, Akane's eyes caught a glimpse of a familiar journal. 'There's no way.' Stepping closer, something crunched under her boot, and she paused. 'Hm?' Picking up a balled paper, sleek even scrunched up as it was, Akane recognized the material of photographs. Gently smoothing out the paper, Akane felt like cold water had been dumped over her. "This…" Hands shaking, a surge of rage filled Akane's chest as she took in the image of Tsukino's parents holding a baby Tsukino. Feeling the intentions of those who touched the crumpled paper, Akane was bowled over by the overwhelming disgust and anger, and underlying bitterness cutting through. 'This ship… is it the ship of those bastards?' Looking around the room for an exit, she noted her bag was sitting next to the couch she'd woken up on, and after more inspection of the room, she found pull-down stairs on the ceiling, along with two hammocks.
Pulling the stairs down, Akane paused, 'I must be cautious, if it's really Tsuki's parents upstairs then they survived the explosion Tsuki told me about; they must have been strong… I have to assume they still are.' Returning to her bag, she opened it and rummaged inside, grabbing two short strips of fabric and wrapping them around her knuckles. Then, after tucking the ends, she pulled on a pair of black fingerless gloves. 'I need to be prepared for a fight. They may have been primarily scientists, but…' Akane closed her eyes and took a deep breath, recalling all the injuries she'd seen on her two best friends. 'I've seen their backs.' Cracking her knuckles, Akane stretched her arms, wrists, and then fingers. Squatting and stretching out her legs, she finally stood, clenching her fists and slowly punching the air to warm her body up. 'Now then, let's make those motherfuckers regret ever hurting Tsuki.'
Creeping up the stairs, Akane found herself in a room filled with cannonballs, barrels, storage boxes, and more. Ignoring the contents of what was clearly a storage room, Akane focused on climbing up, her heart beating in rage and anticipation. Stealthily making her way into what she assumed to be a meeting room, she tensed at the sound of voices. Rolling behind some crates, she listened carefully, expecting to count the voices and know who she's up against. Instead, a woman's voice makes her freeze, so familiar it's painful, but certainly too young sounding to be the middle-aged woman she was expecting.
"Back on Nami's island, Arlong said something about a goddess, and people like you were being exterminated." The man's voice was deep, but also young, and Akane questioned if these people were actually Tsuki's parents. 'But that voice…' Letting down her guard slightly she scooted closer to the group in their pregnant silence. 'Then why did they have that picture? Who else could feel such rage-'
"I've said before that my powers were the result of some bored meddling of deities…." The words themselves made Akane realize that this person was another priestess, but it was the sound of those words that made her pause. Peeking around the box, Akane's heart stopped.
'How…. Is this real? Am I still asleep? I've never had a dream about Tsuki like this before.' Smiling even more vibrantly than Akane had ever seen, with hair longer than Akane remembered, Tsukino looked pointedly at a man with green hair whose back was turned towards Akane, and then smiled at a straw hatted young man sitting beside her.
A long-nosed person stood, pointing to themselves and boasting as an orange haired woman called Tsukino by Akane's nickname for her. Jealousy spiked as they all crowded around Tsukino, laughing, but it faded into relief, disbelief, and confusion. The familiar notebook, the picture, and everything else finally pieced into place as Akane stood, watching the group. Akane blinked in disbelief, thoughts racing at the realization. Tsukino's words slotted into her mind, and the past three years with Pimiko created context, context it seemed Tsukino was missing. 'I know this! I… I can… I can help Tsuki for once.' Like she was possessed, Akane straightened and stepped out from her hiding place, mouth opening to speak without any thought.
"If you'd like to learn a little bit about the old gods, I can explain." She inwardly flinched at the sound. 'What was that?' Her voice was nowhere near the confident, clear sound it always was, instead watery, and hesitant. 'You can't break down right here, Tsuki is alive, this is a reason for celebration, not…' "Tsukino." No matter how her mind protested, feelings welled up in her throat, and tears began to fall. She had wanted to show a strong, confident image, to give Tsukino the information she needed, seeming intelligent and worthy of her best friend's attention, not this tentative, almost afraid little girl. "It's really you, right?" Her hands shook. 'This isn't some trick? Some active imagination spurring on dreams that are too good to be true? Tsuki's actually here, she's not-' Akane's hand came to her mouth, hoping it would make her seem more put together than she was. "I thought you were dead."
Akane took a step, hand stretching out before hesitating, like she was afraid Tsukino would vanish if she tried to touch her. 'A little more… just a bit closer and then- wait. What if this is a dream? Will she disappear if I go over there? Will she be cold if I hold her? If it's a dream, it's the cruelest I've ever had.' She faltered at the thought, hand lowering.
"Akane." Tsukino's voice was warm and familiar, melodic in the way Akane knew only Tsukino's years of singing could shape. It was more beautiful than she remembered, more vibrant, alive. Like Tsukino was her lifeline, Akane stepped closer, refusing to blink until she was desperately clutching the taller woman, the feeling of her once limp body still a memory that haunts her.
"I thought…. I thought you were-" Hiccupping as she cried into Tsukino's chest, Akane's hands shook, clasping the back of Tsukino's shirt like a child, knuckles white under her gloves, tight fists still trembling.
Bringing her arms up, Tsukino wrapped them around Akane, holding the shorter woman securely as she sobbed into her chest, very used to the act of comforting Akane as she cried. Looking to the others, Tsukino shared a look with Nami, who nodded before ushering the rest of the crew out onto the deck. As the door shut behind them, Tsukino returned her attention to the inconsolable woman hanging onto her like a child.
Letting Akane cry, Tsukino gently guided her to a chair, kneeling in front of the redhead as she sat. Settled on the floor in front of her, Tsukino gingerly brushed away the tears from Akane's cheeks, absently humming a soothing tune.
Not knowing how long she sat there, Tsukino humming and calmly comforting her, Akane finally gained her breath, allowing herself to clear her throat and dry her face. Tsukino took that brief reprieve to fill up and bring her a glass of water. Waiting until Akane finished drinking, Tsukino couldn't help but smile at the woman in front of her, eyes glassy from crying, different but still the same as before. A moment passed, and then, looking at Tsukino's open, honest expression, Akane was ready to talk.
"I-" She swallowed. "I thought…." Akane gathered her thoughts, trying to put them together in a coherent-enough way to be spoken. "They told me that they'd tossed your- I felt-" Letting out a breath to quell the emotions that rose and settled into her throat, Akane shook her head. "No, that's not right." 'If I saw Tsuki again, what I wanted to say wasn't this… It was-' "I'm sorry." Tsukino blinked, and Akane mentally kicked herself. 'She's shocked that I'd apologize, that's how bad I was.' Before Tsukino could respond, Akane expounded. "When we met, you were the only person who saw me. I got used to your kindness, to how genuinely you treated me, even when I purposely made things hard for you. I never, not even once, truly tried to see things from your perspective, even though I knew with a certainty that you were forced to see things from mine. I wanted things both ways, to be loved so avidly, but to still be seen, and in treading the line between everyone and you, I turned a blind eye to how it would hurt you."
Akane took a deep breath before continuing, "Tsukino. From the depths of my heart, I'm sorry. I know I can't undo the damage I've done, and I know that I'm wholly undeserving of your friendship, so I just want you to know that losing you-" Akane didn't wipe her tears, instead looking directly at Tsukino, "I would gladly spend the rest of my life making it up to you." She let out a gasp as Tsukino smiled the same gentle smile she always had as she used her thumb to brush the tears from Akane's cheeks.
"Akane, I had already forgiven you long ago." The redhead hiccupped at the response, shaking her head as she rubbed the palms of her hands against her cheeks, relishing in the cooling effect her hands had on the hot flesh, blotchy from crying, yet still endearing to look at.
"You don't understand. I'm like you. I'm like you. Your powers, the way everyone would treat you, I never came clean, I was too scared, I didn't think I could handle it if their love for me changed because of it. Even though…. If they treated me like they treated you, I thought it would mean that I wasn't worth the care they'd given me. I'm not strong like you, so I, like a coward, just let you-"
"I know, Akane." Tsukino had lived her entire life with the ability to hear the thoughts of everyone around her, there was no way that she wouldn't have known such a secret about someone whom she'd lived with for years. Especially when it was a secret that ate at her all the time. "I've always known." Akane felt her heart breaking, guilt burning within her the way the sun burns skin.
"I'm so sorry, Tsuki."
"Look at me Akane." She lifted her eyes to meet Tsukino's and Tsukino smiled reassuringly. "You have already beat yourself up plenty, the punishment you've given yourself in your guilt is punishment enough. I have forgiven you." Tsukino wasn't just saying sweet words, they were the absolute truth, even with the control Tsukino had over her power, the earnestness of Akane's mind showed exactly how she'd lived for the past three years.
After more sniffling and Akane's insistence to apologize even more, Tsukino began, "I'm sure it must've been quite a shock, waking up in an unfamiliar place. I had hoped to return to your side before you woke, I'm sure it was unsettling. Right now, we are heading towards Loguetown, we should reach the docks in two days' time." Grabbing Akane's hand, Tsukino turned it gently, palm up and paused at the corner of her glove. "May I?" At Akane's nod, Tsukino gently removed the glove and began unraveling the wrap and brushing her fingers over the thick calluses. "You've been working so hard, Akane." Turning her hand back over, Tsukino traced the scars on her fingers and knuckles, noticing the muscles in her wrist. "I'm so proud of you." Akane let out a laugh at that, tears welling up once more. Pausing at the presences outside the door, Tsukino made out the red of Luffy and the brown of Usopp. "Ah, they must be wanting to meet you." 'Pressing up against the door like that; they must be quite curious. I'm surprised they were patient for so long.' Standing, Tsukino re-wrapped Akane's hand. "Come, I'll introduce you."
Opening the door, Tsukino smiled as the captain and sharpshooter stumbled backwards, sheepish expressions on their faces from getting caught. "We- we were just listening to see if you guys were almost done! We haven't been there the whole time!" Usopp's voice was louder than necessary, but Tsukino knew he was telling the truth regardless.
"I know, Usopp, don't worry too much." Looking around the deck, she saw that Sanji had laid out a blanket that Nami was sitting on, legs stretched out before her. Sanji was peeling a mikan, Tsukino presumed he was peeling it for Nami. Zoro was sitting up, back against the mast like he'd taken to doing. Raising her voice, Tsukino addressed the crew, reaching back to grab Akane's hand. "May we join in?"
At the enthusiastic yesses from everyone but Zoro, Tsukino led Akane to the blanket, sitting and gesturing for her to do the same beside her. "As you all know, this is Akane. Akane, this is Nami, he's Sanji, the one pretending he's uninterested in what's going on is our First Mate, Zoro, and those two are Usopp, and our Captain, Luffy."
"I'm going to be King of the Pirates!" At Luffy's declaration, Tsukino couldn't help but smile. After exchanging introductions and settling in, Akane spotted the picture of her, Tsukino, and Tera in the center of the blanket. Reaching forward, she let out a small sigh at the sight.
"I still have this picture." Gently tracing the corners, Akane looked up at Tsukino, "Have you seen Tera since then?" Tsukino shook her head and Akane deflated slightly, "Oh. Neither have I. I just thought… I need to apologize to her, too…. Oh! But that's good, I don't have to tell her you're dead anymore! Cause-" Choking up slightly, Akane shook her head and forced a laugh. Even though she was trying to look like she's keeping it together, her hand still found its way to Tsukino's, as if to reassure herself that she's real. "Anyway, I said I could explain what you were talking about earlier, right?"
"Ah, that's right! There was that whole thing about gods!" Usopp leaned forward, and at the reminder, Akane straightened.
"Yes, like I said a little earlier, I can explain a little about the old gods." At the interested focus of Tsukino and Nami, she cleared her throat. "The old gods were entities of immense power credited with the creation of the world and the means for love to exist. Different gods govern different things, and each one takes their jobs quite seriously. They didn't care for much other than their government and its direct influence. They didn't desire worshippers or acknowledgement as long as their domain remained. Every now and then, they might take to a human or creature that crossed paths with their domain. If they found one worthy, they would grant it their favor, whether in the form of power or skill, or even affection. In return, they would usually ask for assistance with their domain.
After a few centuries, from what I've been taught, there was a war. Some gods noticed the way mankind had grown more powerful, and, wanting to take credit, tried to impose more on their existence. There was a split between the gods that felt their own power was lacking; the Authoritarian Faction, and those that believed that the power they had was only so strong because of their devotion to their domain and their domain only; the Domain Faction." Akane took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyways, the difference in opinion caused a rift between the two factions, ones that decided to branch outside their domain and impose on humans, and those that wanted to uphold the current order. The rift became an all-out war, mankind and gods fighting for power, and then, when the Domain Faction was on the verge of losing, the Autho-Faction used the Ocean Goddess, one of the three leaders of the Domain Faction, to regain power. Kidnapping her and using her inherent power of the sea to revitalize their efforts, they created what is known today as Devil Fruits, to aid the humans in the war.
This made the Queen of the Gods, Amaterasu, and her right-hand, Izanami, furious. Using the reserve of their power, it was an unnecessary massacre of the Autho-Faction's manpower. The result of the war ending this way was the death of the Ocean Goddess's body, and the suppression of the Authoritarian Faction in both the destruction of the Autho-Faction's Gods' power and the humans that were aligned in service. Centuries have passed since then, but there have been remnants of those gods, and the resentment of the humans in service to the Autho-Faction have been passed down, just as the gratitude of the humans in service to the Domain Faction was passed down." Finishing her presentation, Akane faltered, looking at Zoro's seeming disinterest and the way Luffy had been lounging, cleaning out his ear with his pinkie. "Uhhhhm…"
Seeing how Akane seemed to deflate, Tsukino smiled, placing her hand on Akane's forearm to reassure her. "It's good to get some clarity, thank you, Akane."
"So then those people who are hunting Tsukino… they're descendants of those who hate these old gods, right?" Nami hummed, head tilted slightly in thought.
"That's right." Akane asserted, and Zoro shifted a little, not enough to draw attention from anyone but Tsukino, but just enough to let her know he was interested in the conversation. It was in these times where Tsukino wished she could talk to others in their minds, instead of just hearing them.
Clearing her throat, Tsukino stretched and stood, saying, "Well, at the end of the day, we're pirates, y'know. Unless you'd like me to leave the crew to avoid all this," At Luffy's look and Zoro's twitch, Tsukino added quickly, "which I know you don't and I won't, but short of that, it isn't really anything that we need to stress too hard about. I'm a Straw Hat Pirate, the government wasn't going to like me either way. Whatever comes, we'll face it together, right?"
Luffy nodded, approving of Tsukino's words with a confident, "Right!" As the rest of the crew assented, Luffy turned to Sanji with a grin. "Anyway, Sanji! I'm starving!"
"It's time to get dinner started, isn't it. Nami-swan, Tsukino-hime, Akane-chan! I'll prepare a lovely meal especially for you~!" Sanji all but sang as he made his way to the kitchen. Tsukino chuckled a little at the antics before turning to the rest of the group.
"Desert today is blueberry crumble pie. Akane, would you like to join me? I know everyone would like to get to know you better, but it might be a bit overwhelming?" Tsukino tilted her head at the end of her sentence, leaving the decision up to Akane.
"Yes, I'll join you!" Taking the offer immediately, Akane stood with Tsukino, her desire to be next to her old friend stronger than anything else, and she nodded to the crew. "It was nice to meet you, I'm excited to get to know you all better." 'Is it even fair of me to meet Tsuki's friends, after everything?' Akane thought nervously, looking between Tsukino and the colorful but warm crew.
"We can talk more during dinner, I'm sure you want to catch up with Tsuki, after all." Nami smiled, voice friendly to soothe the hesitation she heard in Akane's voice.
Tsukino nodded, "That's true, there'll be plenty of time to get to know each other before we reach Loguetown. And after dinner, I was hoping to show you around Merry, so you'll feel a little more comfortable." Spotting the way Zoro tensed at Tsukino's last sentence, she inwardly hummed as she made her way to the kitchen with Akane in tow. 'I was inconsiderate, a strange woman appears and is getting treatment that even Johnny and Yosaku didn't get. Of course Zoro would be wary, especially when no one else seems to be. I should- no. It would probably be best to let him see Akane one-on-one and make his own judgement instead of meddling. Maybe once we dock at Loguetown? Akane probably wouldn't appreciate me trying to influence how she is seen, that's always been a sensitive spot for her.'
"I…" Akane drew Tsukino out of her musings as she watched Sanji and Tsukino work around each other with an ease that showed trust. "I…." Akane sighed, still internally reeling from the fact that her friend, her best friend, who she thought had died in her arms, was alive, well, and baking just like she used to. 'No, not like she used to. She's more comfortable now. Freer.' The relief she felt now didn't erase years of grief, and it didn't erase her guilt. Maybe she was idealizing Tsukino through those lenses, but it was still too raw for her to try and dismantle that.
"For you, mademoiselle." Staring at the handkerchief the blonde she now knew to be Sanji was handing her, Akane realized she was crying, once again.
"Ah. Thank you." Taking the handkerchief offered, Akane pressed the soft cloth to her wet cheeks, sniffing a little before apologizing with a little chuckle. "Sorry, I know it's ridiculous." Letting out all the air in her lungs, Akane took a slow, steady breath. "I know." She says to the way Tsukino began to refute her words. "I just feel silly. But I'm so glad." The wiped away tears were quickly replaced, and Akane took a seat at Sanji's urging. "I'm so glad you're safe. You seem happy here, comfortable. You have-" 'You have better friends. Better than I have ever been.' Akane couldn't bring herself to voice the thoughts, though she felt them through her entire being, giving strength to the jealousy and guilt that weigh on her constantly. 'How ugly.' "Ugh!" Slapping her cheeks, Akane shook her head and stood abruptly, letting out a sharp breath. "But we're supposed to be making pie!" At Tsukino's concerned look, Akane put a hand on the darker haired woman's shoulder, relishing in the warmth, the sturdiness that proved Tsukino was alive. "I'm okay, truly. I have a lot of emotions, but I can feel them and process them myself. You don't have to feel for me anymore. It…it wasn't healthy. For either of us. I'll be okay."
Tsukino smiled, pride swelling inside her for Akane, and she nodded. "As you say, Akane." Turning back to the counter, she sprinkled flour down and gestured for Akane. "Let me show you what to do."
After dinner, where Akane got to experience Luffy's food thievery for herself, getting to know each of the Straw Hat Pirates, and becoming re-acquainted with a grown, familiar-but-changed Tsukino, both Akane and Tsukino stood in the crow's nest, watching the sun slowly dip behind the waterline in the horizon.
"There's something I want to ask, but I'm not sure how." Tsukino's voice was gentle, but Akane could hear the undercurrent of apprehension running through it.
'Could it be about the gods? Or maybe… well, I should just let her talk.' Akane hummed, leaning against the wooden railing, the last rays of the sun on her face. "Whatever it is, I'll do my best to answer."
It was quiet after that, save for the sound of water and the pair of women breathing softly. Tsukino gathered her thoughts and Akane waited patiently, content to watch the sun set in the companionable silence. Finally, Tsukino spoke, her voice tentative. "Your memory- Or rather, this world…" She took a breath and started over. "I might sound a little strange when I say this, but this world is not the one I first met you in. I was wondering, if, for you, that statement was also…. Well, true."
Akane waited a moment before answering to make sure Tsukino had said all she needed to before answering, finally aware of what Tsukino's apprehension had been about. "I see what you were so cautious about, but you don't have to worry. This world…. Hmm…." Akane hummed as she thought about what to say next. Turning to face Tsukino, Akane's eyes roamed Tsukino's face, as if it would show her the right words to say. Restraining herself from biting her lips, Akane continued. "I'm not sure what you've been told, but I've been in this world, as myself, without any magical constructs or mirrored puppets, for three years." Akane watched carefully as Tsukino's brows shifted in confusion. To try and expound, "I was born in this world, or so I was told. Being a child of a goddess, I'm told that I was taken through worlds? Dimensions? Whatever it was, I was taken to the world and placed in an orphanage, as you know, and where you met me. In this world, my mother, Amaterasu, created a magical construct from my blood that mirrored my actions, words and thoughts- the only changes being ones of technicalities, such as the lack of certain technology or the existence of devil fruits. And three years ago, when you died- and you did die, I could feel it very clearly, I was contacted by Pimiko, who, like you, is a Priestess, and she brought me here. As soon as I woke, from what Pimiko tells me, the construct she made merged with me, as did the memories and actions that were made. I could recall everything clearly, even the way you, in this world, would sometimes look at me (well, my construct) like something was wrong. But, even still, you were still you, and I'm still me. So, yes. Tsukino, I'm your Akane, the same Akane you met at Kiko Orphanage, the same Akane that you sacrificed so much for, who laughed with you and Tera. And you're still you."
"Oh." Tsukino sighed in relief. "Thank the stars." Collapsing on the railing, Tsukino relished in the coolness of the wood. "It makes sense, being the daughter of a god. There has always been a weight around you, Akane, and even know, the color of your presence is… sparkling."
'It also explains the way I was so fanatically worshipped.' Akane thought. "It was certainly something I had to get used to. Even if it was just learning that I have both of my parents living, and getting comfortable with the fact that I wasn't an orphan, or the fact that I was affecting so many people because I was a "divine" existence that wasn't even supposed to be in that world. It took some grappling with." Akane gave Tsukino a considering look before saying, "Y'know, they explained to me that Tera was in this world, but not that you were, they didn't tell me you were alive, even when they explained that your part of your misfortune was due to the compounding of my 'golden halo' let's call it, and the world trying to reject you for being born in the wrong world. You and Tera both. If…" Akane looked back at the horizon line, the sun fully dipped behind the ocean, leaving only the slightest remnants of light in the sky. It would be dark in a few minutes. "If everything had gone correctly, all three of us would've been born here. Do you think… we would've become friends, even if our lives were a little different?"
Tsukino straightened at that and smiled. "I do. We're here aren't we?" There was a pulsing of pain at the base of her skull, but it subsided quickly, so Tsukino ignored it.
After their conversation, Tsukino urged Akane to find Nami in the Women's Quarters to get settled in for bed while Tsukino began first watch. Watching Akane descend from the crow's nest and make her way inside, Tsukino let out another breath, raising her eyes to the moon, comfortable underneath its glow. Replaying the conversation in her mind, Tsukino's brows furrowed, recalling the confidence with which Akane stated she'd had all her construct's memories. 'What did she mean, my confusion? I looked at her like something's wrong. She didn't have any trouble recalling it either.'
"So why does it hurt whenever I remember something?" Even when she dwelled on it, Tsukino couldn't piece together an answer. Stretching, Tsukino leaned back onto the railing. "At least I know Akane's the same. That means Eli's most definitely the same, and if Tera is like me, now in the world she's meant to be in, she too, will be the same. It'll be okay." 'I'll figure it out sooner or later, but for now, let's focus. It won't be long before we reach Loguetown, that's what's important right now.'
That's all I have for you guys today! Sorry again for such a long time between updates, but thank you to everyone who let me know you still wanted them, even when it had been so long. Next chapter is Loguetown, so get excited, I know I've been looking forward to it! For the Question of the Chapter: What is your favorite Holiday? Take care loves, and you'll catch me in the next one!