Chapter one
*school bell rings*
"We should start today's meeting by praying for Karofsky," Mercedes said "That he finds his peace and that he feels better"
"I think we should start today's meeting by praying for his family. They could use comfort more than he could" Quinn said, wow that was harsh. She thought. Why can't I just ever say something nice without adding bitchyness onto it? Quinn was about to speak when Sam spoke up.
"I just don't understand how he can get to such a horrible, dark place," Sam said, looking down at his hands.
"It's all over Facebook. A couple of kids from Karasky's new school saw him at Breadsticks with Kurt during the summer. They posted mean stuff on his page and texted everyone that he was gay." Mercade said, kind of choking up "couldn't take it."
"How is he? Is he gonna live?" Joe asked
"Well, he's in the hospital, but thank god his dad found him in time," Mercedes answered
"I feel sorry for Karofsky, but what he did was selfish" Joe looked at Quinn like he couldn't believe she said that. "He didn't just want to hurt himself. He wanted to hurt everyone around him." Quinn looks down "I went through the wringer, but I never got to that place." Quinn was about to continue when Kurt spoke up, leaning against the door frame.
"Quinn, please. Sure, you had a baby when you were 16 and you had a bad dye job for a short time this summer, but seriously? The world never stopped loving you. And you're going to Yale. You have no idea what Karosky was struggling with."
"You really want to try to compare?"
"Despair? The self-loathing?" Kurt again interrupted, clearly not noticing the look of pain on Quinn's face. Quinn had the brief thought of admitting what happened during the summer to Kurt but stopped herself, figuring that he would just try to turn it all around on her and instead once again say something stupid before she could stop herself.
"It doesn't matter. I just can't imagine things getting so messed up that you would consider taking your own life" Idiot. You stupid-. YOU DID. YOU considered! Quinn screamed at herself in her head, knowing that she was going to be getting a lecture.
"That is so harsh and reductive. Have some compassion." Kurt walks further into the room "Do you know what they're still writing on his page? "Better luck next time" and "Try, try again."
"Why are you even here, Kurt?" Quinn asked, voice cracking. "I thought you didn't believe in god."
"He asked if he could come. And I invited him." Joe told Quinn.
"I heard you guys were praying for Karofsky and…after everything that we've been through I didn't have anywhere else to go." Kurt put his bag down on a table, and got a little choked up, "I feel responsible. He asked me out and…I said no..and he kept calling me" he said, trying to hold in tears. "If I had just answered one of those stupid calls." Kurt wiped his eyes before any tears could fall.
"We're taking an edible arrangement to the hospital," Mercedes said, looking at Kurt. "Do you want to come with us?" instead of Kurt replying he just looked down and after a few seconds, nodded and the bell rang.
Quinn was about to leave along with Kurt, Sam and Joe but heard Mercedes call her.
"What the hell was that, Quinn?" Mercedes said, standing up.
"I honestly don't know. I know that it was stupid and insensitive. I-"
"You're damn right it was! You know more than most how it feels to have those emotions yet you totally just shrugged that off. Did you suddenly forget everything that happened this summer?"
"Of course not!" Quinn shouted.
"Then what the hell was going through your head?" Mercedes asked.
"I don't know. I really don't. I just" Quinn paused "I just think that I want to bottle everything up so I can just forget it. So that I can just try to move on I guess? I know it's not an excuse but I just don't know how to deal with all this." Quinn said, wiping a tear from her cheek.
"Deal with what?' They heard Kurt's voice as he entered the room.
Damnit. Quinn thought. "Nothing, Kurt."
"No. I know it's something." Kurt looks back and forth at Mercedes and Quinn. "What's going on?"
"Kurt, if she doesn't want to talk about it she doesn't have to," Mercedes said, stepping closer to Quinn.
"What happened over the summer? Why did the dye job happen? What-"
"-Just shut up!" Quinn exclaimed, cutting Kurt off.
"What's going on here?" Sue asked, walking into the classroom.
When Sue doesn't get an answer she grabs Quinn and pulls her out of the classroom.
"What the hell is going on with you Fabray?" Sue asks after pulling Quinn into an empty classroom.
Quinn just wipes her cheeks, getting rid of the tear tracks.
"It's nothing, coach."
"Quinn." Sue starts, surprising Quinn with her full name, "I've known you for years. I know it's clearly something." Sue said, putting a finger under Quinn's chin, making her look up at her. "What happened this summer?"
Quinn looks into Sue's eyes and can see that Sue isn't asking just for the sake of asking, but because she actually cares.
"I just had a rough summer. I had some ups and downs but there were just more downs." Quinn said, trying to pull away from Sue.
"Quinn I know this isn't just some "down" moment," Sue said, letting go of Quinn's face. "Are you going to tell me the truth? I don't want to keep seeing you walking around the halls like you've been since the school year started."
"And how exactly do I walk around school?" Quinn asked with her signature smirk.
"Like something happened during the summer and you haven't really talked about it," Sue said while leading Quinn to her office since 4th period would be starting soon and students would be coming into the class.
Quinn just continued the walk to Sue's office. Nothing was said between the two women as they walked, figuring that the students they were passing didn't need to catch part of their conversation and spread it around the school. Once they got to Sue's office Sue closed the door behind them. She saw Quinn look down.
"Fabray." Quinn looked up. "What happened this summer?"
"I met up with Shelby this summer. I tried to apologize for my actions when I tried to frame her as a bad parent to CPS." Quinn sighed. "She banned me from seeing Beth and I was hurt. I kind of ignored everyone during the summer and I was jus- Just so depressed." Quinn's eyes watered. "I lost the one thing in my life that I felt like I did right, the one perfect thing."
"So what happened?" Sue asked concern washing over her face, having a feeling she knew what happened.
"I got extremely depressed. Took a lot of anger out on the wrong people. Isolated myself from everyone else. I was considering doing something and I only stopped because someone ended up coming to my house."
"Mercedes?" Sue asked. "She seemed to know what was going on."
"Yeah. Mercedes came to my house and saw what I was about to do and stopped me. She ended up staying over at my house for the next two weeks. Made me talk about my feelings and stuff like that."
"So because of the Karofsky situation, it's bringing up memories for you?"
"It's been a couple of months since I've had those thoughts, but yes."
Sue looks at Quinn with an expression that she can't read. "Well, just know that I'm here if you need to talk to someone."
Quinn nods and walks out of the room when she hears the warning bell go and rushes off to her class.
*The dye job happened during Junior year, not the beginning of Senior, which also means that she changed her hair back to blonde during the summer too. I think that the timeline may be a little off so I'm sorry if it gets confusing. Thanks for reading.
