Fie Claussell sat on the side of her bed, eyes glazed over as she stared at the door that stood ahead of her on the other side of her dorm room. A muffled sound from another room broke the silence, knocking Fie out of her reverie. She felt grateful for her cat-like instincts freeing herself from her thoughts, if only temporarily.
Another stressful week of school had come to an end, with Fie and the other members of Class VII allowing the soothing calm of the mid-September night to help them wind down as they looked forward to their free day. She usually enjoyed this solitude, the knots that formed in her mind becoming untangled as she immersed herself in quiet introspection. Tonight, however, only served to strengthen them.
But it wasn't just tonight. It was every night going back to August 31st.
The day she turned 16 years old.
Fie had always cherished her birthday. In fact, it might be the reason she was still alive. When she was only 5 years old and left to wander the war-torn outskirts of some country she didn't even know the name of, her name and birthday were the only things she knew about herself. It being on the last day of August certainly made it easier to remember, but there was something else about it that made it so special. Despite not knowing her family, thinking about her birthday brought upon vague recollections that would bring forth feelings of warmth, love, and happiness. She couldn't tell if these were actual memories of her family or just fantasies she conjured up in order to escape from her cruel reality, but it didn't matter. It gave her the strength to carry on in her search for a new family.
It all paid off after a chance encounter with the man known as the Jaeger King. She still remembered that moment, sitting on the ground as the scary-looking man towered over her. She inquisitively looked up at him, staring directly into his eyes. His gaze would instill fear into countless men, but Fie only felt a strange calm as he began to lower himself to her level and curve his lips into a smile. Before she knew it, she was being carried in the man's arms, eyelids getting heavier as she drifted into some much-needed sleep.
The boss may have been known as the fearsome Jaeger King, but for Fie he was the closest thing to a father she had ever had. Likewise, Zephyr may have been one of the strongest jaeger mercenary groups on the continent, but Fie came to see it as the family she had always wanted. And just as She had fantasized, her new family celebrated her birthday every year. Those vague recollections and feelings that gave her the strength to survive became a reality. Every year she would look forward to the last day of August, every year she would experience something new, and every year she would cherish the name "Claussell."
But now, as she sat alone in her Thors Military Academy dorm room, there was no Zephyr. There was no Jaeger King. And for her 16th birthday just a few weeks ago, there was no celebration. The lack of celebration might have been explained by the field study that Class VII was participating in that day. Or maybe even the surprise attack by the terrorist group known as the Imperial Liberation Front that the class found themselves right in the middle of.
But the truth was, she just never bothered telling anyone her birthday in the first place.
When she thought about her birthday now, she no longer felt those feelings of warmth. It was replaced by a cold sinking feeling, the pain of losing her father and the abandonment of her family. She had managed to avoid it for a while. This new environment full of interesting people was enough to distract her, and she could always find a place to sleep if she needed to get away from everything. But her 16th birthday finally forced her to confront it.
Why didn't she tell any of them about her birthday? Were they not her new family? She asked herself over and over hoping for an answer to just magically appear in her mind. It never did.
They certainly seemed like her family. Sara was like an older sister that saved her when she was at her lowest point. Emma helped her get used to life at the academy and even tutored her. Laura had become one of her best friends after their recent spat. Alisa's cheeriness helped the group feel so much livelier. And then there were her brothers like Elliot, Gaius, and Jusis who each added their own brand of amusement, even if Jusis would refuse to admit it. Even that old nag Machias was at least fun to make fun of. And she couldn't forget the recent additions of Millium and Crow even if she wanted to.
Then her mind wandered to Rean. Unlike the others, she just couldn't pinpoint what role he played in her new family. Being with him felt different from everyone else. He gave her a feeling of comfort and calm that she only ever felt with the boss. He immediately accepted her when she revealed her past as a jaeger, and he just seemed to understand her better than everyone else. She knew that if she just told him about her birthday, about how she was feeling, he would make everything better. So why didn't she?
"Um… Fie?" a familiar voice said in a concerned tone. Fie opened her eyes and looked up to the source, trying her best to hide her shock at how someone could open the door and walk up to her without her noticing. Just how deep was she stuck in her thoughts?
"…Hey, Rean," she yawned out, giving the impression that she was just dozing off. Of course Rean would just waltz into her room and try to talk to her. The stupid dork went around the dorms and checked in with everyone before every free day, apparently completely oblivious to the concept of privacy.
"Thinking hard on ideas for the school festival?" Rean asked.
Fie wanted to glare at Rean for coming into her room to ask her such an annoying question, but she managed to maintain her sleepy act. The school festival was the last thing on her mind, and she already shared her brilliant "shooting gallery with real bullets" idea earlier. She worked hard to come up with that, what more does he want from her?
"Was thinking I'll go to bed early tonight, easier to think of ideas well rested," she replied, not being entirely untruthful. Maybe some more sleep would help clear her mind.
"True…" Rean said incredulously, "but with all those naps you take, how are you always so tired?"
"Years of experience."
"Uh…right, that makes sense," Rean said, clearly a bit embarrassed as though he had just received the obvious answer to a stupid question. Fie would never pass up an opportunity to tease him.
"Good night, Fie," Rean said as he started back to the door.
"'Night," Fie replied, adding another yawn for good measure.
Rean gave Fie one more glance before leaving, the concern in his face clear to her. Given how proficient he was at sensing things, she could only imagine that Rean knew something was up with her. Maybe his visit was an attempt to get her to talk about it. She cursed herself for once again passing up an opportunity to open up to the one person she needed to.
And now she was alone with her thoughts, just like before.
Fie let out another yawn, this time involuntarily. It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be sleepy, she acknowledged. She rose to her feet and went to switch off the lights, the soothing darkness filling her room and enshrouding her, a familiar comfort for someone that survived so long by moving through the shadows. She tucked herself into bed and closed her eyes, memories of her old family clawing in her mind as the line between dream and reality slowly began to blur.
It was her 6th birthday, and this was her present? More tutoring? The boss said he had a surprise for her, but it was just a trick to get her to do more stupid writing. The only difference was that the boss himself was teaching her instead of Aida. It didn't take long before Fie decided that the boss should never take a job in teaching.
"Okay kid, can you spell 'Zephyr?'" the boss asked.
"Z-E-P-H-Y-R," Fie said each letter out loud as she diligently wrote them down. She was annoyed at her current situation but being with the boss always felt like a gift itself, so she couldn't be too upset.
"Nice job," the boss offered as mild praise, "now can you try spelling out my name?"
For a while she had thought his name really was "the boss," but she knew better now.
"R-U-T-G-E-R C-L-A-U-S-S-E-L-L"
"Look at that, you even remembered the double-S and double-L this time." Rutger said, making Fie swell with pride.
"Alright, one more and we'll be done with tutoring for today. I'll even make it real easy for ya. Just spell out your name for me."
Eager to end the tutoring session, Fie quickly scrawled out the three letters that made up her name. She always liked her short, sweet, and memorable name, but she liked it even more now.
"F-I-E"
She handed her paper over to the boss and then leapt out of her chair, finally free for the rest of the day. She began towards the exit of the tent when the boss stopped her in her tracks.
"Hold it, kid. You didn't finish writing your name."
Confused and a bit embarrassed for somehow messing up something so simple, Fie trudged back to her chair and looked down at the paper as the boss slid it across the table. Just as she had thought, her name was spelled completely and correctly. She gave the boss a blank stare, silently communicating that she didn't understand what was wrong.
"You got your first name right, but what about your second name?"
"Second name? You mean… the family name?"
The boss nodded.
"But…" Fie looked down, unable to meet the boss's eyes with her own. "I don't have a family name…"
The boss sighed. "Here, let me help you out."
He reached over to grab the paper and pen, slowly announcing each letter and he wrote them with a deliberate pace to make sure Fie could clearly understand them.
"C-L-A-U-S-S-E-L-L"
"Claussell?" Fie repeated in shock as she pieced together the letters in her head. The boss slid the paper back to her and she darted her eyes to where she had written her name. Just as she had heard, the boss had written 'Claussell' right after 'Fie.'
"Fie Claussell. My name is…Fie Claussell?"
She struggled to speak as she choked up, instinctively bringing her hands up to rub her eyes as moisture began to blur her vision.
"It is now, kid."
Fie could have sworn she saw a tear running down the boss's face, but it must have been her imagination. Everyone knows the Jaeger King didn't cry.
"Happy birthday."
Fie leapt out of her chair to give her new father a big hug, but by the time her feet hit the ground, another year had passed.
"Go on, open it."
Fie stared down at the box in front of her, the anticipation of what was inside almost more exciting than the gift itself. It was her seventh birthday, and for the first time she was able to celebrate it like how she fantasized: unwrapping a present with her family. Just having this experience was the real gift; whatever was inside was just a bonus.
Not wanting to delay any longer, Fie tore off the wrapping paper like a cat clawing at its prey. With the wrapping gone, Fie realized that she was holding a shoebox, the word 'Strega' printed on the side. Unfamiliar with what the word meant, she flipped open the box to discover what was inside. Sitting before her were two shoes unlike any she had seen before. She thought they looked almost futuristic, yet they didn't feel out of place. Their clean design was eye-catching and stylish, utilizing a pleasant shade of green, Fie's favorite color.
Though she rarely smiled, it felt way too natural the way she was grinning from ear to ear. She looked back up to the boss who smiled in return and then nodded at the shoes to signal for her to try them on. Fie slipped out of her old worn out shoes, but not without taking a moment to appreciate them. They were dirty, uncomfortable, and too small, but they had helped to get her to where she was now. But as she slipped into her new ones, she instantly fell in love, and just knew that these would be the ones to carry her to even greater heights.
Looking back up to where the boss was, Fie was met with a vacant space. In fact, the whole room was vacant. And was it always this dark?
She stood up and tried to maneuver herself through the darkness, feeling panic rising within her.
"B-boss?"
As the darkness grew more and more oppressive, Fie felt she could no longer move. She found it harder and harder to breathe, almost as if the darkness itself was constricting her. She looked down to her feet, pleading for her brand new stregas to carry her somewhere safe, but she only grew weaker and weaker until she closed her eyes and gave one last struggle before-
"Hey, princess!"
Fie turned around to see Xeno and Leo ahead of her. Forgetting why she had stopped, Fie ran ahead to catch up to them. An empty expanse stretched in every direction, mirroring the clear night sky above them. Xeno had been training Fie how to use explosives for a while now, but for her eighth birthday he wanted to show her something special. After working on their project all day, they had traveled to an isolated area to witness the fruits of their effort.
Fie tried her best to hide her nervousness, unsure of what was in store for her. Explosions were a daily part of her life before she was found by Zephyr, their oppressive presence bringing nothing but destruction to anyone or anything caught in their path.
"Everything is ready. It's all up to you now, Fie!" Xeno said, not even trying to hide his excitement. Fie rolled her eyes at his childishness. Was this really the elite assassin that was sent to kill her dad?
Fie kept her cool as she flipped open the lighter in her hand, carefully lighting the fuse. Using her speed, she returned to take a seat next to Xeno and Leo. What felt like an eternity passed as she looked ahead, her emotionless façade beginning to crack before it finally happened. A small shell was launched into the air, Fie's eyes glued to it as it seemed to stop briefly before it burst into color. Any shred of fear or uncertainty quickly gave way to childlike wonder as another shell launched and burst into a different color, then another, and then more and more until the sky was lit up in a cacophony of light and sound.
As quickly as the spectacle began, it died down just as fast until there was nothing left but the night sky and the smell of gunpowder. Still awestruck, Fie continued to stare up at the sea of stars that spread out before her. She had never seen it look quite like this, with a view that Leo had told her fewer and fewer people got to see as time went on. She could only imagine how much nicer the world would be if everyone could see the stars like this. Maybe she would still be with her original family. Then again, she would have never met the boss and the others.
Fie decided that that was enough thinking and turned to Xeno and Leo, but a sense of deja vu overcame her as she realized the two were no longer at her side. A creeping anxiety started to take over as she got up and turned to look in every direction, her two older brothers nowhere to be found.
"Xeno? Leo?"
No response.
Fie picked a direction and ran but was only greeted with more emptiness no matter how far she got. She stopped to catch her breath and then noticed something in the corner of her eye. Looking up at the night sky, she saw a couple stars among the thousands seemingly pop out of existence, as if someone had flipped a switch and turned the light off. More and more followed suit, growing at an exponential rate until every single star had been erased from existence. The sky became nothing but a black void, with Fie frozen in fear as it seemed to be expanding, getting close and closer until she was swallowed by the-
"Still haven't decided?"
Fie turned around and met the gaze of the green-haired woman.
"Aida?" Fie said, unsure of why she was here and what exactly she was supposed to be deciding on.
Aida nodded at the table that Fie was standing in front of, guiding her attention to it. Lying on the table were a couple of daggers, pistols, and her combat gear. It had been about a year since she became a full member of Zephyr, and she was becoming more and more comfortable on the battlefield. Leo taught her close quarters combat, and Aida had taught her how to use a gun, but Fie couldn't help but feel like she wasn't living up to her potential. Fighting in close quarters was a necessary skill, but Leo was a hulking man that relied on strength. She became proficient in his teachings but was simply unable to make use of his style given how small and physically weak she was.
On the other hand, Aida's teachings certainly had a more realistic avenue for mastery, but it still didn't sit right with Fie. Carrying around a rifle and taking out enemies from afar ignored her catlike stealth and agility. She should be stalking her prey from the shadows, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on them before retreating back into the darkness.
She hadn't found a style that truly suited her and made the best of her abilities. She was missing an identity, something that only she could be. And now on her eleventh birthday, she still hadn't found it.
"…I guess not," she finally replied, unable to meet Aida's gaze like before. Aida was like her cool and strong big sister, and Fie wanted to be just like her one day. To be able to fight for and defend her family from anything, to do whatever it takes to keep them safe. But right now she felt foolish for ever thinking she could be that strong.
Fie suddenly felt a hand settle on her head before it tousled her hair and delivered a couple pats for good measure. She looked up to see Aida's gentle smile that melted away all her doubts. Fie returned a smile of her own, remembering that today was her birthday and that everything was going to be alright.
Aida grabbed Fie's hand and started leading her outside. "I've got a present for you, and it just might be the very thing you were looking for~" she said with a wink.
The two arrived at Aida's makeshift workshop, complete with a shooting range and lots of guns. It was always a pain to pack up and move it with the rest of the camp, but when you have one of the most elite gun experts in the world on your side, it's well worth the effort. Sitting on a workbench was Fie's mysterious gift, wrapped up in cloth. With an excited nod, Aida motioned for Fie to go and unwrap it. She walked up to it, and with nervous hands, slowly revealed her gift.
A glimmer of light reflected off the cold steel before her. Two sleek blades sat side by side, deadly works of art that commanded the attention of anyone who laid their eyes upon them. Fie was enchanted by the beauty of the swords in front of her, perfectly suited for a fairy-like blade dancer on the battlefield. But wait, isn't Aida an expert in gun customization? Fie had been so distracted by the blades that she failed to notice their true nature. A second look at the sabre-like hilt of the sword revealed itself to be more akin to the handle of a gun, the guard likewise housing the now-obvious trigger. A gun barrel rested atop each blade, the picture of what she was looking at finally becoming complete.
Fie slowly reached out with both hands and wrapped her fingers around the handle of each gunsword. She was surprised by how light and easy they were to handle. Fie stepped back to open up more space around her and tried some practice swings, incorporating the things Leo had taught her while using her agility to improvise movements of her own. She was in her own world, the blades becoming a natural extension of herself as she performed a dance of death. Finding the perfect moment, she turned with dazzling speed and fired a shot at a distant target in the nearby shooting range.
Bullseye.
Fie held the gunswords up to admire them some more, awestruck at how perfectly they complemented her. From her build, fighting style, strengths and weaknesses, and even personality, it was a match made in heaven. This was her.
"Aida-" Fie started as she turned to face her big sister, only to be met with an eerie silence as Aida was nowhere to be found. But what struck her the most wasn't just that Aida was absent or that the workshop was quiet. It was the silence from everywhere. The footsteps, the chatter, the clang of metal, the general bustle of Zephyr's camp was no longer present. She slowly made her way to the entrance, fear gripping her heart as she worked up the courage to look outside. Finally able to propel her body forward, she stepped out into the camp to find…
…nothing.
She was alone in the middle of nowhere, a barren landscape stretching endlessly in every direction.
"A-aida?" Fie stammered out, knowing that she wouldn't be receiving a response. A fog began to slowly permeate all around her, until she could only see a few feet in front of her. Completely disoriented, she began turning in every direction as she grew more and more panicked, unsure how to find her way out.
She was about to pick a random direction to follow when she suddenly heard the faint sounds of what seemed to be clashing steel. She closed her eyes and focused to determine which direction the sounds were coming from. As soon as she managed to pinpoint it, she ran as fast as she could in their direction, the sounds becoming louder and louder as she drew in closer. The fighting was getting more and more intense until it abruptly stopped at the moment Fie burst through the fog. Looking ahead, she saw what must have been the source of the sound. She slowly crept towards the figure lying on the ground until she recognized that it was a person, then a man, then-
"Boss!"
With tears welling in her eyes she dropped to her knees next to the Jaeger King and called out to him, the unconscious man offering no response to every plea. Fie pressed her hands onto him to try and wake him, but she was only met with a sickening wetness. She let out a cry as she recoiled backwards, and then slowly turned her hands in front of her face, revealing the crimson-stained palms. Horrified, she sprang up and ran away as tears streamed down her face. Her vision blurred as her legs became weak until she ultimately collapsed onto the ground.
Fie could hear the sound of footsteps ahead of her, getting louder and louder until they stopped in front of her. Seeing a familiar boot in the corner of her eye, she mustered up the strength to lift her head and look to the source. A sense of relief washed over her as she recognized the three people standing in front of her, the sight of them giving her the jolt of energy needed to raise herself from the ground.
"Xeno! Leo! Aida!" Fie shouted to them, "The boss! He's… boss is…"
She couldn't bring herself to say it.
She gave her three family members a look of desperation, the relief she felt sinking back into despair as they continued to stare at her with blank emotionless glares. One by one they each turned their back to her and began walking away, each going in a different direction than the others.
"Xeno!" Fie shouted as she attempted to run after him. Despite her impressive speed, the distance between her and Xeno somehow kept growing and growing. Realizing the futility of chasing after him, Fie turned around and ran after Leo instead, her stomach sinking as the distance between them once again kept growing no matter how fast she ran. Foolishly believing it would be any different, Fie turned to go after Aida this time, but the tears in her eyes made it impossible to tell which speck on the horizon was her big sister.
"AIDA! LEO! XENO!" Fie kept shouting until her voice was reduced to a hoarse whisper, "Aida… Leo… Xeno…"
"Boss…"
Unable to run any longer, she fell onto her knees and sat in silence. She wasn't sure if it was her voice giving out or if she had just given up, but no more sounds escaped from her lips. For the first time in 10 years, she was completely alone. The family that had given everything to her had left her behind.
Fie suddenly felt her hands clutching something. She looked down as her fingers unfurled to reveal one of the last presents she received from Zephyr: a packet of seeds. 'Raise them with love' they said.
With love?
Fie felt her blood begin to boil as her despair turned to rage. She gritted her teeth as her hands began to shake. Gripping the bag from both ends, she ripped it open and watched as the seeds spilled all over the dirt. She stood up and started stomping on the seed-covered ground, each seed representing a member of Zephyr as she let them all know exactly how she felt. With the seeds stomped into the soil, she stepped back and watched the flowers rapidly grow before her eyes, overcome by spiteful glee as she watched them all wither and die as the barren soil offered them nothing but dust and poison.
"Hey Sylphid~"
Fie froze in shock as a playful voice behind her called out her name. She slowly turned her head to reveal the woman standing behind her, eyes widening as she recognized who it was. The woman who had been a thorn in Zephyr's side for years. The woman known as-
"The Purple Lightning?"
Fie's racing mind slowed down as she became more cognizant, a mixture of feelings becoming her focus as she recognized the soft mattress she was lying on and the brick walls of her dorm room. She felt great relief that everything had been a dream, but also anxiety over the horrors she had experienced, corruptions of her happiest memories with her old family. She felt disgust over how she felt shortly before she had awoken, her bitter hatred feeling all too real. She didn't really feel that way about her family…right?
Before she could contemplate much further, Fie noticed the figure standing next to her bed, a woman who had her arms crossed and an obnoxious smile of amusement plastered on her face.
"Awww, was my sweet little junior having a nice dream about little old me?"
"More like a nightmare," Fie said jokingly as if it weren't the truth, "and 'little old me?' I know you're old but you definitely aren't little."
"H-hey! The mid-20's is the peak of youth!"
"…which means it's all downhill from here," Fie pointed out, savoring Sara's distressed face.
"Oh shut it and just go to the gardening club already!"
Fie groaned and closed her eyes. "I don't wanna get up… how come you get to sit and drink alone in your room all day?"
"Because I'm your teacher and I know what's best for you," Sara said, her voice taking on a more serious tone than Fie expected, "and I'll have you know that I'm not drinking alone today. I've got a hot date waiting for me at Kirche's."
Fie scoffed at that. "Yeah, as if that would ever ha-" she began before it dawned on her, "oh… that's today." She thought about the conversations she had with Sara after the boss died, about how they had experienced similar losses. She immediately felt ashamed about the way she was acting, especially on the anniversary of his death.
"I'll go to the gardening club."
"Thank you," Sara said with a wistful smile. She turned and walked out of Fie's room, making sure to close the door as she did. She heard Sara's footsteps slowly get quieter and more muffled before they stopped entirely, leaving her alone in silence once again.
Fie sat up in her bed and thought about the dream she had. It wasn't unusual for her to dream about the happy memories she had with Zephyr, but it turning into a nightmare was starting to become more and more common. Sleep had always been her refuge. Any classroom desk, park bench, or even Rean himself provided her with a gateway to her comfort zone. But how much longer until even that gets taken from her? What will she do when there's nowhere for her to go? She shook her head and got out of bed. She could really use some fresh air.
Fie ate some of Sharon's now-familiar breakfast before taking a quick shower and getting dressed. Eyeing her collection of Stregas, it only took a moment before she chose to go with her old reliable green pair. She exited the dorm and stepped onto the street before taking a deep breath and beginning her walk towards the gardening club behind the school. She came to the park in the center of Trista and briefly stopped. The square was never exactly bustling, but this Sunday morning was particularly peaceful. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment of serenity. She heard the chirping of birds and the soft rustling of leaves on the trees that surrounded her, she smelled the scent of flowers and the freshly made goods from the nearby bakery, and she felt the light, cool breeze that signified the end of summer and the beginning of autumn. It hadn't been long since she had been here on the first day of school, sleeping on the bench before being so rudely awoken by a certain dork, but it felt like a lifetime ago.
Satisfied, Fie continued toward the school and entered the gate. Walking around the building, she saw the gardening club in the distance and immediately started growing anxious. She could see the familiar sight of Edel, but something was unusual about her body language. Edel was kneeling down next to the soil where Fie had planted her flowers, but the distance and obstructions made It impossible to see what she was doing.
The image of the twisted, dead flowers from her dream appeared in her mind. Fearing the worst, she picked up her pace until she was running, the scene of her flowers wilting replaying in her head over and over. She knew it would happen. She knew she could never protect something as simple as some flowers. And if she couldn't even do that, how could she ever protect her family? She had failed one family already.
As she ran into the gardening club, the sound of her stomping caused Edel to turn around in surprise. Fie ground to a halt as she noticed her upperclassman barrelling towards her.
"Fie!" Edel shouted in elation as she caught her and pulled her in for a big hug, "Oh I'm so happy for you, Fie!"
Fie stood in shock before processing what Edel had said, "H-huh? My flowers… they aren't dead?"
"What? Of course not! Look!" Edel said as she released Fie from her embrace and pointed excitedly to the plot with her flowers.
Fie felt equal parts amazed and relieved as she looked at her flowerbed. Nearly every flower had bloomed, each stem obscured by a messy show of vibrant violet-pink flowers. She went over to them and kneeled to get a closer look, taking in the pleasant aroma that calmed her nerves and cleared her mind of the horrible flowers from her dream. She looked to the side and saw that a large book was lying on the ground and had been opened to a page with a detailed drawing of some flowers that closely resembled her own.
"You weren't told what these flowers were, right?"
Fie shook her head.
Edel kneeled in front of the book next to Fie. "I was able to identify them!" she said, causing Fie's ears to perk up, "In addition to their ornamental value, it says here that they are an herb with a long history of medicinal and culinary use."
Fie gave a bittersweet smile. Of course a jaeger corps like Zephyr would carry around seeds for an herb like this. She had been hoping in vain for some kind of answer, for some kind of deeper meaning to why she had been given these seeds. But sometimes a bag of seeds is just that: a bag of seeds.
"Oh, and one more thing," Edel began as if she had read Fie's mind, "in the language of flowers, they symbolize familial love!"
"ah-"
Fie felt like she had been hit by an orbal truck.
"…Are you okay, Fie? Do you need some help with the flowers?"
Quickly snapping back to reality, Fie shook her head and calmed the complicated mixture of emotions brewing inside her. "I-I'm fine. And… I want to do this myself."
"I understand," Edel said as she picked up the book and held it to her chest. She gave Fie one more beaming smile before moving on to other parts of the garden, leaving her alone with her flowers.
Fie studied her flowers some more, the words 'familial love' repeating in her mind over and over. The seeds in her dream had represented the members of Zephyr and had grown twisted with hatred, but looking at the flowers before her made her realize how silly that was. She still loved her old family. The boss, Xeno, Leo, Aida, and everyone else was still deeply important to her. And even though they had some serious explaining to do, she knew deep down that they must still love her too.
But these flowers also represented her new family. Her new family that needed her, her new family that relied on her as much as she relied on them. Her new family that she would be able to protect.
She still didn't understand why Boss had to die, or why they all abandoned her. But she would just have to ask them herself later. Because right now, all that mattered was that she was right where she belonged.
As a member of Class VII.
With renewed determination, she began the task of potting her flowers. She had barely started when she heard footsteps approaching her. She turned her head expecting to find Edel but was instead met with the sight of the local errand boy.
"Whoa, are these the flowers you planted?" Rean asked with a surprised look on his face. "I didn't realize so many of them would bloom at the same time. Great job, Fie."
Fie felt both pride and mild embarrassment from Rean's comment. She wasn't used to receiving such praise and wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Even so, she decided that she liked this feeling, especially when it came from Rean.
"…You helped," Fie said, not wanting to take all of the credit. Rean may not have realized it, but for Fie it was the understatement of the century. From planting the seeds, caring for them, and even going out of his way to protect them from a storm, Rean was there for her every step of the way. "I'm gonna give some of 'em out now."
"Sounds like a good idea to me. Want some help with those?"
She didn't need to think twice. "Sure. Let's start potting."
"On it."
The two of them began potting the flowers, each working carefully to make sure that they would be happy and healthy when the time came for them to be delivered. The two of them worked in silence, enjoying each other's company as they took in the fresh air and calming aromas of the garden surrounding them. As they were potting the final flowers, Rean broke the silence.
"These flowers are really pretty. Did you ever find out what they were called?"
Fie realized she had completely forgotten to tell Rean about what the flowers meant. "Edel says they're an herb. They're used for all kinds of remedies. Very practical," She said as she studied Rean's response. As she predicted, his reaction showed a bit of disappointment at the surprisingly mundane flowers.
"Huh. Your old jaeger corps probably got a lot of use out of them."
"Oh, one more thing," Fie said, unable to hide her smile as she unveiled their true meaning, "Apparently they symbolize 'familial love.'"
Maybe it was selfish of her, but dhr wanted Rean to experience this revelation the same way she did. She wanted him to feel the full impact of how important these flowers truly were. Rean's shocked expression didn't disappoint.
"Ahh…" Rean said before his lips formed a smile that matched Fie's, "…do you miss the others in the corps?"
"…kind of."
Her simple answer was the best summation she could give of her complicated feelings.
"I don't feel lonely, though. I like it here."
"Glad to hear it."
With the last flower in its pot, Fie and Rean went around the campus and Trista, making deliveries to those that had become Fie's newly cherished family members. Each and every flower delivery further reinforced her newfound determination, even if she could barely handle the smiles of those that graciously accepted her love. Whether they were a member of Class VII or a helpful friend like Beatrix, each recipient was an irreplaceable part of her new life, and she would never forget what they did for her.
With just one flower remaining, the two of them headed back to the Class VII dorm so Fie could make her final delivery: to one Rean Schwarzer. Finding the perfect spot on his shelf, he placed the pot down and once again admired the flower before turning back to Fie and expressing his thanks with a warm smile. Unlike the others, Fie couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with him while her cheeks started to feel like they were burning up. Just why does this dork make her feel this way?!
With the final delivery done, Fie and Rean headed back to the gardening club and said their goodbyes to each other. Fie's eyelids suddenly felt heavy, and a cat-like yawn escaped from her lips.
"Sleepy…"
With how much physical and emotional energy she had exerted today, nothing sounded better than taking a coveted Sunday nap. While Rean would be her number one napping spot, the next best was easily the school infirmary. Entering the room for the second time today, Beatrix greeted Fie with a smile. She was sitting at her desk, the flower delivered to her earlier enjoying the sunshine on the windowsill behind her.
"What can I do for you, Fie?"
"Head hurts. Way too much thinking today. Need a nap."
Beatrix gave a hearty chuckle and motioned towards the beds. Few things brought greater joy to Fie than seeing all the beds empty, giving her the pick of the litter. Just another reason why Sunday is a napper's paradise. Naturally, she picked the one furthest in the back. As soon as her head hit the pillow, the inescapable pull of sleep took its hold.
The orange glow of the setting sun was seeping through the window when Fie opened her eyes again. As she slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes, she looked at her ARCUS and noticed a missed call from Rean.
"Oops…"
She had completely forgotten about the old schoolhouse. And before she could think about slipping away and making an escape towards the dorms, the devil she had just spoke of rounded the corner and was walking straight to her.
"I thought you would be here."
"O-oh, hey Rean. I just thought that it would be easier for me to come up with festival ideas if I had a nap… so that's why-"
Before she could finish her lame excuse, a hand had planted itself on her head and was tousling her hair. Fie instinctively closed her eyes and leaned her head in more to give Rean a better angle for the headpat. If she didn't know any better, she would think that the boss himself was the one standing in front of her.
"Don't worry about it, Fie. I know today wasn't easy for you, and I can tell something has been bothering you lately. I'm not going to pry or anything; I just want you to know that we're family now and you can talk to me about anything."
Rean retracted his hand and gave her another of his warm smiles. Fie felt like she was going to melt into the bed she was sitting on. Just how the hell does he do and say things like that so casually? And as much as that headpat hit the spot, she needed to get some of her dignity back. She couldn't just let Rean get away with it so easily.
"Thank you, Rean," she said with genuine appreciation before she looked at him with an annoyed glare, "But don't think that you can just go and pat my head like that. I'm not a kid anymore."
Rean let out a nervous chuckle. "R-right, sorry. It's just that my sister is also fifteen and that's how I act with her so-"
"Sixteen."
"Huh?"
"I'm sixteen. Not fifteen."
"Wait! Didn't you say you were fifteen your entire time here?"
Fie sighed. "I was fifteen. But now I'm not. That's how time works, dummy."
"B-but nobody told me you were turning sixteen! When was your birthday?"
Fie froze.
"My…birthday?"
In all the chaos of today, she had completely forgotten about her birthday. Her mind was suddenly flooded with the memories of her old family. Memories of the love they gave her, the lessons they taught her, and the birthdays they celebrated with her.
Memories of their betrayal.
But what if she told her new family about her birthday? Would they celebrate it and make her feel loved?
And then would they abandon her too?
Fie wanted to say it. To say the words that would make everything better. To say the words that would break down the barrier between her and her family.
To say 'August 31st.'
Fie looked up at Rean and met his eyes. With a decision made, she gave him a playful smile before opening her mouth to say three simple words.
"It's a secret~"
Rean groaned in defeat.
"You really are something else, Fie…"
She maintained her smug glare as Rean looked at his ARCUS.
"I should get going now. Towa said she wanted to show me something so I agreed to meet up with her." Rean pocketed his ARCUS and began to head out of the infirmary. Fie stopped him before he could take more than a few steps.
"Umm…about what I said before about patting my head. I would be okay if you kept doing it…sometimes." Fie sheepishly looked away as she admitted her true feelings to Rean.
"Haha. Sure, Fie." Rean started to turn away again but paused for a moment before making one last comment. "And maybe someday when you feel more comfortable, I'd like you to tell me your birthday."
"Ah-"
Rean smiled and quickly left the infirmary, not giving Fie a chance to respond to his request. Did he really see through her so easily? She sighed once again before lying down and closing her eyes, hoping to take a quick catnap to clear her mind, but sleep never came. She could only think about the conversation she just had. Why couldn't she tell Rean her birthday? Didn't she know that he and the rest of Class VII would never abandon her?
Then again, that's what she thought about Zephyr.
"I think it's about time you headed back, Fie."
Fie opened her eyes and looked up at Beatrix. The orange glow of the sunset had been replaced by moonlight, making her question just how long she had been lost in thought. She got out of bed and offered Beatrix a silent goodbye before exiting the infirmary and making her way back to the Class VII dorm.
She had made this walk to the dorm a couple times earlier in the day, but doing it again at night gave it an entirely different vibe. Most might be scared to walk alone in darkness due to fears both real and imagined, but it brought an almost nostalgic comfort to Fie. She had always been compared to a cat, but it felt even more appropriate now. As she approached the dorm, her eyes met with a local stray for a short moment before it turned back and disappeared into the darkness. Fie said a silent prayer for the kitten, hopeful it would one day find a family.
Fie joined the rest of Class VII for another of Sharon's amazing dinners. Even though it was a common occurrence, tonight felt different from before. After delivering her flowers to everyone and seeing how much they appreciated it, Fie no longer felt like she was just living with some classmates that would move on from each other after graduation. She knew that their bonds were stronger than that, and that they would only continue to strengthen.
After dinner, everyone stayed at the table to discuss the festival and to decide once and for all what their class was going to do. Fie couldn't help but be reminded of the meetings that the members of Zephyr had. At first she attended them as a little kid because she would just cry if the boss ever left her alone; it was simpler to just let her sit on his lap while she played with a toy. Years later she would attend them as a full-fledged member of the corps, contributing to the discussions and offering potential solutions to problems. Things only became more familiar when, just like in the corps, everyone seemed to be completely stumped.
But of course…
"Actually…" Rean announced, "I did find one idea I think we might be able to use."
…their leader always came through with the solution in the end. Fie couldn't help but smile when she looked over to Rean. She just hoped nobody noticed it… or the blush that formed as she imagined herself sitting on his lap.
With dinner over and a tentative festival decision in place, the members of Class VII returned to their rooms for the night as another busy week of school loomed ahead. Fie entered her room for the first time in what felt like an eternity. It felt almost foreign to her, as if the Fie that exited it this morning was a different Fie than the one entering it right now. Thinking on it some more, she decided that it wasn't entirely wrong.
With a sigh of relief as her busy day finally came to an end, Fie removed her Stregas and placed the pair with the others, making sure to clean them of any imperfections. She sleepily walked over to her bed and sat on the edge, the quiet solitude that she had dreaded ever since the end of August no longer seeming so scary to her. She still thought about her old family, but for the first time in a while she felt like she understood and was content with where she currently was in her life.
Of course, there was still the elephant in the room. Or in this case, many elephants. It seemed like everywhere she looked there was a clear reminder. She looked back to her Stregas, the collection that she was so proud of. She looked over to the boxes filled with explosives, and how she was taught that they could be used to make people happy instead of hurting them. She looked over to her gunswords, the name "Sylphid" inscribed on each one as they gave her the strength to protect her family. She looked over to her gym shirt sprawled on the floor, the name "Claussell" printed upon it in bold letters.
It seemed like every part of her identity, everything that was truly precious to her, was related to her birthday. Her birthday that she shared with her old family. Her birthday that made her Fie. And yet, as August 31st of the year S.1204 came and went, there was no celebration. How could Class VII truly be her family if she wasn't able to share something so important? How could she fight to protect them if some part of her was afraid that they would abandon her too?
Fie brushed those thoughts away with a yawn. She didn't have the answers to those questions, but she knew it wasn't important right now. She knew she couldn't have everything figured out in a day. Things take time, after all.
Fie thought back to her conversation with Rean in the infirmary. His parting request repeated over and over in her head, a simple string of words that told her everything she needed right now.
"And maybe someday when you feel more comfortable, I'd like you to tell me your birthday."
Fie smiled and closed her eyes as she gave her response, a faint whisper escaping her lips that she just knew would somehow reach him.
"Yeah…"
"Maybe someday."
I obviously originally planned to post this on/around Fie's actual birthday, but Classic WoW Hardcore came out shortly before and ruined my life for a while. And then I just kinda struggled to write this fic in general. The end result has basically zero resemblance to what my original plans were, but I think it worked out in the end.
