Let's Get Ready to Stumble
(Based on the It's Always Sunny episode 'The Gang Wrestles for the Troops')
A week after Sojiro's circus and Hotaru's Jihad Tape, the large group of 27 gather at a picnic bench in Rikugien Garden. Over the course of the week, they all took it upon themselves to do something in order to raise the money to save Cafe Leblanc. Minato even came home from college or the weekend so he could give his parents his cut of the money from selling Takemi's Love Potion in order to save the beloved restaurant. Ren sits on the bench with a calculator in front of him, ready to calculate the totals.
"Alright, status report," Ren said, "How are we looking? Are we on track to save Cafe Leblanc?"
"Here's my cut from selling Dr. Takemi's Love Potion, dad," Minato said as he handed his father a wad of money.
"Good job, Minato," Ren said, "Anyone else?"
"I played against some folks in Shogi for money, and I pretty much cleaned house with all of them," Hifumi said as she handed Ren her winnings.
"Nice," Ren said.
"It's not much, but my old jazz buddies went to Inokashira Park to put on a show for passersby," Daisuke said as he placed a bag of money on the table, "Turns out more people love jazz music than we thought."
"Sweet," Ren said.
"Here's my contribution, sweetie," Ann said as she placed two large bags of money on the table.
"Whoa, Ann, where did you get all of that dough?" Ryuji asked.
"I just remembered something me and the rest of the girls did a few years back" Ann began.
"What did you guys do?" Kimiko asked her mother.
"See, Kim, for your father, Ryuji, Hayato, Daisuke, Mishima, Ichiro, and Yusuke's birthdays a few years ago, us girls wanted to give our husbands a calendar that showcased us in an assortment of beautiful dresses, swimsuits, and other intimates," Ann explained, "I managed to talk with the lead photographer at Vague Magazine and he was more than happy to help us out. After we got the pictures taken, I guess life had us so busy that we forgot to make the calendars with them, let alone give them to our husbands."
"Fortunately, Ann remembered fairly recently and we were able to quickly mass produce the calendars so we could sell them," Shiho chimed in.
"That's awesome!" Ryuji said, "Uh, you girls wouldn't happen to have copies of those calendars on your right now, would you?"
"We figured you'd ask that," Sumire said as she and the other six adult females took their respective calendars out from hammerspace and gave them to their respective husbands to take a look.
When the seven men looked at the contents of the calendars, they all blushed madly as hearts appeared in their eyes.
"So lovely! So beautiful!" Hayato swooned.
"You girls are so awesome for doing this," Ryuji said.
Hearing their husbands compliments made the seven women smile and chuckle proudly as Ren regained his composure by closing his calendar of Ann and getting back to business.
"Alright, anyone else have anything else they'd like to give?" Ren asked.
"Right here, Uncle Ren," Hotaru said as he placed a giant moneybag on the table.
"That's a lot of money, Hotaru," Hayato said, impressed, "Where'd you get it from?"
"Easy," Hotaru began, "I answered a want ad in the paper for someone to make a new commercial for the 'Taco Cabin' restaurant chain (Taco Bell/Pizza Hut). Himari and I teamed up and we made this commercial for them. Look."
Hotaru pulled out his phone and showed the commercial that he sent Taco Cabin as everyone gathered around to take a closer look.
In the commercial, we see a miniature model of the Taco Cabin restaurant as the announcer, Himari, is heard talking.
Himari: Now it's time for the Taco Face Show!
We then see a taco with a face on it as Hotaru voices it in a high pitched voice.
Hotaru/Taco Face: Hey, everybody, my name is Taco Face! And I'm here to say that if you buy two chicken tacos, you get a cheese quesadilla for free! Yay!
Himari: Sounds great, Taco Face! But, uh-oh, look outside the window! There's a meteor coming this way!
The camera pans up to show a CGI meteor heading right for the Taco Cabin Restaurant
Hotaru/Taco Face: A meteor! Oh no! Help! Help! Help!
Himari: Fear not, Taco Face, Super Slammy is here to save the day!
Himari places down a meat hammer with a face and a superhero cape tied around it; this is Slammy.
Hotaru/Taco Face: Oh, thank good- Hey, wait a minute, he's not a real superhero!
Himari: Sure he is.
We then cut to Super Slammy taking Taco Face outside, and placing the taco mascot on a giant bullseye in the middle of the ground.
Himari: Super Slammy says that you'll be safe right here.
Hotaru/Taco Face: Somehow I highly doubt-WAAAAHHH!
The meteor crushes Taco Face as the Himari wraps everything up; the words 'The End' appear on screen.
Himari: See you all next time!
Hotaru/Taco Face: Next time send a real superhero!
As the ad wraps up, everyone is seen chuckling and guffawing, proving that Hotaru and Himari did a good job with the ad.
"Very cute, you two," Makoto complimented.
"Yeah, great work," Nariko complimented.
"Thanks," Hotaru said, gratefully, "Anyway, the people at Taco Cabin liked my ad so much that they paid me to make more of them."
"For real?" Ryuji said, impressed.
"Yeah," Hotaru answered, "There's one where Taco Face plays basketball. One where Taco Face gets lost in some creepy woods. One where Taco Face advertises 'Kid's Night'. And so many more."
"And pretty much all of them involve Taco Face getting mutilated somehow by me and Slammy," Himari chimed in.
"Whatever makes us the money," Sojiro said.
"Moving right along," Nariko said as she presented Ren with another bag of cash, "Mom, dad, Kaito, and I worked together to have a bake sale. Here's the earnings from that."
As Nariko put the bag on the table with the rest, Futaba came up to Ren with her own bag of cash.
"Yuuki, Riku, Mai, and I competed in a video game competition with a ¥710,000 cash prize," Futaba said as she placed the bag on the table.
"I competed in a 'Hands on a Hardbody' competition for a pick-up-truck," Ryuji said as he took a check out of his pocket and placed it on the table, "I ended up sleep depraved in soiled trousers with a monster sized appetite, but I won the truck and sold it for ¥426,000."
"Here's my secret hoard," Sojiro said as he took out a jar of money, "I was saving up so I could go to Fiji, but this cafe is more important to me than anything right now."
Everyone continued to place their earnings to save Leblanc on the table in front of Ren as he calculated the totals. Most of everyone else got their money from asking for advances on paychecks at their jobs or by selling things around their respective homes that they don't use/need. Eventually, Ren managed to total everything up.
"If I've done my math correctly then right now we should have," Ren began as he looked at the calculator, "¥65,000,000!"
"We're almost at our goal," Haru said, amazed.
"Only a little more than ¥6,000,000 to go," Mana chimed in.
"Alright, so what do we do to earn that last bit?" Daisuke asked.
"I don't suppose anyone has any kidneys they're willing to give up?" Himari joked.
"Jeez, Himari, what's wrong with you, girl?" Mai asked.
"Aw, I'm only kidding," Himari said.
"Come on, people, let's think," Yuuki said, "How can we get the last bit of money we need to save Cafe Leblanc, and quick."
"Ahem," Kas cleared her throat as all attention was drawn on her, "If I may throw my hat in the ring. Your circus seemed to go well last time. So I suggest we put on another show to make the last bit of money that we need."
"While that is a good idea, Kas, what kind of a show would we put on?" Ichiro asked.
With that, Kas smirked and put her fists together saying, "A wrestling match!"
Hearing Kas' idea made most of one half of the other 26 with her nod and talk amongst themselves in agreement while some of the other half had unsure looks on their faces.
The Half On Board: Ryuji, Makoto, Himari, Ren, Minato, Haru, Mana, Mitsu, Ichiro, Sumire, Riku, Yuuki, Futaba, and Mai
The Half Against It: Hayato, Hifumi, Hotaru, Ann, Kimiko, Yusuke, Sojiro, Shiho, Daisuke, Nariko, Kaito, and Morgana
"Looks like most of us are on board," Kas said.
"It's not that your idea isn't a good one, Kas," Kimiko said, "It's just not a pleasant one."
"You do know wrestling's fake, right?" Kaito asked the young red haired woman.
"What are you talking about 'fake'?" Kas asked, incredulously, "I've watched lots of wrestling matches on T.V. I've seen fighters get absolutely mutilated out there. True story, I watched a wrestling match one time where one guy hit another guy in the head with a trash can, and blood went everywhere."
"Did it ever occur to you that there were easy-to-break blood capsules on the trashcan that broke on impact?" Hotaru asked.
"Whatever," Kas said, not wanting to hear anymore of her friends' blasphemous talk.
"Well, even though Hifumi, Hotaru, and I aren't a hundred percent on board with this, we would like to be involved somehow," Hayato said, "Perhaps I can be the announcer?"
"I can record the match and put it on public access," Hotaru chimed in, "Or we could keep the footage for ourselves."
"And I can sing the National Anthem," Hifumi added.
"That sounds good," Kas said before turning to the group on board with the idea, "Alright, since its my idea, here's how I think it should go down. To those of you on board with the idea, go come up with a wrestler costume and stage name."
Kas then turned to the members of the group not on board with her idea.
"The rest of you," Kas said, "Go find a wrestler for those guys to fight, and rent out a local venue for the match. We'll meet back here in three hours."
"Sounds like a plan, babe," Mai said.
"Alright, gang, let's do this!" Kas said as everyone cheered in agreement before going their separate ways.
Sometime later at a warehouse somewhere in the city, an amateur wrestling show was being held. In the audience, we see the likes of Hayato, Hifumi, Hotaru, Ann, Kimiko, Sojiro, Shiho, Daisuke, Nariko, Kaito, and Morgana watching the match unfold. One of the wrestlers, a long-white haired man with blue eyes, a gray tank top, and green pants, was seen doing very well in his fight against his opponent. As they watched the white haired wrestler work his magic, Yusuke returned with good news.
"Hey, Yusuke, where have you been?" Shiho asked.
"I had to make a phone call to the Shujin Academy's Principal," Yusuke explained, "I managed to book the gymnasium for tomorrow."
"Nice work," Kaito praised the blue haired artist.
"Thank you," Yusuke said, "So what are you all doing?"
"We're watching this white haired wrestler," Nariko said, "I think his wrestler name is 'The Lunatic'. He seems like he could put up a good fight."
"And he could probably teach us all the ropes when it comes to wrestling," Hayato said, "Because, let's face it, aside from Kas and maybe Ryuji and Makoto, none of us knows how to wrestle."
"Good thinking, dad," Hotaru said.
"Let's talk with this Lunatic after the show to see if he'd be interested in helping us out," Sojiro said as everyone nodded in agreement.
Sometime later, in the parking lot, we see 'The Lunatic' getting in his car only to be stopped by the group of 12, who were calling his name to catch his attention.
"Lunatic! Mr. Lunatic, wait up!" They called.
"Hey there," The Lunatic greeted, "Always nice to meet some fans."
"We're not exactly fans per say," Hayato said, "This is our first wrestling match. But we were wondering if you could do something for us."
"Hang on, kids, before you tell me what you need from me let me give you all a little something," The Lunatic said as he reached into his car to pull out a piece of paper and a pen, "A little autograph to remember your first ever wrestling match."
He signed his name on the piece of paper before handing it to Hayato.
"Uh, this is a parking ticket you signed your name on and gave to me," Hayato said.
"Don't worry about it," Hifumi said before moving on to more serious matters, "Anyway, Mr. Lunatic, Cafe Leblanc is at risk of being shut down if we don't raise enough money. We almost have the amount required, and to get the last bit of money we need we figured we'd put on a wrestling show, and we want you to go up against our friends. What do you say?"
After thinking for a few minutes, The Lunatic answered with, "Alright! How much?"
"Uh, how much do you usually charge?" Ann asked.
"¥4,000 weekdays and ¥7,000 weekends," The Lunatic answered.
The group of 12 looked at each other and nodded.
"That sounds fair," Kimiko said as Yusuke took some money out of his wallet and gave it to The Lunatic.
"Thank you very much," The Lunatic said.
"Say, why don't you come with us so you can meet your opponents?" Kimiko suggested.
"Yeah, yeah that's a good idea, little girl," The Lunatic said.
"I'm almost 18," Kimiko said.
With that, the group took The Lunatic back to Cafe Leblanc where everyone else was gathered.
At Cafe Leblanc, Ryuji, Makoto, Himari, Ren, Minato, Haru, Mana, Mitsu, Ichiro, Sumire, Riku, Yuuki, Futaba, and Mai were going over their wrestling costumes and stage names by drawing pictures of them to see what they think before they go ahead and prepare them. Kas, however, was nowhere to be found. As the 14 continued to work, the other 12 returned with The Lunatic.
"Alright, guys," Daisuke said, "I think we found your opponent. Meet 'The Lunatic'!"
"Hey there," The Lunatic greeted.
"Nice to meet you," Ren said, "So, you wrestle?"
"You bet I do," The Lunatic said, "Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. Is there a telephone I could borrow?"
"Right over there," Sojiro said as he pointed to a phone on the counter.
The Lunatic went over to the phone as group of 27 chatted amongst themselves.
"I've gotta admit that guy does look promising," Ryuji said.
"He also looks like he can put up one hell of a fight," Yuuki worried, "I hope he knows that wrestling is just for show and no one is actually supposed to get hurt."
"We'll be sure to tell him that," Hifumi said.
"We also figured he could give you all some pointers and wrestling tips," Nariko chimed in.
"Alright, cool," Sumire said.
"So I guess you guys are-" Hotaru began before getting cut off by an outburst from The Lunatic, who was on the phone with someone, presumably a debt collector or an insurance agency.
"NO! I don't give a rat's ass about your collection agency!" The Lunatic shouted, catching everyone's attention, "And as for your ¥2,000 co-payment, EAT SHIT AND DIE!"
The Lunatic slammed the phone on the receiver and looked back at the 27 staring at him.
"Everything going okay, buddy?" Mai asked.
"Uh, don't worry about it," The Lunatic said, instantly calming down, "I just gotta go for a walk. I'll be back."
"O-Okay," Mitsu said uncomfortably, "You go do that."
The Lunatic left the cafe, leaving the group of 27 by themselves.
"What was that all about?" Shiho asked.
"Blowing up like that over ¥2,000?" Ichiro asked.
"Not to mention slamming my phone," Sojiro said.
"Let's just move past it for right now," Hotaru said, "Anyway, I guess you guys are working on your costumes and wrestler names?
"Yeah. Ryuji, Himari, and I decided to be a sort of tag-team," Makoto said as she showed everyone the picture of their costume, which showed herself, Himari, and Ryuji dressed in brown tank tops, brown pants, brown boots, bear-ear headbands, and bear claw gloves, "We call ourselves 'The Three Bears'. I'm Mama Bear, Ryuji's Papa Bear, and Himari's Baby Bear."
"Maybe call me 'Little Bear'," Himari said, slightly embarrassed, "I'm not a baby, you know."
"You'll always be our baby, Himari," Makoto said as she and Ryuji hugged their daughter, causing some members of the group to snicker amongst themselves.
"Come on, you two, not in front of Hotaru," Himari whined.
"What's your character, sweetie," Ann asked her husband.
I'm the Suave Avenger," Ren said, "I figured I'd give myself a charming and sophisticated look."
Ren showed everyone a picture of his character, which had a black suit with brown shoes, a black tophat with a red hat band, a cane with a gold handle, and a black cape.
"Don't you think the cape might be something you'd have to worry about?" Minato asked his father, "Your opponent could grab it and pull you down to the ground with it."
"Not if I use my cape as a weapon first," Ren said.
"Interesting," Minato said, "Anyway, I was in a bit of a holiday mood, so I created my character, Santa Crusher!"
Minato showed a picture of himself in a Santa costume, minus the beard, and holding a giant sack.
"To give the viewers a good time, I have candy inside my sack that I throw out to the members of the audience," Minato said, "Little bit of sweetness before we get to the carnage."
"Not bad," Ren complemented.
"Anyone want to see mine and Yuuki's?" Futaba asked.
"Sure," everyone replied as Futaba showed a picture of herself in a blue tunic with a white sash, red pantyhose, and white boots with her hair tied up in two buns. Yuuki's picture, meanwhile, had his dressed in a green tank top with green pants and black combat boots with a picture of the Japanese flag painted on his upper arms.
"These are just characters from Road Brawler (Street Fighter)," Makoto said.
"Hey it's the best we could do," Futaba said, "And besides, you all have known me for so long that I would've thought you'd expect something like this from me."
"As for mine, I want to introduce you all to The Lemonade Kid!" Riku said as he showed everyone his picture, which was Riku wearing a yellow beanie, a yellow tank top, some yellow pants with brown suspenders and brown boots, "I come out and squirt lemon juice in my opponents eyes before going in for the kill. And my catchphrase is, 'Vitamin C ya later!'.
"Pretty sure that would work better if you were an orange or clementine themed wrestler," Mai said to her brother, "Anyway, my character is simply called 'Wrestle-tron'.
Mai showed everyone her character which was a robot costume made up of pots, pans, a trashcan for the torso, aluminum tubes for the arms and legs, and some silver boots and gloves.
"Jeez, Mai, the wrestling match is tomorrow," Kaito said, "Where will you find the time to make that costume?"
"Sleep is for the weak," Mai said in a determined tone.
"Moving right along," Mana said, "Mitsu, mom and I decided to be a tag-team like Uncle Ryuji, Auntie Makoto, and Himari."
"Ladies and gentlemen," Mitsu continued, "We give you the Peacock Girls!"
The picture she showed everyone was one of Haru, Mana, and Mitsu dressed up in tank tops, boots, and pants with an assortment of peacock feathers opened up on their backs. The differences came in the color of the outfits; Haru is red, Mana is yellow, and Mitsu is blue.
"Very pretty girls," Minato said as he admired Mana and Mitsu's costumes in particular.
"Thanks, sweetie," Mana smiled.
"Well, Sumire and Ichiro, what costumes do you two have?" Hayato asked.
"Here's something you might not know about my Sumi and me," Ichiro said, "She and I have a guilty pleasure in the form of punk rock."
"For real?" Ryuji asked.
"Yup," Sumire said, "I don't know why, there's just something about it that we love. Anyway, mine and Ichi's costumes reflected that guilty pleasure."
Sumire and Ichiro's costumes consisted of typical punk rock attire; leather jacket, black boots, black pants/skirt with leggings, and Ichiro had his hair dyed a deep blue.
"We call ourselves the Punks," Ichiro said, "Simple but effective."
"Wow, guys, I gotta say, your costumes are coming along nicely," Yusuke said, impressed.
"But that leaves only one question," Kimiko chimed in, "Where's Kas and what does she have planned?"
As if on cue, a small log of wood comes barreling through the air out of nowhere, landing on the floor with a loud thud. Enter Kas, who was wearing lumberjack attire (A red and black flannel shirt with jeans, brown boots, and black suspenders) and is chasing after the log. When she reaches it, the picks is up and carries it under her arm.
"Kas, what is this?" Sumire asked her daughter.
"It's my character," Kas explained, "I'm Lumber-Jacqueline! I come out and I hit my opponent with my trusty log! And then I take a pinecone out of my pocket and start eating it!"
As she said that, Kas took a pinecone out from her pocket and started chewing on it before spitting it into a trash can, much to the disgust and confusion of those around her.
"That might be a bit much, sweetheart," Ichiro said, "I mean, you could really hurt someone with that log of yours."
"Hey, that's wrestling for you!" Kas said with a shrug of her shoulders.
Not wanting to see her girlfriend get hurt or seriously hurt others, Mai stepped up to try and reason with Kas.
"Hey, here's an idea," Mai said, "Why don't you be the referee?"
"I'm not going to be the ref!" Kas said boisterously, "I'm a villain, don't you see?"
"Kasumi, sweetie," Mai said in a cajoling tone, "Be the referee and maybe later we can…"
Mai whispered something in Kas' ear causing her to giggle and chuckle naughtily.
"Okay, babe, I'll be the referee," Kas said, "But only for you."
"Thank you, baby girl," Mai smiled.
"What did you say to her?" Riku asked his sister.
"I'd rather not tell you in front of our parents," Mai said.
"Well, while you all continue working on your costumes, we're going to go find the Lunatic," Sojiro said, "He's been gone for a while now."
With that, Hayato, Hifumi, Hotaru, Ann, Kimiko, Sojiro, Shiho, Daisuke, Nariko, Kaito, Yusuke, and Morgana left the cafe to go find The Lunatic.
The group of 12 walked around the block to find The Lunatic trying to take something out of the car that he came here in. As they approached the car, they noticed things within it such as a pillow, a sleeping bag, and perhaps strangest of all, a bucket of chestnuts. And those were just three of the weird things they saw from within his car. As they got closer, they saw The Lunatic taking a big spool of barbed wire out.
"Hey, Mr. Lunatic," Kaito called, catching the amateur wrestler's attention, "What's with the barbed wire."
"Oh, you know, it's just props you know," The Lunatic answered, "It's what I like to do when I'm paid to do a show. I like to use my props and put my opponent in his place."
"Props?" Kimiko asked, nervously.
"Uh, when we said wrestling, we thought you'd be doing something more traditional," Hayato said, "You know, suplexes, piledrivers, leg locks and stuff."
"No, no one goes for that old school crap anymore," The Lunatic said, "They like to see something gruesome, you know, they like blood."
"Gruesome?!" Ann asked nervously.
"Blood!?" Hifumi chimed in.
"Don't worry, it's all in good fun," The Lunatic smiled uncomfortably warmly, "I like this innocent aura you all give off. You know, you guys remind me of my kids."
"Uh, that's nice, I guess," Daisuke said, feeling uncomfortable.
"You have kids, sir?" Sojiro asked.
…
"No…not anymore," The Lunatic said as he walked off with his spool of barbed wire, leaving the group of 12 behind him and forgetting to close his car door.
"What does that mean?!" Shiho asked nervously, "What is he talking about with his kids?"
"I don't know," Daisuke said, "He just trailed off. You guys think he killed his kids? Is that what happened?"
"I don't know, dad, and I really don't want to know," Nariko said.
"Also, is it me or is he living out of his car?" Yusuke said as he looked inside to examine the blankets and pillows within.
"And look at this," Hotaru said as he pulled out the bucket of chestnuts, "It's just a bucket of chestnuts."
"Who the hell keeps a bucket of chestnuts in their car?!" Kimiko asked, incredulously.
"Does this guy forage for his food?!" Hotaru asked.
"Okay, everyone, we are dealing with a legitimate lunatic right now," Sojiro said, "His lunacy is not confined to the ring."
"If we have our friends and loved ones go out there and face him, we're pretty much sentencing them to death," Hayato said.
"Well we can't tell The Lunatic that he can't wrestle for us anymore," Shiho said, "He's going to kill us if we do that."
"Alright, alright," Daisuke said, "I'm coming up with this on the fly, but what if instead of our friends squaring off against The Lunatic, we have our friends face each other and then The Lunatic can face off against someone else."
"Who do we get to battle against a lunatic like that?" Kaito asked.
"As messed up as this is going to sound, it has to be someone we don't care all that much about," Nariko said.
"In that case, I might have an idea," Yusuke said as the other 11 gathered around the artist to hear his suggestion.
Later that night, in a back alley, Yusuke is seen talking with Daiki Sugimura, Haru's ex-fiance/abuser.
"And what makes you think I'd be willing to help you?" Sugimura asked, "You stole Haru away from me!"
"You don't deserve a woman like Haru, first of all," Yusuke said, "And second my friend Makoto works for the Shibuya Police Department, and she has an assortment of files all about you. From what she tells me, you've been charged with a lot of crimes and you paid top dollar to make sure that this information stays under wraps. It would be a shame if a member of the Diet like yourself had his reputation ruined because somebody 'accidently' leaked this information to the public."
"You're more underhanded than I thought, pretty boy," Sugimura said, "I'd respect that if I didn't despise you so thoroughly."
"So you'll do exactly what I say?" Yusuke asked.
"Fine," Sugimura relented, "What do I have to do?"
"Tell me, Sugimura," Yusuke continued, "Have you ever wrestled before?"
The following afternoon at the Shujin Academy Gymnasium, a giant wrestling ring is set up in the middle of the gymnasium as the bleachers quickly become filled with eager wrestling fans. In the locker room, we see Ryuji, Makoto, Himari, Ren, Minato, Haru, Mana, Mitsu, Ichiro, Sumire, Riku, Yuuki, Futaba, and Mai in their respective wrestling costumes, ready for the fight to begin.
"Gotta say, everyone, we look badass!" Ryuji said as he, Makoto, and Himari flashed their bear claws.
"I'm a little disappointed we can't go up against this Lunatic character, though," Mana said as she, Mitsu, and Haru got their feathers set up. .
"Really?" Mai said from within her robot costume, "After that guy blew up on the phone yesterday and you're sad you can't fight a psycho like that? I'm actually relieved."
"If there's any reason to be happy, it's that Sugimura is the one who gets to fight the Lunatic," Haru said, "Can't wait for him to be knocked down a peg or two."
"Me neither," Ren said as he adjusted the top hat on his head while Minato, in his Santa costume, filled his sack with candy.
"On that note, try and go easy on Ichiro and I," Sumire said as she put her boots on while Ichiro spray painted his hair, "We may look tough, but we bruise easily."
"To you, I make no promises," Futaba said as she tied her hair into buns while Yuuki painted a picture of the Japanese flag on his arms.
"It's Lemon Time!" Riku said as he took lemons out from his pocket.
"Aw, man, this is going to be good!" Himari said, excitedly, "Nothing can ruin this moment now!"
Suddenly, Kas, dressed up in a referee costume, comes running into the locker room in a panic.
"We've got a problem with The Lunatic!" Kas cried, "Big problem with The Lunatic!"
Curious, the 14 wrestlers followed Kas out of the locker room to see what was going on with The Lunatic
Once outside in the parking lot, the group of 14 and Kas saw the other 12 members of the group watching as The Lunatic was being put into a squad car by a police officer. Hayato was wearing a gray suit for his announcing gig during the match while Hifumi had her hair tied in a bun and was wearing her gray sequined dress (From 'School Clubbin'') so she could sing the National Anthem before the match.
"Aw, man what did he do?" Minato asked, "Did he kill somebody?"
"Unpaid parking tickets," Sojiro explained.
"I kind of figured he had a collection of them given he tried passing one of them off as an autograph to us," Yusuke said.
"You know," Shiho said, "Even though The Lunatic is…a lunatic, we should at least say our goodbyes."
The 27 of them walked up to the backseat of the squad car to talk with The Lunatic. Fortunately the window was rolled down so he could talk with them.
"Mr. Lunatic!" Kimiko called out to the amateur wrestler, catching his attention.
"Ah, my friends!" The Lunatic said happily, "Don't worry, this is just a minor setback. Thank you for making me feel accepted and being good people. You know, I love you all."
Just then, the police officer in charge of the squad car started to speed out of the parking lot and to the police station.
"You hear me?! I love you!" The Lunatic shouted as the squad car drove off.
"We love you too, Mr. Lunatic…I think," Kimiko said, confused, before turning to the rest of the group, "I don't really love him. He's weird."
"I don't think any of us do, Kim," Kaito said.
"Well, this means we're down a wrestler," Ren said.
"Maybe we should take Lumber-Jacqueline out of retirement!" Kas suggested.
"No, babe, I think we have enough wrestlers," Mai said.
"We'd better head back inside," Ichiro said, "We promised the people in there a show, and that's exactly what we're going to give them."
"Enough talking then," Himari said, "Let's get this show on the road!"
The group went back inside so the wrestling match could begin.
A few moments later we cut to the gymnasium where everyone was waiting in anticipation for the start of the wrestling match. The group of Ann, Morgana, Yusuke, Sojiro, Kimiko, Kaito, Nariko, Shiho, Daisuke, and Hotaru were in the front row so they could get a good look at the action. Kas was already in the ring wearing her referee outfit.
"I think we have just enough to save Leblanc, everyone," Sojiro said as he looked at a jarful of money that they earned from this wrestling match, "Hopefully all goes well and nobody asks for a refund."
"I just hope this doesn't get too bloody," Shiho said.
"Don't worry," Yusuke said, "I told Sugimura that this is going to be a nice, clean wrestling match and to stick with traditional wrestling moves. Besides, it's Sugimura, I don't think he can put up a good fight even if he tried."
Not far from them, Hayato was seen sitting behind a desk with a microphone on it, and he was ready to announce the start of the wrestling match.
"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!" Hayato announced, "Welcome to the first annual Shujin Academy Wrestling Tournament!"
Hearing that made everyone cheer.
"Introducing our hometown heroes!" Hayato continued, ready to announced his friends' arrival, each of them coming out as they were called…and for a recap, we have
The Three Bears - Makoto, Ryuji, and Himari
Suave Avenger - Ren
Santa Crusher - Minato
The Road Brawlers - Futaba and Yuuki
Wrestle-tron - Mai
Lemonade Kid - Riku
The Punks - Sumire and Ichiro
The Peacock Girls - Haru, Mana, and Mitsu
"We have, the Suave Avenger…Santa Crusher…The Three Bears…The Road Brawlers…The Lemonade Kid…Wrestle-tron…The Punks…and finally, the Peacock Girls!" Hayato announced.
As each wrestler came out, they all did a pose to hype the crowd up before getting into the wrestling ring.
"And their challenger, the greediest son of a bitch around," Hayato announced, "The one and only Viscount!"
As Sugimura, A.K.A the Viscount, came out from the other locker room, the audience booed him, not that Sugimura seemed to care. His wrestling costume was just his white suit, only now he had a golden necklace around his neck, a white fedora with a black hat band, and he had some aviator sunglasses over his eyes.
"Oh, boo yourselves!" Sugimura snapped at the audience before jumping into the ring, staring at the 14 wrestlers on the other side of the ring, "Let's make this quick. And try not to mess up my best suit."
The 14 across from him glared at him while also making violent hand gestures to further hype the crowds up.
"Please, rise for your national anthem," Hayato announced as Hifumi came onto the wrestling ring carrying a microphone, ready to sing the Japanese national anthem.
"Come on," Sugimura muttered, "I don't even want to be here right now."
Before singing, Hifumi cleared her throat as the music started to play.
"May your reign continue for a thousand, eight thousand generations," Hifumi sang as everyone, sans Sugimura, had their hands over their hearts, "Until the tiny pebbles grow into massive boulders lush with…"
SLAM!
Out of nowhere, Sugimura got his hands on a steel chair, and knocked Hifumi to the floor, catching everyone off guard and greatly upsetting Hayato and Hotaru.
"Oh my God!" Haru exclaimed.
"MOM!" Hotaru screamed.
"HIFUMI!" Hayato yelled.
"Ow!" Hifumi sobbed as she sat up, "I think you broke my nose!"
"You were taking too long," Sugimura said as the audience went back to booing him.
"Oh hell no!" Hayato shouted as he and Hotaru made their way into the wrestling ring, "You're going to pay for that, buster!"
"Himari, watch me be a man!" Hotaru said as he and Hayato jumped into the ring ready to square off with Sugimura.
"You want some too, eh?" Sugimura asked.
"That's right, asshole," Hayato said angrily, "So bring it-"
Before Hayato could finish his sentence, Sigumura sweeped Hayato's leg, causing him to trip and fall.
"Dad!" Hotaru yelled as he ran up to Sugimura, but the rich Diet member uppercutted Hotaru before he could have the chance to defend his father, knocking him unconscious.
"BABE!" Himari cried.
In the audience, the 12 members of the group who weren't wrestling started to get very afraid for their friends/loved ones' lives.
"Yusuke, you said we had nothing to fear if they go up against Sugimura," Daisuke said, "What the hell is happening?"
"I guess he must've taken some self defense classes or something," Yusuke said, just as surprised as them.
Back at the wrestling ring, the 14 wrestlers knew that had to defend the Yajima Family's honor.
"Dude, Sugimura's gone crazy!" Ryuji said.
"We can't let the Viscount win," Makoto said.
"That's right, mom," Himari said, "This palooka is about to find out what happens when bears attack!"
With that, the three Sakamotos jumped into the ring, ready to square off against Sugimura. They charge at him, but Sugimura dodges all of their attacks and hits the three of them in their pressure points, bringing them to the floor.
"He's targeting our pressure points!" Makoto groaned.
"Come on, ref, is that even legal?" Riku asked Kas.
"I didn't see nothing," Kas said.
"You know what, screw it," Futaba said, "He can't take all of us at once. Let's rush this asshole!"
"Yeah, you guys do that, but mom, Mitsu and I are going to run away," Mana said.
"What?!" Sumire exclaimed.
"Nothing personal, Sugimura just scares us right now," Mana said as she, her sister, and her mother ran out of the gymnasium. When Yusuke noticed, he followed them out.
With just eight wrestlers left, they all jumped into the ring ready to face Sugimura. When Kas noticed this, however, she slipped away as if to do something important.
"8 v. 1, eh?" Sugimura asked, "Fine, I'm always up for the challenge!"
"Come on, everyone, get him!" Ichiro shouted as the eight wrestlers charged at him.
Unfortunately, Sugimura managed to dodge all of their attacks before counterattacking himself.
He grabbed Ren's cane as he tried to swing it down on him before breaking it and kicking Ren away.
Minato tried to swing his sackful of candy at Sugimura, but he dodged that before picking the steel chair back up and hitting him in the face.
Sumire and Ichiro tried flanking him from both sides, but Sugimura dodged causing the two punk-dressed gymnasts to crash into each other as they sit on the floor holding their noses in pain.
Riku tried throwing lemons at Sugimura, but he grabbed one of them, ran up to the male Mishima child and squeezed lemon juice in his eyes before kicking him away.
Mai managed to get behind Sugimura and grab him so Futaba and Yuuki could rough him up, but Sugimura managed to break free, grab one of the pans off of Mai's costume before hitting her, Futaba, and Yuuki in the face with it.
With all eight wrestlers down for the count, along with the Yajima and Sakamoto Family, the audience started to 'boo' louder than ever before as Sugimura cheered himself on.
"I've bested them all!" Sugimura boasted, "The Viscount is the greatest wrestler of all time, yeah-"
SLAM!
"AUGH!" Sugimura screamed as something hit him in the legs hard, causing them to break, and causing the Diet member to collapse to the floor.
Sugimura looked next to him as he saw a random log of wood just laying there, and that's when he noticed Kas has returned, dressed up in her 'Lumber-Jacqueline' costume. When Kas appeared in the ring, the audience's boos turned into cheers.
"Ha! Ha!" Kas laughed, "Lumber-Jacqueline, bitch!"
"Augh, you got me!" Sugimura cried as he held his legs in pain.
"Oh man, did I get you, dude?" Kas asked in surprise as she pulled up Sugimura's pant legs to find that she broke both of his legs, scaring her and causing the cheering to die down, "Holy…I guess I don't know my own strength."
Kas just looked at the wounded Sugimura before looking all around her to see her parents, her friends, and their parents also wounded and down for the count; they were groaning and crying in pain if they weren't knocked unconscious. The likes of Ann, Morgana, Sojiro, Kimiko, Kaito, Nariko, Shiho, and Daisuke rushed into the ring to come to their friends' and loved ones' aide. Kas then looked at the audience members who continued to give her bewildered looks.
Unsure of what to do next, Kas just raised her arms in the air in a victorious pose…and this caused the audience to cheer for her again. As the red haired gymnast turned wrestler took in the people's cheers, a small smile appeared on her face as she lowered her arms.
"I knew wrestling wasn't fake," Kas said to herself as the story ended.
END
