I got the third chapter done sooner than expected. Rest assured, this was NOT rushed, I just happened to have more spare time than expected. Time for me to respond to the only review Chapter 2 got before I posted a follow up.
Lightblade1121: My personal favorite scenes are probably the gag factory and the sextant one :P (which you'll see next chapter). In the meantime, what do you think of what I wrote here?
Now let's resume the adventure!
The three of us had barely gotten out of the Cul-de-sac in one piece. After ten minutes of flying away from the playground, we landed on some empty dry land we didn't recognize. Ben's car bounced four times, with each getting smaller than the last, before Ed regained his footing and resumed running. I realigned the crooked mirror to see whether anybody was behind us. I saw nobody through that and turned around for a wider look to be sure. With nobody in sight, I let out a yelp of joy before proudly telling my buddies "We lost 'em!", grabbing Double D's lips in sheer excitement over surviving.
Mr. Hat Lover had been covering his eyes in a panic while we flew and lowered them to skeptically inquire "How can you be so certain, Eddy?" while looking behind him.
I briefly hugged a grinning Monobrow with one arm and tempted fate when replying with "Those chumps will never catch us now! From here on out, it's nothing but smooth sailing."
Shortly after I finished that sentence, Ed ran straight into a massive rock. How could he not avoid that when clearly able to see it!? The crash sent me flying out of the driver's seat and past the rock, landing on my back painfully. This was what fully destroyed what remained of the car. It already was a very old model bound to give out at some point, but still had potential to last longer! When pieces of it scattered across the land, one of the doors landed on me before I could get up and trapped me inside the window slot! I heard Mr. One Eyebrow giggling a bit when rolling me out like one would when raising a window.
Once he had extracted me from it, I fell out and shattered like a piece of glass before reassembling myself somehow. To be honest, I have no clue how that worked. After looking around to see nothing but him, sock-head, various car pieces, and the rock, I growled at the one who crashed the vehicle, whose torso was stuck within one of the pieces. I moved up close to his face and chastised him with "Way to go, lummox! The only rock for miles, and YOU had to hit it!"
Edd on the other hand was dangling from his seatbelt, which somehow still was attached to the front passenger seat he sat in. It still baffles me how the guy didn't drop out from that sooner. He saluted it while saying "Seatbelts certainly are a trusted friend!" before unbuckling himself and falling to the ground, landing flat on his face.
My anger turned to concern upon seeing that landing. As I peered closer towards Double D, I thought maybe he had hurt himself. Instead of complaining about injuries or having no vehicle to carry us, the guy suddenly jumped up and got in our faces while anxiously shouting "I've followed all the rules, lived a life of decency and principle! So, why didn't I trust my instincts that one day, these short-sighted, sophomoric shell games would go too far!?"
Ed burst out from the car piece and hid behind my back while telling me "Double D's dark side makes my armpits sweat, Eddy."
Given his reputation for being unhygienic, I asked in a snarky matter "What doesn't?" and placed my right hand over his mouth, not wanting to hear more.
Mr. Hat Lover walked around and continued with "Lost souls are we, gentlemen; doomed for eternity!" before sighing and lying down in a defeated manner.
I tried to ease things by saying "Lighten up, sock-head! Hasn't Eddy always steered you right? Don't answer that." as I picked him up by the edge of his hat, laughing afterwards.
The last part was quickly added because deep down I knew he'd be quick to list things I suggested that ended poorly for us. Mr. One Eyebrow subsequently asked "Oh, oh! If I may partake in this chat, could we not join at the circus? Eddy could be the world's-"
I interjected with "Hey, ow! Stop; it doesn't go that way!" as he stretched out my ears, mouth, and nose very painfully, not seeming to notice how much this hurt.
Once done, Ed placed me down with a chuckle before I scowled in irritation, and he added "Shortest elephant! And you, Double D, can be the clown."
The next words to come from Mr. Smarty Pants were "I suppose one could get used to the confining nature of tights." as I adjusted my face back to its normal state.
Once done, I dismissed the idea with "Talk about stupid!" and quickly thought of something else while dragging and spinning them around in excitement, prompting Edd to yelp a bit, before I leapt into the air and landed on top of both sitting back-to-back with him as a footrest and Monobrow as a headrest, holding both arms behind my own head.
I would come to regret what I said next, which was "If we're going anywhere, I know a place so out of the way it's practically invisible!" before I briefly sniffed the air and raised my eyebrows a bit while my tongue stuck out.
"Dare I ask?" questioned Double D, and as I remained silent, he added "And?"
"Yeah, Eddy! And?" inquired a curious Ed.
Without further hesitation, I told them "And…" before dragging the latter ahead to flip us forward, grab the hat lover, swing myself back-and-forth slightly, bring them in for a joint hug, and mention "If any of those losers find us there, they'll be mailed back to Peach Creek in a body cast!"
I noticed Monobrow excitedly nod from the peripherals of my left eye while glancing forward to see sock-head give a frown of uncertainty. Ed eagerly asked me "Where are we going, Eddy?"
Wanting to tease the answer a bit further, I ran forward roughly ten feet. After holding my hands behind my back and giving a smirk, I finally revealed "My big bro's place!" while excitedly leaping in the air.
Double D gave a small smile at first, which quickly turned into another frown. He uttered "Hmm." before looking downwards with a glum expression and adding "Eddy, I have my doubts your brother would offer us sanctuary."
Using my left pointer finger, I gripped his chin to pull him towards me as I stood on Ed's face and insisted "What, are you kidding me? We're kind of connected, like twins!" before pulling the guy even further, letting go, and bluffing "Brain wave stuff. He's talking to me right now." as I moved my hands around the top of my head.
Not wanting to wait any longer, I pressed down on Monobrow's head to lean closer to Mr. I-love-my-hat to insist "Come on!" and spring into the air afterwards.
Trying to find Ben was an absolute last resort. He was very far off, and it would take us quite a long time to reach him, especially on foot. In retrospect, I wish we had thought of something else. Too bad my desperation to get away from the other kids prevented me from coming up with another idea. Anyway, Ed could be heard excitedly saying "Oh boy, oh boy!" while I used his hands as a landing surface for my feet, and I sprung off them to land on my own hands.
I declared "He's waiting for us!" as I got down from my handstand and began running.
Monobrow followed close behind, proclaiming "Eddy's brother is so cool!"
To my surprise, Double D stayed back to place a label on one of the car pieces. What was up with that!? Regardless, I could faintly hear him saying "There." before more audibly requesting "Wait for me, fellows!" and catching up.
We ran as fast as our feet could carry us, not wanting to make any unnecessary stops. The empty land felt both relieving and isolating. On one hand, only having my pals around ensured nobody would attack us. At the same time, part of me worried we wouldn't safely be able to meet with anybody else before the day ended. Even with a thorough explanation and apology to our parents for what happened, I didn't expect them to cut us slack, so reaching out to them was out of the question.
I'd guess it was an hour before the three of us reached grassy lands. We each had only stopped for one bathroom break, giving one another privacy for such moments and sadly lacking toilet paper. While walking along some grass, my one-eyebrowed friend asked me "Can you brother send me brainwaves too, Eddy?"
My response was "If only you had a brain, Ed."
He followed up with "Come on, Eddy. Have a heart!"
Looking back, while I was never completely rotten to the core, I still should've been gentler even when not in the mood to deal with dumb remarks. Monobrow had also previously done smart things and I wish I gave him more credit for those. Behind us, Double D muttered "Courage, courage Eddward." and panted a bit afterwards.
I reached the gate of a farm and kicked its lock open, ignoring a sign saying it was private property. This led down towards a hill to some cows. I pushed the door open and called out "Yee-haw!" while leaping forward to walk down it, not bothering to look behind me.
Ed had somehow tumbled down the hill. Over at the gate, sock-head read the sign aloud: "Private property? Um, fellows?" and seemed to pause a bit before adding "Wait, stop!" and could be heard closing the gate, adding after that "Come back; we're trespassing!"
Now glancing behind me but still wanting to go backwards, I dismissed his concerns with "Trespass, sch-mess-pass. It's a shortcut!"
After noticing how Mr. One Eyebrow's shirt got caught on a stick and flung him back onto the upward hill, it snapped off and I grabbed the thing while it spun in mid-air. He picked himself up and excitedly declared "Look guys; moo-moos there! Moo-moos everywhere!" while running to catch up with me as I used the stick to smack a flower.
I fibbed "My bro owns a billion cows, a regular stampede of 'em."
This seemed to prompt an unintelligible noise of happiness from him. He ran up right to my back and asked me "Your brother's got moo-moos, Eddy?" as a swarm of flies hovered above his head, briefly shocking me before I frowned with annoyance as I used the stick to swat them away as some moved towards my own head.
After most of the flies took off, a sweating lover of hats caught up and inquired "Haven't we poked and prodded fate enough for one day, Eddy? I'm frightened."
While putting my right arm around him, my response was "Poor little ole sock-head. You're so ne-eve."
He followed up with "I think you mean 'naïve', Eddy."
Pointing backwards, I added "That too." as I used the stick to prop myself forward and insist "My big bro would never let anything happen to me, and I'll tell you what. I'll put in a good word for you two."
Edd gratefully told me "Thank you, Eddy! Your brother certainly is a kind, upstanding, and generous human being."
I may as well share the truth now: when growing up, Ben was more than willing to let others inflict suffering on me and would often join in on that. He was generally discreet with beating me senseless before moving out, and most instances were simply his own amusement. The first occasion was because I unintentionally spilled his beverage as a toddler, and there were a couple times the guy did so because I accidentally broke a couple of his belongings. Whatever the reason was, my brother privately threatened to kill me for revealing his attacks to anybody outside of family, ensuring my silence for many years. Every living relative learned the truth about his torment of me after getting kicked out. Since he abruptly died in a freak accident from a carnival ride when I was 17, I no longer worry for my safety by sharing such events.
Not once did I ever dare to try deliberately provoking my brother's anger, knowing what it could lead to. Things got even worse when he was drunk after sneaking our parents' wine, beer, and liquor into his room, sometimes sharing it with friends. As a young kid, I never realized how dangerous it could be, especially when falling for his insincere apologies and attempts to blame all violence on drinking alcohol. Young me thought that if he just abstained from that, then everything would be fine between us, especially when he taught me about things like stink-bombs, scams, and grade-changing kits when not drunk. Eventually I figured out things weren't that simple.
However, there were five beatings where our parents caught the guy red-handed, the last of which involved him at age 19 preparing to smash my face with an empty beer bottle. I was 6 years old at the time and minding my own business when he drunkenly attacked me without warning. They decided that was the final straw and sent the guy away to some far away rehab facility, insisting he get his own place afterwards. Not knowing any better at the time, I initially believed Ben's bluff about one of his friends taking drinks from our parents without permission and giving it to their group, but Mom and Dad weren't fooled for a moment. Things were never the same afterwards. They previously had suspicions of his theft, though no proof until that point.
Since my sibling often moved around for work after leaving home, it was sometimes hard to keep up with his address changes. He occasionally wrote or called home swearing to have changed after becoming fully sober. Neither Dad nor Mom would let him return home full-time to prove this and I decided now would be the time to find out for myself. I regardless swore to never willingly consume alcohol for as long as I live. In the meantime, Ed was more focused on animals, saying "He's got moo-moos, Double D!"
Edd didn't sound fully comfortable when adding "Yes, well… what's our estimated time of arrival to your brother's sanctuary, Eddy?"
My answer was "Beats me. I don't know where he lives."
Baffled by this, Double D ran up in front of my face and blurted out "Pardon!? Are you saying all this time you've been leading us to nowhere!?"
Hooking my stick onto his hat to place him behind me, I replied with "Nope; I'm taking you to my bro's house, smart guy." and tossed the stick aside before adding "You just have to figure out where it is."
Monobrow interjected with "Oh, let me, Eddy! I have a good figure.", and as we went along the fields and I stamped on a bush, he added "The hills are alive, Eddy!"
I snarked "Yeah, with the sounds of an idiot."
At the top of one hill was Edd, who somehow got ahead of us. He spread his arms out and commanded "Hold it right there! We're not taking one more step until we've deduced the whereabouts of your brother, Eddy!" as I scratched my head with my left pointer finger and placed it under my chin while he pointed at me and went back to a blocking position with both arms.
I joked "Forget to pay the brain bill?" while getting up close to him and gave a smirk.
"But Eddy, brother's always been somewhat of an enigma. I've got nothing to go on." replied sock-head.
Jumping ahead of Edd from underneath his legs, I simply stated "Better hurry up; big bro's a-waitin'."
"Oh, oh, Eddy!" Ed stated before hugging my right leg and asking me "Do you think I could get your brother's autograph?"
With a chuckle, I pulled my wallet out from my left front pocket. I declared "Ta-da" while tossing it in the air and grabbing out a post card Ben sent me from a place called "Mondo-A-Gogo" and turned the thing around to show my pal and question "Like this one?"
Unfortunately, this said "Big Bro" instead of his actual name when he evidently didn't want any mail carriers to know that. With big eyes, Monobrow stared at it and said to himself "Eddy's brother's Autograph." before giving a weird smile, grabbing it, and saying "Thank you."
Realizing it could've given us a clue, I went to look for a return address and insisted "Give it back, Ed! My brother sent me that postcard!" prior to searching though his shirt and adding "You're gonna wreck it!"
As I shot reached through the left sleeve of Mr. One Eyebrow's jacket, he simply replied with "Autograph, Eddy.", which was a weak defense.
My response was "I'll autograph your head with my foot! Gimme it!" with a growl while trying to reach for the thing.
Ed for some reason blurted out "Dive, captain, dive!" before I knocked the guy over.
Next thing I knew, it was off his person. Double D aloud "A postcard? This could provide the very clue we need." as I inspected the jacket, getting grossed out by a blast of stench that hit my face when examining the thing.
Mr. Hat Lover looked it over with a magnifying glass and muttered inaudibly to himself. Feeling protective of said postcard, I told the guy "Hey! Gimme that!"
He said to himself "A postmark should lead us directly to… drats; it's illegible!"
Feeling impatient, I glared angrily at Edd before snatching the card and lamenting "Gah, you probably smudged it!", though I had no better luck getting clues from this when inspecting it.
Walking along through the field, I blew off any filth that might have remained on the card, and lightly dusted it off by hand before taking another look. I did see the return address was indeed smudged out, though otherwise the postcard was still in good condition. To prevent further damage, I returned the thing to my wallet. Before my wallet could be put away, a cow udder suddenly swung right into my face. I examined that and saw a drawing of what looked like me with a beard and a shirt reading "I heart bro". Ed held onto the cow it belonged to while explaining "I drew a picture for your brother, Eddy! Think he'll like it?"
Feeling uncomfortable with this but not wanting to hurt his feelings, I dodged the question by asking "Uh… hey sock-head, where'd you go?" as I walked away and dusted off my shirt.
Up ahead, I noticed him working near a spider web as I put my wallet back into my pocket and heard some cows mooing. I stopped upon reaching said web. Double D placed leaves upon it while excitedly telling me "Eddy, I found a link with key communitives that we've had with you brother! Among those, his shuddersome stink-bomb recipes, his heinous hot sauces, oh—and my favorite—malicious misleading treasure maps, together with other contentious, callous cons, lead me to suspect your brother's quite the jokester."
While Ben did like pulling pranks, there was more to him than that. Still, I confirmed sock-head's suspicions with "You better believe it. He's the king, baby!" as I dragged my right pointer finger along his shirt to trick him into thinking something was on it, flicking his nose afterwards.
Unamused with the trick, he held onto that while continuing with "Yes, well, where could one groom this tendency to pranks and puerile practical jokes?"
Before I could answer, Ed declared "I got it: it says so on my comic book!" while sticking said comic onto the center of the web and continued with "Pranks and puerile jokes at the Lemon Brook Gag Factory!"
We were both stunned he had come up with such a response so quickly. Double D said aloud "That's quite a coincidence."
I snatched the comic off, tearing the web in the process, and inquired "Lemon Brook?"
Hearing such a name brought back bad memories of being forced to work as their school's football team mascot after I failed to become one for Peach Creek Junior High. That unquestionably is a night I regret to this day. They stuffed my mouth full of lemons and taped me to their bus before dragging me off. In the middle of thinking about that, I bitterly muttered "Bunch of mascot-hating, lemon-sucking-" before Ed cut me off.
He grabbed the comic and insisted "Nuh-uh. No autograph, no comic book."
Sock-head got an epiphany, eagerly proclaiming "That's it, Eddy! Your brother may very well work there, or at the very least, be a regular customer!"
Hearing that turned my irritation into joy! After lightly biting on my knuckles in excitement, I blurted out "I bet here's there right now!"
Mr. One Eyebrow jumped around on all fours declaring "Oh boy! Oh boy! I forget what we're doing!"
Just like that, my happiness went sour because of his absent-mindedness. It can sometimes get very frustrating to deal with that. Still, he came up with an idea sooner than I could have and deserved props for that, so we went along with it.
Similar to the hiding/car chase combination, I felt it would've been incomplete to only have the dry land scene or only the cow field scene as a standalone chapter. Do you think I made a mistake merging them into one? Either way, regarding the choice to find his brother and the in-universe rationale for not sharing the torment, I hope those don't feel too far-fetched. I personally think trying to come across as "cool" with other kids that Eddy mentions towards the end was only part of the story given his prior reluctance to speak truthfully about him. He definitely will bring that up later.
Chapter posted: December 29, 2023
