AN: Thanks for the reviews.
If this story is too much to read, then of course please stop reading it. I know it's not light.
lala43 this is absolutely not written based on personal experience, thank god indeed. It's based on a large portion of imagination and some research.
Chapter 16 - The final truth
Part I
The world around her was blurry again -
"Once more," James hissed. "And make sure she stays awake."
And once more, indeed, a crushing pain deep inside her chest. She didn't know what they were doing anymore, but she saw him clearly.
Edward Cullen. Truly enjoying himself. It was impossible to speak - they had silenced her, for good.
"Bella! Wake up! Come on, get out of there. Please."
She kept going in and out of consciousness. They preferred her awake during the torture.
Her body shook.
Wait.
"Open your eyes, and look at me."
Edward wasn't a beggar. He didn't say please.
He never said please.
She panted in her dark surrounding, her eyes noticing something that looked like - a dark cage. And she was tied down - she couldnt move. It was holding her down. The cage was hot but her back was covered in cold sweat.
James.
They had tied her down.
"It's the seat belt, Bella, I'll take it off you now. It's just a seat belt."
Something clicked and her body jerked up and found the door of the cage. She pressed her back against it and found and the dark figure before her.
"What do you want-?" she gasped. "Tell me what I did-?"
Wait.
Suddenly, she was able to speak again.
Even if-
She felt her tongue inside her mouth.
They hadn't muted her for life? Her heart was nearly beating out of her chest. She could tell, something was different.
"Bella, we're in my car. Look around. You and I, we're here."
The cage. It smelled like a car. It was a bit less blurry.
"And James is dead."
And her body even though it ached, it was a different pain. Nonetheless, still pain. She was disoriented - when did she get in a car, with Mr Cullen?
Just now, he was enjoying-
Ugh.
She shuddered.
Disgusting.
"I wanted to show you something. Do you remember that?"
She stopped breathing.
A thumbscrew?
"Remember, Bella? So let me show you. That is al. Nothing more, nothing less. Look."
Where did James go?
Was he coming back again?
"Bella, you're not with me," she heard the man say in a certain rush. "Tell me anything, please. Anything you hear, see, feel, just anything."
There wasn't anything except darkness.
She didn't know what to do, despite those words.
"Tell me what you need and I'll get it for you now," he said in desperation. "What do you need?"
What to say or do?
What could she possibly do?
She felt disoriented, somewhere between a nightmare and reality.
"Tell me, Bella," his voice demanded.
"I can't- I can't- tell you," she muttered. "He'll hurt me again."
It was her secret, and nobody could ever know.
She heard a deep breath in come from the man next to her.
"Right, I need you to look at me now, Bella," he said.
He took hold of her chin and suddenly she met the dark green eyes of a man she recognized from the past.
"James is dead."
She looked away.
"Don't cast your eyes away from mine," he said. "Look at me, Bella."
And as she did, she felt her lips tremble.
"I know now," he said slowly, "that James threatened to torture me to death if you didn't listen to every word he said. I know now that you were trapped inside a hell for a long time. I know you are hurt. I know I also fucked up with you. I fucked up everything."
Her heart pounded louder.
James...
She heard his words. But not really. She couldn't really hear him.
She wondered how she could still feel her tongue inside her mouth...
"Please come back to the present, Bella, please," he said in obvious plea.
He grabbed her hand and put it on top of something.
"Feel the dashboard," he said, his eyes going to her hand. "Do you feel that?"
She noticed her hand on the dashboard that looked truly ugly. A sight she detested. A range of memories invaded her mind.
The torture, the pain, the swelling, the invalidation for a long time, unable to tell anyone what had happened to her fingers-
The car was silent, except for her loud breath intakes.
He kept a hold on her hand, and if he didn't, she was certain her hand would fall back in her lap.
He looked at her again and scoffed a little.
She feared this man. Because in her nightmare, the man before her, cut out her tongue.
And she had become a mute, for life.
That's when she started feeling her chest constrict and she was no longer able to breathe.
A strange brutish sound echoed inside the chamber she was in, and all she noticed was darkness and pain.
She couldn't speak.
All she could, was gasp for air that never came.
Her chest couldn't expand, didn't let any air in-
She was too... too frozen, too-
She shook her head. She was too scared, too ashamed, too weak.
Bella realized she had a terrible nightmare and the pain was just too much.
"I don't know if you can hear or see me, Bella," Edward said.
His voice both calm and urgent.
"But for whatever it's worth, I'm going to quietly start the car again, alright, and I'll- You'll get help, at the hospital. You'll get help and I-"
He sighed hard.
"I'll get the fuck out of your life."
He glanced at her briefly.
His eyes empty.
The car started.
Something inside her triggered at his parting words, the car starting... Like a reflex, she was able to speak.
"You cut out my tongue," she said in the darkness.
It felt surreal to know she could speak again.
She wasnt silenced for good. It had only been a terrible vivid nightmare. It was easy to speak when he wasn't looking at her or vice versa. To speak inside the darkness of the car.
"I couldn't ever speak again."
His hands turned into fists on the steering wheel.
"That's fucked up," he said, his voice changed.
"You were enjoying it," she continued. "You liked to hurt me. Together with James. And you had ripped off my clothes and I was freezing. And then you and James started using my body."
She could see it happening again. She could feel everything she felt.
But now, she knew it had been a nightmare.
"I kept silent, because, I lost my tongue and I felt how you kept- over and over- you- I- was tied, had nowhere to go- you kept telling me to wake up but I kept slipping away, almost like dying but that relief never ever came."
"Stop..." Edward said.
She turned to him, surprised.
"I need to vanish from your life," he said. "I shouldn't be around you."
That was awefully strange, seeing he was the one resonsible for saving her life, for bringing her back when she was in a deep coma.
"Oh, okay," was all she could utter out.
He seemed to ponder it for a moment as his eyes became troubled.
"You are willing to tell me about your nightmares?" he asked.
Almost as if he could read her and understand her.
"No, not if you're unwilling to hear about them, so."
She would suffer in silent. That's what she had become good at.
He pressed his lips hard on each other and huffed.
"Unwilling?" he wondered. He shook his head.
"You want to bring me back to the hospital, so... That means you're strong and heartless. You haven't got a care for anyone in the world, but yourself. You tell me to stop talking about the nightmare. It means you're unaffected by the things you and James do to me in my nightmares."
In the next moment he became speechless as he only watched her.
Never taking his eyes from her.
"I guess all CEO's are who own company's as wealthy as the CC. All they care about is materialism, power, and the elite. They don't care about anyone who's beneath them. They would never care for someone like me- someone who's basically nothing. All you ever cared about is fucking me so you can cross me off your to fuck list and find your next prey, your next victim-"
He didn't stop her from speaking, as he usually did when she went too far.
She stopped herself from speaking another word - out of anger, out of revenge, out of helplessness.
Because as little as she may be worth, one of the most powerful men in the world, had her currently in his car. She had become his prey, and he could have left her long ago.
But he didn't.
He'd done terrible things to her, said the worst and made her feel like trash.
He had texted her back, when the CC was about to fall.
He went down on his knees when her body was slowly bleeding out.
He had stayed with her during her coma.
He stopped her from banging her head against the wall.
He kept the doctors and nurses away from her.
He held her hand when they were on the elevator.
He had talked to her these past few hours.
He never mocked her again.
He brought Hailey, and Emmett. Her once beloved dear friend.
He told her he wanted to show her something.
Which was the reason they were here.
Her mind was slowly coming back to her.
She was exhausted, too. Her body felt like it was spent.
Edward put on the light in the car. She had to squint her eyes to adjust to the new brightness.
"Then go ahead, Bella," he said, his voice a little clipped. "Tell me everything James and I did in your nightmare."
That suddenly made her feel uncomfortable.
Because as much as he seemed changed, he used to be a living nightmare.
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," she said.
For the first time she noticed that he didn't look as strong or unaffected as she previously believed.
"You know, Bella," he said, his eyes narrowing. "I think it's time you stopped being cute with me and try to protect me still from what I might feel after you tell me about your nightmare."
She cleared her throat nervously.
"Because after all I assaulted you countless times," he said. "It's a cliché, Bella, to fall for a monster."
Such a familiar comment.
So familiar to what James once told Edward. That's it's a cliché, to fall for a prostitute.
She felt herself clench her right fist.
He was horrid.
"You abducted me tonight," she said, her voice both strong and weak. "You brought me into your car in the middle of the night. You are abusing your powers and charms to mess with my emotions! You never left me alone. Not then, not now, not ever. And then you want to leave me, after hearing I had a nightmare about you and James. You're selfish. All you care about is yourself."
"No, Bella, it's not that simple-"
"Shut up!"
She crossed her arms and shook hard.
Edward - he watched her as if she'd gone crazy.
"Do you have any idea what I've been through?" she cried.
He pressed his lips against each other and said, "Go ahead, then. Tell me."
And like a movie she told him about her nightmare. The moment Edward was there, the moment James arrived, the feelings she felt, the suffering she went through.
The hard laughs.
The mirth against her.
The enjoyment.
The sadism.
The long agony just recently experienced in her nightmare.
"The last thing I remember was feeling empty as you laughed. And I realized death wouldn't come. I would just have to- it was like- I was stuck, like in a maze. There was nowhere to go. I couldn't find a way out. I couldn't even die."
It was next quiet for a very long time.
Bella kept reliving the nightmare, seeing the scenes flash before her eyes.
"You should've left me to die, Edward," she said, using his first name.
Something she did rarely.
Each time, heart breaths faltered and her chest constricted.
Edward barely moved.
He didn't respond.
Which was awkward.
"Will you always haunt me like that in my nightmares?" she asked.
He took a deep breath in and out.
And slowly he brought his sharp, red eyes toward her.
What on earth?
He seemed again to be in pain, but how come?
Edward Cullen was heartless.
"You have PTSD. With therapy, the nightmares will lessen."
Lessen.
"I'll always have nightmares?" she asked in verification.
"You need therapy for your nightmares, dissociation and flashbacks," he said.
That really didn't answer her question.
"Was it worth it?" he said in a tight voice.
She noticed he was struggling.
People without a heart didn't struggle.
"Was it worth it to stay loyal to me?" he continued. "To pay for my safety with your own life?"
"That's not- It wasn't like that."
"No? One of the last things you told me before losing consciousness was that you promised to keep me safe. To remain loyal to me. Those are your words. I think it's clear as day that you chose me, above anything else."
She swallowed hard. "I didn't have a choice."
"I know," he said. "What I don't know is when the fuck that happened? When did a life without me seem so impossible to you?"
She shook her head.
"That's what happened, Bella," he said quietly. "At some point."
"No-"
"I may be currently the monster of your nightmares, but I'm also a person you cared about when you took that gun and tried to end it."
"That's. Not. True. I was- overwhelmed and- threatened-"
"It must be very confusion," he said. "I can barely imagine what you must be feeling."
"James said- he threatened-"
"James was a predator," he said. "He took pleasure in your terror."
"He would've hurt you."
"So?" he muttered. "Who cares? Who the fuck cares about me?"
He watched her tiredly.
"You, apparently," he added. "You cared."
It was vague, like a far away dream. That apparently she cared for this man.
But the day after when James was in her apartment, that was vivid and strong as ever. She'd been so scared.
She remembered that. Clearly.
"You could have decided to tell me the truth, or Emmett, or even the police, but you couldn't. Not because you didn't want to, no, you couldn't. Because somewhere between the time in my apartment and the moment James told you that threat, you had fallen for me. I'm not just your weakness, Bella. Those were some deep feelings you had for me."
"I don't want you," she said in conclusion, while her feelings were indeed unimaginable. "I don't even like you. You're just a monster - a terrible disgusting selfish almighty horror. I'd be lucky if I never saw you again."
Because he was her nightmare.
She didn't know herself what to make of her feelings.
And she startled herself with all the words that just came out of her mouth.
"That must feel like a relief," he said vacantly. "I could promise you that this will be the last time you'll see me. That I won't come back."
She froze as he continued quietly with his so called promise.
"And that I won't put you through anything like this again. That you can go on with your life without any more interference from me."
I don't want you.
That's what she had said.
But her heart was beating too fast for someone that was uninterested, currently telling her was could promise to leave her alone.
Forever.
"It will be as if I never existed. You would get therapy for your PTSD. A part of you will always remain damaged. But a life without me - that could be certain. It's a promise I could make. Because after all, I'm just a monster. A soulless creature."
She felt her eyes water at the panic she felt.
Because she didn't like what he was saying.
It made her feel faint.
"I can promise you that. Is that what you want? I leave and never return?"
Should she run away, screaming, from him?
"Do you want me to vanish from your life, as if I never existed?"
She couldn't answer his question.
Which is something he noticed.
"One final truth, Miss Swan," he said.
Her heart went a little faster at his formality suddenly. Why would he do that?
"I will never believe it until I hear you say it," he said. "So tell me."
He was demanding her... something, but what?
"Tell you what?" she asked.
"Did you fall in love with me?" he asked.
It felt like a bucket of ice cold water hit her in the face.
And she couldn't breathe, and felt as if she was suffocating. She forced air in, with difficulty.
"Did you fall in love with me?" he repeated.
"Shut up," she said.
"I'm not going anywhere until you answer my question."
She looked away from him.
"Miss Swan, look at me."
She felt herself flinch, and her eyes being forced to met his.
He would demand an answer, even if it killed her.
"Leave me alone, jerk," she said.
He smirked and shook his head briefly.
"Sounds like a deal to me, Miss Swan," he said. "I'll leave you alone forever, once you tell me if you fell in love with me or not."
"I really hate you, did you know?"
"I hate myself too."
He waited only a second.
"Did you fall in love with me?"
"Stop it!"
"What's the worst, Bella? Whether you say yes or wheter you say no, I will finally fucking leave you after you speak the truth. I'll have the truth and you'll have spoken it."
It hurt so much.
She hated his question. She wished he'd ask her any other question but the one about love.
"Fuck off!" she said instead.
"Come on, Bella, just admit you fell in love with a monster and-"
"Shut up!"
"You fell in love with me and you can't even admit it."
"I didn't!"
Tears, streaming down her face.
Her voice, a yell.
"What? Are you ashamed of your feelings? Too ashamed to tell me? Is that it?"
She feared him again, only this time because he stabbed her with the truth.
"When it comes to shame, Bella, trust me that I've become a master at knowing about shame."
"Shut up," she whispered.
"Tell me."
"Shut up!"
"Did you fall in love with me?"
"Fuck off!"
"Do you love me?"
"Yes!"
She cried some more.
Asshole.
Monster.
Freak.
Yet for a long moment, the monster remained silent.
"I'm sorry," he said eventually. "I'm very sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you."
Three times. He apologized, three times.
But the words barely registered.
"I will never forgive myself," he added.
And neither would she.
He was looking outside and pointed in front of him.
"The entire reason I brought you here in the middle of the night, Bella, was to show you this."
What?!
He gained an answer to his question - infuriated her, provoked her... And all he did was apologize and say he'd never forgive himself? He changed the subject?
She brought her eyes to where he was pointing and needed a moment to see and comprehend what she saw.
The Bella Swan Creative College. She blinked. Surely, she misread. She was seeing things - things that aren't real.
"We are at the former CC," he said slowly. "And it's rebuilt. Into a one level building. We thought hard about it's purpose, it's name, and came to the idea for a college that represent all creative studies, because you majored in creative writing."
She stopped breathing.
"We decided to name it after you, as a homage to you. We built this idea to motivate a study in the creative field and your major and final paper was the inspiration behind its name."
She shook her head. Because it couldn't be true.
"What you see, I see it too. The Bella Swan Creative College."
But then, it was true? The building was something like she'd ever never seen before - the opposite of the CC.
"Where's the CC?" she asked after clearing her throat.
He chuckled. "Gone, Bella, just like James. Forever gone."
"Why?"
"I didn't care for it," he said.
"But you're a CEO."
"Not anymore."
He locked eyes with her.
"You're not?"
"No," he said. "I'm taking some time off work."
"Why? You were always hard working. Either that, or fooling around with half the female population."
She quickly sealed her lips, realizing just after she said it what she truly had said, out loud.
Oh, dear.
"Not anymore," he said tightly. "I'm not in the right mindset now to work or to fool around."
"But the CC was- I always thought it's a large company. International, even. I don't know, I never understood business..."
"It was," he said. "A family business."
"And you removed it for a stupid college with my name on it?"
He raised an eyebrow at her.
"A stupid college?" he asked. "Bella, the CC, it was just a building with a powerful core business that in the end brought nothing but shame to our family. You were tortured inside that building just to save my fucking life. You were terrorized and still found sanity to remove everyone from that building in time before that bomb went off. And than you shot yourself. If you had died, I would have never know."
Her lips trembled, because-
She didn't like this conversation anymore.
He was supposed to never find out.
"If you had let me bleed out on that ground, everything would have been fine."
"Excuse me?" he asked, his eyes showing a hint of rage, but his voice utterly calm.
"Than I would be dead and no longer suffering," she said. "And you would still be a CEO running a company. Without hating yourself and," she made air quotes, "never forgiving yourself."
His lips parted.
"I would've just been some whore, some former Playboy model that you humiliated sexually in your office. Because that's what you can do with a whore. You can fuck them, rape them, and that's okay, because you're paying them. Than, it's no longer rape. You paid me."
She pointed outside.
"With a building," she said.
And in that moment, they were two people, meeting at the wrong time, doomed from the beginning, and they never stood a chance.
She quickly snapped her head away from him, her heart pounding loudly.
Oh, God.
What had become of her?
"But James would've done so much worse," she told herself quickly. "He would've done so much more than force me on my knees and use my mouth... He really would have."
"Well then," Edward said, starting his car.
He wiped at his eyes.
He was crying.
"Can you please do me one final favor? Try not to fall asleep. It wouldn't do you well to find yourself having another nightmare where James and I rape you, tie you up, cut out your tongue, rip off your clothes and then to wake up and see my face again."
He glanced at her briefly as he watched over his shoulder as he took a turn.
His eyes bright red and wet.
"I'll leave," he said. "Alright? And I promise I'll never return."
Her eyes were locked on the college, the letters fading away as they got smaller.
"Leave, huh?" she muttered sleepily. "Super. I hope you had your fun with me. That-"
"Stop, Bella," he pleaded.
He was truly begging.
The sound of his plea sent shivers down her spine.
"Are you okay with driving the car in your state?" she said.
He laughed humorlessly.
"I'm fine and the roads are empty anyway," he said.
Minutes passed.
Some time went by.
And Bella- her mind was just blank.
Until she saw that building again, that hospital.
They had returned.
Edward handed her something.
"It's a debit card," he said.
"Money?" she said skeptically. "You're giving me money? Is that the final payment you had to make me to pay me off?"
His face turned completely blank.
"You really do know how to flatter a person right before you step out of their life, you know?"
She turned her head and wanted to step out of the car, but damn it.
Damn it for never putting on any shoes and being tied to a wheelchair.
"Can you get me that wheelchair or something and get the hell out of my life?"
"As you wish," he said.
He stepped out the car and she realized her body trembled.
She was scared, nervous, angry, hurt, humiliated.
Everything all at once.
He opened her door and waited. The wheelchair stood next to the car.
It did not go unnoticed by her that at his final words, they shook.
She hoisted herself in the wheelchair and in that moment, truly had come to hate life.
And she could barely comprehend what this night had brought.
Edward Cullen.
Her life.
The truth.
James' suicide.
A building with her name on it.
A debit card.
Briefly, Hailey appeared. She was happy.
Bella stroked her soft fur and told her goodbye's in her mind. Be well.
She was back in her old hospital room. Despite her terror for elevators, she had just shut her eyes tightly as they'd been in the elevetor. She refused to touch Edward Cullen again.
She noticed a clock on the wall, indicating the time.
1:32 am.
They had been together for less than two hours.
Edward went to stand by the doorway.
Bella was clutching the debit card.
He didn't look at her for a long time.
"Can I get you anything before I go?" he finally asked.
"No," she said. "You've paid your whore. You're good to go."
She threw the debit card in his direction, though it missed him by several yards.
The look on his face next would haunt her for a long time in her nightmares.
Six months later
"How does it feel to go back home?" the psychologist said.
Home.
What did that even mean?
Nonetheless, Bella felt ready. Ready to get out of the hospital, and no longer be around doctors, nurses, paramedics, psychologists and psychotherapist. She had been with them all.
The press had been around her a lot as well.
Taking pictures.
Causing flashbacks.
They want an interview.
But the security of the hospital kept them at bay.
For Bella's rest, ease and mind, they would all say.
But she could sense, they were always lurking around.
"It's been long enough, I suppose," she said. "Very- uhm intensive therapy. And I guess this is as good as it can get?"
Private talks.
Group sessions.
Volunteers and fellow sufferers.
Especially Angela and Jessica had become two new acquinteces to Bella.
But not friends. She hadn't really gained anyone in her life these past few months.
Life had been hard, and lonely.
She had shed many tears.
"We have taken so many, Bella, so many big steps. You should realize you were in a coma for months and we weren't even sure if you would ever recover. You have come so far, and this isn't as good as it can get. I know it. But you keep questioning me, though."
"I know," Bella said. Because she was right.
"How come?" she asked. "Why is it you think this is as good as it can get?"
She had received extensive PTSD therapy and it helped with her nightmares, dissociation and panic.
It had been an emotional roller coaster and she wasn't finished yet with her therapy. But the doctor said, along with her psychologist, that she needn't stay hospitalized anymore.
Her further treatment didn't need to be inside the walls of a hospital anymore.
"Could it possibly have got anything to do with you asked me yesterday?" the psychologist asked.
She had asked her psychologist a question yesterday indeed.
Why do I keep thinking about him?
The psychologist told her to think about an answer herself before she'd give her one in return.
"Yes," Bella said. "But I still don't have an answer. I don't know."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I told you I don't know..."
"Did Edward seek contact since last time you saw him?"
She shook her head.
"That means Edward hasn't been in your life for about half a year now, right?"
"That's right."
"And your life has become better, right?"
"Right."
"Without Edward in it."
She nodded.
"What was life like with Edward in it?"
Bella closed her eyes.
It had been a living hell.
"So what you're saying is that my life is better, now that Edward isn't in it anymore?"
"Bella, it's not a matter of what I think if Edward is better or not for you in your life."
"Then what?"
"The question is if you are willing to forgive what he did to you?"
She still had a hard time answering that question.
She sometimes still wasn't sure about her feelings.
Anger? Absolutely.
Hate? A little.
Sadness? Still present.
"Sometimes it's hard to make the difference between what he did and what James did. Or even what's real and what's a nightmare. I'm not sure which part was James and which part was Edward. My memories keep playing tricks on me."
Despite therapy, her eyes still watered.
"It's like, before Edward would trick me, a lot. He seemed to enjoy that, as I struggled to cope with his tricks and games and deals. Now... even my own mind plays tricks on me. I can't even truly rely on my own mind. And I really think that sucks."
"He hurt you," she said.
Bella nodded.
"Nonetheless, he's still on your mind."
Bella stayed quiet for a moment.
"There's a building with my name on it," she said.
The psychologists hummed.
She felt herself scoff.
"Who does he think he is?" she continued. "To put me in the spotlight, and just-"
She quit talking.
He isn't a CEO anymore.
The gossips from a long time ago - a far away history. One could barely find one on the internet.
Now, the internet spoke of a hero, a loyal woman, an inspiration-
The CC had fallen.
"He didn't just build a building..." she muttered. "He built me a foundation. I read that college has a waiting list of at least two and a half years and that it has gained so much money."
"Money which you've barely used."
Bella shrugged. "I don't want his money. I don't want anyone's money."
"It must be overwhelming owning such a great fortune for your own."
It was unimaginable.
"I want to advice you to not seek contact with Edward. At least not until you can make a distinction between what Edward did and what James did."
"Okay."
Bella was discharged from the hospital late that afternoon.
All hospital fees had been paid.
As were her debts.
And her current housing was arranged.
Which she was yet to see.
She took a taxi.
And was about to tell the driver the address of her new place.
But she gave a different address.
The taxi took started driving.
And she found herself calm - because she had medicine to ease her nerves.
She thanked the taxi driver after paying him with her new debit card.
The same one she had thrown in Edward's face.
That time when she'd been angry.
Everything was new.
A new warm winter's coat.
A large knitted grey hat, hiding all her hair inside.
New black sneakers.
An oversized sweater dress with warm tights.
She had become a new Bella in the past few weeks. Learning how to live a life again.
And despite her offer for a new life, she found herself before Edward's condo.
Someone from the past.
She greeted the porter, who reminded her of Emmett. She hadn't seen Emmett in over six months either.
"How may I help you, miss?" the porter asked.
"I came to visit Edward Cullen. He lives on the top floor."
The doorman scoffed, and said, "He doesn't live here anymore."
Oh.
"Then I'll go," Bella said after getting over her initial shock.
And she felt lost.
"But Mr Cullen made one request for us," he said. "That if a certain young lady would come to ask for him, to let him know and he would make sure to be here within the hour for her."
The porter took out his phone and was quick to also place it back in his pocket.
"Done. In the meantime I could offer you a hot drink?"
Bella blinked, wondering what on earth just happened.
"Uhm, what?" she said dumbly. "No, I'm just going to leave."
"Miss!" he called.
But she had turned and started to walk.
Flee, was more like it.
She never had Edward's contacts, his number, but never had she imagined he would just leave?
It was rather chilly outside, but her new clothes kept her warm.
Of course he would just leave.
She'd told him.
She said such terrible things to him.
Walking is something she had done a lot these past weeks. To help her gain strength, but because she was a walker. She used to walk all the way up and down the CC.
She had never owned a car, so she enjoyed walking.
And she liked the scene around her. It was december and Christmas time had always been her favorite time of the year.
The thing was - she couldn't go to her new place alone.
She needed someone with her.
Even if it was Edward.
Then why did she flee?
She felt utterly stupid and silly.
Because after a full hour, she turned and walked back.
She walked back for another full hour and found herself again, in front of the porter.
She was stupid.
He watched her in surprise.
"Miss Swan?" he said, her name now known to him.
"Call me Bella," she told the porter, waving her hand dismissively. "I came back. I changed my mind. Can you tell Edward I came back? As a matter of fact, can you tell him I had a use the bathroom or something? Don't tell him I fled-"
Once upon a time Mr Cullen, now Edward, stepped in front of her slowly, coming into her view with his eyes on hers.
Bella's heart stopped beating.
Oh, damn it.
Tall, different. He looked much older.
"How are you?" he asked, his eyes showing no emotion.
It made her nervous as hell.
What was up with that?
He was suddenly a dark horse?
"Fine, thanks."
That's all she said.
His lip twitched.
She grew irritated.
And scared.
And so damn lonely.
This was the biggest mistake of her life and she hated herself for it.
"Fine?" he asked blankly.
She grew more irritated.
"Exactly," she answered.
"Despite my departure from your life," he said slowly, "I still understand if you wish to speak to me. Is it safe to assume you wanted to talk to me?"
He was mocking her.
"Never mind," she said, walking past him - to nowhere in particular.
His large hand covered her upper arm.
She had both her hands in her pockets and remained frozen and stoic next to him, his hand still holding her still.
"I wasn't mocking you," he said tightly. "But merely asking a question."
He released her upper arm.
"I don't know," she said through clenched teeth.
Her mind was a complete chaos already.
Which way was up?
Where should she go?
What should she say?
"You don't know if you want to talk to me?" he asked with the tiniest scoff.
She shifted her eyes, unsure and unaware of what was happening.
She made a mistake.
She should go - where to? That new house?
She wasn't even sure what she would find there. Her old items, belongings - her diary?
Things that would remind her of James, and the times Edward was terrible to her.
How was that fair?
"Let's get some privacy, Bella," Edward said, motioning his head for her to follow him.
He gave the porter a small nod and started strolling.
And she did the same.
A few steps behind him.
She waved the porter goodbye before bringing her eyes to her moving feet.
"Is this where you were walking?" he asked. "Before?"
"Yeah," she muttered, embarrassed that she had fled and embarrassed that he knew.
He walked a bit slower, and she adjusted.
She felt him glance at her.
When he stopped walking, she did the same.
"Why are you walking behind me?" he asked.
She didn't answer. She was too nervous.
"Walk next to me," he said.
She looked up in shock.
He was giving her all but near a command, but in his voice, she heard a clear plea and sorrow.
The look on his face, however - still blank.
Much worse than when he was her boss.
What was he thinking?
He motioned his head a little and she swore he shook his head a little as he walked again.
She tried her best to walk next to him this time, rather behind his heel.
She felt even more embarrassed now.
"It doesn't change anything," she said.
Her voice, nearly a whisper.
"Explain," he said, his own voice a demand.
Her heartbeat went a little faster.
"I still feel inferior to you, whether I walk next to you or behind you."
"I know," he said. "I can tell."
"Then just let me walk behind you. It's easier for me."
He turned in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.
She froze at the suddenness.
Always taller than her, bigger than her - more important than her.
At least, so it felt like it.
She felt that he was superior to her.
"Why did you come here, Bella?" he asked.
Strict.
Quick.
Straight to the point.
She found it hard to answer him.
But she tried to counteract him.
"Why did you tell the porter to call you if I ever asked for you?" she asked.
His eyes narrowed.
"Because I knew it would break your heart if you came here and found me gone, you'd feel rejected and abandoned."
"No-"
"Yes," he said pointedly, interrupting her hard. "Your ridiculous love for me brought you here. If I tell you now, Bella, that I don't want you in my life, what would that do to your feelings?"
Her...
Ridiculous...
Love.
She tried to stay strong.
Breathe in...
Her chin up...
But in the end...
"Try it," she said shakily. "And we'll see."
In the end, he found that she had a ridiculous love for him. Which meant he was surely mocking her.
Some things, they never changed.
"Perhaps I loved you at what seems like a lifetime ago, but I stopped loving you when I realized you're not worth it."
"Good. Because you're unwelcome, Bella, in my life. I don't want you in it."
His eyes void, his voice empty.
"See?" she said.
Oh, God.
"I'm fine with it," she said.
It hurt incredibly.
"Happy to hear that," he said with a quick smile. "I wish you all the best."
Edward turned on his heel and walked back to their meeting point before - his former condo.
He didn't care.
At all.
He didn't care about her final secret.
If he didn't care, than why should she?
Then why did it hurt?
Because she was a foolish, naive, stupid, stupid-
Stupid, silly Bella.
Well then, in that case.
Edward would never know about her final secret.
In fact, nobody knew. She hadn't told anyone.
Then again, did it matter that much?
After all, it was only a-
"Miss Swan, is it true you were in a relationship with former CEO Mr Cullen?"
Huh?
She was bombarded by a flood of people, surrounding her, dozens of dozens of people around her.
Edward was still near though-
She tried to meet his eyes, but she could no longer see his car- the hoard of people were blocking her view.
Holding camera's, microphones-
Recording her while she was being tortured-
"How was your relationship to James Coven? What exactly made you follow all his threats-"
Breaking her fingers-
Tearing her to pieces-
"Is it true you fell in love with Mr Cullen while he was fooling around with other women-?"
Forcing her down on her knees-
Enjoying her mouth-
"Let him fuck you-"
"Let him hurt you-"
"Let him ruin you-"
"Let him hate himself after he finds out how truly innocent his little pure angel is-"
"I want Edward to never want to see you again because he can't stand to see how much he hurt you-"
"How much I hurt you-"
"In his own office-"
"I want Edward to suffer-"
"Killing your baby-"
"Your baby-"
"Your baby-"
Renesmee.
Her baby.
