And so concludes another story. Watch this space for the sequel, coming soon.
# # #
Johnny slowly opened his eyes, only vaguely aware of where he was. Back in the hospital, for sure, though in the moment he couldn't remember why.
Slowly, it all started coming back to him. The pain in his chest that stabbed at him with every breath, his breath growing shorter as he tried desperately to get Steven's attention. The fear and worry in Steven's eyes as he stood back while the paramedics worked on him.
But he was okay now, or so it seemed. He was breathing a hell of a lot easier, at least.
He could just make out the shadows that passed by the room. No door, so he must still be in recovery. That made sense, given how fuzzy he felt. Damn anesthesia, it did it to him every time.
There were voices just outside the room, and Johnny immediately recognized Steven's. Had he really stuck around this whole time? Johnny was surprised, to say the least.
"Okay, thank you." Steven was speaking again. "I won't stay long."
As Steven came closer, Johnny could see the relief in his face. He looked around briefly before leaning over to kiss his forehead. "Looks like you're going to make it."
"Looks that way." Johnny answered sleepily. "How long have I been in here?"
"It took a few hours." Steven told him. "They kept you in emergency for a long time, it seemed like. Then you were in surgery for a long time. I don't know. Time's kind of lost any meaning."
"You should go home." Johnny murmured, only slightly aware what he was saying.
"Well, now, that's an awfully long way." Steven's voice held a note of teasing. "Are you sure you want me to do that?"
Johnny huffed, now realizing what he had said. "You know what I mean. Back to my place. Or something. Get some sleep."
"Don't you worry about that." Steven told him firmly. "You worry about yourself."
A thought floated through Johnny's mind. "Does Roy know? That I'm here, I mean."
Steven looked a bit chagrined. "I don't know. Do you want me to call him?"
"Dix might have already." Johnny answered. "He's supposed to be my emergency contact. Don't know if he'd be in any shape to come up here, though."
"If Dixie hasn't called him, I will." Steven assured him. "At least let him know what's going on."
"Good." Johnny replied. "Don't want him worrying. More than he already does."
Steven squeezed his hand. "I'm going to let you rest. I'll come see you in a few hours, okay?"
"'Kay." Johnny answered quietly, not wanting to let him go just yet. "And hey, thanks. Probably saved my life."
"Had to." Steven told him. "We've got plans to make."
"Yeah, plans." Johnny could feel himself drifting off to sleep. "North to Alaska."
Steven laughed softly and kissed his forehead again. "Yes, north to Alaska."
Steven let go of Johnny's hand and left the recovery room, and Johnny allowed himself to drift off, thoughts of his and Steven's next adventure wandering through his mind.
Before long, he was briefly awakened when the orderlies rolled him into another room and got him settled in again, and he took the opportunity to fall back asleep. He had no idea how much time had passed when the door opened and Roy walked in.
Johnny immediately shifted to sit up a little. "What are you doing here?"
"That's a hell of a way to greet someone." Roy smiled a little at that. "And your, uh, friend called me. The photographer."
"Steven." Johnny responded.
"Yeah, Steven." Roy eased himself into a chair at Johnny's bedside. Even half-awake, he could tell that Roy was still in a lot of pain.
"You're still hurting." Johnny pointed out.
Roy shot Johnny a slight glare. "A little. Not that much. Seems you're a little worse off."
"I'm okay now." Johnny told him. "Better, anyway. I can breathe now."
"That's a step in the right direction." Roy agreed mildly. "Guess it's a good thing Steven was there, huh?"
"Yeah. Yeah." Johnny nodded, not sure if Roy would put all the pieces together.
Johnny could feel Roy's eyes boring into him, and he glanced over at him. "What?"
"Nothing." Roy answered quietly. "Just thinking. You know, how it could have all ended differently."
"I don't wanna think about that, Roy." Johnny replied, a tightness developing in his chest at the thought. "Doesn't matter now. Everything's fine. They got the clot out of there, got me on blood thinners, and I'll be able to go home in a few days."
"Steven sticking around?" Roy asked. "If he has somewhere else he needs to be—"
"Haven't talked to him much yet." Johnny cut Roy off. "Kinda sounds like he will, but you never know."
"Well, if you need to come stay with us, you can, you know that." Roy told him.
"I know." Johnny responded. "But you know, don't wanna put anyone out."
Roy scoffed at that. "Seems like we have this conversation every time something happens to you. You're always welcome, you know that. You're not a bother, you're not imposing, any of that."
Truthfully, Johnny would rather have Steven stay if it were at all possible. "I'll keep it in mind. You know, in case Steven can't."
Roy looked thoughtful. "Didn't realize you two were so close."
Johnny couldn't help the fear that stabbed at him at Roy's seemingly offhanded comment. "Well, you know, lots of common interests. And as much as he travels, you know, I don't get to see him much."
"No, I get it." Roy nodded. "Friends like that are rare."
"Yeah." Johnny relaxed a little at that. Maybe it just didn't occur to Roy that he and Steven might be more than friends. Johnny wasn't going to bring it up if Roy wasn't. It seemed to Johnny it would do more harm than good.
A knock at the door paused their conversation, and the door opened to reveal Steven. He looked a little more rested, and like he'd cleaned up a little.
He still had that wild and rugged look about him, and it did something to Johnny. But he'd keep that to himself until after Roy left.
"Hi." Steven greeted Johnny with a smile and a nod before turning toward Roy. "Hope I'm not interrupting."
"Not at all." Roy smiled slightly in return. "Matter of fact, I was just leaving. Don't want Joanne to worry. Johnny, I'll come see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay." Johnny nodded, suddenly very much wanting Roy out of the room.
Almost as soon as Roy closed the door, Steven let out a sigh, leaning over to kiss Johnny's forehead. "I didn't mean to chase him out."
"It's okay." Johnny assured him. "He should be home resting anyway, not up here worrying about me."
Steven let out a little huff and shot Johnny a meaningful look. "At any rate, I brought you a few things."
Johnny took the bag that Steven offered, pulling out a book and a few magazines. "Where did you find these?"
"Picked them up at a newsstand on my way here." Steven answered. "Thought they looked interesting."
"Yeah." Johnny's interest was immediately piqued, and he almost forgot Steven was there as he absorbed himself in the magazine.
He was only slightly aware that Steven had rounded the end of the bed and taken the chair that Roy had previously occupied, and he looked up from the magazine. "Sorry."
"Oh, don't be." Steven replied. "I'm glad you like them. Friend of mine is one of the editors. I work with him pretty regularly."
"Friend or…" Johnny couldn't help asking.
"Just a friend now." Steven told him. "Wasn't always. But you know, same old story. I don't stay in one place very long, so it was never really going to work."
Johnny turned thoughtful at that. The same thought had occurred to him, that whatever was happening between them couldn't possibly last, would probably end as soon as Johnny recovered.
"Look, I don't want you to worry about us." Steven reached out and placed a hand on his arm.
"I'm not."
"You are." Steven responded. "You're as transparent as glass. Every expression on your face gives you away."
Johnny shrugged, trying to be casual. The thought of talking about this nearly gave him hives. "Whatever. It's okay. I guess we'll stay in touch, right?"
"Yeah, of course." Steven answered, a note of exasperation in his voice. "And I know I keep talking about getting you up to Alaska, but I really want to make that happen."
Johnny still didn't see how this could possibly work. "I mean, yeah, I want that too. Kinda feels like a pipe dream right now, you know?"
"Sure." Steven agreed. "But in a few weeks, you'll be better, and maybe we can talk future plans."
"Probably gonna have to wait until next year." Johnny told him. "Think I've burned through all my time off this year."
"That's okay." Steven told him. "Gives us something to look forward to."
"Yeah." Johnny had his doubts, but he wasn't going to let Steven know that. Likely Steven would go back to his life, Johnny would go back to his, and eventually the phone calls and letters would slow, then stop, and that would be that.
He knew that was the likely outcome, but that didn't mean he was happy about it.
Steven's hand drifted down his arm to take his hand, drawing him out of his thoughts, though he still avoided the other man's gaze.
"Let's just see about getting you all healed up, okay?" Steven told him gently. "No point getting to far ahead of ourselves."
"No, right. Right." Johnny shook his head. "Gotta try staying out of the hospital first."
"That would be an excellent start." Steven answered with a brief laugh.
That lifted Johnny's mood somewhat, and they fell into more casual conversation for a while as medical staff came in and out of the room to check on him. Before he knew it, he could feel himself fading.
After one particularly wide yawn he couldn't contain, Steven laughed and squeezed his hand before rising from his chair. "Okay, I can take a hint. I'll come back later."
"Okay." Johnny answered sleepily as he squeezed back. He managed to keep his eyes open long enough to see Steven pause at that door before he finally closed it behind him.
There was no point worrying about what was to come. Better to worry about the here and now.
# # #
"Okay, let's try this again." Steven teased Johnny as they once again returned to his apartment.
Johnny huffed as he entered behind Steven and made his way to the recliner. "Gonna try not to die on you this time."
"That would be nice." Steven replied as he headed into the kitchen. "You hungry?"
"Nah, not right now." Johnny put up the footrest and settled in.
"Okay." Steven responded.
Johnny could hear him rattling around, and he had to admit his curiosity was getting the better of him. "What are you doing in there?"
"You'll see." Steven's voice floated back to him. "Now that I have some time, thought I'd try something."
Now Johnny's curiosity was more piqued, but not enough to get out of the recliner. Right now a nap was starting to win over his curiosity.
He drifted in and out of sleep for most of the afternoon, finally fully awakening to the smell of something good, and he pushed himself out of the recliner to go investigate.
Steven greeted him with a warm smile. "Hey. How'd you sleep?"
"Okay." Johnny answered. "Kind of in and out."
"I could tell." Steven replied. "You were talking in your sleep."
Johnny felt a little awkward at that. "Did I say anything interesting?"
"Hard to tell." Steven shrugged. "I don't think you revealed any great secrets or anything."
"Well, that's good, I guess." Johnny breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Gotta keep a little mystery, right?"
"Right." Steven laughed. "Should have some food ready soon."
Johnny noticed the loaf of bread sitting out on the counter. "Is that what you were working on?"
"Yeah." Steven nodded. "Not as good as a sourdough loaf, but it'll do."
"Sourdough, huh?"
"Mm-hmm." Steven answered. "My sister has a sourdough starter that was handed down from our grandmother. She's been keeping it alive for, I don't know, a good five or six years now?"
Johnny was baffled, but still curious. "What, it's a living thing?"
"Well, yes." Steven replied. "It needs yeast to start it, but it literally takes on a life of its own. You can keep it going for years if you feed it properly. Make all kinds of things from it. Bread, flapjacks, that sort of thing."
"I could go for some, uh, flapjacks."
"One more reason for you to come see me."
Johnny sighed at that. "Come on, don't start that again."
"I'm not starting anything." Steven responded calmly as he stirred the pot on the stove. "Just giving you more incentive."
Johnny impulsively kissed the back of his neck. "Got all the incentive I need. Just need the time and the money."
"Hmm." Steven murmured. "Well, next year you'll have the time, right?"
"Right." Johnny moved in a little closer, placing another kiss on Steven's neck. "And once I'm back to work, I can pick up overtime to get the money."
"Well, there you go." Steven replied softly. "No reason for you not to come."
Johnny sighed a little, wrapping an arm around Steven. Those misgivings were making themselves known again, but Johnny was reluctant to voice them. They both knew a lot could change between now and then. There was no point in rehashing it again.
Steven gave the pot one more stir before placing the lid on top and turned to face Johnny, slipping his arms around his waist. "Now listen, I'm not one to take advantage of someone when they're down."
Johnny leaned in, finding that spot near Steven's collarbone and placing a brief kiss there. "I wouldn't object."
"Hmm." Steven responded quietly. "Suppose we do have some time. I'll be easy on you."
Johnny wasn't sure he wanted that, exactly, though it would be better given his current condition. His desire for Steven was winning out over common sense.
And from the way Steven was kissing him right now, he couldn't count on Steven to carry the common sense load. Johnny didn't give a damn at the moment. This felt too good to stop.
Steven did pull away briefly, looking thoughtful. "Suppose we should take this elsewhere before we get too carried away."
"Suppose so."
Johnny slowly made his way to the bedroom, setting aside his crutches and easing himself onto the bed, and Steven wasn't far behind, climbing onto the bed and reaching to adjust the pillows. "Sit up a little."
Johnny did so, and he was soon settled comfortably against the pillows, or comfortably enough for the moment. Steven shifted so that he straddled Johnny's good leg and slid his hands under Johnny's t-shirt. "You're sure I'm not hurting you."
"Keep asking and I'll hurt you." Johnny answered sharply.
"Don't be such a brat." Steven laughed, leaning in to kiss him again. "If I do anything to send you back to the hospital, we're going to have a hell of a time explaining things."
Johnny sobered slightly at that. That bit of fear coursed through him again, that fear of their relationship being exposed, such as it was. Was it worth the potential trouble for this momentary pleasure?
"John?" Steven's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "I was just teasing. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."
"It's not that." Johnny answered, letting his hand drift under Steven's shirt.
"Then what's wrong?" Steven asked gently. "If you don't want this, you can say so."
Johnny didn't know how to explain it all, how this thing between them could put a target on his back, how difficult it could make so many aspects of his life. And for what? For someone he might only see once every few months, if ever?
Steven sighed, causing Johnny to look over at him. He seemed to be waiting for Johnny's response, and Johnny was at an absolute loss.
Finally, Steven leaned over and kissed Johnny lightly. "I'm going to go check on dinner."
"Wait." Johnny finally found his voice, grabbing Steven's hand. "I do want this. It's just, you know, tough. If this gets out and gets around the department, it could be a real problem. And you know, it's not like we get to see each other much. Hardly ever."
Steven's face fell a little. "And you don't know if it's worth it."
Johnny felt like an absolute heel. "Something like that. See, that's why I didn't wanna say anything."
"No, no, I get it." Steven answered quietly. "I understand."
"You do?"
"I do." Steven sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's not something I think about much. I've been very lucky. I've mostly gotten to live life on my terms. You don't have that luxury."
Now Johnny felt even worse. "I know how it sounds. I mean, you've put your whole life on hold to be here and, well…"
"I would have done that anyway." Steven asserted. "I consider you my friend before anything else, and when my friends need me, I do my best to be there."
"Kinda going above and beyond, aren't you?"
"Well, yes." Steven smiled a little at that. "But you're worth it."
Johnny took a deep breath and exhaled. "One of these days I'm going to make it up to you."
Steven took his hand. "I'm sure you will, even if it means having to be…somewhat discreet about it."
Johnny didn't let go of Steven's hand. "You still need to check on dinner?"
"Hmm." Steven stroked along the back of Johnny's hand with his thumb. "Maybe not right this minute."
Johnny reached out and pulled Steven closer, kissing him gently, letting it linger, deepen, the feeling of being here with Steven right now pushing out his doubts for the moment.
Steven shifted so that he was once again straddling Johnny, easing Johnny's t-shirt up and off his body and tossing it aside before lightly running his hands over Johnny's torso. "You tell me if it hurts."
"I will." Johnny told him. "Just don't stop."
That seemed to be all Steven needed, and he broke away from Johnny's mouth to start a trail of kisses along his jawline, down his neck, finding all those little spots that only fueled Johnny's desire further until he reached the tape that was still wrapped around his ribs.
Steven lightly traced down with one finger, and even through the tape, Johnny shuddered a little at the sensation. Soon enough Steven was working at the button and zipper of Johnny's jeans, and Johnny moved just enough to allow Steven to slowly work them off his body, letting them drop to the floor beside the bed.
"Still doing okay?" Steven asked quietly.
"Mm-hmm." Truthfully, Johnny wasn't sure he would notice if Steven was hurting him, as lost as he was in each touch and kiss and whatever else Steven was doing to him. He could feel him stroke the hard flesh still trapped inside his boxers, and he shifted slightly to encourage Steven further. "Don't stop now."
"Wasn't going to." Steven answered, his hand moving up Johnny's leg and into his boxers, causing Johnny to inhale sharply when his fingers wrapped around that same hard flesh and started stroking.
It wasn't long before Steven tugged down those boxers and took him into his mouth, and Johnny simply closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Steven's hair, reveling in the sensation of Steven's hands and mouth until he couldn't stand it anymore, releasing with a sharp groan and a sigh before sinking into the pillows.
He opened his eyes to see Steven leaning in to kiss his cheek, that amused expression on his face. "Now I need to go check on dinner."
Johnny finally collected his thoughts. "But what about—"
Steven immediately cut him off with another kiss. "I'll let you make it up to me when you're able. In the meantime, rest up."
Johnny couldn't help letting out a short laugh at that, even as those doubts crept back in. As much as he looked forward to a time when he could make this up to Steven, he still wasn't sure that would ever be possible.
Still, maybe he could keep this to himself long enough to make that happen. He usually wasn't much good at keeping secrets, but this one, he thought he could manage.
# # #
The next few weeks passed relatively quickly, a little too quickly for Johnny's liking. He and Steven had fallen into something of a routine, and as much as Johnny had thought he wasn't built for any kind of domestic life, he found himself enjoying this time with Steven.
But of course, it couldn't have lasted forever. Johnny was gearing up to go back to work in dispatch for a while until he got through his course of physical therapy, and Steven had another assignment waiting in the wings after he went home for a couple of weeks to check in on the cabin.
So, it would be back to letters, phone calls, maybe the occasional visit from Steven if he had an assignment somewhere in the area. Life would get back to some semblance of normal.
It was going to be one hell of an adjustment.
But in the meantime, they had this last night together, and Johnny had every intention of making the most of it. And making up at least some of what Steven had given to him.
"Ah, damn, John." Steven murmured, stroking the top of Johnny's head as Johnny straddled Steven, sliding his hands up his arms and curling his fingers around his wrists while leaving kisses here, there and everywhere.
To finally have this close contact after all those weeks of being taped up and casted and everything else lit Johnny's fire, and it was all he could do to not completely lose control. From the sounds Steven was making, he felt the same.
Finally, Johnny started working his way down, releasing Steven's wrists and letting his hands slide down his arms to his torso, running the pads of his fingers along Steven's ribcage. He could feel Steven's hands on his back, his shoulders, then his fingers threading through his hair as Johnny continued moving downward.
He did pause briefly before leaving a trail of kisses where Steven's hip met his thigh, his tongue darting out, and he was rewarded with a series of murmurs and sighs at the move. In reality, Johnny was more than a little unnerved at the idea of giving head. The last time he'd done that to a guy, it had gone poorly, to the point that Johnny had decided to never try it again.
But this time was different, wasn't it? This wasn't some guy he'd met in some dark and dingy bar, this wasn't someone's back seat, it wasn't some back alley. No, this was the man that he'd become completely enamored of, and who seemed to feel the same way about him.
Steven's fingers threaded through Johnny's hair again. "Something wrong?"
"'Course not." Johnny answered with a confidence he didn't feel. "Just, you know, taking my time."
Steven laughed softly at that. "If you say so."
That didn't do much to ease Johnny's nerves. Finally, he figured it was now or never. If it went badly from here, he'd never have to see Steven again. He'd chalk it up to another bad experience and move on.
He took hold of Steven's flesh and ran his tongue from base to tip, and Steven let out a soft gasp. Further encouraged, Johnny kept going, finally taking Steven into his mouth, working him with mouth and hands.
"Damn, John." Steven's words came out rough. "That's good."
Steven arched upward into Johnny's mouth, and he had a brief moment of panic before pushing it aside, listening to the sounds Steven made while Steven's hand cradled Johnny's head.
"That's it. That's it." Steven murmured softly. "Ah, damn. Just like that."
Steven suddenly released with a rough groan, catching Johnny slightly off-guard, and most of it ended up dribbling down his chin, though he managed to get down some of it. He wiped away at it with the back of his hand before shifting so that he lay beside Steven.
"Not so bad for a rookie." Steven teased him.
"Jesus." Johnny grumbled, rolling over to his back.
"Hey, come on." Steven's hand was on Johnny's chest. "Don't be so sensitive."
"I'm not."
"You are." Steven responded. "And with good reason, I figure."
Johnny turned his head to look at him. "How do you figure?"
"Well, I seem to remember you saying how you'd had some…not so great experiences before."
"Oh, right." Johnny had forgotten how much he had told Steven. Most of the events leading up to them ending up in bed together that first time was a blur. "Yeah, something like that."
Steven kissed Johnny right in the middle of his chest. "You did just fine. I was only teasing."
Before Johnny could respond, Steven's hand was moving downward, taking hold of him and stroking him slowly, and whatever thoughts Johnny was thinking were immediately brushed aside in favor of the sensations he was experiencing right now.
"See, the thing you've got to remember is to do what feels good to you." Steven told him as he shifted so that he was between Johnny's legs. "You do that, the rest takes care of itself."
"Hmm." Johnny responded, closing his eyes and letting Steven go to work on him with hands and mouth. He could feel Steven probing him, sliding one finger inside, followed soon by another.
That almost undid Johnny, and he arched upward with a sharp gasp. The sensation always caught him off-guard, as pleasurable as it was. Finally, he relaxed into it, meeting each stroke with his own, riding that wave of desire for as long as he could before unloading into Steven's mouth, sinking into the mattress with a long sigh.
"See what I mean?" Steven was beside him again, his hand sliding up Johnny's body, pausing to trace over the newly healed scars with his finger. "Just do what feels good to you and you can't go wrong."
"I'll have to remember that." Johnny managed to answer. "You know, for the next one I meet."
"Funny." Steven replied softly, kissing the base of his throat. "And if you do meet someone, it's not a problem, just so you know. I don't expect you to wait around for me."
It occurred to Johnny that the whole time they'd been apart, Steven had probably been meeting other people, too. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, exactly. Part of him wanted Steven to be with him and no one else, but even he realized how illogical that was. After all, he'd been trying to meet women all this time, not that he'd been having a lot of luck in that area.
And if any of them had an inkling that he was at all into men, well, he could forget about having any chance with them.
"John?" Steven's voice snapped him out of his thoughts again.
"Huh?"
"Ah, nothing." Steven answered, sliding an arm over Johnny's stomach and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Just reminding you that you don't have to wait around for me. I don't expect you to."
"Well, yeah." Johnny responded. "I mean, I'm sure you're not waiting around for me."
Steven laughed. "True. But I don't get lucky that often. I don't think you have much to worry about."
"What if we did, you know, kinda wait for each other?" Johnny realized how dumb it sounded the minute he said it. "Not that we have to, but, you know. I mean, I guess I'd have a hard time explaining why I'm not chasing chicks."
"Would you?" Steven asked. "Seems like it would be pretty simple."
"Sure, yeah." Johnny answered. "As simple as 'Hey yeah, you know that friend of mine that was here all that time? Well, guess what?' Yeah, that would go over well."
"You don't have to get into details." Steven told him. "Hell, lie about it for all I care."
"I hate lying." Johnny replied with a huff. "Anyway, might not matter after a while, right?"
"Right." Steven sounded thoughtful. "Ah, to hell with it. Let's not worry about it tonight. Let's just enjoy whatever we've got while we've got it, okay?"
"Okay." Johnny agreed. "What time is your flight?"
"Eight AM." Steven answered. "And at the rate we're going, I might not sleep tonight."
"Sleep on your way home."
"Brilliant." Steven laughed. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Well see, I'm obviously the brains of this operation." Johnny couldn't help teasing him a little. "You're the looks."
"Hmm, don't know about that." Steven replied. "One could argue that you're both."
Johnny didn't feel like arguing the point. He shifted so that he was on his side facing Steven, sliding an arm over him and pulling him in close.
God, he would miss this something fierce. He hoped that somehow, they would find their way back to each other.
