Part 20
During dinner that evening, as she sat at the table with Professor McGonagall in her house, Katie's thoughts were dominated entirely by the meeting with her mother.
And the idea of leaving the country after all. To find peace and quiet in another country. Something she had never wanted.
But Percy's suggestion, the idea of a portkey for emergencies, was definitely a good idea. However, Katie would miss the people she would leave behind. Professor McGonagall, the woman who was like a grandmother to her. Her father, who she had finally gotten to know - even if it wasn't always easy with him. Remus Lupin, the man who had been a bit like a second father to her in the last few days. A friend of her father's. And then there was the woman who was her mother.
Then there was another thing that made Katie's decision to leave a difficult one. Percy. Her boyfriend wanted to come with her. Leaving his family behind. His mother. Katie knew that Molly Weasley would never forgive her if she took her son away from her. And that was what Molly would inevitably do if Percy left the country with Katie.
Katie sighed. It was all so messed up. Why couldn't it be easy? Why couldn't her life be easy? Why? This was not the first time Katie had been tormented by her doubts. Made her question the purpose of her life. She cursed the decision her parents had made. Again.
"Are you okay?" Minerva looked at her worriedly.
Katie nodded. She wouldn't tell her the truth. Nor would she talk to her or anyone else about the meeting with her mother, with Bellatrix. There was nothing Katie would talk about. It wouldn't change the situation she was in anyway. Never.
Even later, as they sat together by the fire with a cup of tea, Katie was still thinking. Again.
"What's bothering you, little one?" Minerva asked again, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I-" Katie began, but broke off. She wouldn't talk to Minerva about it. Nor would she talk to her father or Remus. She would be leaving a letter behind when she disappeared. Well, maybe she would.
However, she still held out hope that she would not have to leave. That she wouldn't have to leave the life she led behind. Still, she knew it was just wishful thinking. A wish that would not come true. She would have to leave at some point. Or she would have to choose sides. Voldemort or Dumbledore. Become a Death Eater or a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Side with her mother or side with her father. Continue to be Katie Bell, or accept that she was Catelyn Black.
Minerva McGonagall seemed to sense this struggle within Katie.
"You're wondering if and when you have to choose. You wonder what decision you will have to make."
Surprised, Katie looked at her. How could she know that?
"You're wondering if the moment will come when you have to face your mother on the battlefield and fire a spell at her. And then you'll have to decide. Your mother, who you know is insane and fanatical. Who will probably torture and kill anything that comes before her wand regardless of the consequences. Or whether you will lower your wand and hope that Bellatrix Lestrange still has some motherly love left in her."
And with that, Minerva had voiced it out loud. The fear that lay dormant in Katie. It wasn't about deciding between Voldemort and Dumbledore, between Katie and Catelyn, but rather how her mother would decide. How Bellatrix Lestrange would decide. And what that decision would mean for Katie.
"How do you know that?" Katie looked at her questioningly.
Minerva sighed and sat down in the armchair opposite her. She hesitated briefly. How do you have a conversation like this? What was the best thing to say? Minerva wasn't sure. She wasn't even sure if she was the right person for such a conversation. Maybe Severus should talk to Katie instead?
"Have a biscuit," she said, holding out the tin of shortbread to Katie.
Katie stared at the tin and then at Professor McGonagall. Shortbread - it was a part of her childhood. Katie remembered the wonderful moments when they had sat together in front of the fireplace - with tea, shortbread and long conversations. Just like now. Only this topic wasn't as enjoyable as all the conversations before.
"Do you think I'll have to do it?" she asked.
"You mean having to decide whether you want to find out the extent of your mother's love?"
"Yes," Katie replied, reaching for the shortbread.
"We can't know what the future holds. Divination was never my strongest subject at Hogwarts. So I can't look into my cup and read the future from the tea leaves. But we both recognize the signs - everything indicates that a battle is looming. At some point. Soon."
Yes, the signs were unmistakable. The breakout from Azkaban, the darkness in the sky, the attacks on muggles and the families of muggleborn witches and wizards. Severus did not talk about it, but Voldemort called his followers together more and more often. Still, the Ministry turned a blind eye to the fact that Voldemort was back, but one day, the time would come when no one would be able to turn a blind eye to the truth. Voldemort was back.
But the realization didn't solve Katie's dilemma.
"And then I'll-" Katie broke off.
She couldn't make a decision. Not now. She turned her head and looked at the fireplace. Looked into the flames. For a moment, Katie allowed herself to think. For a moment, she imagined the moment when she would face her mother again. She imagined the moment when she would have to make a choice. When she would decide who she wanted to be. And what she wanted.
"Katie?"
"I think when the time comes, I'll know what I have to do. Then I'll know," she said with determination in her voice and turned back to look at Minerva.
And right then, Minerva had the feeling that it wasn't Katie sitting in front of her, but another young woman. At that moment, Katie reminded her of another young woman. A young woman she had last seen many years ago in the shrieking shack. Back then, when the young woman had held her baby in her arms.
Minerva was reminded of Bellatrix.
