Namaskar, everybody, and in advance for tomorrow, Happy New Year to you all, we'll sure as hell be so glad to leave this absolute fucked up year, which has certainly been even worse than last year, behind very much.
And as it is now the very last two days of said year, I thought, "Why not do at least one update of my own on here to wrap it up for myself?" And that's exactly what I'm gonna do, with this one-shot idea I've had in my head for months now, thanks to two splendid ones done in the summer by two of the best FF bro figures on this 'ere site Aragorn Elessar and Stand with Ward and Queen, though yours is the larger one to thank in part for this, man Stand from the US of A, haha, and also thanks to my huge love for Méjico actor figure Danny Trejo's MOST iconic character role, ever since Robert Rodriguez made him extremely real indeed with film 1 back in 2010, Machete.
Cos Danny Trejo IS Machete, it's what everyone, including us, calls him non-stop these days, Machete is THE character role he's now become so famous for thanks to R.R. Though I should say here and now, to the sensible brainers on here, DO NOT bother with the second one due to what that one's plot is like, and I've ditched it myself after all these years due to the fact that a certain sick vile Turd Heard is in it (after everything she did to Johnny Depp in making his life and career an absolute living hell, I'm NEVER EVER watching ANYTHING with her in it ever again, NEVER).
BUT, and this in relation to what I'm gonna do on here, I'm still hoping against hope that R.R WILL return to make the third and final one, title for it being 'Machete Kills Again... in Space', cos for the last decade, soon to be eleven years when Monday comes for us all, there have two stupendous picture effects bearing teaser trailers for it, which frame the beginning and end of film 2 itself as well, with some of the main cast faces from the previous two in 'em, but THAT is all that's been of it for a decade now as I say, and Danny Trejo/Machete himself has expressed a few times of wanting to get it done.
So yeah, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this one DOES eventually get made before Trejo gets too old for acting, considering he's now approaching 80 despite still being in good health with himself, and again, considering the two teaser trailers that've been done for it have such awesome special effects and scenes, AND some of the big cast faces from the two 'Machete' films done so far, which will certainly for a great and absolutely stupendous Machete film set in space, I damn well hope that R.R WILL get off his butt soon and make this third one VERY official indeed as I'd LOVE to see it for real, and Rodriguez himself has said that Danny Trejo has egged him a few times that they oughta get it done.
In the meantime though, allow me to put what I love about the two teaser trailers for the HOPEFULLY to exist for very real one day in future third 'Machete' film, and also with how film 2 itself ended, to full good use here for this, my own and, OF COURSE, self modified version of bro Stand with Ward's Doctor Who/Star Wars one-shot summer piece 'A Jedi vs the Silence', set of course at the end of the wowsome and amazing plot bearing drama of DW episode 6x07 'A Good Man Goes to War'- hope you don't mind me borrowing some of the text from your piece, brother, it's too perfect an opportunity to miss out on, haha. Enjoy, everyone.
I do not own Doctor Who, Machete, or any of the characters within either
Demon's Run
"You never give up!" Madam Vastra shouted in protest as the Doctor started to storm off.
"Yes, and don't you sometimes wish I did!" the Doctor snapped before there was a clap of thunder.
"Well then, soldier, how goes the day?" a very familiar voice sounded out, and the Doctor turned around to see River Song standing a few feet away.
"Where the hell have you been?" the Doctor demanded as he stormed over to her, "Every time you've asked, I have been there. Where the hell were you today?"
"I couldn't have prevented this," River said calmly.
"You could have tried," the Doctor snarled.
"Do not give up just yet, Doctor," River said cryptically, and they all stared at her in bewilderment, "The battle isn't lost just yet." Now she smiled, "He's coming."
"Who?" Rory asked, he and the rest even more puzzled than ever.
Deep space
On a ship, Madame Kovarian smiled maliciously down at baby Melody in her arms, who looked up at her curiously.
"Now, it is time for your training to begin, my dear little one," Kovarian sneered darkly.
Suddenly, there was an alarm, and Kovarian looked around wildly.
"What's going on?" she demanded.
"There's another ship approaching us, ma'am," one of the Clerics informed her, the one-eyed woman frowning.
"It can't be the Doctor. What kind is it, how much firepower does it have?" Kovarian demanded.
"Not sure, ma'am, type's unknown," the Cleric answered. Kovarian stared at him blankly.
"Well, have they made contact?" she asked further.
"We've tried to raise it on comms, but no one's responded yet," the Cleric answered, Kovarian scoffing.
"It doesn't matter. One ship is nothing to fear. Let them pass," she said unconcerningly.
Outside, the new arrival stopped in front of Kovarian's vessel, nothing happening for a few seconds, then, a photon torpedo was fired, blowing through the thick steel doors which served as the entrance to the other ship's docking bay.
Inside the ship, the control room was rocked by the explosion, as the new arrival now flew forwards and disappeared from view of the windows.
"What the hell was that?" Kovarian demanded, shocked at what had just occured.
"It blew open our front door, and look, it's now entering us," the Cleric exclaimed as he watched the security footage, as indeed the new ship entered, four hatches on the underside opening up to allow metal feet to exit, the craft touching down gently on the floor, its engines cutting out.
In Kovarian's arms, little Melody looked at the live footage on the screens with curious eyes, cooing softly as they observed four figures exit the ship and advance at a fast walk.
Three of them were women, the first one sporting long black hair and an eyepath over her right eye, dressed in a tight fitting sleeveless black leather top and jeans and combat boots. The other two were identical twins, with long brown hair and eyes, clad in white dresses and shoes, all three holding advanced looking guns, the first woman having two herself. Their leader though was a very scary looking man, his mouth curled in a scowl, his long hair dark brown, eyes green, he too dressed entirely in black which went for his trousers, sleeveless leather overcoat over a normal sleeveless top, and boots, but unlike the women with him he didn't bear a gun.
"What the hell's going on? Who are these people?" Kovarian demanded, now getting unnerved by the events which without any explanation or warning beforehand were currently unfolding right before her, as they watched the man and three women walking through the ship.
"I don't know, ma'am," one of the Clerics said, he and the rest now very nervous themselves.
Outside, and seen via the live footage, the group came across a few Clerics. The military uniformed men fired their weapons, but the four ducked back to avoid. Then Luz, aka Shé, which was who she was by name, emerged and aimed the gun in her right hand. "Eat photons, bitches," she said, and fired, the weapon blasting out blue white energy shots which hit and killed the Clerics.
"Let's go," the man, former Mexican Federale turned mercenary Machete Cortez, as what he was very well known to those who were his allies and enemies, said gruffly, pulling out from his trouser pocket a tool-like mechanical device, a snap-hiss noise sounding out as out of it emerged a blue glowing machete like laser.
"They'll be waiting for us, Machete," one of the twins, Nurses Mona and Lisa as was who they were, said.
"Then let's go kill somebody," Machete responded with simply, and headed off again, Luz and the twins following him.
"Who on Earth are these people?" one of the Clerics in the control room with Kovarian asked, they and the rest having watched what had happened on the screens with disbelief.
"Send out the Silence. Now," Kovarian ordered.
Machete, Luz, Mona and Lisa marched into a hallway where three more Clerics awaited them. They opened fire on them, but Machete blocked all their shots with his lightsaber styled machete, and the women finished the job with their own guns, energy shots hitting and killing the men, allowing the quartet to continue on, only to then encounter several Silence.
"Wow, quite the freak show by looks, I must say," Luz remarked at the sight of them.
"You will not get the child, and Silence will fall," one of the creatures said.
"Machete don't care," Machete answered simply, and raised his laser machete. One of the Silence shot a stream of electricity from its hand towards Machete, but the man blocked expertly and deflected it back at its source, the Silence roaring in pain as it was hit by its own power.
"Have some of this, ya Freaky Friday beasties, taco style," Luz said, she and the twins unleashing their guns again, the energy shots which came out of Mona and Lisa's being red, more of the Silence falling as they were hit in the chest. The last two standing prepared to fight back, but Machete charged forward and swung his weapon, relieving one of its own head and then lopping off the right arm of the last Silence, the creature wailing as it fell to its knees before being finished off via an energy shot from Luz, the group marching past the bodies and out of the room.
"They're getting closer!" one of the Clerics shouted fearfully, all of them except Kovarian, at the moment anyway, now more afraid than ever. Who were these four strangers who had turned up unannounced out of nowhere, and had now effortlessly taken out those of the forces that had been sent to oppose them?
"It doesn't matter," Kovarian said, trying to be as confident as she always sounded, "That guy and his lady pals won't get much further."
Unnoticed by Kovarian, little Melody had raised her hand towards the screen, her baby's eyes watching Machete, Luz and Nurses Mona and Lisa, who now entered a lift, the door sliding shut behind them the moment they did so.
Several more Silence waited outside the command room, looking towards the lift which was approaching. When the doors opened, and Machete and the three women exited, the Silence all tried to strike them with streams of electricity, but the four either threw themselves to the floor or ducked back and downwards, avoiding the attacks. The moment they were over, a very angry looking Machete rushed forward, slashing his laser machete in a backhand move to the right and literally cutting one Silence in half, killing it instantly as a result, before then attacking another, first slashing upwards across its chest, spilling blood from the wound before then relieving the creature of its head, before then lopping off the arm of a third who made a move towards him, the creature roaring in pain before a shot from Nurse Lisa finished it off.
Other Silence still standing didn't stand a chance against the guns of Luz and the twins, energy shots blasting them in the chest and sending the bodies to the floor. While Machete dealt with the final Silence himself just as it was preparing to fire electricity at him, stabbing it fully through the chest with his laser machete before pulling it out, and as the Silence fell to its knees slashed to the left, the creature's head sent flying off its neck to the floor along with the body.
Machete turned to the women. "Let's go get her," he said, the twins and Luz nodded, determined looks on their faces as they made their way towards the steel door which separated them from their target.
Inside, Kovarian and the remaining Clerics were staring horrified at the security footage, unable to fully take in what they had witnessed as the endgame, before they all heard a very familiar sound.
Vwoorp. Vwoorp.
They all whirled around as the TARDIS materialized behind them, the doors opening as the Doctor emerged, followed by Amy and Rory.
"Why, hello, Madam. Bet you weren't expecting to see us again," the Doctor said with a smile.
"Melody. Hand her over," Amy snapped as she saw her daughter in the arms of her enemy, the little baby instinctively reaching out for her.
Kovarian swore as the Doctor noticed the security footage, and the four individuals waiting right outside the door. "Oh, I'm sorry, looks like you have guests awaiting. Awfully rude not to invite them in," the Time Lord said humourfully, aiming his sonic screwdriver at the steel door and activating it.
Kovarian and her remaining men watched terrified as the doors slid open, allowing Machete, Luz and Mona and Lisa to access the room, Amy and Rory eyeing them warily as the four spread out and took up positions where they could cover the room, the three women aiming their guns, Machete still holding his laser machete tight in his right hand.
The Doctor seemed to recognize Machete. "Blimey. That you, Machete?" he asked the other man.
Machete nodded. "Good to see you again, Doc," he responded gruffly.
"Wait, you know this guy, Doctor?" Rory asked in surprise.
The Doctor turned to him and nodded. "We encountered each other by chance once, yes, Rory," he answered, "Ended up helping out with a little something." He then turned back to Machete and the three women, "So how come you're way out here in the vastness of space, Machete? And where's Agent Sartana? Last time we saw one another, you and her were a thing and going strong."
"Short answer to that, Mr Brit Man, blame a crazy Star Wars obsessed rich guy named Luther Voz." It was Luz who had answered, everyone now looking to her, "It was all thanks to this something which happened to him called "The Incident"." Blank faces followed, so she went on, "Apparently, from what Machete shared to us after he reunited with us of the Network, the illegal, but also necessary for those in need of it, immigrant aid movement I lead, Voz told him that duing a suborbital launch to his in-orbit space station years back, he'd had what he claimed a sudden glimpse of the Earth's impending destruction, and even developed a sense of deja vu after that experience ever since."
"He has this deluded plan to manipulate extremists throughout the world to fire nukes at each other, while he escaped, along with those who agreed with his dream, up here into space with the intent of rebuild society," Machete spoke again.
"We of the Network and Machete infiltrated a fundraiser Voz was holding at his base of operations VozTech, tried to stop him from going through with it all," Nurse Mona now said, giving a shrug, "Didn't go according to plan."
"Took us..." Nurse Lisa gestured to herself and her twin, "...and others of the Network prisoner, froze Luz in carbonite..." seeing the astounded reactions from the Doctor and Amy and Rory, Lisa nodded, "...yup, just like what you see happen with Han Solo in the original movies, and brought us up here to be his slaves during his mad dream of rebuilding. Plus, during the fight, Machete found out that Voz was the one who killed Sartana, when she and him attempted to arrest corrupt military members involved in a weapons deal with a Mejico cartel group, which almost went to plan if it hadn't been for a third party, headed by a masked Voz who killed Sartana."
At that, sympathy appeared on the Doctor's face. "I'm sorry, Machete," he told the Mexican man.
Machete nodded, accepting it. "Luckily though, Voz didn't count out on me disarming his nuke whilst it was in mid-air, and sending it safely down into the Rio Grande," he took up again, his usual scowling look replaced briefly by a smirk grin, "And I accepted a plea from US President Rathcock, who after he informed me of the disarmament of the other missiles intended to be launched asked me to follow Voz up here and stop him once and for all, which I accepted."
"And, uh, what happened next? Where is this Voz guy now?" Rory asked.
Luz shrugged. "He's dead, killed after a massive final big confrontation between him and Machete," she said matter of factly, "I was released from my carbonite imprisonment, we and the others of the Network Voz took captive battled and defeated Voz's army, so destroying the rest of the guy's entire mad scheme. And now, thanks to his own space shuttle giving us a big enough ride, we're on our way home back to Earth."
"And what brought you here to my craft, destroying and killing my men and Silence, huh?" Kovarian demanded, finally speaking herself.
Machete turned to her, his fierce eyes boring into hers. "We heard on the ship's transmissions what was going on at your Demon's Run place," he answered, "Including when you took the child there." He nodded to baby Melody, and finished with, "So I decided to help."
"Couldn't let Machete have all the fun though," Luz added in support, "So me and the twins here..." again, a gesture to Mona and Lisa, "...came along as the extra backup."
The combined answers were enough for Amy and Rory, who nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Mr Machete, Miss Luz," Amy said.
"Now..." Machete stepped forward towards Kovarian, raising his laser machete and aiming it in her direction, "I believe it's time you handed the child back to her parents, don't you think?"
"You and your lady friends obviously don't understand the cost of war, Mexican," Kovarian sneered.
"Oh I understand plenty, lady," Machete answered back, "I've experienced enough both before and since Rogelio Torrez took everything from me in life years ago. And being who I am now and working with Luz and her people, and what me and Sartana did together as well, has helped me with lots more."
Luz now came to Machete's side, her right gun aimed and primed. "Give her back now, bitch, or I swear I will end you right here, and I won't give a damn who's watching," she ordered very determindedly.
"Agreed," the Doctor sneered as he stormed over to Kovarian, "I told you earlier, good men have no rules. You ever come after this child again, I will show you what happens when I throw all mine out."
Kovarian glared at him, but they could all see the fear in her eye, and the continuing presences of the terrifying in both face and posture Machete, Luz and the twins, who continued to aim their guns, or in the Mexican man's case his laser machete, ready for use at a moment's use if they had to, furthered that. Noting this, the Doctor was confident that, after she hopefully did what she was being demanded of without trying any sneaky slippery deception trick, she would be no further trouble.
"Do it. Now," Machete ordered again. And with that, Kovarian, with reluctance, but knowing she had no choice in the matter, carefully handed Melody to her mum, who had come over to the Doctor's side and was reaching out for her daughter. As soon as Melody was back in her arms, Amy and Rory looked at their daughter emotionally, displaying immense relief of having been reunited after several tortuous hours of having faced the likelyhood of never being able to see their daughter again.
"Right. Into the TARDIS, Ponds," the Doctor ordered happily, ushering the reunited family into the timeship before then looking back over to Machete and the three women. "We'll see you back on Earth, Machete," the Time Lord said, Machete nodding before the Doctor followed after the Ponds and closed the TARDIS doors.
"So long, bitch," Luz spat at Kovarian, Machete retracting his laser machete blade back into the device as he, Luz, and Mona and Lisa made their exit from the room, watched by an unhappy Kovarian and her remaining Cleric, as the TARDIS itself now dematerialized.
Much later, the Texas desert
"So, this is where you all do what you do as real life bad ass gunwhipping action stars, huh?" Amy, still holding Melody tightly in her arms, asked, looking around at the wilderness around them.
Machete, Luz and her people of the Network freed from Luther Voz had arrived back on Earth, where they all belonged, hours before, everyone so relieved and overjoyed to have their feet firmly back on their home world, and the sun on their faces, Machete helping oversee the self-destruction of Voz's spacecraft. The TARDIS itself, with its own cargo of five passengers, for the Doctor had taken it back briefly to Demon's Run to fetch River Song, had arrived a few minutes ago. Now, as the majority of the Network's members dispersed, she, along with Machete and the twin nurses Mona and Lisa remained where they were with the time travellers.
"Uh huh. We do indeed, Pond," Luz replied.
"Though I think you'll agree we'll be staying well away from anything sci-fi and space related, after everything Voz did to us, for quite a long while, huh?" Machete asked, speaking in his usual gruff manner, but with a touch of humour in the remark too.
Luz nodded. "Damn right there, Machete," she agreed with him, "Now we go back to doing what we're used to doing, the regular normal sorta way." The twins themselves now nodded.
"Well, we still can't thank you enough for what you so splendidly did up there. All of you," the Doctor said, looking between the three women and Machete.
"You saved our daughter, and brought our family back together," Rory agreed, holding a hand, "Thank you." Amy nodded in agreement as, after looking down at it for several seconds without responding, Machete at last took Rory's hand.
"Machete's glad to be of service," he said, a few chuckles following from the women as Luz, Mona and Lisa now accepted a handshake each from Rory.
"No one should lose a child," Mona said.
"Right, off we trot then, Ponds. Things to do, homes to go back to, that sorta thing," the Doctor announced. And with a final nod to Machete and the women trio, the Ponds, followed by River, headed into the TARDIS again, the Doctor hanging back for a minute.
"I'm sorry again about Sartana, Machete," the Time Lord addressed the Mexican sympathetically, "She was one of the good ones, from what she displayed during our first meet."
Machete nodded. "Thanks, Doc," he replied, "You take care."
"And you too." And with that, giving Luz and the twins a last nod too, the Doctor re-entered the TARDIS, looking back to them a final time before closing the door after him, the four staying where they were and so were present to watch as the TARDIS dematerialized.
"Impossible," muttered Lisa.
"As impossible as Voz and his super-crazy ways?" Luz asked, an eyebrow raised. The twin shook her head. "It seems that for that handsome Brit man and his little band, the impossible is their proper place," Luz concluded with.
"That's for certain," Machete agreed, "Happy travels, Doc. The more impossible for you than us, the better."
"Let's go home to our people," Mona now said, and with that the four of them headed off, ready to rebuild and return to what they usually were before Luther Voz had entered their lives.
The TARDIS
"There's still one thing I don't understand about all this," Rory said, everyone looking to him as the TARDIS flew the Time Vortex, "River. If you knew where Melody was going to be, why not just tell us? Why all the secrecy?"
"This will be your answer, Rory," River said calmly, pulling out Amy's prayer leaf from her pocket, "It's your daughter's name, in the language of the Gamma Forest."
"We know our daughter's name," Amy said in confusion.
"But there is no word for pond in the forest," the Doctor said just as cryptically as River would, "Because the only water there is the river." He handed the leaf to Rory, "Let the TARDIS Translation Matrix do its work."
Confused, Amy and Rory looked at the leaf. On one side was the word 'River', but turning it over they saw on the other side the word 'Song'.
"Wait. You mean is River..." Amy trailed off, as the realization sunk in.
River nodded. "It's me. I'm Melody. I'm your daughter," she at last gave in full answer.
Amy and Rory stared at her, looking back between the baby and adult versions of their daughter, still fully unable to believe what they now just learned, and after the big drama with Machete and his lot as well this same very eventful day...
"Now, I think it's time to go home," the Doctor said.
And hey presto, the end result of a single hard day's work in time for the big day of New Year tomorrow for us all worldwide, hope I did a well done job with this in the end and everyone enjoyed it very much. Cos like I said at the start, it's down to my immense love for the two fake teaser trailers put up for the VERY hopefully to be actually done for real third and final Machete film of 'Machete Kills Again... in Space', the Danny Trejo character men himself and the other characters with him in the two films done for it so far, AND the inspiration for this coming from man Stand with Ward's Doctor Who/Star Wars one-shot piece, that I've been unable to resist creating this, purely for fun, nothing else. Sorry again if necessary that I didn't ask ya first before borrowing the text I was unable to resist using from yours for here, brother US, it was too perfect a help for me.
So, hope we all have a wonderful last day of 2023 tomorrow in preparation for when the bells strike midnight, and signal the beginning of VERY hopefully much better times for us all in 2024, considering what certain ones of THIS year's events have all been like. And I'll see you all myself with a brand new update on whatever. Adios, amigos, from Max/Flashraven
