From the May 18, 2023 writer's prompt on the JE FF Facebook page. Write a one-shot using the words "asking for a friend". No longer a one-shot. Not by a long shot.
All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. Mistakes are mine.
Reference to Asking for a Friend Rodriguez 2.0 and Even the Pup is an Unmentionable, Chapter 28.
Asking for a Friend Ranger 2.0
Ranger's POV
It's Friday, December 29. A sure-to-be-exciting-but-not-in-a-good-way holiday weekend is approaching. We will increase our patrolling, monitoring, and responding to calls from clients who have been "overserved" and screwed up the code to disarm their security system when they return home, hopefully driven by someone sober. Control Room employees will be calling people whose alarms go off to ask them for their security password and hope they are sober enough to remember and pronounce it. Last year a client was fortunate that Caesar answered his call and could understand him when the homeowner gave his password in an inebriated state. Seriously, who uses Popocatépetl as their security password? Luckily, Caesar was raised in Mexico and is familiar with that volcano.
The next Rangeman challenge before 2023 ends is the modern day Adonis currently standing in the middle of the Control Room floor. Dressed in a costume that can only be described as Baby New Year, he is wearing a size appropriate diaper aka a tablecloth, a "Happy New Year" banner across his impressively bare chest, and a headband with "2024" supported on two springs. As CEO of this elite security business and owner of this building, should I take action? Undoubtedly. Probably. No. Is Tank standing in his office doorway with a shit-eating grin on his face? Absolutely. Is the afore-mentioned Adonis hugging and kissing my Babe? Yes. Is she returning the affection? Again, yes. Is he ruffling Remy's ears and exchanging nose boops? As Remy's human dad, he most certainly is. Remy is proudly showing Diesel his Christmas gifts - a holiday sweater, brush, stuffed flamingo, tug of war toy, and dog treats. I heard Diesel say "that's my boy" - a clear indication that Remy told his dad about extorting the gifts from Santos and Rodriguez after their efforts to trick Steph by disguising Rodriguez. I'd be proud, too.
Why is Diesel here? After the scene at the Governor's Halloween party/political fundraiser where Rangeman provided security and Diesel unexpectedly apprehended one of his own skips, my Babe decided that Diesel should meet her godfather, Police Chief Joe Juniak, in person. The Chief is also an Army buddy of my father-in-law, Frank Plum. While some TPD patrol officers have seen Diesel during night-time patrols, the Chief has never met him.
For some unknown reason, I tell Santos to accompany Steph and Diesel to the TPD. Three trained apprehension agents inside a police station. It sounds like a low-risk operation to me. The meeting with the Chief was surprisingly uneventful. Diesel had changed into normal clothes - no idea where the "diaper" is nor do I want to know. After they return, Diesel says good-bye to Remy and tells him that he'll be back as soon as he can. And pop goes the Diesel - that's how Santos refers to Diesel's disappearing act.
After their outing to the TPD, I face another challenge with Pete and Repeat aka Frick and Frack. Things are otherwise slow for Rangeman right now. People aren't skipping bail to risk being stuck in jail over the holiday. Background searches aren't quite as plentiful. Potential business clients usually wait to run their year-end numbers to see if they can afford to hire us. Potential residential clients often wait until they get their tax refund before hiring us.
Bobby needs help with year-end inventory in his Infirmary so I send Steph (Pete/Frick) and Santos (Repeat/Frack) to the third floor. What has Brown ever done to me, you ask. Fair question. They made pretty quick work of organizing and counting supplies. Bobby now has a good starting point to work from as he updates any supplies he uses during the last three days of the year. I was concerned when they showed up on fifth floor after less than an hour in the Infirmary, especially since they were traveling by elevator. I reviewed a few minutes of video footage on third floor and saw Bobby guiding each of them by an elbow, calling the elevator with his own elbow and pushing the button for fifth floor. I texted a question mark to him. His response was that they had finished their work and were dueling with tongue depressors that they found on the floor after he had them move a few wheeled carts.
Will I ever learn? Asking for a friend.
A/N - Guest reviewer for the Ugly Christmas Sweater contest - thanks for your review! I intentionally didn't give Ranger a Christmas sweater out of deference to Robot Zombie Pineapples' story "The Sweater." Even in fiction, I don't think it's possible to get Ranger to wear a Christmas sweater more than one time! I did see an amazing black Christmas tree, decorated with black ornaments, and packages wrapped in black paper with black ribbons/bows on the Ranger Should Get the Girl FB page. I know not everyone would like it but I thought it was stunning!
