I begin this chapter with fluff and will end it with angst. TW for a non-descriptive injury near the end. And TW for a very brief mention of suicide.

AKA: For as long as Jean had known him, Kaeya had a tongue tipped with silver. For as long as Jean had known him, Kaeya;s mind had been sharper than a freshly sharpened dagger. He rarely ever did anything without calculation, and he rarely ever worded his thoughts directly. To request to end their relationship meant that he had deemed Jean untrustworthy, or perhaps he was afraid of what her reaction would be if whatever knowledge he was hiding was discovered. It was as if Kaeya had personally stabbed her.

By the time Kaeya Ragnvindr's 17th birthday came around, he was no longer the scrawny, malnourished child that looked a few years younger than he actually was. In fact, he grew tall, taller than Diluc, taller than Crepus, taller than Varka even.

Jean by no means was a short lady, but standing next to the "short" best friend who sprouted upwards seemingly out of nowhere, Jean occasionally felt out of place.

She can no longer ruffle his hair to irritate him, or lean into his shoulders in a devilish way. No, Kaeya is now making a habit of using his height advantage to annoy Jean and Diluc in every possible way. It irritated them both to no end. Although, for Jean, it was rather that it was getting to be more difficult to hide the heat in her cheeks rather than pure annoyance.

For his birthday, Kaeya asked Crepus for no celebration. Just a day to spend with Jean and Diluc. Unfortunately, the Ordo cannot miss Captains of two divisions for an entire day, so Jean was given the morning off, and Diluc the afternoon.

Jean did not expect the butterflies in her stomach when she knocked on the door of the Ragnvindr mansion on the chilly morning of November 30th. And she definitely did not expect the heat in her cheeks when the thought of spending half a day alone with Kaeya, grinning stupidly at each other crossed her mind.

His expression when he greeted her at the door was what she fell in love with, who knows how long ago. The stupid grin that glowed like the sun melted her heart.

"Happy birthday," she said, and Kaeya grabbed her hand to shyly lead her into the house. They hadn't had contact like that before. It was too unprofessional at work and improper for nobility.

Yet, Jean found that her hand was so incredibly comfortable in Kaeya's, that leaning against him in response felt as natural as breathing. He gently kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you for coming," he whispered, voice not quite hoarse, a sprinkle of pink on his cheeks.

And Jean realized that Kaeya had loved her for as long as she had loved him. So she told him so and asked if she could kiss him a happy birthday.

When he quietly agreed and their lips met, a barrier they did not know existed between them disappeared.

That day was the happiest day of Jean's life, completely devoid of worries, duties and the pettiness of fate. At noon, Jean left the Ragnvindr's not as Diluc and Kaeya's best friend, but rather Diluc's best friend and Kaeya's lover.

Alas, good things never lasted long.

Not when Kaeya was involved.

When Crepus Ragnvindr passed away, 17-year-old Jean was not able to immediately send her condolences to her best friends. When one of them lost all hope for the Knights of Favonius and left Mondstadt without leaving a trace in sight, Jean was not able to stop him. She did not try to look for him like Varka and Eroch told her to.

No, her focus was on her lover, the brother who truly vanished into thin air. The brother who no one cared enough about to send out searching troops for. The brother who was a mere lieutenant when he deserved way more recognition than what he received.

All because Mondstadtian blood did not run through his veins.

As her own troops scoured the borders between Mondstadt and Liyue, trying to catch Diluc in his leave, Jean was running haggardly across Mondstadt towards Dawn Winery, only to discover from Adelinde that Kaeya left the night previous after a fight with Diluc, taking with him nothing but his sword and the clothes on his back.

According to the guards of the city gates, Kaeya did not enter the city after he left. Jean knew for a fact that he was not in Springvale, and she knew for a fact that Kaeya was not in Liyue.

The very thought that Kaeya was outside, alone in this wet weather while dealing with the grief of losing his father, brother and family name at the exact same time made Jean want to burst into tears.

She was on the verge of collapsing to her knees in a fit of desperation by the time she was climbing Starsnatch Cliff. And then, finally, finally she saw Kaeya, standing at the very edge of the cliff, gazing up at the stars above him.

The moon glowed bright, illuminating the darkness of his hair, and suddenly Jean realized that night had fallen upon Mondstadt, and the rain that was falling so furiously what felt like mere moments ago had long stopped.

"Kaeya," she breathed as she slipped through the slick mud towards him, desperate to pull him into her arms, smother him with kisses and whispers of comfort…though he'd probably think of them as sweet-nothings at this point.

He did not so much as twitch as Jean approached him from behind, wanting to place a hand on his shoulder or call out to him but too afraid to do so. Despite the lack of tension in his posture, Jean could not help but worry deeply about his reaction to unexpected actions.

One, two, three seconds passed in silence, and Jean was about to retreat when Kaeya let out a laugh, "I'm not made out of glass Jeanie." He turned around, the small grin on his face shielding away his internal turmoil from the world, from her .

"Kaeya," Jean tested his name on her tongue. "I've been looking for you," she said, because what can you say to a person who just lost everything?

His star glitter eye twinkled with mirth at her concerned expression. "I know you know that Master Crepus has passed. Please send my most heartfelt condolences to your mother. I am aware that they were close."

"Kaeya," Jean said again, exasperated and hurt because he talked like he always did to everyone else. As if their years of friendship didn't matter. As if their love never mattered.

As if Crepus was not his father.

How could he…how dare he speak of the man who raised him like he was talking about a stranger?

An angry, sorrowful tear leaked out of Jean's eyes as Kaeya searched her face, and all of a sudden his smile expanded into a hysterically painful fit of laughter.

It was loud, and breathy, and Kaeya was shaking so much he fell to his knees like a drunk man. His hands dug into the soft earth and his eyes were wild and then ice was forming at his fingertips and only then did Jean notice the icy vision hanging at his hip. Something that was not there the day before.

How cruel of Celestia , Jean thought. To destroy his family only to replace it with power?

Jean had no vision, but she would exchange her sword, her position, her entire legacy to just get her family back.

She knelt down to his level and took him into her arms, and he struggled against her grasp for a brief moment before she forced his chin on her shoulder and ran her fingers through his hair. Resigned, he let her cry into his hair as he finally stopped shaking and the manic smile slowly vanished into nothingness.

"I love you Jean," Kaeya said so quietly it was almost lost in the wind.

But Jean heard it nonetheless. "I love you so much," she whispered back and begged, "Please, talk to me?"

She didn't know how those four words caused such aggravated actions from Kaeya, but all of a sudden he was standing with his back to her and gazing up at the stars once again. The tension in his shoulders increased tenfold. "We can't afford to be more than friends," he stated nonchalantly as she reeled from the hurt of his rejection. "Not anymore."

"Kaeya Rag-" Jean protested.

But Kaeya was having none of it. "Alberich," he corrected. "My name is Alberich.

Jean couldn't find it in herself to feel shocked.

There were only two people in the world who could hurt Kaeya so drastically he changed his last name.

And only one is alive today.

Jean searched Kaeya's face for an answer, but he simply looked at her amusingly with that star glitter eye.

She couldn't help but feel attacked.

For as long as Jean had known him, Kaeya had a tongue tipped with silver. For as long as Jean had known him, Kaeya;s mind had been sharper than a freshly sharpened dagger. He rarely ever did anything without calculation, and he rarely ever worded his thoughts directly. To request to end their relationship meant that he had deemed Jean untrustworthy, or perhaps he was afraid of what her reaction would be if whatever knowledge he was hiding was discovered. It was as if Kaeya had personally stabbed her.

In that instant she wanted to scream at him, ask him why he must hurt her like this, why he wants to torture himself, but a single glance at Kaeya's false smile told her that if she did, he may not live to see the sun come up.

Her heart ached for him, for everything he lost overnight. For how he didn't seem surprised that it was all gone in an instant, how he always laughed instead of crying.

Jean went to grab his hands in an attempt of comfort, only for him to flinch back. Then Jean saw that they were completely burnt, charred in certain areas, and the first few layers of skin on Kaeya's left hand were missing. She gasped, and started to cry again. "Kaeya, did Diluc do this to you?!" She demanded, grasping him by the elbows instead.

The corner of Kaeya's lip twitched upwards. "Yes and no," he said. "We were in the rain, and the fire was vaporizing."

Jean wished she was surprised at that confession.

"And the missing skin?!"

"Hand was burnt to the hilt of my sword."

Jean wanted to scream in rage, because how could someone, anyone do such a thing to their own brother?!

Kaeya must have seen the rage storming up in her expression, because then he said, "It was nothing I didn't deserve."

And somehow, those words made everything just that much worse.

When Jean saw Kaeya the next day and he greeted her hello with a curl to his lips and a breath of laughter hanging onto every word, she learned to hate his smile.

In my personal headcanon, it was Jean who found Kaeya after his fight with Diluc. Romantic relationship or not, that's why he cares about her so much.