Chapter 2

Isaac:

We were all getting ready for a movie marathon on the last night of our vacation. The girls were making snacks. Scott and Liam took Theo for a run. He was doing great adjusting to being a wolf and so freaking excited at learning things, especially from Liam. He was also the most relaxed wolf I have ever seen. Granted I hadn't met too many but the ones I have met, even decades old, aren't as chill as he is. I would accuse him of abusing Xanax if I didn't know it didn't really work with our systems. Makes me wonder what Stiles would be like if he was a wolf. That dude was so hyperactive he probably was still moving in his sleep. I wonder if I could ask Malia about that.

Stiles, Mason, and Corey were hanging out by the lake one last time and I was in mine and Allison's room about to make a call. I was taking Scott's advice and calling Derek. I wasn't sure what the story was there, but Scott seemed adamant that he could help, and I would do anything to make her feel better.

His phone connected but instead of ringing I got music. What the hell? That was not his style.

"Hello? Isaac?"

"Hey Derek. Did you know that your phone plays music when someone calls?"

"Yeah." he sighed. "I lost a bet."

"And your punishment was to have your phone play White and Nerdy by Weird Al?"

"Is that what it's playing? Damn it Braeden." He sighed again. I couldn't help laughing because I could hear Braeden in the background losing it.

"Oh my God, I so want to know what that bet was, now." I laughed.

"I'm sure you do but I'm not going to tell you. Anyway, what can I do for you?" he asked. I sobered up so I could tell him.

"Listen, are you going to be there tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be here. Why?"

"I need your help with something. Actually, Allison does."

"Okay… what's going on Isaac?"

"I don't want to say over the phone. And she really should be the one to explain. But Scott said that you might be able to help her work through some feelings on some things. I know this is really vague and you and the Argents don't have the best history, but I really need you to have an open mind on this."

"Now I'm curious. Does this have to do with Kate?"

"Yeah." I sighed. "I know how you feel about her and that whole thing, but I really need your help."

"Okay, I'll try to keep an open mind and help if I can."

"Thanks. I kind of feel like shit for even asking but-."

"Its for Allison. I get it. no worries. Let me know when you want to come over."

"Okay, we'll be back in town tomorrow afternoon sometimes. I'll text you when we are on the way there."

"Okay, see you then."

"yup. See you then."

I disconnected just as Allison walked in the room.

"Hey, are you coming down? the movie is prepped and ready to go."

"What are we watching?"

"Well, we let Corey pick since he is still getting caught up on things. So tonight, we are watching Superbad. He says its to get the whole high school experience before he starts in September. But I think its to torture his brother who rolled his eyes as soon as Corey named it." she giggled, her dimples peaking through.

"I seriously love that kid." I laughed.

"Me too. so come on. I really want to see Theo's reactions." She grabbed my hand to pull me up, but I yanked her down onto my lap instead.

"Before we go downstairs, give me a minute."

"Okay, what's going on?"

"I talked to someone that I think can help you deal with what you are feeling about what happened."

"You did? Who?"

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

"Good, then trust that I would not take you to someone or put you in a situation that would cause you any kind of pain."

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

Pecking her lips, I shook my head.

"I don't know how to feel about that."

"I know. But I think it will work out better this way. Just trust that I'm trying to help the best way I know how."

"Okay. I trust you. you are so lucky I love you." she said poking me.

"I am very lucky you love me." I grinned at her. "And don't start the poking game. Remember how that ended last time."

"oh, I definitely remember. I was the one being poked in the end. And I enjoyed it very much." She waggled her eyebrows.

Growling I twisted tossing her on the bed and attacking her lips while she giggled. That giggle turned into a moan when I kissed down her jaw to her neck. Her legs wrapped around me, and her fingers threaded through my hair.

"Come on guys. You can create porn later. We want to start the movie." Stiles yelled from downstairs. Stopping my assault on my favorite part, I dropped my head to her chest.

"Why do we need friends again?" I asked.

"Because they help us fight monsters." She laughed, shoving at me to get up. Sighing I did and pulled her up as well.

"Fine. But this will be continued later." I told her.

"Absolutely. I'm looking forward to being poked again."

I groaned and led my cackling girlfriend out of the room and downstairs to spend our last night away with our monster fighting friends.

Allison:

I sighed seeing the Welcome to Beacon Hills sign. We were officially back from our mini vacation. Granted it was summer break, so we were technically on vacation for a couple of months. But this was a vacation from town, from memories, from parents. Now though it was back to normal life.

I hadn't really made plans for the summer other then going to the beach and hanging out with my friends. Usually during the summer dad and I would take a trip to Paris for a month. But this year, with so much going on and him hunting for Gerard it was put off. I would need to find something to occupy my time while Isaac was working or doing the sports clinic with Liam, Scott, and Stiles.

Though tomorrow was going to be a spa day with the girls, and Theo. We had talked about it earlier this week while making dinner and Theo wanted to go. he said he always wanted to try one. he is so metro, but I love him for it.

Staring out the window I saw we were in the warehouse district and for a moment I wondered why. Then I remember our conversation from last night. my heart constricted as my breath caught in my throat.

"Isaac, what are we doing here?"

"Remember when you said you trusted me?"

"Yes but why-." My eyes widened when we pulled up to the curb. "No."

"Allison." He sighed, parking the car.

"Isaac, no. we can't be here. this can't be who you want me to talk to. It can't. What the hell?" I said my voice getting louder.

"Allison, I know what you are thinking-."

"If you know what I am thinking then you will start the car and leave." I told him, glaring.

"Alli-cat, stop." He said grabbing my face and keeping eye contact. "You trust me, right?"

"Yes, but-."

"No buts. If you trust me, then get out of the car and come with me."

"Isaac, he can't help me with this. He won't want to."

"Yes he will, and he has already agreed."

"Did you tell him?"

"No, that should come from you. I will explain it if you want me to, but I wasn't going to tell him without talking to you first. He promised to keep an open mind and help if he can."

"But Kate-."

"Is not the real issue here and you know it."

Swallowing hard I shook my head.

"I told you that I would never put you in a situation that would hurt you and I meant it. if I thought for one second that he would hold her actions against you or use it against you I would not have brought you here. Trust me Allison, please?" he pleaded.

I nodded already tearing up.

"Its going to be okay. I'll be right there with you."

"Okay."

"come on." he said letting me go and getting out.

I stared up at the brick building feeling worried, scared and a bit angry that he sprung this on me, even though I understand why he did. he opened my door and took my hand.

The lift was slow in climbing and I was getting more and more anxious as it went. I jumped when it stopped, the loud clank of metal on metal scaring me. Isaac kissed the side of my head leading me out. the door opened at the same time, and I was face to face with Derek.

I didn't hate Derek, not at all. Our relationship had been rocky from the start but was less so as time went on. now Derek's family and mine settled into a comfortable alliance but knowing how much pain Kate had caused his family still made me apprehensive about seeing any of them.

"Hey Derek, how's that ringtone working out for you?" Isaac said snickering and I could hear Braeden laugh from inside. Derek rolled his eyes walking away and leaving the door open for us.

"Come on in guys."

Isaac walked me in and over to the couch that Braeden was lounging on. I waved to her but clung to Isaac as we sat down.

"Want anything to drink?" he asked.

I shook my head, keeping my head down.

"Okay, so what did you need to talk about?" Derek asked, getting right to the point.

I kept my eyes on my hands, feeling angrier then was necessary at the moment. I can't believe Isaac brought me here of all places, to him. Why would he care about what I did? He only cared that she was dead and though I understood why I couldn't help but be angry about it.

"Allison." Isaac called.

I looked up to see all of them looking at me in concern, even Derek. Why does he look concerned? Why would he be concerned? This wasn't his problem, it was mine. he couldn't help me with this, and he shouldn't have too. this is wrong.

"I can't do this. This was a mistake. I'm sorry." I said getting up and starting for the door. Isaac caught me before I could escape.

"Stop."

'Isaac I can't do this. Why did you bring me here? he can't help me with this. Why would he?"

"You haven't even given him a chance. You need to-."

"What I need is to get out of here. we shouldn't have come here of all places. How is this supposed to help?" I yelled.

"If this is about Kate-." Derek started.

"Of course, it's about Kate." I shouted. "Its always about Kate. Its always about how horrible she was. How conniving and evil. How she caused so much pain to everyone around her."

I raked my hair back from my face, panting as I felt more anger and more pain just thinking about her.

"How much pain she caused to everyone, to me and still tried to cause me. How she kidnapped kids, kidnapped Liam. Killed innocents with out an ounce of remorse. How bat shit crazy, out of her mind she was." I was getting hysterical I knew but I couldn't control it.

"She was a monster and you hated her. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to despise her. She made me want to. Maybe that's why I-." I slapped my hand over my mouth to stop talking. But that didn't stop the sobs from breaking through. Isaac pulled me in.

"Sshhh… it's okay." Isaac said.

"I'm sorry." I squeaked out.

"Don't be. Maybe I should have handled this better. I'm sorry I didn't explain before we got here. But you need to talk this through with someone who can understand. You cant keep trying to work through this on your own."

"I don't know how to do this." I whispered.

"All you have to do is talk and trust that he won't hold what she has done against you. that's all."

I nodded and let him lead me back to the couch. A bottle of water appeared in front of me, and I looked up to see Braeden smiling sadly at me.

"Thank you." I said taking the bottle. She nodded before taking a seat next to me her hand stroking my back. I opened the bottle and drank down half before setting it down.

"Allison." Derek said taking a seat on the table in front of me. "I promised I would keep an open mind and I will. I do not blame you or Argent for anything that Kate did. those were her actions not yours. If you want to talk this through I will listen."

Taking a deep breath I nodded and retold the story for the second time in a weeks' time, gripping Isaac's hand the whole time just as I had before. Derek never made a sound as I talked, and Braeden being there helped me to not feel so overwhelmed. I didn't cry as much as the last time I told it though, so I guess that's progress. When I was done I just leaned into Isaac.

"Now, I understand why you were brought to me." he chuckled sadly. He stood and paced around the table for a minute before stopping and crossing his arms, facing us. "How much do the two of you know about my past? How much has Scott mentioned?"

"Nothing. He hasn't said a thing about it. He just mentioned that you could probably relate." Isaac answered. Derek nodded this time taking a seat in a chair.

"When I was about 15…" he launched into a story about his high school sweetheart, a girl named Paige and how he fell in love with her. But someone put thoughts in his head that unless she was changed he would eventually lose her. How he knew an alpha friend of his mothers who he talked into biting her, but the bite didn't take. Braeden joined him on his chair when he talked about how he held her as she slowly and painfully died and in order to end her suffering he killed her. it was the first time he ever took a life, and it was the life of someone he deeply loved.

"It was about a year later that I met Kate. By then I had sworn to myself that I would never put myself through that again. That I never wanted to get close to anyone outside of my family again. The pain of losing someone you love so much, stays with you and the pain of knowing that you were the one to end them is something you never really get over." He said.

I nodded, swiping at my face because that's how I felt.

"when Kate entered the picture I never even entertained the thought of getting close to her. But as you know she can be a bit relentless when she wants something." he laughed, and I chuckled knowing all to well. "She eventually wore me down and we got close. Really close. So close that I actually loved her at one point." he said, and my eyes widened. He nodded. I didn't know they had gotten that close. I know she knew him back then, but I thought maybe they just became friends.

"She was wild, fun, and adventurous. They exact opposite from Paige, and I think that's why I was attracted to her, because she didn't remind me of her. She didn't really add to my grief if that makes sense. For a while she made me forget it. She pulled me back to the land of the living so to speak. It wasn't until after the fire that I realized she had just used my grief to manipulate me into giving her what she wanted, which was information on my family. But still in my mind and heart I felt that I loved her. I hated what she did, hated the person she was once she dropped the façade, but I loved who I thought she was still. After Laura and I fled Beacon Hills and settled down in New York I still thought about her, and I still couldn't reconcile the girl that I loved with the girl she truly was or became. In my mind those were two separate people, and I couldn't… see it was just two sides of the same person."

"In my head I know it was the same person, but in my heart I can't… she was my best friend and I wanted to be just like her. But after I found out everything," I took a minute to catch my breath. "I want to hate her; I should hate her. I'm… trying to hate her. But…"

"You still love her, or who she use to be. You still held out hope that she could be that person again." He finished.

"I just want to go back to that moment. I don't regret saving Isaac; I could never regret that. But why did she have to die and why did it have to be because of me. I hate the thought of killing anyone, it feels horrible but because it was her I can't let go of this guilt that I have."

"Killing someone, anyone will always feel horrible. Even if done in self defense or defense of others its something you have to live with for the rest of your life. But killing someone you know and care about makes it ten times as bad. To this day I still think about what I did to Paige. Even though it saved her from suffering even more then she already had I still think about it. I still wished there had been another way. I wish there had been something I could have done to save her."

I nodded again.

"when it happened, my mother tried to help and so did my sisters. Laura gave me so many articles and books about grief. I went through every one of those stages twice, once for Paige and once for the Kate I knew. With Paige, I denied that she would die at all. It's why I didn't end her suffering sooner. I just knew that the bite would take if I just gave her more time. Then I got angry at her for not being strong enough, for not fighting hard enough to stay with me, to stay alive. Bargaining came right before I killed her. I prayed to every god there ever was in existence to spare her, to make her better to not make me do what I knew I would have to do. Depression is what I spent the next year experiencing. It's what led me to push everyone except my family away from me."

"Acceptance was the stage I was in when I met Kate. I accepted Paige was gone and I was still unbelievably angry over it, so I vowed to never feel that way again. Except my form of acceptance came in the form of more anger."

"And with Kate?" I asked, curious.

"After the fire and after realizing whose fault it was I went numb. Yet another girl I was close to died, because to me, my Kate died in that fire as well. I couldn't handle thinking that she really betrayed me like that. anger came when I realized it could only be her since she was the only one that knew about us at that time. there were many times Laura had to stop me from hunting her down. that was also me bargaining because I tried repeatedly to get Laura to let me go after her and make her pay for what she did when really I just wanted to prove that she was still the girl I thought I knew and wanted to bring that girl back. depression was what I spent years in until I came back to Beacon Hills. by then Laura was also gone and Peter was in the hospital. so, I kept to myself and pretty much pissed on anyone that tried to get close to me. Ask Scott how I treated him in the beginning."

"Yeah, he mentioned how much of an asshole you were in the beginning." Isaac laughed.

"I really was, and he didn't deserve it but by then I felt like I had lost everyone I loved in one way or another and I didn't want to care about anyone else. But he kept coming around and we helped each other out of a lot of jams then. Eventually we grew close and became friends, allies."

"So, when did you start to accept it?" I asked.

"Not until the night she brought you in, when you learned of the supernatural."

"You mean when she had you chained up in your basement."

"Yes. She didn't bring you there so you could learn the secret of your family. I mean that was one reason. But she brought you there to turn you into what she became. She wanted you to hate us as much as she did. by then she had turned her back on what the code was supposed to be and was just blindly killing any and every shifter she came across. And she wanted you, her niece, a teenage girl that was even younger than the age she had been when she set that fire, to be the exact same way. that's when I knew the girl I knew was gone."

"So, what do I do?"

"You feel what you feel. That's all you can do. You go through every stage, once, twice, hell three times if you need to. You move backwards and forwards if you have too. switch up the stages. You want to be angry first, be angry. You want to combine denial and depression, do that. there is no right or wrong way to grieve and its not linear. You might regress for a while before you are ready to go to the next. Its going to hurt, make you mad. You are going to have good days and bad days. You are going to scream and cry and you're going to hate the world for what happened. Don't rush it or try to bottle it up. In order to move forward and get to acceptance you need to feel it all. Most importantly you need to let those around you support you. Grieving is, not easier, but more manageable when you don't do it alone."

"Will I be able to stop thinking about it then, stop feeling guilty or hurt over it?"

"No." he sighed. "like I said something like that sticks with you for the rest of your life. But it won't consume you anymore. You won't spend every waking moment or even a large portion of your day thinking about it. it may still sneak up on you from time to time and you will be sad or angry, but it will be moments not days, not weeks or months or even years. One day you will get to a point where you're heart won't hurt so much, and your head won't play it out in a continuous loop."

I deflated a little thinking that I'll never truly be over it, but it will just be something that I will learn to live with and manage. But still, I look forward to the day when it will be just a memory that I'll be sad about in the moment, but it won't take over.

"I feel like I need to yell at her or something. I want to fight something instead of demons in my head."

"Then do it. visit her grave and tell her everything you want her to know. Or yell at an old picture of her. Write her a letter. You won't mail it but at least you will get it out. You're allowed to be angry at her, Allison. You loved her and you miss her, and you hate what happened, but you are still allowed to be angry at her."

"Did you do that?"

"For Kate? No. instead I burned everything I ever got from her or with her. With Paige, yes I yelled at the picture. Both methods were kind of cathartic. Though the burning was more fun."

Everyone laughed at that.

"Thank you." I told him. Isaac had been right; I did need to talk to him. I didn't feel a hundred percent better, but I didn't feel as weighed down as I did when I first got here.

"You're welcome." He said with a friendly smile.

"I should get you home. You're dad is probably waiting for us." Isaac said. I nodded and we all got up.

Braeden gave me a hug at the door, and we left waving goodbye.

"How do you feel?" Isaac asked me when we got to the car.

"Better. Thank you for bringing me here. I'm sorry I was a brat about it."

"You weren't a brat." He rolled his eyes. "You were just scared, and I get why. I really should have told you before hand where we were going."

"No, you were right to do it this way. I would have fought it all the way here and probably refused to go. But I'm glad I did."

"Good. I was hoping it would help. come on, let's go. I don't want to give your dad any excuse to put holes in me, then fill them with wolfsbane." He grinned.

I laughed as I climbed in the car.


-Last update for a little while. I will get back to finishing and posting this story as soon as possible. But new year and so many things going on in RL. Please be patient.