Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, nor do I own When the World's Not Ending, by Smartalec121 or any of their associated works.
Off the Beaten Path
Chapter: 30/ Finding Stillness in the Storm
"Guilmon… I did it to him again… I'm going to lose him for sure this time."
Rika lifted an eyebrow as Takato sat up with a groan. She felt an instinctual alarm go off in her head at his words. In the weeks since knowing him, she had heard hints of some deeper scarring involving his partnership with Guilmon. A dark digivolution perhaps. She never pressed about it, sensing how personal it was for them. The time for that was gone now.
"What's this all about?" she asked. Her voice was concerned, but firm, urging him to answer and to do so quickly for his partner's sake. Something of her urgency reached him and when he spoke, it was like a dam opened.
"My feelings… I've lost control of myself again! Every time I do that, a part of him disappears! I thought I lost that when Yamaki died, but when I felt Guilmon get hurt…" His mouth worked as he struggled to continue. His eyes rose in the direction where smoke rose. The sounds of battle had ceased, but the look of horror in Takato's eyes spoke of another fight. One on the inside. "I'm going to lose him."
"You're not losing anything, Takato," she insisted. Grabbing hold of him by the hand, she gave him a tight squeeze to get his attention. As hoped, his eyes turned back toward her.
"You don't understand," and she heard the desperate terror in his voice. "You didn't see what I turned him into the first time!"
"I know," she replied, her voice softening a little. "But I still know what Guilmon is like. And I know what you are like. Neither of you hurt me during your last freakout. You listened when you heard me instead. Neither of you want for this to happen." She gave his hand another squeeze. "I don't know what you two have gone through, but from the moment I've met you, you've always wanted what was best for others."
She flashed back to when she talked them out of blowing themselves up. Even then, he had been seeing it from the view of his death being what was best for everyone. Best for Guilmon, so he wouldn't be affected. Best for the others, so they wouldn't die because of him.
"And Guilmon," she continued, a small smile drawing on her lips, "has been nothing but a sweet, bread-snarfing doofus that's still your best friend. Whatever's going on with him over there, he doesn't want anybody to get hurt and neither do you. We can still stop things from getting worse."
Her hand massaged his skin, trying to soothe out his worries. Takato gazed into her eyes, confusion writ within them.
"I'm… I'm not like that other version of me you met," he said.
"Of course not. You're you," she said, still smiling. "You're Gogglehead. You're Takato. And no matter what you've gone through, you still want to do right by others. Especially Guilmon. So how about we get over there and help him together? We can do this."
Takato shifted uncertainly. As he did so, there came a small, metallic clink as a lighter slipped out of the pocket of his uniform. Both their eyes turned to it, recognizing it as belonging to Yamaki. Picking it up, Takato gazed at it for a moment before tightening his grip about it. He sniffed, and though fresh tears spilled down his face, Rika saw renewed determination alloying with his grief.
"Let's go," he said, getting up. Still holding his hand, she joined him.
"Are you all right?" she asked, seeing the wince in his face. Whatever happened earlier that brought him down, the effects were still present.
"I'll have to be," Takato replied. Rika pressed her lips together, but she nodded.
Hand in hand, they raced together down the street to join their partners.
###
Kyubimon waited. Across from her, BlackGrowlmon stood, growling and trembling with barely contained violence. His dilated pupils radiated pure rage and little streams of flame rose from his nostrils with every angry breath.
Why hasn't he attacked me? she wondered. She couldn't help but be curious. The emotions she sensed from the Champion were wild and insanely charged, but at the same time oddly restrained. His intense posture suggested he was struggling over something.
The ground shook as Antylamon came in for a landing, and at once BlackGrowlmon whirled about, snarling dangerously. Yet, again, he chose not to attack. Instead, he crouched, claws held in front of him like spears and flames flickering about his fangs.
"Do not attack!" Kyubimon warned. "Make no aggressive moves!"
Antylamon set Suzie down and knelt protectively in front of her partner. Yet, she did as Kyubimon suggested, keeping her limbs loose and lowered.
"What's going on?" Suzie asked. "Where's Takato?"
"He will be here," the kitsune replied. "For now, make no sudden movements. Do nothing to provoke your friend."
Overhead, she heard the sound of helicopters. BlackGrowlmon's head rose, tracking the source of the sound. Kyubimon's heart raced, fearing the worst.
"Guilmon!" Takato's voice then came loud and clear, and BlackGrowlmon's eyes snapped over in the direction of the approaching boy. Risking a glance, Kyubimon found Rika with him, the two hand in hand. Takato sweated profusely, and he looked pale and sick from his earlier agony. But he was standing and she saw something in his eyes – a flicker of determination – that had been absent these last few days. BlackGrowlmon instantly responded to it, and with a single blink, his eyes began to return to normal.
"Ta…kato…" he rasped. Tears sprang to life at the corners of his eyes and he began to relax. "Is-Is it lunch time, Takatomon?"
"Guilmon…" Separating himself from Rika, Takato quickly went over to his partner and pressed himself against his gigantic knee. The fog in BlackGrowlmon's eyes further clearing, he looked down at himself, taking note of his black scales.
"Takatomon… I've become scary again, haven't I?"
"Only if you find huge, dinoboys scary," Rika joked while approaching. "But I wouldn't call you that, Dinoboy."
"I look kind of scary," BlackGrowlmon said, looking over his arms uncertainly. "Not as bad as before, but still scary. I want to go back to being Guilmon again."
"C-Can you?" Takato asked, pulling back. Rika cocked her head to one side questioningly. She sensed that he meant something other than merely de-digivolving.
"I-I don't know," BlackGrowlmon replied. "I'm trying to go back, but… I think I'm stuck."
Takato's face fell at that. Running a hand over his partner's scales, he spoke.
"We'll figure it out, boy," he said with a throaty whisper. "We have to."
###
He watched from above, his fangs grating against one another. He was very disappointed. Once again, just as he feared, the Tamers had won where there should have been defeat.
Again, my efforts have failed. The Hazard Tamer's partnership should have ended here. His fire remains. Red eyes moved toward Rika, and he felt a cold rage rise at seeing her. She's the key to maintaining it.
He withdrew to plan his next move.
###
Himiko was typing her report as, across from her, the news played the scene from earlier that day. BlackGrowlmon was roaring at the sky. The recording drew back to the corner of the screen, revealing a news anchor.
"While the government agency, Hypnos, has yet to provide any comment, digimon media experts have stated that this is called a 'dark digivolution,' and is usually the result of intensely negative emotions intermixing with a digimon's natural evolution. For more on this topic, we bring you to Professor Haruhiko Takenouchi, anthropology professor at Kyoto University. Professor, how would you…?"
The door to her office opened. Himiko hit the mute button. Looking up, she found Riley Ootori standing in the doorway.
"Well?" Himiko asked. "I'm busy salvaging the Tamers' reputation. What can I do for you?"
"It's been over three hours. Guilmon hasn't reverse-digivolved," Riley reported. "Rika has suggested an alternate method for helping him."
Riley leaned back in her chair. Her expression was flat and her eyes glinted with annoyance.
"I'm not going to like this am I?"
"She is taking him to her home. She assures us he'll be more relaxed there than in a lab."
"I take it you let them go?"
Riley fell silent. Himiko sighed and then returned to her report.
"Well, I suppose it's better than renting puppies and kittens for him to play with. The public is still going to eat us alive. The celebrity nature of her mother will definitely not be…" She paused. "Rika did contact her parents for permission?"
"She spoke at length with her family. It seems to be the case."
"Terrific. I'll have to contact her agency then and see whether or not we can spin this as a kind of charity work. Something that will help drive more positive public sentiment for the Tamers."
Riley frowned slightly. "I thought you didn't approve of the Tamers program."
"I'm in the hot seat, Ootori. I still have to make programs work regardless of how I feel about them. As have you, if I'm not mistaken." Threading her fingers together, Himiko then returned to her work. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. If that's everything…?"
Riley took her leave, and once again Himiko was alone with her thoughts. She tapped her nails on her desk, thinking over how she was now going to have to rewrite much of what she typed up to include this new and very important detail.
First thing's first however, she thought. Better get this official.
Taking out her cellphone, she looked up Alamanda's number and hit the call button.
###
"Rika, I still don't think this is a good idea."
Rika turned to look back at Takato. Behind him, BlackGrowlmon towered over him, looking concerned.
"Me too," BlackGrowlmon nodded. "What if-What if I lose control again?"
Rika gave the pair a comforting smile. "You boys need to have more faith in yourselves," she said. Turning away, she went up to the front door of her home and pushed it open. "Suzie had no problems with it before leaving, so you should too. Come on in."
Truth be told, she was a little bit nervous. While dark digivolution presented an unknown variable, BlackGrowlmon's quick recovery more than convinced her of his safety. Her anxiety instead came from her family.
Grandma's okay with it, but Mom and Dad sounded pretty reluctant. Dad, probably because of Mom more than anything.
Her mother had been largely cautious voicing her opinions since the incident at the hospital, but it remained no great secret that she disapproved of her daughter's career. At present, only the threat of Hypnos looming large behind her kept Rumiko from saying no when she asked to stash Takato's partner at her place until he shrank to a more manageable size.
Her grip around her bag strap tightened, remembering her mother's behavior following her return from Yamaki's funeral. She had to remember that she was trying to be accepting, in spite of her fears.
"Grandma?" she called upon entering her front yard. Behind her, BlackGrowlmon ducked his head to avoid hitting the main entry. He looked rather sheepish about entering her home like this.
"Rika?" came her grandmother's response. "Is that you?"
The elder matriarch of the household stepped into view and at once her eyes lit up with surprise at the sight of Takato and BlackGrowlmon. Both of them waved uncertainly.
"Um, hello," Takato greeted sheepishly. "Sorry about this."
Seiko graced the boy with a warm, welcoming smile to set him at ease. "It's no trouble at all. I have cookies in the oven. How do you like them?"
"Ah… Y-You really shouldn't have," Takato stammered out. "W-We not staying for very long."
"You said it took Dinoboy a while to reverse digivolve back when it was completely new for him." Rika gave Takato a pointed look, indicating she wasn't fooled by his attempt at politeness. "So, unless he changes back in short order, you can forget this whole 'not staying' nonsense because you are."
She saw a range of emotions flash across Takato's face. Many of them weren't what she'd call 'good,' but she was nonetheless relieved to see them. He had been too long without them. She wondered how long they would stick around before he locked up again. Or, failing that, how he would be with his 'emotional volume' going forward.
Are Guilmon's dark digivolutions his new default now? she wondered. Remembering the black, angelic knight he and Takato became, she shivered unconsciously at the prospect. There was something inherently wrong with seeing these two in that form.
"I'm sorry," BlackGrowlmon said to Seiko, and to the surprise of the elder matriarch of the household, the towering Champion bowed to her politely. "This doesn't normally happen. I mean, it used to, but not in a long, long time."
Approaching BlackGrowlmon, Seiko folded her hands in front of her. "Sometimes, these things happen," she said kindly. "But the important thing is that you work to do better." She then cast her gaze over at Takato. "Isn't that right?"
Takato met Seiko's eyes for a minute before sliding them away, as if in shame. Seiko's gaze softened, but she didn't lose her smile.
"Well, even Rika fell more than a few times when she began bouldering."
"Bouldering?" Takato arched an eyebrow in time with BlackGrowlmon, who became very curious.
"Is that like food?" the dinosaur asked.
"It's a climbing sport," Rika blushed. "And I did fall a few times at first. More than a few times actually. It takes some practice and I kind of need to get back into it before I lose my touch at it." She grimaced. "I…fell a lot recently trying to get back into it. It's not something you can just pick up, especially when you have a lot on your mind."
Rika crossed her arms, fuming a little at having her earlier mistakes aired out in the open like that. She understood why her grandmother did so. Drawing parallels between Takato and Guilmon's 'fall' and her own falls during bouldering would be useful in helping Takato and Guilmon come to terms with what happened. She still felt embarrassed all the same though.
I wonder if Other-Me would even admit to something like that. Probably not. But then, she probably boulders a lot more than me so she probably doesn't even slip anymore.
Rika felt a flash of irritation at her counterpart. Despite Renamon and Toshiko's words, she couldn't help but feel that Other-Rika had it far easier compared to her.
I have so much to catch up on…
"Rika?"
"Hm?" Rika turned toward her grandmother.
"I said you should probably hurry up and go back to school. I know it's late, but you should still be there. It'll make things easier later." She smiled at Takato. "You should do the same. I'll keep an eye on your partner."
"But-But…" Takato protested.
"I will be here to keep an eye on him as well," spoke up Kyubimon, phasing into view next to BlackGrowlmon.
"I'm sure it won't be necessary," Seiko said with a smile. "But your friend will enjoy your company. I'd like to get to know you better as well. You're always keeping out of sight."
Kyubimon blushed beneath her fur and looked away.
"It is…inappropriate, given circumstances."
"Oh, don't be like that," Seiko laughed. "You're part of the family now. And even if you weren't, there's no reason why we shouldn't be friends." She then looked back up at BlackGrowlmon. "Do you prefer chocolate or peanut butter?"
BlackGrowlmon's golden eyes shone with happiness at the offer.
Takato pressed his lips together tightly. Rika could guess what was going through his mind.
###
"Man, your grandmother is brave."
Rika found herself smiling at Takato's compliment as they left her home behind.
"She's always been pretty good at that," she replied, a note of pride creeping into her voice.
Takato cast a concerned look over his shoulder.
"I don't know about leaving her alone with him though. The first time Guilmon digivolved, I mean, okay, he didn't hurt me or anything, but he kind of freaked me out. I was so sure he was going to have me for a snack."
Rika arched an eyebrow at him. "Why would you think that?" she asked. Again, she sensed the weight of history behind his words. Takato didn't strike her as the sort of person who said things like that without reason. "He was fine today. Grandmas got him wound about her finger already."
Takato's step slowed, as if in reluctance to leave his partner alone with her grandmother.
"It's just…there were times where it was like Guilmon forgot I was even there. When I first brought him to the park so he could have a place to stay, we were attacked by a Fugamon. And the way he acted then…" He shook his head, trying to blot out the memory. It had easily been the most frightened he could remember being, if only because the experience had been so new and raw and completely unexpected. It all happened so quickly. Fugamon tore at them, screaming excitedly and the next thing Takato knew the Champion's bone club caused the ground beneath them to erupt violently, sending them both flying through the air.
Even today, he could close his eyes and still hear Fugamon's maniacal screams and the smell of dirt. But more, he remembered the sound of Guilmon's animalistic growling as he emerged from the dust cloud, eyes dilated and fangs bared.
The similarities between the two hung in the back of his mind ever since, and when Guilmon digivolved for the first time, he saw Fugamon's hunger for data. It had been Growlmon suddenly realizing he was scaring his partner that changed things between them for the better, but that first battle remained a scar that, every now and then, made its presence known.
"That sounds a little different from what you were talking about earlier," Rika said, bringing him out of his reverie. Takato sighed.
"I guess… No, you're right. I'm blaming him for something that I'm the one to blame for. If I didn't keep my emotions under control, he wouldn't have digivolved like that. He…"
"Takato. You really need to stop that."
"Huh?"
"That thing you're doing where you blame yourself and act like you've just made Guilmon do the worst thing possible." Rika huffed in frustration. "I mean, I get where you're coming from, but you've just been through a rough time. It makes sense for the both of you to be a little wired, but let's get one thing real here. You didn't make him do anything bad, and Guilmon didn't do anything bad either. He took out the Tyrannomon and other than that, he's been his usual self. A bit more 'usual' than he's been actually."
Takato sighed again. "Well, that I can actually blame myself for."
"Takato…"
"It's true." Running his hand through his hair, he closed his eyes. "I know how I've been feeling lately. And I've been at this long enough to know when how I feel affects Guilmon. I've felt so…so cold lately, it's like I was an entirely different person. And Guilmon… He's been a little off lately because of that. He's not your average digimon. He's a part of me."
Rika thought back to the drawing she saw of Guilmon when she first visited Takato's home. She knew the card lists well enough and kept up to date with them. No Guilmon existed even in the recent releases. Takato hadn't said anything, but with the scanning function of the digivices, it didn't seem out of the realm of possibility that Takato created his partner.
"He's a part of me, and it took me a long time to realize how important it was for me to control myself," Takato continued. "Because I know what I can turn him into when I'm at my worst."
She saw a shadow pass over Takato's face, and it became clear to her that BlackGrowlmon and even the fallen knight the two of them evolved to were far from the first dark forms Guilmon had taken since coming into existence.
"You're not alone though," Rika said, softening her tone for him. "You can't keep acting like you're the only one who affects Guilmon. Because he affects himself too and he saw he needed to walk back from the edge. He's not a doll, Takato. He has feelings too. And the last thing he wants to do is hurt someone."
She gave Takato a warm smile. "That's why I think he'll be okay. Besides, if Grandma's cookies don't help him calm down and reverse digivolve, then nothing can."
Takato cast another look over his shoulder doubtfully, but she could see his mind working behind his eyes. It was like winter had suddenly given away to spring.
Tears crept into the corners of his eyes and he hastily wiped them away.
"T-Thanks," he said shakily, and she saw, to her amazement, the sheer amount of force he needed to keep from losing control then and there. He flashed her a hasty smile. "A-Anyway, this is where I've got to go." He gestured lamely down a random street. "I'll, uh, see you later?"
"My place," she nodded, still smiling at him. "We still on for training?"
Takato nodded. Swallowing, he started to head off, only to hesitate at the last minute. Rika raised an eyebrow at him, but waited for him to speak.
"I just got to thinking… In that other universe, our other selves are friends, right?"
"Good friends," Rika said, emphasizing that. She wasn't about to talk about the romantic tension between them, but she doubted it could have been there if their bond didn't have some strength behind it. "Why?"
"I guess…I can see why he would be friends with her. I mean, since you're you and, well…" He fidgeted. "I just wish I knew what she saw in him so I could be a better friend for you."
Rika resisted the urge to clasp hold of his hand. Instead, she placed hers on his shoulder.
"I think the fact that you're even asking that question might be one reason why," she said. The realization hung there, and she found herself unable to let go of it. The more she thought about it, the truer it felt.
Probably more for her than for me, she thought. Dad left in her universe. The fact that he tries so hard to be her friend, even with how prickly she can be, probably means a lot to her.
"Just be you, Gogglehead," she continued. "The best version of you in this world. Not some other one. This one." She gave Takato's shoulder a soft squeeze before letting go. "You're the version I like best, so don't even think about trying to be any other version of you. Or else."
Takato blinked. His mouth worked, but she could see he was having trouble organizing his thoughts.
Well, today's been a rough day for him, she thought, gazing at the bandage on his cheek, covering the bruise from earlier. She still wondered about that, but that was for another time.
"Better get going, Gogglehead," she smirked playfully. "I'll catch you later."
"R-Right," he stammered out. "I'll try not to get detention this time. Later."
With that, Takato turned and hurried off. Rika watched him go for a moment before sighing. "I really need to start taking my own advice."
###
Riley Ootori stood in the Danger Room. The environment this time was of a simple, metal room, set to tall and wide with no obstructions. She looked at the D-Ark in her hand. How many hours had she helped Yamaki and Janyu put into its crafting? How many sleepless nights? She no longer knew. But looking at it brought those evenings to mind.
They'll never happen again. I'll never be working by his side again.
She pushed such thoughts to the side. She couldn't afford to be distracted now. Despite her best efforts though, her feelings remained, hanging just in her periphery, watching her, waiting for the moment when she let her guard down to strike again and remind her that Yamaki was dead and would never be coming back.
"Ms. Ootori?" came Shibumi's voice from the loudspeaker. "Are you all right?"
Riley shook herself.
"Yes, I am," she said. "Proceed with testing."
There was a pause on his end before Shibumi announced, "Activating Sleipnir."
Riley drew in a deep breath as the air around her began to shift and alter. A fine mist began to form around her and her skin prickled though there was no chill. Rather, it was more like a static charge ran along her body.
"Information transfer beginning," Shibumi reported. "Quantum teleportation at 30 percent… Fifty… Zero Arms Sleipnir is preparing to bio-emerge."
Fast, Riley thought, and as a shadowy figure began to take shape within the mist, she wondered if she were truly prepared to do this.
Well, it's too late now. I'm just going to have to be all right.
"Okay, Sleipnir," she said quietly. "Let's do this."
The serpentine figure of Sleipnir became more detailed as it solidified. She found it curious that the program resembled a dragon so much. The data from Henry and Terriermon that had so strongly influenced its earlier behavior didn't appear to have done the same for its appearance.
Why is that? she wondered. Is it because of its relation with Grani's data?
Eyes lit up the mist and Riley set such thoughts aside for the time being. The present demanded her attention.
The tingling on her skin sharpened for a brief moment and then dampened. The mist dispersed, and the dragonic form of Sleipnir rose above her.
"Quantum teleportation complete," Shibumi said. "Zero Arms Sleipnir has now realized."
Riley nodded while above her, Sleipnir tilted its head curiously, its grey eyes processing her presence. She frowned.
Its eyes are supposed to be gold.
Here, it seemed was the influence from Henry she was looking for.
"Hello," Sleipnir said and Riley shuddered. Henry! It sounded like Henry!
"Hello," she returned cautiously. "Do you know who you are?"
Sleipnir's grey eyes flashed silver before dropping down to get a closer look at her.
"I am Zero Arms Sleipnir, unit 001. You are Riley Ootori… One of my programmers?"
Riley felt a chill run down her spine. Sleipnir sounded friendly enough, but she sensed something in its voice. Puzzlement. Something in those grey eyes tickled the back of her mind.
"Yes, though Janyu Wong did more than me," she said, choosing to follow her instincts.
"Dad!" Sleipnir exclaimed suddenly, and for half a second Riley could have sworn she was actually speaking to Henry and not the Sleipnir program. Sleipnir's eyes flashed, and it pulled away. It looked about the room for a moment before returning its attention to Riley.
"Something… Something is missing," it said, and its voice sounded strangely hurt and confused. "Where's Suzie? Where's Dad?"
Oh, crap, Riley thought in horror.
9
