February One Year Later
Pony
I can feel both Liz and Darry staring at me from the other side of the table, "You know Pony," Darry starts, "You are running out of time to make a decision." He reminds me, I have lost count of how many times he's reminded me of this since the acceptance letters and scholarships started coming in almost two months ago. I groan running my fingers through my hair,
"I know, I know." I reply. At this point I have maybe a week to decide and that's pushing it, Boston College and Michigan have been calling every other day, and Boston University and Colgate at least once or twice a week.
"Are you thinking about not going for hockey?" Darry questions, I shake my head immediately, hockey is the only thing right now that I can clearly see in the future, everything else is a muddled mess and that's putting it lightly.
"Is this about Payton?" Liz asks gently putting her hand over mine, I'd be lying if I said I expected Payton to play any part of me deciding where to go to college and play hockey, I figured we'd date until senior year ended and then go our separate ways. Shit I was wrong. After two years of constantly trying to push people away and not get close to someone, and being angry at the world, Payton snuck her way in without me realizing she was doing it, and all of a sudden things started making sense again. It was almost like I could breathe, and I was finally able to move past what happened in Tulsa and start looking forward to the future. And now after being inseparable since we started dating over a year ago, we were both facing the very real situation of being separated in six months by 3000 miles and an entire country. And it sucks. "I love Payton you know that, but you need to do what's best for you." Liz says quietly, Darry nods in agreement.
"I'll make a choice by tomorrow." I tell them both, "I need to get to practice." Truth is later that night after practice I'm not any closer to making a choice, I slammed my laptop shut causing Payton who had been dozing off next to me to jump. "Sorry baby." I tell her,
"You, ok?" She questions her voice still laced with sleep; she sits up rubbing her eyes. She looks exhausted, she hasn't come out and said it but this whole situation is wearing on her too.
"What are we going to do Pay?" I ask her, she shrugs slowly.
"I don't know." She replies quietly, she had gotten early acceptance to Stanford back in October, her entire future that she had planned is laying out in front of her, and I feel like shit for making her even consider not going. I flop on my back, head on my pillow,
"Come here." I say softly, Payton scoots in closer to me until she's pressed against my side, her head on my chest, her right arm over my stomach and her legs tangled up with mine. "You think we could do the long-distance thing?" I ask as I run my fingers through her hair,
"Is that something you want?" She replies,
"I don't want to lose you; I don't think I can handle losing you." I tell her, I know deep down that's my issue, I am scared to death of losing her, of losing someone else that I love, honestly, I don't think I could handle it. I'd give up hockey and follow her out west if it meant not going through that again. Payton sits up,
"You listen to me, even if I go to California and you stay here, you are not losing me." She says firmly, in a rare moment of me being vulnerable, I had given her an edited version of what happened in Tulsa, part of me figured she'd walk out and that would be it but she hadn't and that's the day I realized just how much I loved her. "Just get that thought out of your head." She leans in rubbing her nose against mine, "You're freaking stuck with me." She adds with a grin before brushing her lips against mine.
"I can think of worse things." I reply, I pause as Payton adjusts herself next to me, "I'm thinking Boston College." Payton tilts her head to look at me,
"Dad and Uncle Josh will be thrilled." She replies, both her dad and Uncle had gone to school there, and they are pretty close friends with the coach. "I think it's a good choice." She adds. She pauses and looks at me, and then blurts out,
"What if I stayed here? I mean I could go to Harvard or Boston College, or BU." I look at her puzzled,
"I didn't even know you applied anywhere else but Stanford." I say, she nods untangling herself from me getting up and grabbing a stack of paper from her school bag, she hands them to me. I scan through them,
"Why didn't you tell me you were applying for schools here?" I ask trying my hardest not to get my hopes up, this is the girl who has wanted Stanford since she was three.
"I didn't want you to try and talk me out of it." She pauses, "But I did some thinking, and I don't think I want to be 3000 miles from home, I don't want to be in California alone." She thinks a second, "After Carter the only thing I wanted was to get out of Boston, get away from him and that whole mess." She sniffles and that's when I realize she's close to tears, "After Carter I had no idea who to trust, shit I thought he loved me and he was just using me, and then I started second guessing everything and everyone. I didn't know who wanted to be friends with me because they actually liked me or because my last name happens to be Cooper." I stare at her as the tears start falling, she hurriedly wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I figured I could start over at Stanford, and then you came along and quite literally turned my world upside down, and now the thought of being in California and starting over doesn't sound like such a good idea." Payton pauses trying to compose herself, "And I'm scared, I am so scared of the way I feel about you, and I am so scared of never feeling this way again, and I'm so scared if I do go to Stanford that I'm going to lose what we have." Despite her best efforts to compose herself, Payton dissolves into tears burying her face into my chest, my shirt muffling the sounds of her crying. I say nothing just hold her close to me until she cries herself out, she sits up her eyes are red and puffy, "That's why I applied for schools here." She finishes.
"Not to sound selfish but I would love for you to stay in Massachusetts, I'd even take the east coast." I tell her, Payton sighs leaning in kissing me.
"I'm going to withdraw my application for Stanford tomorrow." She murmurs in between kisses as she tugs my shirt over my head,
"You sure?" I mumble, trying to keep a coherent string of thoughts as Payton starts kissing my neck, she looks up at me,
"Positive." She says I can't help but smile as I roll over pushing her onto the bed.
Payton
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Mom asks, I nod,
"I am." I reply. My parents have always been big on letting Sawyer and I make our own decisions and supporting us regardless of their own opinions, they both believe that making mistakes is the only way to really learn, so unless we are doing something incredibly stupid or dangerous, they almost always let us make our own decisions.
"I'm going to come out and say it I'm relieved that you'll be staying in Boston." Dad declares, Uncle Josh and Aunt Kristen both nod their heads in agreement. While they had been supportive about me going to Stanford, I know that none of them were entirely thrilled with the idea of me being on the opposite side of the country. Actually, if I think about it none of my family had been.
"Greg please." Mom tells him, he shrugs, settling back into the couch, "Payton love we just want to make sure you're making this decision for the right reasons and you're doing it because this is what you really want and not what other people want." She says this gently but it's pretty clear as to what she's implying.
"I already told you he didn't ask me to stay in Boston." That had been the first question mom had asked when I came home and told her I was withdrawing from Stanford. I know she genuinely likes Pony but she's a mom first and I get her concern that I was staying here for him, and that if we ended badly, I would end up regretting not going. "There are a lot of reasons why I'm not going."
"Even if he is the reason that she's not going, I can think of a lot worse reasons." Dad chimes in, I have to admit I was surprised at how well he took the fact that I was in a serious relationship, after Carter, he had warned me the next guy I dated was going to have to prove himself. From day one dad has said nothing but good things about Pony and gone out of his way to make him feel welcome. Not that mom hasn't been, but she's been a bit more cautious and has reminded me this past year to take things slowly.
"You're only saying that because he reminds you of yourself." Mom tells him,
"He's got a much better attitude, then Greg ever had." Uncle Josh chimes in, my dad flips him off and the two of them crack up into laughter.
"On that note we're going over to Uncle Thomas's house for cards." Mom says standing up, everyone else following her cue, "You sure you don't want to come?"
"I've got some homework to do." I reply, this is actually a lie I'm completely caught up and have actually worked ahead but I am in desperate need of some quiet time. Mom leans over pressing a kiss to my head,
"Ok well if you need anything we all have our phones on us, and we shouldn't be home too late." I nod as I watch them leave the room and hear the door that leads to the garage close. I head up the stairs and into my bedroom stripping my clothes off dumping them in the hamper before taking a long hot bath. Once I get out, I throw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt running a brush through my hair pulling it up into a bun, before I grab my book and head downstairs to the library. I push the door open inhaling the smell of books, I think I may be the only person to use it on a regular basis. There is something oddly comforting about the room, the scents of both the leather couch and chairs mixed with books, and it's quiet, even if the house is full of people the library is always quiet. Dad had wanted to put a TV in there and mom had put her foot down, she had allowed dad to put in a record player, and I pop on a Beatles record, grabbing one of the blankets mom has over the couch and snuggling into the soft leather. I get lost in the book and only look up when I hear someone calling my name,
"Earth to P." Sawyer says, "I didn't even realize you were home until I saw the door to this room was opened." He adds. "You, ok?" He questions tilting his head to the side studying me, I put my book down,
"Yeah, just wanted some quiet." I tell him my voice barely above a loud whisper, loud voices just clash with the vibe of the room.
"I heard that you withdrew from Stanford." He starts, "I don't know if this matters but I for one think you are making the right choice." He rests his hand on my knee, "I know you Pay, and I think we both know you'd have been miserable that far away." I nod in agreement, "On that note I'm going to leave you be, but if you want to hang out with us, we'll be downstairs."
"We?" I question.
"Robbie and Pony came over, if you're interested." He grins before turning and heading out. I read another chapter before making my way downstairs.
