We all do stupid things when we're young. The first time we get drunk when we're teens (if you're a teen and you're reading this, I strongly advise not to. Get drunk as a teen, I mean), the results could be catastrophic.
Some people tell their secrets to everyone, others do embarrassing things.
Me? Well.
I snogged my enemy.
Okay, that was a bit dramatic. Enemy is a strong word, so I could call Potter my… nemesis?
Ever since we had first met at the Hogwarts Express, we had our differences. With Snape as my best friend, it could only get worse.
And it did.
Snape and Potter hated each other so fiercely it astounded me at first. They would get in arguments, call each other names and, of course, duel each other. A lot.
Sirius encouraged Potter. It wasn't uncommon to see the pair of them ganging up on Snape, for various reasons.
Snape could defend himself, as I saw constantly, but I had to help him a few times – 3 on 1 were terrible and unfair odds.
As if just being responsible for my oldest friend's fights wasn't enough, Potter also terrorised other kids – and that pissed me off for real.
We started to argue a lot: me, red-faced and angry, ready to rip his head off; him, nonchalant and having fun, smirking as if he owned the world.
He irritated me other times too. By second year, Potter never failed to provoke me at least twice a week, and things only grew from there.
I was a defender of the weak, he was their tormentor. I aspired to be a Prefect, he wished to create chaos. I believed in inter-houses cooperation, he had a list with all the Slytherins he'd hexed.
So, yes. Nemesis.
When I found out Remus would be my fellow Prefect, I was glad. Although I despised two of his mates, Rem was a good friend. I also hoped this would at least minimise Black and Potter's shenanigans.
Boy, was I wrong.
Not only did they keep it all going, Potter started to look at me. Like, proper stare. Mary and Marlene noticed it too, and they teased me endlessly about it.
"Well, at least he's hot," Marlene said when I asked them to stop, "it makes other blokes notice you too, and then you'll find someone you like."
She was right on both accounts: on the Hollowe'en Hogsmead outing, I had not one, but four invites for a date.
And hell, he was bloody hot.
Boys have growth-spurs like you wouldn't believe. Black and Remus had grown during our Fourth Year. Potter was way too skinny, towered by his best mate.
But had he grown during that Summer! He was almost Black's height, and the muscles he used for Quidditch started to fill out – although he remained with his gangly shape. But it worked for him. The hazel eyes and provoking smirk made girls fawn over him, and words of a fan club being created made his very healthy ego grow even more.
The first day of the Christmas break was actually mid-December. I stayed at Hogwarts to make Mary company, since her parents had to travel for work and she didn't want to spend Christmas alone.
The Marauders also stayed behind, so the Gryffindor Tower wasn't as empty as we thought it would be. All in all, there were about twenty students in the school over the break, most of them Fifth year and beyond.
With teachers being more lenient, Potter and Black considered a regular Tuesday as the perfect day to throw a party in one of the abandoned classrooms. The only students that weren't invited were the Slytherins, and I was glad of that – that same day I had argued with Snape about his weird mates.
Although I disliked the organisers, I would be lying if I said they didn't know what they were doing. Aware of that, I joined Mary and Marlene as we made our way to the party.
To no one's surprise, we all had a blast: enough food for twice the people present, good music, drinks (alcoholic or not) that didn't end, and a made-up dance floor. I admit I drank a lot more than what I should've (again, please don't drink if you're underage), but I was properly angry at Snape, Mary and Marlene were having too much fun and I wanted to have that much fun too.
Of course, it didn't go unnoticed. My perpetual starer/demon smirked widely as he saw me on the transfigured couch, laying down clearly intoxicated.
"Had one drink too much, Evans?" Potter asked, arrogant and infuriatingly sober.
"Perhaps," I chose to answer, closing my eyes. I heard his chuckle, then felt him lifting my legs and occupying the space he created.
"That's not very Prefect-ish of you," he tsked, "what will those impressionable lads think, if this is the example you're setting."
"Sod off, Potter," I replied quietly. He laughed quietly again, then went silent for a few minutes.
"But really, are you okay? Because from what I know you usually don't drink much…"
"You don't know me that well," I grumbled, but I was slightly touched.
"I know a bit," he argued.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, then."
"Why do you sound like you don't believe me?" Potter asked.
"Because I don't," I threw my arms over my eyes.
"Well, you should. I mean it."
"Okay."
Only when he squeezed my calf did I notice he had been massaging my feet since sitting down. I uncovered one eye to look at him.
"I do," he insisted, hazel eyes intense. "I know you like to pour syrup on your plate before adding your waffles. I know you like to sit in the middle of the class so your neck won't ache from being too close. I know you don't actually hate Quidditch."
I had to remove my arms from my face; my chin had fallen down.
"I know you argued with Snape today and it probably has to do with the amount of alcohol you just drank, since you don't like to drink too much."
I sat down, getting a lot closer to him, but reclaiming my legs and sitting on them.
"Why are you stalking me?" I asked what I wanted to do ever since he started staring at me.
"I don't know," he confessed in a whisper.
I noticed his eyes dropping to my lips; I saw him gulping; I watched his tongue wet his lips.
"But I just can't stop," he added in the same low tone.
I know I've been blaming the drinking for the events of that night, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that the second his lips met mine, I sobered up instantly.
Which, on one hand, was great, because I could kiss him and be kissed properly. I could feel his hand on my hair and my neck, holding me in place. I could feel his warmth engulfing me. I could feel the need to get closer to him, and I remembered the feeling when I did. I could feel his bloody chuckle when I shivered. I could feel his moan reverberating through our chests.
On the other hand… when I came back to my senses and backed away, I also felt… well, shame. There was Potter, admitting to a somewhat stalkerish behaviour, provoking me as usual, and I simply snog him?!
Mary and Marlene agreed with the last notion, because they grabbed my arms when I got up from the couch, his eyes still on me, and took me to our dorm.
"What just happened?" Marlene asked, both eyebrows raised.
"I think I just kissed Potter," my reply was uncertain, as if my lips weren't still tingling.
"You snogged him," Mary corrected.
I groaned.
"I did."
"But why?"
"I don't know," I repeated his words.
I told my friends what had happened. They listened quietly, and when I finished, they were smirking.
"Sounds like he's got a crush on you," Mary finally said, to which I gasped.
"James Potter does not fancy me," I was exasperated by the notion. "We are nemesis. I'm day, he's night."
"You're telling us he's fun, then?" Marlene's angelical face told me she knew exactly what I meant but chose to interpret it like that, like the fiend she was, so I chose to ignore her, like the sensible woman I was.
"It was just a drunk snog. I'll bet we'll forget all about it in the morning."
Of course, my promise was as empty as Mary's compassionate stare. There was no way I would ever forget what had been the best snog of my life. And the look Potter gave me during breakfast the following day screamed that no amnesia was on sight for him either.
Our mutual staring didn't last long, but it had been enough for us to settle a silent agreement to simply pretend it never happened.
It was only possible because the single witnesses had been Mary and Marlene. Had anyone else seen it, doubtlessly even McGonagall would've known within the hour – she would be very confused, too, having had to break off arguments between the two of us a handful of times.
He didn't stop looking at me, I just had to ignore him and not stare back.
I managed to do so better than I expected. It did help that when I agreed to meet with Severus and talk about our argument Potter was close by, and shook his head in denial upon seeing us together – he was a prat like that.
Him being him made it all easier.
Christmas Eve held a snowball fight of epic proportions: castles and towers magically built, two teams in proper war, strategy and schemes – it all lasted for almost eight hours, until, tired and hungry, everyone left for dinner.
After stuffing our faces, the warm beds were ever so inviting, and almost all of us ended up in our Dormitories.
Not me.
It was the first Christmas I spent apart from my family, and I was missing them, so I decided to make s'mores like we always did on Christmas Eve. On the floor of Gryffindor's Common Room, using the still burning fireplace.
I had barely finished my second, marshmallow on the stick for the third, when I heard a door closing. Please, don't be–
"Alright, Evans?"
I sighed.
"Evening, Potter."
"What are you doing alone at…ten past one?" He asked, nearing me.
"S'mores," I replied simply. "I had a sweet craving."
"What's that?" His voice was confused and curious. When I looked up, I noticed he was wearing his pyjamas – Gryffindor pullover, fleeced pants and red socks. I also had my sleeping clothes on, and a warm overcoat.
"Graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows. Don't they have them in the Wizarding World?"
"Not that I know of," he said. "May I sit here?"
I shrugged, not sure how I felt about it.
"Something bothering you? I mean, I'm sure these are amazing, but it's very late and you clearly could've eaten them upstairs."
I refused to reply, staring at the fire instead. I hoped he would take the hint and leave, but alas, it was James Potter.
We stayed in silence for five minutes.
"It's just my first Christmas away from home," I finally explained. "We usually did this on Christmas Eve. Just feeling nostalgic, I suppose."
Potter nodded.
"Makes sense. We don't have a Christmas Eve tradition," he said, "well, unless you consider Sirius snoring in the living room a tradition."
I chuckled lightly.
"What are you doing here, then?" I decided to ask, eating another s'mores.
"I thought it strange to see you here alone."
"Wait, how did you know I was here alone?"
I turned completely in his direction; might have been a mistake, because he had his legs stretched and crossed in front of him, resting on his arms. He could be on the beach, sunbathing.
The real problem was that bloody smirk of his – the boy was truly attractive.
"Now, I can't tell you that, can I? Marauder secret. Can't tattle to the Prefect our way of life."
"Remus is a Prefect," I pointed out, raising an eyebrow.
"He doesn't count."
"And I do?"
"Yeah, you constantly fight us."
"Someone's got to stop you," was my reply.
"Oh, I reckon you know perfectly well how you can stop me."
Looking back, I walked right into that one. At the moment, however, I just felt myself getting closer to him until his hands pulled my face to his.
I sort of hated kissing him again because it felt so bloody familiar – way too familiar for our total record of one (01) previous snog. Yet, it just was. It was as if my lips missed his, and my neck welcomed his calloused hands again.
But it was so, so good.
I had no idea for how long we snogged; enough for our lips to get swollen when we broke apart, but not for stradling or other rubbish like this. What broke us apart was the smell of the burnt marshmallow I forgot on the fireplace.
"Shit," I grumbled, taking it off the fire and sighing. Silently, pretending nothing was amiss, I simply got another marshmallow and put on the stick.
"You're just going to ignore me again, then?" Potter asked me. I didn't want to turn to him because I knew he looked way too dashing for me at the moment.
"Perhaps," I admitted, turning to the s'mores again. He shook his head. "You're not leaving?"
"Need to cool down first."
"Need to co– oh," I felt my face flushing as I understood his meaning. He just shrugged. We stayed silent, listening to the crackle of the fire.
With a sigh, I removed the marshmallow and gave the next s'mores to him. We may be nemesis, but I was polite. He accepted it with thanks, and made a humming noise as he got up eating the treat.
"It's good," Potter said, then he leant in, his lips very close to my ear, "but it tastes better off your mouth."
I looked up, agape. He had that infuriating smirk on – the one that I was paranoid enough to think he saved up for me – and had the audacity of winking before disappearing.
My mind had the audacity of pondering if he might be right.
Christmas morning came and went with more looks from Potter. Unlike last time, he didn't stop staring at me. Wherever I went he also was present, and he didn't turn his eyes away until they met mine.
It was sad of me to admit it never took too long.
Mary and Marlene noticed it right away, and I saw no point in hiding it from them.
"Is it going to be a regular thing, then?" Mary asked.
"No! Why would you even consider that?!" I was outraged with her suggestion. Pft! A regular thing!
"Because you said before it was a drunk snog and it happened again with both of you completely sober?" Shame on Mary for being all logical. Shame on her.
"I was on a sugar high," my excuse was feeble even for more. Mary rolled her eyes.
"Marls, why aren't you saying anything? What do you think?" Mary asked. Marlene sighed.
"I'm actually rather proud of Lily," Mary and I eyed each other, eyebrows up.
"Proud for what?"
"For not jumping his bones when he said the line about tasting better. Honestly, it was brilliant."
I threw my pillow at her while Mary rolled her eyes.
"Besides that, I think it's a funny situation."
"Funny how?" I asked, my voice sounding defensive even for me.
"Funny as in, unusual. You both supposedly hate each other, and now are making horny eyes at each other," I started to protest but she just raised her hand, effectively shutting me up, "don't even try to deny it. I've noticed. He's probably a bloody decent snog, if what we saw that day was real. So…makes sense, in a way, if you keep it up."
"In a horny way," Mary added.
"It's a valid reason, I reckon. Anyway, I'll support whatever you decide."
"You'll support me whatever I decide," I repeated, dumbstruck. I had been so sure she would judge me.
"Sure. I mean, having a decent snog once in a while might do you some good. I know it does to me," Marlene replied with a shrug. "Well, at least you've already got someone to kiss at midnight."
I pretended not to hear her, but the perspective of a midnight kiss on New Year's haunted me. I surely (maybe?) didn't want to kiss Potter, but I also wanted to kiss someone.
When the small reunion for New Year's Eve started, I scanned the room, looking for someone I could ask for a midnight kiss.
Remus was the obvious choice.
"Why not?!" My voice was a bit outraged, and he just smiled.
"You've kissed Prongs twice. I'm not putting myself in the middle of…it, whatever it is."
"There's no it," I assured him, "besides, it's a New Year kiss. It doesn't really count."
"Well, if it doesn't really count, then perhaps you'd accept Prongs doing it?"
I rolled my eyes but he just laughed more.
So my obvious choice was having a loyalty thing. I just had to find another bloke.
Easier said than done – excluding the Marauders, there was no other boy I could ask for a kiss, no matter how innocent.
With a sigh, I accepted my fate as the countdown began. Marlene, the traitor, would be kissing Black, while Remus and Mary agreed to kiss each other.
Potter, I was glad to notice, seemed as lonely as me. The difference was that he looked at me, raised his glass and drank from it – so not miserable at all.
It confused me to see Potter just hugging his mates at midnight; I was sure there were at least five girls who would love to kiss him, no matter why.
It wasn't my business, however, so I left it alone. Mary and Marlene came to me after their innocent kisses, and we shared a triple hug.
"Why didn't you ask Potter?" Marlene asked a couple of hours later, as we sat alone on the couch. I shrugged.
"Didn't feel like it. It's not like we've got anything going on, anyway," my tone was impeccably nonchalant, "why would I ask for Potter to kiss me at midnight?"
"Because you love it when I kiss you."
Making a face and ignoring my friends' smirks, I turned around to face him.
"That's thinking very highly of yourself," I countered. "I'm not surprised, for some reason."
"Actually, it's just the truth. Or are you telling me you were suffering those couple of times?"
"Not suffering, no," I partially agreed, "but love is just such a strong word."
"What word would you use, then?" He seemed very amused with the conversation.
"Hm, perhaps 'enjoy'," I added.
"That's a good enough reason to kiss someone, I reckon," he argued back. I rolled my eyes (because of how right he was).
"Well, not for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, you interrupted a private conversation."
I turned back to Mary and Marlene just to see their seats empty. I sighed and looked around, realising the whole Common Room was vacant.
Potter's chuckle right by my side wasn't so surprising.
"Why are you so stubborn?" He muttered quietly, "you like it, I like it. Why shouldn't we occasionally snog?"
"Hm, because we're nemesis?"
His laugh made me flush.
"Are we?"
"Most definitely. Dark and light, night and day, yadda, yadda, yadda."
"Let me guess: you're the light here," his voice was amused again.
"Obviously."
He just shook his head.
"That's perfect. Opposites attract, haven't you heard?" Potter asked, his hand going to my face, cradling my cheek.
I didn't have the strength to move away – I just closed my eyes and hummed.
"Stop fighting yourself," he whispered in my ear, "you like to snog me just as much as I like snogging you. We can snog at night and be nemesis by day, what do you think?"
"Sounds hypocritical to me," I managed to answer. His laugh in my skin caused goosebumps.
"You're absurd," he murmured, kissing my jaw lightly.
"Thank you."
"Would you please let me kiss you now?"
He simply disarmed me when he asked that instead of just moving his mouth a ridiculously small distance, and next I knew my lips were on his and his hands locked me against him and we were (again) fully snogging in the Common Room.
There was no one else there, as I was able to register when I managed to look around. I had no idea how long had passed, but it had to be some time, because his lips were swollen, his cheeks were flushed, his neck sported red marks (guilty), his pullover was untucked and messy and his hair… completely dishevelled.
His smirk, however, was on point.
"So what do you say?" Potter asked, left hand lingering on my thigh.
"About what?"
"About making this happen occasionally."
"Like…casually?" I was uncertain about it, "just casually snogging when we feel like it?"
"Yeah," he shrugged. "I like it, you like it. It relieves stress. Win-win-win."
"Well, maybe. Nemesis by day, snoggers by night?"
"Nemesis with benefits," he agreed, his smirk turning to a real grin now. I pondered for a few seconds then sighed.
"Alright. But I've got a few rules," I replied and he groaned.
"Always with the bloody rules," he grumbled.
"Of course. Day and light, that I am."
"Go on, then."
"No feelings," I said warily. "You can't fall for me, I won't fall for you."
"Alright," he said, a mischievous look on his face.
"No jealousy involved. You can get involved with whomever you want, and the same applies to me."
"Sounds smart. Wouldn't want to see what you'd do to some poor girl," his smirk was fully back on and I rolled my eyes.
"Just our friends can know."
"That one was a given," Potter agreed.
"And lastly, if any of these previous rules are broken, we end it. Or if one of us wants to. At once."
He stared at me, his round glasses glistening the flames slowly dying at the fireplace. He was serious – more than he had been the whole night.
"If any of the rules are broken, we talk about it. No scenes."
I saw no difference, so I nodded. I got up from the couch with a yawn.
"Well, I'm going to bed now. Good to make a deal with you, Potter," I announced, offering him my hand. He grinned, shook it then pulled me to him again.
"That's not how we close a deal of nemesis with benefits, Evans," he told me before kissing me again.
And, sure, his way was better, but I lost the upper hand.
I was still wondering if I should tell the girls about this development the next day, but Marlene didn't wait for my decision.
"You totally snogged him last night, didn't you?" Marls asked as soon as I sat down with them at the Gryffindor table.
I shushed her and looked around, but the subject of our talks wasn't close enough to listen to our conversation. He was with his mates, laughing and snickering as they always did.
"Actually, he snogged me," I corrected her, filling my plates with pancakes.
"Nice," Mary toasted her pumpkin juice in my direction.
"When are you seeing each other again?"
"Who says we are, Marls?" I asked her patiently.
"Hm, your whole demeanour?" She replied, not patient at all, "I mean, you looked at his direction at least five times since you entered the Hall, and he looked at you three times that, always with a little smirk. Really, Lily. You were a mess when you got to the dorm last night. The boy snogged you good."
"We hate each other," I said as if it cancelled everything she had just said (it did not, as she was completely right).
"You've said it before, and it didn't stop you," was Mary's input.
I had a whole speech prepared in my mind, ready to argue that it wasn't because I'd made a mistake before, that I'd do it again, but it all went down to trash when the four Marauders approached us and a piece of parchment fell quietly on my plate. When I looked up, Sirius was talking with Mary and Potter winked at me.
He. Winked.
They stayed for a couple more minutes, and when they left, the three of us were silent. Marlene snatched the parchment from my plate.
"So tonight at ten. Old Transfiguration classroom."
No one spoke again, until I said, "thanks. Can I borrow that lipstick?"
*.*.*
No one was more surprised than me that the nemesis with benefits deal was working – and pretty well, might I add. Potter knew some hidden places, and he loved to meet me just as my rounds were about to finish.
In the beginning, it bothered me that I spent two hours punishing students around the castle after curfew and then I was the one up after hours.
"Are you saying that as an incentive for me to do that more often?" Potter asked when I told him about my ethics conflict. We were on the Astronomy Tower, laying down side by side, not touching. His hands had explored my back beneath my jumper, toying with my bra, just ten minutes earlier, but if we weren't kissing, we wouldn't touch.
"No, you arse. I'm just telling you something that bothers me. Just being honest," I added with a roll of my eyes.
"Well," he muttered, turning to me and slowly positioning himself above me, hands cradling my face carefully, "if I were to be honest, I'd have to confess it gives me a hard-on to think I can get Miss Lily Evans, the perfect prefect, to break the rules to be with me."
I felt my face flushing. It wasn't like, after a month of regular snogging, I'd never felt a boner – we just had never acknowledged it so explicitly. When he noticed me blushing, he laughed and kissed my nose.
"Too honest?" Potter asked, a small smile still in place. It was funny how he was sweet sometimes – after almost five years of only seeing him either smirk or laugh, I learnt he could smile sweetly.
"A bit," I admitted. I was getting used to being truthful to him in those times.
"Sorry," now his smirk came back, but I didn't hate it. The moment asked for a smirk, "but c'mon, Evans. You've got to know it by now."
"I do," I assured him, running my fingers on his arms. He wasn't exactly strong, but he was muscly. "Still, I'm only fifteen."
"Me too."
"Yeah, but you're a boy," I countered and he laughed.
"Thank you for noticing. Your disgust was documented," he joked and I hit his chest. Potter grinned and kissed me slowly, calmly, just enjoying the kiss for itself and not for the promises a kiss usually brought along, "but I get what you're saying. And don't worry, I'm not pressuring you into anything, alright?" He was serious, and I stared right into his hazel eyes, a bit surprised by it, but touched nonetheless. "Alright, Lily?"
"Alright," I agreed. He kissed the tip of my nose and laughed again.
"Even if you're older than me and all," Potter added and I gasped.
"How do you even know that?!"
"What, you thought I didn't know your birthday?" He challenged me, a single eyebrow raised. I pushed him away and he resumed his place at my side.
"Well, why would you?"
"We're nemesis, remember?" Potter said, "we've got to remember such things, so we can properly perform our darkest magics."
I rolled my eyes and he grinned again.
"Why do you think I actually scheduled today instead of stealing you away from rounds? I know Marlene will usurp all of your time this weekend."
"Couldn't go all this time without me, yeah?" I joked, smirking at him. He laughed and then cleared his throat.
"I, hm, actually wanted to give you this," he said, fumbling with his robes pockets. He took out a little red box and presented it to me on the floor between the two of us. I sat up, eyes darting from him to the box. "Go on, it won't bite."
"Are you sure?"
It was his time to roll the eyes. Potter sat up too, took the box and opened it, offering me a delicate necklace made of a golden band with a green stone and small red ones around it.
"The green made me think of your eyes, but it looked too Slytherin, hence the red."
I was agape, I could tell. Not only was the necklace absurdly beautiful (stunning, expensive-looking), what he said made me think that…
"How did you… where did you get this? Why did you get this?"
"Hogsmead. There's a little store on the outskirts, Moony found it once."
"Potter. Why did you get me this? It's…"
"Because it's your birthday," he stated simply, "you don't like it? I can change it, but-"
"Of course I like it. I just…we don't exchange gifts. We didn't, at least."
"Well, we didn't exchange saliva either, so I reckon things change."
I took the necklace and watched it closely. It was simply beautiful.
"Help me put it on," I asked him. With a grin, he grabbed the necklace and I turned my back to him. His calloused hands showed they could too be delicate, closing the clasp quickly.
"There," he said. Then Potter kissed my neck – a small peck, then an open-mouthed kiss that made me turn and grab his chin to direct his lips to mine. "Pretty as you are."
"Thank you," I whispered, "I loved it. It's beautiful and I honestly didn't expect it."
He kissed me again, sweetly. I was digging it because our kisses were more frenzied and aggressive. This syrupy display was new, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.
"Wait," I pushed him away, "what do you mean Hogsmead? We haven't gone there since… well, since before we snogged for the first time."
"You haven't," he smirked, "me, on the other hand…"
"You can get to Hogsmead?!"
"Uh, yeah. How do you think we get food and drinks for the parties we throw?"
"I never thought about it before. That's so…"
"Cool? Irresponsible?"
"Unfair," I finally said and his laugh almost made me smile. "I mean, I get the Astronomy Tower floor while you gallivant around the village."
Potter was still laughing, and he took my face between his hands.
"Yes, because the Astronomy Tower floor is an appropriate meeting place for nemesis with benefits. I'll take you to Hogsmead anytime, but it's gonna be a date."
He kissed my lips, then my forehead, and finally the tip of my nose, then let me go and picked up the box we had left on the floor, putting it in my pocket. He stood up and offered me his hand, and we left quietly underneath his invisibility cloak (yeah, don't even get me started on that).
Marlene, of course, noticed the necklace right away, and I just said it was an early birthday gift. She didn't pressure me, so I assumed she suspected who it was from and respected me not wanting to talk about it.
However, it stuck to my mind, the little date commentary. Potter wanted to go on a date with me? Or was that just his smartass way of getting out of taking me to Hogsmead? According to our usual behaviour and agreement, the latter seemed more likely.
So I ignored his little proposal and kept our nemesis with benefits agreement. It didn't seem to bother him either. As the weeks passed, our agreement evolved. Both of us started to get more handsy, his shirt found the floor quite often and I stopped wearing jumpers for rounds.
Not only that; the time we spent talking and laughing grew too. It was weird, because if it weren't Potter, I'd say we got along very well. He wasn't as obnoxious when we were alone, he always had something delicious to eat (from his mother, he confided), he was funny (a shocker, I know), he was sweet when he wanted, and, of course, we had mad chemistry.
His birthday was nearing, and I had no idea what to get him – which I obviously had to, since I never took off his necklace. I thought about asking Marlene's opinion, but I'd never hear the end of it. Mary would be a good option, but she didn't even know Potter.
I knew who I'd have to ask.
"Mind if I sit here?"
Black looked up, his glossy hair hiding parts of his face – still, I could read the mistrust.
"If I said I did, would that stop you?" Black asked, nodding at the empty space on the couch at the Common Room.
"Probably not, but I was taught manners."
"So was I," he said with a sigh, "how can I help you?"
"Potter's birthday's coming up, and I could use some help with his gift."
"You've been shagging since December and still with the surnames."
"We're not shagging," I denied at once. He smirked.
"Well, nice to finally know what's going on."
"He doesn't tell you?" I was confused, because they were closer than brothers.
"Not a bloody thing," he sighed. "He's into Quidditch."
"Really? That's your help?"
"Well, I can't tell what to get your boyfriend for his birthday, that's not fair. He didn't ask for help to get yours."
"He's not my boyfriend," I replied, looking around.
"You're not shagging and you're not dating. Yet you meet at least three times a week. Well, it does explain the long showers. Honestly, Evans, what are you doing?"
"Nemesis with benefits," I said and he raised his eyebrows. "We just…snog, talk, laugh. That sort of thing."
"Sounds a lot like dating to me."
"It's not. I don't like him, and he doesn't like me. Ergo, not dating. Nemesis. Day and night, light and dark."
Black stared at me for almost a minute, then shook his head.
"I'm not getting myself in this shitshow. I'm warning you now, it's not going to work, that weird thing you've got."
I was so surprised I couldn't even reply immediately. I cleared first my head, then my throat.
"If it doesn't work, we'll end it, and that will be it. But it will do no harm, since neither of us have feelings for the other," I said quietly, "I know you're protecting your best mate, and I truly, truly respect you for that. I really admire the friendship the four of you share, shenanigans aside. But in this case, it's not necessary. It's not a romantic relationship. It's not even a relationship. It's an agreement. And it clearly says that if either of us catch feelings, it's over. But it won't happen, because we're nemesis. Alright?"
He looked at me then raised his eyebrows.
"And did you shake on this agreement of yours?" His tone was mocking, and I felt my cheeks flushing.
"I tried. He preferred to kiss on it," I replied. For the first time since I approached him, he laughed.
"I'm getting him a new broomstick kit, and his parents are getting him a new broom. That's as much as I can help you."
I thanked him and got up swiftly. His warning took a small space in my mind, but he simply didn't understand our deal. Potter and I would not get hurt. No reason to worry about it.
When the gloves I bought him arrived, Marlene raised her eyebrows. I knew she was speculating, but when I pointed to the necklace, she just smiled.
Repeating his move, I scheduled to meet Potter for the first time in our arrangement. To say he'd been surprised was an understatement; he absolutely adored it – the shit-eating grin splashed across his face when I entered the old History of Magic classroom said it all.
"I could get used to being summoned for my snogging abilities," he quipped happily before pulling me to his arms. It was amazing how his kiss was as drugging as the first time.
"Why mess up our already perfect system, hm?" I asked between kisses. He laughed and attacked my neck, "hey, careful there, mister. I almost forgot to erase the last hickey."
His smirk made an appearance now.
"Well, what's wrong with people seeing you're getting lucky, huh?" Potter asked, "I sure as hell don't hide mine, Missy."
"Well," I replied, flushing. It was a bit hypocritical of me to call him out on that considering I also left a trail of marks on him, "for you it's easier. People will see it and think you're some sort of god. In my case, people will bug me asking who I'm dating and when I say no one, they'll call me a slag."
He raised his eyebrows and stopped smiling, sitting down on one desk, "I hadn't thought of that."
"Or," I kept going, untangling myself from him and backing away, "they'll see you've got hickeys too, and even if they're not too bright, students are keen on gossip. They'll think we're together. Even if they'd do two plus two equals five."
"Oh, so the problem is people knowing I'm doing it to you?" His voice was teasing again.
"One of them," I corrected him, "as we've agreed on the beginning of this."
"I shouldn't be telling people that it's you who deliciously terrify my neck, then?" Potter's brows were furrowed, and I felt my eyes widening.
"Potter, what are you–!" I approached him again, raising my hand in a fist well directed to his face. He laughed and held it, pulling me closer, right between his legs.
"Relax, Evans. I'm kidding. I just smirk and tell people to bugger off," he held me in an embrace, with his hands ending right above my arse. I knew he was just waiting for the talking part to lower his hands, and I usually would stop the conversation immediately, but I was a girl on a mission.
"Good. Or I'd have to return this," I said, summoning his gift from my backpack that was thrown on a nearby chair. "Happy early Birthday, Potter."
His whole face disarmed me a bit; he was so surprised that I pondered for a few seconds if I passed off the impression I still hated him very much, when I only did a bit. He looked like this was the last thing he would imagine me doing, and that he was okay with his assessment.
"I…thanks, Evans."
"Well, you did get me one for my birthday, right?" I was a bit nervous now. Was this too much? Too intimate? Too couple-y? He smiled and nodded, still eyeing the poorly-wrapped present. "Well, go on, then. Open it."
He did as I told; carefully, he undid the bow and removed the wrapping paper. It didn't surprise me, because I knew he was patient and through. He took forever when he removed my shirt for the first time.
When he identified what the box contained, his smile turned into a full grin and he finally looked up.
Now, I know there were no feelings involved here, but the happiness radiating from him made my heart skip a beat.
"How did you know I needed a new pair?"
"I didn't. Well, Black mentioned you were getting a new broom and a new maintenance kit or some rubbish like that, and I assumed the gloves would complete the new Quidditch gear. D'you like it, then?"
He looked at me with a weird shine on his eyes.
"When did you talk to Padfoot?"
"Oh, a few weeks ago. I needed a tip, I'm terrible at picking presents."
"So you went to the stupidest bloke in the school?" Potter raised an eyebrow, questioning my sanity.
"Yeah. It's your fault entirely, you know, considering you've got him as your best mate."
He laughed and put the gloves away, pulling me to a kiss that made me sigh when he pulled away.
"Thanks, Lily. I loved it. Now you're going to have to come to a match."
It was, I noticed, the first time he called me by my first name, but I ignored it in favour of snogging him and letting him (guiding him) to bypass some clothing barriers to get to my back.
It didn't stick, the first name thing. Not when we were alone, much less in public – mostly because when we were in public, we were still nemesis. He still pulled his stupid pranks, still hexed other students, still got into fights with Slytherins, and still despised Snape.
The difference now laid on our post-arguing activities. We'd shout at each other on the corridors, then snog senseless hours later, the tension and anger making it all better.
All in all, I was happy we were keeping our deal a secret and as we first imagined it. Not even Sev, who I spent a large portion of my time with – even more with the OWLs approaching – noticed anything happening. He had his silly theory that Potter liked me, but I knew it to be rubbish, and I told it to him repeatedly, perhaps forgetting to mention Potter and I spent quite some time snogging away our mutual dislike for each other.
I tried, too, to use some influence to make the boys lay off him a bit. Potter said he'd think about it, but I knew it wasn't likely – it was not as if Sev didn't provoke them too. Of course it pissed me off, and I did skip a few snogging sessions after a few crude fights between the two of them.
But since there were no feelings involved, there was nothing to forgive – even if he did apologise sometimes. I repeated to him that I asked him to stop it because Sev was my friend, but that he didn't owe me anything as we were not in a relationship. He nodded and kissed me; no reason to lose our precious snogging time.
Except… well, he did some couplish things. There was that time he brought me flowers. He liked holding my hand when we were talking. And we did talk a lot more now. So perhaps a few apologies were necessary, but if I acknowledged it, things would change between us.
The day I had to face that perhaps the deal was getting out of control was on a Hogsmead outing. I was hanging with Marlene and Mary on our way to the Three Broomsticks, but there were no tables available – except for…
"Evans, McKinnon, MacDonald," we turned to see Black calling us, "come sit with us."
The two girls looked at me, as if asking if I could handle it. I rolled my eyes and walked to their direction. Quickly, Potter nudged Pettigrew away and emptied a seat, his eyes inviting me to take the place – which I did.
"Thanks," I said, eyeing Black and Remus, "we could really use a seat after walking around the whole day."
"Shopping much?" Rem asked.
"Well, yeah. It's the last one before Summer, and I promised my parents I'd get them a few stuff."
The whole group was talking. We were acting as if we were all friends on a normal reunion. Which we were not.
I felt each time Potter intentionally touched me, and passed it off as an accident. He smirked when he did it on purpose and didn't even pretend he hadn't – the bar was so packed no one bothered to look at our table.
So when he placed his hand on my thigh, I let him. When he stole some fries from my plate, I did the same with him. When he took a sip from my Butterbeer because his was taking a long time to come, I just rolled my eyes and took my glass back.
"Now you've gone too far," I told him very quietly, making sure not one of our friends could listen, "no stealing drinking goods."
"So that's your limit of public exposure? Drinking from the same glass?"
"It seems like it."
"Not touching your arse under the table?" His eyebrow and smirk were so familiar, so inviting…were we alone, that would be the time I'd shut him up with my lips and put his tongue to better use.
"No. No one saw that," was my reply. He neared me to whisper in my ear.
"Just admit it you thrive on the thrill of the exposure limits. That you're dying to grab my shirt and throw me against a hard surface, leave marks that people can't see and let me do the same."
I gulped and blinked, but the noise of someone clearing their throat cut our conversation.
"Well, now that the couple stopped whispering sweet-nothings to each other, can we order the meals?" Marlene asked. I quickly stated we were not a couple, while Potter said he wasn't whispering anything that could be considered sweet, which led me to hit him while he smirked and promised me a lot of things with his eyes.
"Yeah, you don't act like a couple at all," Black said sarcastically. His eyes were like a warning, but I thought it strange they weren't directed at me. Potter stared right back at Black and shook his head. Black rolled his eyes and listed off the meals from the menu, so we could choose.
It didn't surprise me that as soon as we got into the Girls' Dormitory Marlene started her inquiry regarding me and Potter.
"Ready to make him official yet?" Marls asked, an innocent expression colouring her face.
"There's nothing to be official," I replied with a shrug. "We're still just snog-buddies."
She paused and exchanged a glance with Mary, as if they had discussed this before – which they clearly had, because Marlene patted the place next to her on her bed. I sighed, but joined her.
"Is this an intervention?" I asked, and she started nodding as soon as I started speaking.
"This is an intervention," she replied. Mary took my hand as she sat on my other side.
"Listen, we've tried to stay away but…you guys are in a relationship. It's a secret one, yeah, but a relationship nonetheless."
"Yes, a no strings attached sort of one," I insisted.
"We hear you," Mary's voice was ridiculously full of sympathy, "but we've got to disagree there a bit. See, you guys see each other what, four times a week?"
"Only three," I replied at once.
"Okay, three times a week. That's a lot, even for couples. You, prefect Lily Evans, break curfew to meet him in abandoned classrooms. You've never done that before."
"Only because I don't want to be seen with him."
"That's a solid point," Mary agreed, "but usually, no strings attached sort of relationships don't last almost six months."
"Well, it's working for us. We're following our rules, we relax a bit and have no worries like jealousy and such."
"You guys don't get jealous because you're completely exclusive," Marlene snorted. I rolled my eyes.
"We're not exclusive."
Mary and Marlene looked at each other again.
"Lily. What other boy have you kissed or even gone on a date with ever since you both started this?" Mary asked. I opened my mouth, but immediately closed it.
"Well, none. But that's because no bloke asked me out," I reasoned, which was true.
"Okay, fair point. What about Potter?"
"What about him?"
"How many girls have you seen under his arms? Or snogging at parties?"
This shut me up again. They were right. The last time I saw him even flirting with another bird was before we started our deal. Was he being more discreet?
"Well… perhaps… he's the Quidditch captain and I'm a prefect. We're both very, very busy. He maybe just doesn't have the time to pursue other girls. It's easier to just send me a little note and snog."
"Lily, James doesn't pursue girls," Marlene said, "he usually just smirks at them and they go to him. It's really not a lot of work. And…"
"Well, there's also the fact that Potter's not a virgin. You've been snogging for five months and he didn't even try to get you into shagging."
We were silent for a whole minute.
"It's not one thing, Lil," Mary said softly, "but when you add them all up, it sounds a lot like you're dating."
"And we're not saying you should stop," Marlene added, "just… think about it all, because you said before you didn't want to date him and you're…sort of dating him?"
They didn't say much more, and they didn't need to. They gave me a lot to think about, and it hammered my head every waking hour until I met Potter again.
"So, listen…" I said quietly. We were lying down on the floor of an abandoned tower. It was almost summer, but the cold still visited us in late hours, so Potter's shirt was on, even if opened, and I laid my head on his chest, our hands locked.
"I'm listening," he replied.
"How many girls have you gone out with since we started this?"
He stopped rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand.
"Why are you asking me that? I thought we'd agreed we weren't exclusive or anything," he replied.
"I know that. But I just realised the other day that I haven't seen you hanging out with other girls in forever," I tried to remain nonchalant and hide the fact my heart was racing.
"Well, I hadn't noticed. Guess I didn't feel like it."
He resumed the movement with his thumb and I took a deep breath, reuniting the courage to keep with my line of thought.
"Ok, but everybody in the school knows you've had sex with a few girls, and suddenly we start this thing and you are celibate?"
He stopped again.
"Why don't you just say what you've got on your mind, Evans?" He suggested. I sighed and sat up – he mimicked me.
"I'm just confused, because you said you were afraid of what I'd do to other girls, but there're no other girls. You used to shag plenty, and suddenly you don't anymore, and don't even push me towards it. Why?"
He looked me in the eyes, the hazel glistening. His jaw twitched – Potter looked like he was deciding something.
"D'you really not know or are you making me say it?" His voice was rough and he didn't release my stare for a second. I gulped.
"Say what?"
"I'd never pressure anyone into anything, Lily, much less you. And you're talking as if I shagged everyday, and it's not like that."
"So you're admitting you let the Hogwarts gossip mill run wild?"
He rolled his eyes and punched my shoulder lightly.
"Perhaps."
"Sneaky!" I said and he laughed, pulling me for a kiss. When we separated, he stared at my eyes firmly again.
"So…how many blokes have you gone out with?" He asked.
"Look who's jealous now," I joked. He narrowed his eyes.
"That's not an answer. I was honest with you."
"None."
"Hm," he murmured. "Evans, what if…" Potter hesitated.
"What if what?"
"What if the both of us decide we want to…sneak out to Hogsmead?"
His question was loaded and I blinked at the intensity of his stare.
"I thought…hadn't we agreed we wouldn't date? I'm not going out with you," I blabbed.
"Thing is, Evans," he told me with a serious face, "we're already sort of going out. We're just doing it secretly."
His hand on my shoulder stilled again.
"You may be right, but still…I don't want people to know about our deal, Potter."
"Why's that, now?" I wasn't used to him being so earnest.
"Because! We're nemesis, aren't we? What moral would I have if I were to date you? Me, a prefect, dating the bloke who's our number one problem? Dating one of my best friend's tormentors? What would people think?"
"Why do you care what people think anyway?"
"Don't try that," I warned him. He sighed
"Fine. What if we sneak out to Hogsmead secretly?"
"You mean like on a secret date?"
Potter just nodded.
"Well…I don't know. Do you feel like going?"
"I wouldn't hate it," he shrugged.
"Now that's flattering," I snorted. "Well, OWLs are next week. Sneaking out like that might get us caught and bad things might happen."
"Okay, fair point. What if…"
"What if…?"
"What if I brought Hogsmead inside the castle?"
"What do you mean?"
His grin was diabolical.
"Just meet me at the Common Room next Saturday."
"Next Saturday's the weekend before our first OWL."
"Perfect for relaxing, then. C'mon, you never study the day before a test, you told me so yourself."
I eyed him – his smile, the twinkle of mischief on his eyes – and I found myself agreeing with his proposal. Having the OWLs so imminent helped me ignore his invitation – which was a good thing, because I surely didn't want to feel nervous about this…I had no other option but to call it a date. A secret date.
I didn't even tell the girls until I was ready to go – makeup on and everything. Their chins fell, but they quickly surrounded me.
"Can we call him your boyfriend already?"
I rolled my eyes and left, meeting him on the stairs of the seventh floor. He was already there, hair a mess as always, but wet. His buttons-down shirt was purple, the exact same colour as the flowers he carried with him.
When he saw me arriving, he smiled lightly, at first, then grinned for real. I found myself repeating him. I approached him calmly, and he didn't take his eyes off of me once.
"Well, you look…bloody hell, Evans. You look brilliant," he said, looking me up and down.
"You're wearing hair gel?" Was all I could ask. He rolled his eyes and put the flowers in my hands.
"These are for you. Now, if you'd follow me…"
Potter offered his arm and I accepted it at once.
"Where are we going, then?" I asked. His smirk was one of a kind.
"Now, this is sort of a big deal, so don't blab, okay? It's a place called the Room of Requirements. I'd better show you first and explain later."
I was questioning his sanity when he let go of my hand and walked back and forth three times in the middle of the corridor – the only reason I didn't was that almost five years at Hogwarts made me not doubt Potter – or any of the Marauders.
And it was good not doubting him, because when he finished the last walk, a door appeared on the wall. He smirked at my surprised face and grabbed my hand as he opened the door to an exact replica of the Three Broomsticks.
"How…what's this place?" I asked as we made our way to the table. He grabbed my robes as I took them away, and pulled the chair for me to sit on, "and what is this?"
"This room does exactly what one wishes. I wanted a copy of the Three Broomsticks, so we could feel at Hogsmead, as promised," Potter explained. "But say we wanted a spa, or a fake forest, or– well, whatever we wanted."
"This is very impressive," I said, still looking around, "but not as impressive as this chivalrous side of yours."
I could've sworn Potter blushed at my comment, which was a first for us.
"Well, that's me on a date," he said with a shrug.
"Wait, so you've been holding out on me, huh?"
His smile was different.
"Agreements and dates are not the same, Evans," he insisted.
"Alright, then. I'm anxious to see what else you'll change," I said, raising an eyebrow and resting my chin on my closed fist.
"You should, date-me is a real smooth-talker," he added with a wink.
"Hm. Date me doesn't kiss on the first date," I said, looking at the table for the first time. There were plates for both of us, glasses, silverware, flowers and candles, "this is fancier than the Three Broomsticks. Kudos."
"I reckoned I could step it up a bit," he replied. "What do you mean you don't kiss on the first date?"
"I just never did," I shrugged. "What are we eating then?"
"Here are the menus. Just pick whatever," he gave me a parchment with a beautiful handwriting – not his, I knew at once. "What do you do on first dates, then?"
"I get to know the bloke, of course," the menu was a surprise – it was filled with things that I adored, "how did you even manage this?"
"The kitchens, of course," Potter replied as if it explained it all. "You've never kissed anyone on a first date?"
"No, never. Why is it so hard to believe?" I frowned at him, "and what do you mean 'the kitchens', as if it solved the mystery?"
"Because it does. I went down to the kitchens, I talked the elves into doing this, and I charmed the menus, because, as you know, my handwriting sucks," I raised my eyebrows. "Are you telling me that you dressed like this and the blokes didn't even go for a peck?"
"Oh, that's not what I said. I said I'd never kissed on a first date, not that blokes haven't tried, I just didn't kiss them back," my shrug was self-explanatory, and my cheeks flushed a bit. "The house elves? You gave them more work?"
"Oh hush. They adore you. You clean up after yourself. They were ecstatic when I said you were my date," his smile was teasing. "So you made the guys beg for it? Nice."
"You begged for it, too," I reminded him cheekily and he laughed. "So I should just say it out loud?"
"Yeah, watch. Butterbeer," he said, and his glass filled with the drink. I followed him, and ordered appetisers. "I didn't beg you," he disagreed, but his eyes were sparkling. I suppose mine probably were too.
"Hm, yeah, you did."
"I snogged you into submission. It's completely different," his smirk was so…him, I had to laugh. And refrain a sigh.
Bloody hell, I was enjoying myself too much.
"Me thinks you're embellishing the facts," I said coyly. Potter smiled and leaned into me, and I did the same automatically.
"Me thinks," he whispered, voice so hoarse that it gave me goosebumps, "that tonight might be a night of firsts. For both of us."
My grin only encouraged him, and he took my hand to deposit a kiss there.
"What would be your first?" I challenged him.
"Going on a date with someone I already know, and not wanting to rush the date part for the after part."
I held my breath as his eyes bore into mine, taking in his words. Did that mean he actually liked me and not only snogging me?
"Of course you're not rushing it," I replied, keeping the teasing mood and ignoring the seriousness of his tone and the butterflies on my stomach, "you already know I don't kiss on first dates."
I could see in his eyes that he noticed my deflection and allowed it with a small smile.
"Sounds like a real challenge, Evans. I'll just have to be extra."
"Extra what?"
His smirk promised just what, but he shrugged.
"Extra me, I suppose."
And he was. Godammit, he was. It was amazing how much fun I had. He told me his childhood stories, he talked about his father's incredible Potions skills (to which I rolled my eyes because I obviously knew), he told me about him being a late pregnancy ("I'm literally a miracle, Evans, not just for you,").
I talked about my Muggle childhood, how I felt coming to Hogwarts, how my parents reacted. After some thought, I shared about Petunia, and even breached the whole Sev debacle.
"I can't believe the greasy slimeball was the one who told you about Hogwarts," he seemed honestly disgusted and distraught about the thought.
"He was my first Wizard friend," I added, then frowned. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult him like that."
He scratched his forehead.
"It's not only about you with him, Evans," he replied. "We…well, you know how it is between me and Slytherins. It's a mutual dislike. I call him a slimeball, he calls me arrogant. We're both right, and we're both even," I eyed him, trying to not get upset. "C'mon, Lily. We're enemies."
"Funny, I remember telling you the same thing in December," was my dry answer.
"Not at all, you said 'nemesis'," he corrected me. I rolled my eyes, holding back a smile. When I looked back at him, he was smirking again, "besides, you're much hotter than him."
I had no choice but to smack the hand that held my own on top of the table, but he just laughed and kissed the back of my hand again.
Understanding that he at least listened that it bothered me when he messed with Sev, I decided to move to another topic, and I was surprised he was thinking more of becoming an Auror than a professional Quidditch player.
"You don't think I've got the brains?" Potter challenged me.
"Not at all. I know you do," and I was being honest. "I just thought you loved Quidditch too much to not follow it forever."
"I do love it, and if we weren't in a war, I'd be the first to agree with you. But I can't just close my eyes to what's happening right now. There's no Quidditch if a maniac is trying to kill innocent people."
I looked at him and felt a smile take over my face.
"That's incredibly mature and brave of you."
"You weren't expecting it, were you?"
"Absolutely not. But good to know."
The date was amazing from the start to what seemed to be the end. I was sharing crazy rounds' stories, when he looked at his watch.
"Talking about curfew, we'd better go. It's past midnight already," he said.
I widened my eyes; I definitely didn't notice time passing – the date was this good. His smirk showed me he knew at once why I was surprised. With a chuckle, he got up, collected my robe and held out the chair for me to get up, leading me to the door quietly.
"Listen, this was unexpected for me too," Potter said, turning in my direction to see me, "I didn't think I'd have such a great time. I mean, I know we had fun together, but…"
"I get it," I tranquilised him, "it was a bit new for me too. Thank you, honestly. This was perfect. It was an amazing date."
He grinned, and this time it was different from what he used to show at school; it was honest, not arrogant – just happy to know I'd liked his efforts. It wasn't a smile for people, it was a personal one, one I was almost sure only few were graced with.
And I could see that he didn't expect it at all; the moment I told him I didn't kiss on first dates, he accepted we wouldn't snog today – and he was just fine with it. I knew it because he didn't stand in front of me, waiting for a kiss: he went for the door, to open it for me like a gentleman.
The voices in my head ordered me to pull his arm back and stop him. When he frowned, I just knew then and there that I fancied him very much (perhaps even more). So this touch of lips felt different – I was happier, more involved, and I appreciated this moment more. James, on his part, was as enthusiastic as always, and I wasn't surprised to feel myself against the wall next to the door.
When his hands were beneath my dress, almost on my arse, he broke away, panting, and took a deep breath – eyes closed, glasses fogged, lips swollen. The perfect picture.
"We'd better go if we don't want to be caught for curfew," he said in a hoarse voice, and that did it. I knew he wasn't worried about curfew, he was just respecting me.
"Well, I reckon if we just stay here, we won't break curfew either way," I told him. His head shot up immediately and his expression was comical. Then he shook his head and neared me, hand on my face.
"Lily, it's not like that. I'm not expecting anything from this date but a simple date. A brilliant one, yeah, but a date," he whispered. I smiled at him.
"I know. It's all part of it. If you don't mind my inexperience, of course," I added. Perhaps he was a bloke who didn't like to shag virgins.
But his grin told me otherwise.
"That's the least of my worries, to be honest."
We smiled at each other and he pulled me from the wall through our clasped hands. He closed his eyes and suddenly the whole room changed – there was no longer a table and chairs, but a huge bed, with roses nearby.
"You just have to say the word," he warned me as we neared the bed, "and we'll call it quits and just…sleep. Or get back to our dorms. Alright?"
"Alright," I was smiling. "What do I have to say to get you to snog me already? I was promised a lot over dinner, you kn–"
His kiss swallowed my words, but I could taste his smile on my lips, and that was exactly one of my favourite things about kissing him – absorbing his happiness and joy, both of which he had to spare, and being able to give some back.
His hands were careful on me; one held my waist firmly, and the other cradled my face. He wasn't rushing, just like he said he wouldn't do on our date. I used my hands to grab his soft, messy hair (I had almost asked him what conditioner he used), and this rewarded me with a shudder from James.
"Are we in a hurry, hm?" Potter asked with a grumble on my ear, then using his lips for better things such as ravishing my neck – I didn't warn him against leaving marks. Even if I had the presence of spirit to remember it, nothing would make me stop him. "Don't be," he advised, "just enjoy. Tonight's all for you, Lil."
He'd never called me any nicknames. It was always 'Evans' this and 'Evans' that. Lately, he'd used 'Lily' when we were alone.
Never 'Lil'.
It made my heart skip a beat then race, as if he'd just professed his undying love. A little term of endearment that gave away that he was into it just as much as me.
So I did as he said – I just enjoyed it.
I enjoyed it when – after lord only knew how many minutes of heavy snogging – he decided the bed should be put to a better use and dragged us there. I enjoyed the slow pace he used to remove our clothes, how he worshipped my body while he did it, and the look of lust and something more on his face when I laid with only my knickers and bra on the bed (I could've sworn he'd mumbled something to himself, but it escaped my mind as he kissed the valley between my breasts).
I enjoyed it when he showed me just how much I could enjoy having his mouth and hands and fingers and tongue all over me, in crazy patterns, in ways I hadn't imagined, all of them together taking me to a pleasure I'd never imagined.
When he tried to just kiss me without reaching it with me, I called him a stupid prat and tried to do the same to him. I made it clear I couldn't enjoy it if he didn't enjoy it as much as me.
There was only a single, initial moment where the pain stopped me from enjoying – but James stilled, his face showing his concentration, before I told him to keep going and started enjoying it all over again, even more as he reached his hand between us and pleasure took me over again.
He was holding me as I shuddered, and when we laid back on the bed, both with heavy breaths, he kissed my mouth, then the tip of my nose, before pulling me closer and just – we just cuddled.
"You did warn me it was a night of firsts," I teased him. Potter laughed and kissed my temple.
"I honestly hadn't that in mind, I promise," he replied.
"You really seem genuinely surprised," I told him. "Well, what I won't do to respect curfew, huh?"
He laughed again and kissed me. We talked a bit more, his fingers drawing stars on my skin, his lips finding my face every once in a while. When we were so tired and sleepy we weren't making sense anymore, he put his head in my neck, inhaled once, twice…and fell asleep.
I followed him right after, all of the stars he'd drawn on my skin going inside of me, filling me up with part of his joy and happiness.
*.*.*
"For Merlin's sake, Lily, never do that again!"
Mary's greeting made me smile a little.
"Keep your voice down, will you?" I asked her as Marlene just smirked. I looked around, but no one seemed to be paying attention to us. I could see, at the end of the table, the exact moment Potter joined his friends. He glanced at my direction, and I couldn't stop my grin in response to his.
"Oh Merlin, look at her," Marlene said with a laugh, "nice one, Potter. I'll assume the date was fine, then?"
"Oh, well. You know," I shrugged, "it was okay. We had dinner and we talked."
"Then he showed you just what you'd been missing?"
My blush and lip biting was more than enough. The three of us looked at the boys again as a loud laughter rose from them – it was James's. Black looked surprised, and Remus just shook his head with a small smile, while Peter frowned.
"Dear Merlin, just imagine how loud he's going to be from now on," Mary sighed. "I mean, assuming you're willing to make him happy again."
My shrug once again told them everything, and they chuckled with me.
"So when are you meeting him again?" Marlene asked.
"Maybe tonight, we'll see."
"Wait, what about the deal?" Mary had the right worries – it was something that nagged me too.
"We haven't discussed this. The date was not a part of our deal, and usually it'd be discussed after the date but, well…"
"You shagged instead," Marlene finished for me.
"Honestly, it was past curfew. What ever could we have done?!"
"Yeah, I so pity your suffering, Lily Evans," Marlene's voice was dry, but her face said she was happy I'd had such a good time.
They asked me for the dirty details, but I kept them for myself. It felt weird to share such intimate moments, even if with my absolute best friends. So I told them about the date, until the bed appeared.
"Then we cuddled and fell asleep," I finished. We now were sitting near the lake, one of our favourite places to talk quietly. We'd taken our deserts and ran from the Great Hall.
"And this morning?" Mary asked. I felt my skin flushing.
"Well, we cuddled some more, then…"
"Nice," Marlene said with a smirk, "must've been great."
"It was. He was," I admitted.
"You look very…smitten," Mary added. I shrugged.
"Perhaps. I feel like I like him more now."
"You're meeting again tonight?"
I shrugged again. Although we'd spent the better part of the morning together, when we parted ways, he only said 'see you later, Lil," and went on his merry way (something about a prank, which I pretended to blissfully ignore).
"We haven't made plans, actually. Since I stole him so much from his mates, he'll probably need to spend some time with them."
"And we don't count?" Marlene's tone was ironic, matching perfectly her raised eyebrow.
"Of course you do, it's just they're so codependent I reckon one of them may faint if they're not together for at least like, 70% of the time."
"Hm, bad trait for a boyfriend, me thinks."
"Good thing he's not my boyfriend, then," I replied, closing my eyes and absorbing the Sun.
"Yet," Mary said. I rolled my eyes and kept enjoying the warmth. It'd been a long time without a single nice day.
We talked more about the upcoming OWLs, our summer plans, the latest shit Marlene's brother had pulled… then it was time to get back to supper, and since our usual place was occupied, Marlene pulled us to where the boys were sitting.
"What an honour, what a pleasure," Sirius received us with a smirk. "Is this a new development due to what happened–"
"Shut up, you prat," James ordered quickly. I was pretty sure it wouldn't be enough to silence Black.
"Ready for the OWLs?" I asked quickly.
"Oh, yeah. I spent last night studying like crazy. This morning too. What did you do last night and this morning, Evans?"
"Oh, the usual. Abode to the rules, broke some hearts, etc, etc."
Black's lip twitched.
"Glad to know you enjoyed yourself."
"Thank you, that's polite of you."
"You know, my mate Prongs here supposedly had a splendid night himself," Black kept going. Five years told me he just wanted to get a rise out of me – but alas, I was in such a good mood he wouldn't achieve his goal.
"Padfoot," James warned again, but we ignored him.
"What? Am I lying? Oh, wait. That's right. You haven't told us anything. You just hit me when I pointed out the huge hickey on your neck."
I looked at James with my brows furrowed. Why hadn't said anything to his mates? Not that there was much to say – we'd spent the night together.
"That's too bad," I said, pretending I wasn't dead curious, "I'm the sort of friend who tells their friends everything."
"Everything?" Potter asked.
"Exactly."
"Everything?"
"Not everything," Mary said, "but most things. Anyway, are you ready for the OWLs?"
We talked about the upcoming exams for the rest of the meal, with funny and self deprecating inputs from Peter (real, but still sad).
The boys raised from the table before us, since Mary was finishing dessert. But it didn't take us long to leave, and we did as we talked about the upcoming OWLs. We were almost past the final corridor of Gryffindor Tower when a hand stopped and pulled me. I took my wand out immediately, then relaxed.
"Are you going to hex me, Evans?"
"Old habits die hard, you see?"
Potter smirked and waved my friends goodbye. Marlene raised an eyebrow, and I did the same. The two of them laughed, but kept their way. I wasn't acting like myself, but I didn't care. I was happy.
I was so out of character that I let him take me out every night that week, after revising for a bit for the exam of the following day. It was a bit addicting, and for the first time since we began, I felt our deal drifting away and turning into something more. Not sure what, exactly. But it was hard to resist, with him being attentive and handsy and funny and even romantic. It made me feel too good. I couldn't ignore it.
"So now you accept it?" Mary asked me. We were by the lake, our feet dangling on it. The DADA OWL had just finished – the second to last one, only Transfiguration remaining.
"Hm?" I was still thinking about the werewolf question.
"That you and Potter are dating?"
"Oh," I laughed. "Well, not exactly, I think. I mean, these last few days have been…different, I can admit that much. But I don't even know how he feels. Besides, it's James Potter. Imagine the talk!"
"Oh, I already am," Marlene guaranteed. "His fan club will lose it."
The three of us laughed and I looked at the other side of the lake, where he sat with his mates. Remus was reading a book while he toyed with a snitch he had stolen before – he'd told me about it, and I reprimanded him for it.
"You know who'll actually lose it? Sev," I said with a sigh. "Just the other day he was insisting Potter had a crush on me."
"Well, he's got eyes. And he's obsessed with you," Marlene said.
"I don't know, Lily," Mary said hesitantly, "I don't see a way for you to date James and have Snape as a friend. He's getting worse by the day."
Mary had every reason to say so; Sev had for friends the blokes who had hexed her. And Sev's crowd was slowly filling with Death Eaters.
"I know. But I'm not even sure where this thing between James and I will go. Is it wise to risk my first friendship for it?"
"If said friendship's supporting a group that wants to kill people like you, yeah," Marlene input.
"I feel like I'm the last thing stopping Sev from tipping to the other side," I confessed quietly. "I fear if he hears I'm with Potter, I'll lose him forever. He'll go to the Dark."
"So what's your plan?"
"I was thinking of maybe…exploring this thing with James during the Summer, and then making a better decision. This is an important Summer for Sev. I think if he's considering joining the Death Eaters, it's now."
"So what, you'll try to save Snape by day and snog Potter by night? Honey, you really think James won't want to go to your house, meet your family and for you to do the same? You know him better than that."
I couldn't even answer that because just then, I heard it.
The hexes got to my ears, and I couldn't believe my eyes; he was hexing him.
I ran to the small circle of people surrounding the boys and Sev, and as I got there, soap came out of Sev's mouth.
I saw red at once.
"Leave him ALONE!" I shouted. James and Black turned to me. James's hand shot up to his hair, and I could see a bit of confusion in his eyes. Did he really think I'd let him humiliate Sev just because we had shagged?!
"All right, Evans?" He had the audacity to ask. As if we were just meeting for a snog.
"Leave him alone," I repeated. "What's he done to you?"
James didn't know, but this was a turning point. He didn't know this answer might blow our…thing. He didn't know, because his answer wasn't for me; it was for the crowd surrounding us.
"Well…it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"
I felt my heart breaking then. I felt his carefree reply to my bones, and had I not been so angry, I might have shed a tear or two.
Because whatever we had, it was over.
"You think you're funny," I said as distant as I could, "but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."
He frowned quickly at my tone.
"I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on, go out with me and I'll never lay a wand at old Snivelly again."
A buzzing started in my left ear. Was he out of his bloody mind?! Did he honestly think I'd say yes to this?! How delusional could he be?
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," I replied angrily. I could see the hurt in his eyes, but I didn't care. Not anymore.
"Bad luck, Prongs," Black said. Potter was still eyeing me, which was why when Snape recovered his movements, a gash appeared on James's cheek. Quickly, he turned and Severus was in the air, pale legs out, dirty underpants modelling for the whole school.
The scene was comical, I had to admit. How many times hadn't I seen Potter and Black do the same to each other? But never such weird underpants had been shown, and this sobered me up – Sev's humiliation had to do with his poor family condition.
"Let him down!"
He obeyed me, but Black quickly petrified Severus again. I was furious.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I yelled, my wand in my hand again.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," Potter said, as if I wouldn't be able to take him on.
"Take the curse off him, then!"
He did as I said, partly because he knew I'd hex him.
"There you go," Potter said, as if he had just offered water for a man wandering through the desert for weeks, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus–"
"I don't need help from a filthy little Mudblood like her."
This was a slap to my face. I still had hopes for him, but not after this I still thought I might save him; now I knew he was too far gone. He'd never called me a Mudblood before.
And just like that, I'd lost the two of them.
I blinked.
"Fine. I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."
The pain he caused me was too great for me to not use the horrid nickname. I felt like I was floating, away from the scene. Potter's voice brought me back to reality: losing my friend and my… something at the same time.
"Apologise to Evans!" Potter's wand was pointed at Snape, and he was acting as if it hadn't been him and his mates that had started it all.
"I don't want you to make him apologise, you're as bad as he is," I spat. I saw the shock across his face, because he really thought himself superior – which, maybe, just maybe, he might be. But not now.
"What?" Potter screamed, "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!" I knew that. He was right on this point. But bloody hell, I was so angry.
"Messing up with your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."
I heard him calling my name, but I didn't turn back. I was livid, and I tended to cry when I was livid. I didn't want to cry in front of either of them, or in front of the other people enjoying Potter threatening to show Snape's underpants to the world.
Mary and Marlene were waiting for me, and they followed my lead back to the Girls' Dormitory. They didn't push me into talking, they just sat there as I finally let the tears fall down.
I'd lost them both.
No, they'd ripped themselves from me, each in his own way.
Potter, in his toerag ways, did what I had asked him not to only days before. Days! I clarified that Snape was my friend again, as I had many times before, and that he wasn't being fair. He made me interfere. I'm a Prefect, for Heaven's sake! I had to.
And then Snape. He did just what everyone always told he would. The worst part was that I wasn't actually surprised about him doing it – just how he'd done it.
I cried for Potter, and I cried for Snape. I cried for the little girl who had just made a friend who told her about an amazing world. I cried for the teenager who had stupidly fallen in love with her nemesis.
About half an hour later, it stopped. I got up and took a shower, wiping the crying from my face. I took my notes and my book and started studying again. No more getting distracted.
When the girls announced it was supper time, I joined them to go to the Great Hall. I would not hide from them, I would just ignore them.
Snape called my name as we entered the Great Hall, but I pretended not to hear. I ate with my friends, and we started talking about Summer plans – new ones for me, since mine had found a rock on the way.
Mary would stay behind, so we scheduled to meet up. Marlene had a family travel to France – I let her know just how much I envied her. Supper was almost normal, as long as I pretended not to see two pairs of eyes on my neck. Mary and Marlene were happy to help me in doing so.
We left laughing at Marlene's little brother antics about her coming back home. He still wasn't old enough to come to Hogwarts, but was getting anxious to do so. He had to wait another year.
Like it had happened before, I felt a hand grabbing my arm as we made our way back to the Gryffindor Common Room.
"We'll wait for you upstairs," Marlene told me as we saw Potter was the culprit behind my staying back – bloody prat was smiling and all.
"No, no need to," I replied calmly, before turning to him, "have you got anything to tell me regarding School?"
He turned serious at once.
"School? What?" He sincerely was confused.
"If not," I continued, "then I suggest you release me. I don't want to talk to you."
His eyebrows shot up and he let go of my arm quickly.
"Are you mad at me?"
This took a laugh out of me.
"Really? You're that self-centred?"
"Is this about earlier today? That was–"
"Of course it is. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to study for tomorrow's OWL."
He called my name, and again I didn't turn to talk to him. The lightness of supper had left me already, and I was fuming again. I only paid half attention to the girls, and in ten minutes I was already in bed.
I would've stayed there until the next morning, had not Mary appeared with an apprehensive expression on her face.
"Lily, Snape is downstairs. He's saying he'll camp for the night if you don't go out there."
I sighed. It was almost eleven. Angry again, I put on my dressing gown and met Snape outside the portrait.
"I'm sorry!"
Those were the first words out of his mouth. I wasn't moved and I let him know.
"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."
"I was. I would have done," he confirmed. Then he said exactly what I knew he would, "I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just–"
"Slipped out?" It was just the excuse I was waiting for. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"
This shocked him – he couldn't even reply to that.
"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine," I told him, my heart breaking a little.
"No – listen, I didn't mean –" he tried again.
" – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"
This shut him up once more. He just looked at me, torn and hurt. But he had hurt me more – and would hurt many more people in the future. I turned and went back to the Common Room. With a heavy sigh, I sat down on the couch and put my face in my hands, absorbing the end of my first real friendship.
"So you'll talk to him, but not me?"
It was literally the last person I'd like to see at that moment. I'd rather see You-Know-Who himself. Anyone.
"I really don't want to talk," I whispered.
"Yeah, I heard it. But I want to. Why are you mad at me?" Potter really had no clue, had he? "We got it on with Snivellus, but he was the one to verbally assault you."
"'Got it on'? Is that what you call humiliating a fellow human being? One I had specifically asked you to treat like a human being, considering my friendship, many times, the last being days before? In the same night I gave it up to you?"
"What was the difference from today and all the other times we did the same, Evans?" He was starting to lose his patience. Good. "Besides you hollering all those compliments at me?"
"I'm repeating myself," I mumbled, "I asked you not to. That's the difference. If you had any consideration for me whatsoever–"
"Of course I've got consideration for you!"
"Oh, what a lovely way of showing it! Making me get called Mudblood in front of the school and then lose my first friend. Thanks so much!"
"I didn't make him say it, you know?!"
"Of course I bloody know. It doesn't change the fact that he did! That I lost the chance of bringing him back to our side, and not join the army that wants to murder me. And of course you didn't make him say it, but if you hadn't pushed him into that humiliating position, he'd never have done it!"
"Not today," his snort hurt because it was the truth.
"Yes, not today. But I still had hopes, and a whole Summer to try and convince him."
He raised his eyebrows.
"A whole Summer? You were pretending to meet up with him during the Summer?"
"Yes. We're neighbours. What else would I do in Summer, but to meet with my friends?"
He gulped, and I saw the fight leaving him.
"I thought we would…" he cleared his throat.
"Yeah, not happening," I snorted.
"What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?"
"There's nothing to break up," I told him.
"C'mon, Lily. We're dating," he coaxed me on.
"No, we're not. We had a deal, and went on a date."
He crossed his arms.
"Are you really this scared of your feelings, that you need to pretend not to have them?" Potter asked, grabbing my hand. "Look me in the eye, and tell me you don't feel anything for me."
I do.
Instead of going to him like every cell in my body told me to, I hardened my expression and released my hand.
"I don't feel anything for you. We had a deal, and now I want to terminate it."
"If you don't feel anything for me, why are you so mad?" Potter challenged me.
"Because I let myself into this thing for far too long. Because you broke my trust."
"I never said I'd lay off of him," he reminded me. "You said I should, but I never made any promises."
I smiled sadly.
"The fact you're holding on to that fact shows just how much I matter to you. Really, Potter. That was part of the deal. I want nothing more to do with you. Okay?"
Again, I didn't wait for an answer; I just turned my back and went to my Dormitory, leaving my first ex behind – even if he didn't know I considered him so.
