A/N: This was all inspired by a meme on facebook. Just a little dribble drabble of cuteness between my favorite nerd and normal, with a heavy Megan undertone. Set a couple months after her death and setting off the rocket, but before Tim shows up and ruins everything including my will to live.
I hope you enjoy!!!
xoxo
"Hey... Uh, Toby and Happy just left for the night. Ralph is with Cabe for the night, if you need any help with anything..." He looked up to her, but made no attempt to speak. He looked tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep could fix. Knowing he had been off, and even snapping at Cabe once, Cabe had offered to take Ralph for the night so she could stay and look after Walter, figure out what was going on with him. "You've been very... isolated... very, quiet, all day. Are you... okay, Walter?" She approached cautiously, brushing her hand gently over his shoulder to rub his upper back as he leant over his lab desk soldering a microchip.
"Paige, I've been telling everyone all day... I'm... fine." His words were confident, but his voice gave him away however, and her face told him that she was going to call him out on it.
"Walter. I won't force you to talk to me, but I think it would be a good idea if you did. Something is clearly bothering you today. You can talk to me." She pushed, hoping he would open up to her. He had been so distant all day, barely speaking to anyone, hadn't eaten, and had escaped up to his lab where he had been for hours after making some snappy comments to the team. She was worried about him, though, she'd never admit just how much worrying about him she did.
"Today is March 5th." She remained quiet, hoping that this would be one of those times that Walter would elaborate on his own. Thankfully, she was right. "Today is Megan's birthday. Or... rather, would have been her birthday." Her heart sunk in her chest at the realization of what had been weighing on him all day, the reason Sylvester had been out today, and, most notably, at the way Walter's voice hitched in his throat, and just how pained he sounded. She wanted to wrap him a hug and never let go.
"Oh Walter. I'm so sorry. I didn't know." She pulled up the seat next to him, resting her hand on his forearm. He still hasn't stopped his work on the microchip, and she watched him intently. He was impressively skilled at masking his emotions, but she had learned how to read him for those microexpressions that told her what was going on in his head.
"It's... just a day. A date on a calendar. A random Friday. It doesn't magically hold any intrinsic value. Rationally, I know that. And yet, it feels... " He paused, struggling to find the words.
"Sad?" He briefed a look at her, nodding.
"It's stupid, really. Even when she was here, I never found much understanding in the significance people place on birthdays. It's just a commemoration of another obit around the sun. But, I don't know, something about knowing Megan didn't complete this orbit has had me... feeling ...things I don't quite, um, understand." His admission had tears pricking to the surface of her eyes that she fought back. He stopped his movements, but didn't relinguish his soldering iron or the chip, and still wouldn't look at her.
"Walter, what you're feeling is normal. Losing someone you love is an extremely difficult process. Especially a loss as profound as your sister. Megan was the most important person in your life, of course her loss is going to hit you in a million different ways, when you least expect it, and it's not going to be rational. When we lose someone, we move forward, we distract ourselves from that loss with the day to day of things, but there will be moments that that pain bubbles to the surface. Dates, as illogical as it is, have a way of forcing us to think about and feel that loss. Especially the first year. It's a reminder of everything you try to forget to avoid the pain, but one that's very in your face and doesn't let you. You can't avoid an entire day. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. It's when you notice their absence most."
"I suppose that makes some sense. Thank you for helping me to understand." Back to his chip. Typical Walter.
"What did Megan like to do for her birthday?" He stopped again, and she hoped he wouldn't be upset with her forcing him to talk about Megan.
"Uh, well, since we moved to LA, she would have me take her out to this Mexican restaurant downtown every year. Before we came to the US, she had never had Mexican food. After we discovered it, she said Mexican food was the secret to happiness." Watching him carefully, she noted the pulling of the corner of his lips at the memory. He let go of the chip, and his fingers danced in the air as he spoke again. "She uh, really enjoyed the uh, sizzling when fajitas would be brought out on the cast iron pan. Said it was the only food that announced its own arrival." He laughed, and surprising her, he continued talking, being so open and exposed with his stroll down memory lane, a wistful smile gracing his face. "She, uh, she would get so excited whenever she would hear it, the sizzling, across the restaurant, whipping her head around so fast I would tease her about getting whiplash. And she would always demand that we each get one of those big fruity cocktail drinks. She would never finish it, or the fajitas for that matter. No, she'd always fill up on chips and queso before she even ordered. I would give her such a hard time about it being a waste of money, and how I could bring her a bag of chips and warm cheese instead. But, she insisted it was part of the experience." Paige was grinning at his regaling her with the memory. Megan had a way of bringing out a playful side to Walter that she had been fortunate enough to witness several times before she passed, but she was thankful that just her memory was enough to keep that side of him open. "Anyway, I would get her a cupcake each year, and at the end of the night, we would go down to the beach, the one we set off her rocket at. She, uh, really loved it there. And she would blow out the candle and wish for one more year of happiness. That's it. That's how she loved to spend her birthday."
"That's a great way to celebrate, Walter. And that's a beautiful memory to cherish." She rubbed his arm softly.
"Yeah, I guess it is." His voice was wistful and distant again, and it pained her.
She shut off his soldering iron, removing the wand carefully from his hand and placing it back in the stand, causing him to look at her questioningly. "Come with me."
"What? No, Paige, I have work to--"
"Nope, come on, I'm taking you out. You need a break. You've been up here all day." She said it in a way that was non-negotiable, and if he were being honest, the idea of having a night out with Paige was definitely more appealing than soldering and resoldering the same board because he couldn't focus. "Come on, I'm not taking no for an answer. Let's go. I'm taking you to dinner." She extended her hand out to him, and he stared at it briefly, then glanced up to her warm smile.
"...okay. I uh, guess you're probably right. A break may not be such a terrible idea." He took her hand and stood, allowing her to pull him from the loft.
"I just need to make one stop on the way." She called over her shoulder, to which he nodded.
"Uh, Paige... what are we doing here? I thought we would just go to Kovelsky's." He said, somewhat annoyed, looking out the car window at their location.
"Walter, you are feeling sad. Today is Megan's birthday. Your sister, who was exceptional, and lively, and fun, and loved you more than words could ever accurately describe. This was how she wanted to celebrated her birthday with you every year. So, now, we are going to celebrate for her. You and me. We'll order all of her favorite food, listen for the sizzling of fajitas, fill up on chips and queso, get those big fruity cocktails, and toast to the unbelievable impact that her being born has had on the world."
"This is ridiculous. Megan is deceased Paige. Deceased as in dead, there is no one left to celebrate." His tone was harsh, but she knew his resistance was at the surface level, afraid to acknowledge feelings, rather than a deep rooted belief.
"You're right, Megan is dead. Though that's a bit... chilly, you are correct. But, Happy told me when Megan was dying how energy can never be destroyed, some principal of science or something. That it never dies, it just changes form, so, and hear me out, maybe Megan's energy is still here somewhere, just in another form." He was listening intently to her speak, and she could see his brain swirling the notion around, and a bit of the irritation of her using science against him. "We're not celebrating her death, Walter. We're celebrating her life, and all the joy she brought to yours, and everyone else around her. So much joy that her birthday without her feels sad. That's something worth celebrating, that she was so important to you her absence has left a mark. That's the most any of us can hope for in this life, Walter, that we can mean so much to someone, leave such an impact on the world, that when we're gone, it leaves a void. Acheiving that, especially as young as Megan was, is worth celebrating her." His eyes found hers, digesting her words, before looking out the window again. "If you really don't want to, that's okay, Walter. I want to help you, and I will respect whatever you feel would be best for you. Megan is gone, but you are still here, and I'm here for you." He nodded, almost imperceptibly in understanding. "But, I think Megan, if she is still out there, would be happy to see you carrying her memory with you, keeping traditions alive, keeping her alive in you." She reached across the center console to take his hand in hers. "So, what do you say? Fajitas and fruity cocktails? Or Kovelsky's fermented fish?" He smiled her way, a bit awestruck.
"Okay, let's do it. Let's get some fajitas." She beamed with joy and pride at his response, squeezing his hand approvingly. "I wish you had had more time to get to know Megan, beyond her illness. Something tells me that you two would have really, I believe the phrase is, hit it off." She giggled.
"Yeah, I think we would have hit it off as well. She was a great friend in the time I knew her, and I will cherish those memories. Plus, we had one very important thing in common." Loving him. But she wasn't about to say that aloud. He looked at her puzzled at what it could be and she inwardly laughed at how he was so brilliant, yet so aloof sometimes. "You, silly."
"Oh. Right." There was a brief flash of something, which she almost wanted to believe was hope and love, across his face, but he was quick, as always to mask it. "Well, I uh, just, um... thank you, Paige. This is all very... thoughtful of you."
"Well, I don't know if Mexican food is the secret to happiness, but I do know..." She looked pointedly at him, a quirky, playful smile on her face. "...that I have never felt sad while eating queso." He chuckled at her, and she wasn't sure if it was at her words or the playful way with which she said them. She wondered briefly if he saw a bit of Megan in her, in how she held him accountable to his emotions, forced him from his comfort zone, pushing him to his limits, and often being playful and bantering with him, teasing him and reminding him that he was more than his intellect.
"I suppose you're right about that, and they do have very good queso here." He squeezed her hand back, lifting their conjoined hands lightly and patting them back down on his thigh as he chuckled. "Okay, let's go... find happiness. For Megan."
"For Megan." She repeated, grinning widely, removing her hand from his to exit the car.
He mused as he retook her hand outside the car, that maybe Megan was right all along. Happiness was Mexican food, because for the first time all day he felt happy.
Dinner had been very enjoyable, far more than he had expected, full of laughter, ease, and sharing memories of he and Megan growing up together. Walter was oddly relaxed, though, he suspected the cocktail played a part in that.
The entire time he sat at the table, he kept hearing Megan's voice in his head, telling him not to be afraid to love. So, for her birthday gift, he was letting down his defences and allowing himself to love the woman in his company, who had been so thoughtful to give up her night to cheer him up. He soaked in the way she laughed, how she explained each cocktail to him, how she got so excited about the little umbrella and sword shaped pick with fruit on it. It was a side to her he had never really allowed himself to see or appreciate. Just, Paige... having fun. Before her, having fun was something he viewed as mostly inefficient. But sitting across from her, watching how she covered her mouth as she leaned over laughing at a story he told, the way her nose scrunched up and her eyes crinkled, he realized just how wrong he had been. Having fun was truly the definition of efficiency, and he wanted to do it more... with her.
He even found himself eager to hear the sound of sizzling fajitas, and rather than feeling sad as he had all day, he felt an almost calmness come over him, freely remembering Megan, and how, even after death, she was still finding a way to ensure he found the happiness she was so set on him finding while she had been alive.
He found himself several times throughout the dinner reaching for Paige's hand, letting his fingers softly trace over her knuckles. He had been a willing participant in her teasing, and dare he say... flirting. He even tricked her a few times to steal a piece of steak from her dish, making her laugh and forge a sword fight with him with her drink's mini sword. He had been entirely baffled by her, and yet, found himself biting off his cherries and weilding his little pink sword back at her.
He had let himself have fun. When they left, she had so effortlessly slipped her hand into his as they walked to her car, and he was certain his mind would run through it a million times later, but in that moment, he just enjoyed it. Determined to not let the moment slip away. He had kicked himself for months for not doing anything to progress their relationship after he'd held her hand on the beach the night they set off Megan's rocket. If there was one thing Megan, and this night, would do, was give him the courage to not make the same mistake twice.
Though, as they were driving back to the garage, he felt a sadness wash over him again. He didn't want the night to end, didn't want to wake up tomorrow and lose his courage again.
"Paige, the garage is that way." He piped up, coming out of his thoughts noticing that she had passed the turn off, briefly calculating if her half of a cocktail would be enough to cause her to be impaired while driving, but dismissed it as extremely unlikely. She smiled knowingly at him, squeezing the hand she still held.
"I know. The night's not over yet." Under normal circumstances, he would argue with her, but nothing about this night had been normal, and he was happy to go wherever she wanted to take him.
He couldn't help the smile, and a bittersweet pull on his chest, as she pulled into the all too familiar lot to the beach.
"Paige, this isn't necessary..." The last time he had been here was when Megan's ashes had been launched into space.
"Maybe, maybe not. But, uh, where else..." She leaned over to grab something from the backseat, pulling a single cupcake, a small box of birthday candles, and a lighter from a small white paper bag. "... would you blow out the candle?"
He didn't know what to say. He shouldn't be surprised, Paige was the most thoughtful, compassionate person he knew, but, still he found himself speechless by her act. He had wondered why she had needed to stop at the grocery store, and even more when she had hopped out of the car, telling him to stay there and she'd only be a minute, but had chalked it up to the store would likely be closed by the time dinner was through and she probably needed something for at home, and didn't want to bother him by forcing him to go in.
It never even crossed his mind that she had gone in to purchase a cupcake to carry on the tradition.
"I... uh, I don't even know what to say, Paige."
"You don't need to say anything. Come on, let's go watch the waves hit the sand." Her warm, inviting smile had his stomach sizzling like their fajitas.
"Lead the way." He shook his head, completely bewildered by the entire night's events. He had certainly not foreseen any of this when he had awoken this morning.
Becoming braver by the moment, he claimed her hand once more as they left the car, Paige carrying the paperbag from the grocery store in her other hand. Finding a patch of sand relatively close to where they had stood together a few months earlier, they sat and he watched her intently as she stared up at the night sky.
"You know, Walter, Megan may not have made it through her orbit around the sun in the traditional sense, but she made it to space, among the stars. One could argue that that's far more impressive that a simple loop around the sun." She smiled his way, and wrapped her arms around his, in what he could only describe as a hug to arm.
"Definitely more impressive. Worthy of celebration, even." He smirked when she the another grin his way, placing his hand over hers on his arm.
"Thank you for doing all of this, Paige. I know I'm not the best with conveying my feelings adequately with words, but, I really appreciate it. This has been a very enjoyable evening, and I think Megan would be pleased." He pulled his arm from her grasp, which had her tense a bit, until he wrapped it around her back, holding her close to him, and taking a deep breath, placed a soft, light kiss to her head. "Thank you."
"I think more than anything, Walter, Megan would be most pleased with you. She's be so proud of you." She leaned her head back to look at him, and her proximity made him dizzy. he face was so close to his he could smelly the fruity cocktail scent still lingering. "I know I am."
He was caught, unable to break away from her gaze, not wanting to. The moonlight reflecting in her eyes, the way she was looking at his so adoringly. His hand took on a life of its own, coming up to stroke.her cheek softly. He liked how her eyes flickered a bit as he did. Her gaze shifted from his eyes to his lips and back and he swallowed, hard.
Megan's voice rang through his mind once more.
Walter, don't be afraid to love.
Cupping the side of her face, he leant down, closing the distance between them, stealing his lips to hers. The feel of one of her hands touching his cheek, while the other wrapped around his back sent a shiver down his spine.
It was soft, gentle, loving. He didn't ravage her. He didn't kiss her with a passion or fire in his soul.
He kissed her with love and tenderness and gratitude.
"Wow." She whispered as she pulled back a few minutes later, a grin plastered to her face, he imagined matching his own. "Well, I do believe you still have a wish to make." She quickly pulled out the cupcake, placing a single candle into the center of the frosting and lighting it. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." She elbowed him lightly when she remained the only one singing.
"Ow. Happy birthday dear Megan..." He joined in.
"Happy birthday to you..." they both finished, him watching her gleefully.
"Okay, make a wish... for Megan." The candle light was dancing across her features, and out was doing something to him he would never understand. She was so enthralled with watching the candle burning, but all he could look at was her. Her surprise was evident when he grabbed her chin and turned her to face him, staring deep into her eyes.
"I wish... for another year of happiness." He lifted her hand to raise the cupcake between them, blowing it out without ever letting his eyes break from hers. Leaning forward he captured her in another kiss, but this one held passion, kissing her so she could feel just how happy she made him.
When they finally broke apart, Paige rested her forehead against his, regaining her breath.
"Wow. Who knew. Megan was right, Walter. Mexican food really is the secret to happiness." She giggled before recapturing his lips.
Megan had definitely been right.
