A/N: Hello Readers! I'm sorry it's been a couple of weeks! RL has been crazy and I got a nasty summer cold - ick. So I promise the letter reveal is coming - but my muses decided, actually my Mary muse decided that Mary would take a little side trip first - sorry guys, I'm a slave to them. Anyway - enjoy the angsty goodness and know the payoff is coming, starting in the next chapter. Strong T for the Mann's language in this chapter.
Mary frowned as she stared at the folded pages in Patti's hand. "I don't understand – that letter contains the reason why I left?"
Patti nodded as she turned back to her son. "You didn't tell her?"
Marshall raked a nervous hand through his hair. "It's been a little busy around here, Mom, in case you haven't noticed. And you weren't very clear on the phone about what exactly was in that letter."
"That's because I didn't read the whole thing – it's your letter."
"Then how do you know it-"
Mary cleared her throat loudly. "Excuse me-" and Marshall swung his head in her direction. "But would one of you mind telling me what the fuck is going on?"
"Mary, language, please."
She rolled her eyes as Patti smiled. "Well, glad to see some things haven't changed. You still have your mouth, Mary."
She shrugged and waited for an explanation, which Patti was quick to give. "I was finally getting around to cleaning out Seth's study – the room he spent the most time in when he was home, and I found this letter in the back of a photo."
Marshall frowned. "Which one?"
"The one I took at the hospital the day Will was born of the three of you."
Mary swallowed as her eyes fell shut. Something else she didn't remember. Did Marshall have pictures of them from back then or had he thrown them away because the memories hurt too much? She wanted to ask but the words stuck in her throat.
Marshall reached out and took her hand, knowing the emotions she was struggling with as Liam spoke up from his bed. "You mean the picture I have hanging over my bed at home, Nana?"
Mary's eyes flew open and she barely heard Patti's reply as her eyes sought Marshall's. He smiled down at her, his heart in his own gaze.
"Dad has pictures of you everywhere, Mom," Liam added. "That's how I knew it was you when we bumped into each other in New York City."
Thank you, she mouthed the words to Marshall, unable to find her voice yet but he nodded in understanding, leaning forward to breathe a kiss against her forehead. If he hadn't kept her pictures, told their son their stories, kept her memory alive, she would have been just another stranger in NYC – and would now be married to Raph, none the wiser that she already had a husband and son.
Mary shuddered.
"Are you all right?" Marshall's concerned gaze bore into her.
She nodded. "I'm fine – it's just overwhelming to be standing here with your mother holding the missing piece of the puzzle-"
"We don't know that-" he interrupted. "She didn't read the whole thing. I don't want you getting your hopes up."
"I read enough, Marshall, to know that this will fill in-" Patti broke off, her face coloring as her son's eyes narrowed.
"You did read the whole thing, didn't you?"
"I –I – well-"
"Mother."
"I'm sorry! It was a long plane ride and I was worried about you and Will and I'll admit I wasn't totally convinced about Mary's amnesia until I got here and talked to Will-"
"Mother-" Marshall sighed.
Mary laid a hand on his arm. "No, Marshall, it's all right. When we walked in here and I saw her, I was expecting a slap across the face and a verbal tongue lashing the likes of which I haven't had since Jinx has been alive." She paused to take a deep breath. "And I would have deserved it. I know you and Will are both furious at me but because of my accident, you've treated me with kid gloves and have put off your anger and so I'm still waiting for things to blow up – and now that your mom is here, she has every right to hate me. You've always been her favorite, Marshall. And the truth is, no matter what that letter says – I left. Nothing I can say or do now can excuse that – I walked out on you and our six week old infant son – and I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for that," Mary choked on a sob as she turned and hobbled out the door.
Marshall swore and punched the wall, then swore again as he saw the dent he'd made in his anger.
"Great, how much do you think they'll add to my bill for that?" Liam shook his head. "Go after her, Dad."
"No, I'll go," Patti pursed her lips as she pushed the letter back into her purse.
"I don't think she wants to see you right now, Mom, or anyone for that matter," Marshall rubbed his sore hand. "You stay here with Will. I'm going to get some ice for my hand, find someone in maintenance to tell about the wall, and then go find her."
Liam frowned. "Shouldn't you go find her after you get the ice?"
Patti laid a hand on her grandson's knee as Marshall left the room. "Your dad knows what he's doing – he's always taken excellent care of your mother."
He swallowed. "But what if she-"
"With her foot in a cast? I don't think she can outrun your father this time, Kiddo."
One of the nurses had taken pity as Mary hobbled past and handed her a pair of crutches. Whispering her thanks, she placed them under her arms and flew down the hallway, not bothering to see if she was being pursued yet, knowing it would only be a matter of time before Marshall came after her. She longed for the sunshine and fresh air, so pushing the down button, she exited the elevator and crashed through the doors into the children's garden, and slowly made her way to an unoccupied bench. There were a few parents with children in the garden but Mary dodged them easily, and she figured that a crying lady on crutches must have made a terrifying sight because the kids steered clear of her once she sat down. She pulled her good leg up to her chest and let her hair surround her face like a curtain as she placed her forehead on her knee. The answer to why to she'd run was within her reach and what had she done? Run.
Again.
Before Will had gotten shot, she had been scared to know the reason why she'd left because it might prove she was no better than her father – that running was in the Shannon blood and therefore she was unable to make a lifelong commitment to anyone or anything.
But after her near rape, everything had changed. Since Marshall's declaration of love and the memory of his kiss, she knew she couldn't lose him again. Mary was terrified that whatever was in that letter had the potential to tear them apart – this time for good. Yes, eighteen years was a long time, but they had managed to find their way back to each other and against all odds it seemed like they were still – no, it was crazy to think that they could make it work. Everyone you love, you lose, remember, Shannon? That's why you don't let anyone in. It hurts too much when they leave.
A shadow fell across the sun and she felt a slight shift in the air as Marshall settled next to her on the bench. For several long, agonizing minutes neither of them spoke and then he lifted one of her hands and wrapped it around an icy can.
"Thought you might be thirsty, sitting out here in the hot sun."
She rocked her head to the side, one puffy eye opening to look at him. "What is it?"
"Limeade – don't get too excited – it's from a vending machine, so I highly doubt it's as good as Stella's homemade brew."
Memories assaulted her of the two of them drinking limeade at the diner after hours, bent over her physics textbook, his head so close hers that she could smell- Mary blinked. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
It was another long stretch of time before she finally sat up to take a drink and when she did, her head felt thick and hot. She swayed slightly and Marshall steadied her, pulling her against him. "Easy, Mer. You've been sitting out here in the sun for awhile, and you've been crying – you're a little dehydrated. I want you to drink a little of that limeade – slowly. And then we're going to move to the shade, all right?"
She nodded, her head still feeling fuzzy, but following his directions, the cool liquid tasting like heaven on her parched throat. He waited until she finished the drink before scooping her into his arms, and though she protested with a squeak, she sank against him as he walked across the lawn to the shade. He set her down on the grass and she sighed at the coolness underneath her.
"I'm going to get you another drink – don't move until I get back."
She grinned up at him lazily. "Or what? You'll shoot me?"
He shook his head as his hand caressed her cheek. "Don't tempt me, Mer."
She rolled to her side and sighed, trying to remember what she had been thinking about before – something about – Patti's face swam behind her closed eyelids and she moaned. "I can't lose you – not now."
"You'll never lose me."
Her eyes fluttered open to see Marshall lying in the grass across from her, his fingers gently caressing her cheek. "Good morning," he whispered.
"I fell asleep?"
"For a few minutes, yes."
She swallowed. "I'm still thirsty."
He sat up, reaching for her hands to pull her to a sitting position as well before handing her another limeade. "So was I right?"
She frowned. "About what?"
"It's not as good as Stella's?"
She smiled. "No one's limeade is as good as Stella's – or maybe I was just distracted by the company-"
Marshall grinned. "See, there's nothing wrong with your memory-"
She sobered. "The parts I can remember anyway. What if I never remember?"
He shrugged. "What if you don't?"
She set the can down in the grass. "Marshall, you've got to stop this."
"Stop what?"
"Being Mr. Optimistic. I need to know how you really feel about things – it's like I said upstairs. I know you're angry with me but you're pretending everything's OK because of the postpartum and the accident."
"Mary-"
"And I need to know how you'd feel if I never remembered marrying you and giving birth to Will. You've already told me those were two of the happiest days of your life – what if I never remember them? How does that make you feel?"
Marshall jumped to his feet. "Don't-"
"Don't what? Push you? But I feel like that's the only way you're going to tell me how you really feel. How did you feel being alone with a six week old baby? Did you look for me at all or did you just say, "Oh well, she said she'd be back so I'll just carry on until-"
"FUCK, Mary!" Marshall screamed the words into the air and the one family left in the garden jumped and beat a hasty retreat back inside the hospital. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "How can you – do you even – I've loved you since the moment I saw you – there hasn't been anyone else after that could hold a candle to you. There hasn't been one day since you left that I've felt whole – it wasn't until Raph opened the door and I saw you standing there that I felt like I was alive, that I could breathe-"
"Marshall," she breathed his name on a broken sob and he turned at the sound, dropping to his knees to cup her face in his hands.
"Did I look for you? My God, Mary! I ran to the police station first thing but they told me I had to wait twenty-four hours and I thought screw that! So I went to the airport, bus and train stations myself, but do you have any idea how many people pass in and out of NYC every single day – even back in 1996? I didn't have a prayer of a chance of finding you – not without help and resources and my father refused, flatly refused to help me," Marshall paused to breathe, and he leaned his forehead against hers, breathing hard. "I went home, fed our son and rocked him to sleep. Told him his mommy would be home soon. I found a chain for your ring and put it around my neck, wearing it close to my heart for safe keeping. I knew you'd be back for it, for us. I fell asleep wrapped around your pillow, inhaling your scent."
"How long did you wear my ring?"
He shuddered. "Until Will was ten and he asked me if you were dead – I knew then it was time to let you go." He tried to move away but she grabbed his face, keeping him close.
"And when did the anger, the hatred start, Marshall?"
"I never hated you, Mary." Off her disbelieving look, he moved closer to her. "Really, I didn't and I don't. As for the anger – I'm not sure when it started but I remember thinking 'Mary will be sorry she's missing this' – about Will's first steps, his first words, his first day of school – and then I guess I grew angry at you for leaving him without a mother like you were left without a father."
She flinched.
"I'm sorry, my love, I didn't mean-"
"No, I wanted to hear-"
"Let me finish then. I think that's why I'm so quick to forgive you – or at least, try to let it go. Because it wasn't entirely your fault – if the accident hadn't happened, I know you would have come home to us."
She shook her head. "How?"
"Because we were a family – and yes, things were rough but we were getting through it and I know you loved Will."
"I loved you too, Marshall."
He went still in her grip. "What?"
"Didn't you know?"
He shook his head. "I hoped but you never-"
She smiled sadly. "You were supposed to read my mind."
"I would never be so presumptuous as to read your mind, Mary Shannon."
"I really never said the words?"
"Not out loud."
She ran a fingernail along his lower lip. "How remiss of me-"
"Mary, are you trying to kill me?"
She shook her head. "Can you read my mind now?"
He glared at her. "It doesn't take a psychic to know what you're thinking."
She grinned. "Then shut up and k-"
His lips cut off her words and she melted into his touch, reveling in the taste that was uniquely her husband. For Mary it was still all so new and some part of her wondered if the butterflies in her stomach had always been part of the experience or if she was just still nervous kissing him. But as his hand cupped the back of her neck and pulled her into his lap, the butterfly effect intensified and Mary suddenly remembered that it had always been this way with him – and only him. Every kiss, every touch made her feel this alive, this loved, this cherished. How could she have forgotten? She broke the connection first this time, breathing hard, blinking at him with wide eyes.
"Mary, what is it?" he panted.
"Was it always like that?"
His mouth quirked but he managed not to grin just yet. "Like what?"
"Like – wow," she breathed the word against his lips and he captured her mouth for another long, slow kiss that left her breathless.
When they pulled apart this time, her hair was tousled and her lips were slightly swollen. He grinned down into her eyes. "Yeah, it was – well, maybe not from the beginning – but it was definitely 'wow' ever since you deflowered me."
"Marshall!" she smacked him on the shoulder before giggling.
"Now you know why I'm not worried about your memory coming back- because even if your head doesn't remember, the rest of you does."
She sighed against his chest, not wanting to spoil his words with her fears that he would be the one running once the truth came out.
Liam looked up from the checkerboard as his parents came back into his room, hand in hand, and couldn't keep the grin from forming. "Please don't tell me Dad is going to have to erase some footage of you two on the grounds doing-"
"William Marshall Mann!" Marshall thundered while Mary and Patti hid their grins behind hands. "You're not too old for me to bend over my knee. So I'll thank you to not talk about your mother like that."
"Geez, Dad-"
"Marshall, cut the kid some slack," Mary drawled as she released his hand and hobbled over to the other side of Will's bed. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Sorry I ran out earlier – it's been a rather trying day.
Liam looked at her red rimmed, puffy eyes and down to the hand that was now caressing back an unruly lock of his hair. His attention was seized by the angry line on her wrist. "Mom, what's that?"
Mary jerked her hand back. "Nothing for you to worry about-"
Liam's gaze swept to his Dad and just caught the wave of anger that passed over his face. "Dad?"
"Everything's fine, Will-"
"The hell it is! Something happened and the two of you are keeping secrets from me – is it about Jessie?"
"Will, no. I promise you, this has nothing to do with her-" Mary's gaze locked on Marshall's and after a moment he nodded.
"Mom, why don't we go sample some of this hospital's fine cuisine and give these two some time alone, hm?"
Patti had been watching and listening with interest but now she jumped to her feet and left the room, glancing back at Mary with some concern in her dark eyes. Mary turned to pull the now vacant chair up to the bedside but Liam grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto the bed next to him.
"Tell me."
She sighed. "You remember my – Raph."
Liam's jaw clenched in such a perfect imitation of Marshall that Mary had to bite her cheek to keep from smiling. "The douchebag, yeah."
"Hey, watch your mouth."
He snorted. "You're one to talk."
She lifted an eyebrow. "Touché – well, he got the drop on me last night."
"What does that mean?"
"It means – your father rescued me from a rather compromising situation, OK?"
Liam shook his head. "Not good enough, mom. I need more details – how'd you get the red lines on your wrists?"
Mary winced. "Raph handcuffed me to the headboard while I was sleeping and when I woke up – well, let's just say I wasn't happy."
"Fuck, Mom!"
"Will!"
"No, I think swearing is warranted here – did he – did that prick rape you?"
"No."
"Mom-"
"Will, I swear he didn't. Your father got there in time."
Liam relaxed but then he reached out and squeezed her hand. "And you're OK?"
Mary smiled. "I'm OK."
"Good – 'cause I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."
She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Right back at ya, Kid."
A/N: Aw, a Mary/Will scene! That was so cute, right? And Marshall finally opened the bottle on his hurt/angry feelings. Up Next: Will Mary reveal her fears? What does Seth's letter say? Reviews are LOVE!