A/N: Most of this chapter is completely NEW and replaces the previous chapter 18 that was published nearly 10 years ago.

Marshall woke a few hours later to an empty bed and a storm raging outside. For a moment he panicked until he realized that he was naked in Mary's bed and his memory of the night before returned. He could hear her moving around in the kitchen and the scent of coffee hung in the air. He picked up his phone and was surprised to see that it was after nine o'clock. Opening his message screen, he typed a quick text to Will, letting him know they hadn't gotten much sleep and would be in to see him later.

He had just located his pajama pants under the bed when his phone beeped, signaling a new message. Marshall sat down to pull on his pants and then looked at Will's reply: TMI, Dad. TTYL

He grinned at the words on his phone – oh Will, I'm afraid you are in for a lifetime of embarrassment from your parents. He tossed his phone on the bed and went in search of Mary. Following his nose down the hall to the kitchen, he paused and drank in the sight of her standing in front of the small stovetop, stirring a frying pan full of eggs, her back to him. Her hair was up in a messy bun, but several tendrils had fallen out and were curling around her neck. The only item of clothing she was wearing was one of his dress shirts that she must have confiscated from his closet in the guest room and the hem barely covered her butt. He waited until she had turned off the heat before moving across the floor to sneak his arms around her waist.

"Smells delicious – is it ready?"

She jumped in his arms. "Shit! Don't do that – not unless you want breakfast to end up on the floor."

"You didn't need to cook for me, Mer-"

"It's just eggs – and don't get used to it," she added as she moved out of his embrace to the two plates waiting on the counter. "Will told me you're an excellent cook – and since this is the only thing I can actually 'cook', you're going to be doing most of the cooking."

He grinned as he snagged a piece of egg and popped it in his mouth. "That's OK – I like to cook."

"How are they?"

Marshall swallowed, keeping his smile in place to hide the fact that he'd just swallowed a piece of eggshell. "Delicious."

Her eyes narrowed. "Why do I get the feeling you'd say that if I over salted and burnt them to a crisp?"

He snagged her wrist and pulled her into him. "You went to the trouble to cook breakfast for me – that's what matters. I'd eat them if they were too salty and full of shells-"

Her eyes widened. "Oh God – did you bite into a shell?" she tore from his grasp and picked up a fork to examine the eggs on his plate.

Marshall laid his hands on her shoulders. "Mary, what's going on?"

"What do you mean? I don't want you to choke on your breakfast-"

He put his hand over hers and turned her towards him. "I woke up alone this morning and I come out here to find you fussing and obsessing over cooking me the perfect breakfast-"

"Well, I try to do something nice for you, Marshall Mann, and this is the thanks I get! If a wife can't make her husband-"

He stopped her tirade with a swift kiss. "That's not what I'm saying, and you know it. I love that you went to the trouble to make me breakfast – but that's not who you are – you aren't the June Cleaver housewife who cooks and cleans and sends her husband off to work with a kiss."

She pulled away to cross her arms under her breasts. "How do you know? I could have changed in the past eighteen years, grown up. You keep saying we were so young when we got together – and you're right. We could be two totally different people now."

He shook his head. "You haven't changed that much, Mary."

"How do you know?" she repeated with an air of defiance.

"Because when you remembered everything last night – it was like you came back to me. Suddenly my wife – the woman I fell in love with - was standing in front of me, and I wouldn't change a thing."

"Not even the fact that I've had multiple one-night stands since I left you?"

His hands fell from her shoulders as his breath left him in a sharp exhale. Breathe, just breathe, Marshall. She's pushing your buttons like she always does – trying to get a rise out of you. If you say the wrong thing now, she'll run and never look back. But as hard as he tried, the pain lanced through him and he backed away from her, knowing the pain in her eyes was being reflected in his.

"How many?" he whispered hoarsely.

She shook her head. "I –I didn't keep count, Marshall. Sex was my way of blowing off steam, releasing pressure, of feeling alive after a difficult case-" she flinched as she watched Marshall turn his back on her. "I didn't know I was married! I – last night when you and I came together it was so – and then when I woke up in your arms and remembered all the times I'd –" she stopped when Marshall held up a hand.

"Please, don't." He began to walk away but she stepped in front of him, blocking his path.

"Tell me what to do – tell me how to fix this! I needed to tell you-"

"Why?" he whispered hoarsely.

She hung her head. "Because I felt so dirty – and in light of what happened with Raph yesterday, I knew it was only a matter of time before you found out and I wanted to be the one to tell you."

"I need some air."

"Please don't leave-"

"You've got to give me a little time, Mer. This – I know you didn't remember us, our marriage and Will, and I know it isn't fair of me to expect you to have remained faithful. Deep down, I knew Raph wasn't the only one, but to hear you admit that you've had multiple sexual partners-" he cleared his throat, unable to get the rest of the words out.

"They didn't mean anything to me."

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "That's supposed to make me feel better? God, Mary! You're starting to sound just like your mother."

Her punch landed squarely on the left side of his jaw and made him stagger on his feet, but Marshall managed to keep his footing.

"Get out," she growled.

He reached out a shaking hand for her, needing to apologize as his words had cut deep. "Mary, I'm-"

"Get – out."

Marshall nodded and went to the guest room to get dressed and grab his wallet and keys. Mary waited in the kitchen until she heard the front door open and close before running to her room and throwing herself across the bed to release her sobs.

Marshall didn't go straight to the hospital. He was too upset to see Will right now – not to mention the fact that he didn't feel like explaining his swelling jaw. He drove to the boardwalk and parked, staring out at the water for a long time before he locked the truck and walked slowly down the dock, ignoring the few curious glances he got from the early shoppers.

We shouldn't have slept together last night. It was too soon. We still had too much to talk about and now we're paying the price.

He loved Mary – that was a fact that couldn't be denied. She had hurt him with her revelation this morning, but it still didn't change the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. What made his blood boil was the very idea of other men – multiple men - touching and loving his wife while he was thousands of miles away raising their son. But he knew he also had to bear some of that blame because he could have come and found her years ago. She might have lost her memory but what was his excuse? He wanted to protect Will? Hell – he had wanted to protect himself. He had been terrified that once he'd tracked her down, she would have laughed in his face and said, "Wasn't my leaving a big enough clue for you? You had to come all this way to hear it from my lips? I never loved you – or our son." Those words or a close variation of them had haunted his dreams for years and had been the motivating factor in keeping him away all this time.

Now she was back in their lives – and he knew she loved Will with all her heart. Hopefully, there was still some room left for him, though he doubted it after the crack he made about her being just like Jinx. He was going to have to do some serious groveling to make up for that one.

The house was silent when Marshall let himself back inside, but her car was still in the driveway, so he knew she was around somewhere. He saw that the kitchen was just as they left it – scrambled eggs on the counter, dried and stuck to the plates. Marshall frowned as he crept towards her bedroom and nudged the door open.

She was curled on her side wrapped around the pillow he had slept on last night, her chest moving up and down in sleep. There were tear tracks on her face and more hair had come loose from her bun and was now stuck to her cheeks and forehead. Her mouth was slightly open in a soft snore, but he thought she looked like an angel lying there, still in his shirt, passed out from sheer exhaustion and worry.

He toed off his shoes and leaned over her, placing a kiss on her temple.

"Mm, Marshall-" she whispered. "Don't go."

"Shh, I'm here, love."

Her eyes flickered open. "Marshall?"

His fingers traced her jawline. "Yes?"

She turned her head to meet his eyes. "You came back?"

He nodded.

"Even after I told you to get out?"

He smiled. "You've told me that before – I know you don't really mean it."

She snorted into the pillow.

"OK, in the moment you mean it," he corrected himself as he sat down beside her on the bed. "-but then you want me to come back and hold you."

She sat up quickly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm such a bitch to you, Marshall. I don't know why you keep coming back to me."

He threaded his fingers through her hair, loosening her hair bun even more. "Because I love you."

She drew back to cup his face in her hands, being extra gentle with his swelling jaw. "And in my own crazy, messed up way – I love you too."

He grinned. "Do you realize that's the first time you've said that to me?"

She frowned. "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"I think you're the one with amnesia now, String Bean. I said those words to you at the hospital, remember?"

His mouth fell open in surprise. "I thought you were asleep or dreaming-"

She kissed his cheek. "Silly man. I was falling asleep in your arms and the words just – came out. When you didn't say them back, I decided to pretend you didn't hear me."

"Oh, I heard you- I just thought – wait, are we really arguing over when you first told me you loved me?"

She grinned. "I think so."

He laughed. "We're pathetic." Pulling her into his arms, he lay down on the bed, taking her with him. She rested her head on his chest and traced lazy circles with her little finger. "I'm sorry about what I said – about you being like Jinx. You are nothing like your mother, Mer."

She sighed. "I don't know about that, Marshall. She certainly had her share of conquests and so did I. Raph even called me a whore-"

He grabbed her upper arms and pulled her up to face him. "Don't you ever use that word again, Mary Shannon Mann, do you hear me? I will not have you or anyone else calling my wife that."

"But-"

"NO! I know I didn't react well when you told me about your sexual history, but you have to remember that I'm insanely jealous when it comes to you. If you don't understand why I love you-" he paused to take a deep breath. "-I definitely don't see what you love about me – why you've chosen me not once but twice."

She lifted herself up to straddle his hips, planting her hands on his chest. "You really don't see it, do you?"

He shook his head.

"I didn't know what love was before you, Marshall. I knew about lust, sex, and fucking – Jinx and her partners had given me quite the education before you came along and you know I wasn't a virgin. But as far as love, affection, genuine caring for someone other than myself?" She shook her head sadly. "I was a complete novice."

"I beg to disagree – you had raised Brandi from infancy, and you always put her needs ahead of your own. If that's not love-"

She ran her hands down his chest to his stomach and smiled as he shuddered under her touch. "I'm talking about romantic love – the day you walked into that diner, from the very beginning, I knew you were different. You offering to clean up the mess was one thing but then actually following through and doing it – I couldn't believe you did that! No one had done that before – even if they had been the ones responsible. You intrigued me from the very beginning, Marshall, with your fairness, your kindness, and your eyes that seemed to be able to see right through me."

He lifted his hand and cupped her right cheek. "Mary-"

"No, let me say this. Brandi was much more open in her affections, but I'm telling you now that I was just as-" she shook under his touch. "You have to know that I wouldn't have married you if I wasn't in love with you."

He crashed his mouth into hers and for several minutes they lost themselves in each other. It wasn't until she reached for the zipper of his jeans that he stopped her, pulling back from their make out session, his eyes black with lust and his breathing heavy.

"Mary, wait."

"Why?" she breathed against his neck. "I thought you wanted-" she reached down but he caught her fingers. She smiled against his neck. "You're certainly ready for me, Marshall."

He groaned, his own head dropping. "It's been eighteen years, Mer. I'm always ready for you."

She pulled back to see his eyes. "So you're saying you can go from zero to sixty in-"

"Naughty, naughty-" he crashed his lips back to hers, sweeping his tongue into her mouth before breaking away once more.

"Marshall-" she growled. "You're starting to tick me off."

"I know," his hands framed her face. "I just-"

"What?"

"Did we rush things last night? I mean, you just got your memory back and this morning we had a pretty serious fight and there's still so many things-"

Mary bucked her hips into his and he moaned. "God, you are such a girl! Stop thinking so much, OK? Yes, we still have things to work through but overall, we're good." She kissed him soundly before pulling back. "Aren't we?"

"Yeah, I'm just wondering about-"

"About?"

"The other men you've-"

Mary abruptly pulled away. "Now? You're thinking about that now?"

He shrugged. "I can't help it. I mean, those men got to touch you and-"

"I can't go back and change the past, Marshall – if I had known I was married-" she broke off and shrugged her shoulders.

"And that's what bothers me the most."

"What?"

"You should have known –I should have come and found you and told you years ago-"

"I don't think it would have changed much of anything. When did you rake the system and find out where I was?"

"Six years ago." But he didn't meet her eyes when he said this, and Mary was getting a sinking feeling in her gut. "Bee came to me before her wedding – she wanted you there so much, even after all the years apart. So, I promised her that I would do all I could to find you and that's when I searched the system and found out you were a Marshal and living in Chicago at the time. Will was only twelve, so I decided not to tell him. I told Brandi but-"

"She never called," Mary whispered, her throat tight with emotion.

He shook his head. "No. Once I gave her the confirmation that you were alive and well, she got mad and flew into a rage. It was like she'd been grieving your loss for twelve years but now that she had proof you were alive, she moved into the next stage of grief."

"And she's still mad."

"I'm afraid so."

Mary shrugged. "It's understandable – she was still a child when I left, and I never tried to contact her. But why do I get the feeling you're holding something back? Are you sure that's the first time you looked for me?"

"Brandi and Will think it is."

"But it's not, is it?"

He sighed. "Mary, I don't see what difference-"

"No, tell me! You have some crazy notion that if you'd found me sooner, everything would be peaches and cream, Marshall – and I'm getting this tingling feeling in my gut that you've known where I've been for years – am I right?"

He hung his head. "I've known where you were since I became a Marshal."

Mary's heart was in her throat. "When was that?"

"Mary-"

"When did you graduate, Marshall?"

"2002."

Her eyes fluttered shut. Twelve years ago. She wanted to scream and sob at the same time. She wanted to scream at him that he was right – if he'd come then she would have had the opportunity to raise her son along with him and they could have been a family for the last twelve years. She wanted to cry for all the time they'd lost and could have gotten back if he hadn't been so – she drew a deep breath as the rational side of her brain kicked in. There was no going back to fix what was already broken.

Marshall was still speaking in a desperate, strained voice. "I became a US Marshal to help people but, in the beginning, it was all about finding you. I never dreamt it would be so easy – that you would go into the same profession. When your name popped up in the system, I couldn't believe it, but your picture was there in your file, and I had to fight the urge to hop on a plane to come and get you and bring you home that same day. But when I picked Will up from school – he was in first grade – and he was talking about his day and his friends and the field trip I'd promised to go on as a parent volunteer next week - I lost my nerve. I told myself I could go when school got out, we could both go. But as the months passed and I had time to think about it, I began to get angry. If I had found you in the system so easily, why hadn't you found me? What was preventing you from coming back to us? You were the one who left – maybe you didn't want to come back. Maybe you didn't want your own son-"

Mary buried her face in her hands as the tears coursed down her face. "You really thought-"

He scooted closer but didn't touch her. "It had been six years with no contact – what was I supposed to think, Mer? By the time summer vacation rolled around, I decided to keep track of you, but not make contact for Will's sake. I wasn't going to risk having his heart broken – not when he was old enough to remember you breaking it a second time."

Her heart ached to deny the words, but her head knew he was right. Walking out on a six-week-old baby was very different from refusing to be a parent to a six-year-old boy. She lifted her head and met his stormy eyes. As much as knowing that he could have found her years earlier, she would not have him carry this weight alone.

There was still more truth she needed to tell him.

"Marshall – you are not – this is not all your fault."

"How can you say that? If I'd been just a little more willing to take a chance, we could have been together for the past twelve years, Mer. You have to see that."

She swallowed. "Perhaps – but I'm stubborn and selfish. If you'd shown up on my doorstep back then, I could have thrown you out on your ass and refused to listen to a word you said. I might have even signed the papers back then."

He shook his head. "I should have come to you-"

She leaned forward and cupped his face in her hands, stopping the movement. "I am also to blame here, all right?"

"I don't see how-"

She sighed. "Marshall, I lied too. I knew about Will."