Please Don't Leave Me
Chapter Two
Buffy had just saw Dawn off to school, 'was it her first day back after summer break? No she went to school yesterday right?' Buffy thought to herself as she walked along the sidewalk headed towards The Magic Box.
The mid August sun warmed her skin. She basked in it, for the first time since she came back it felt familiar and safe.
Buffy steadied herself before she entered the shop and put a smile on her face.
The door bell jingled as she walked in . Willow turned and smiled "Buffy! Hey!"
"Hey, you get Dawn off to school all right? 'Cause I was thinking, if you need help picking her up, I..." Xander babbled
"It's okay. I got it" Buffy reassured him "Look, you guys, um, there's this thing ... so I'm just gonna say it"
They all look expectantly at her.
"You brought me back. I was in a ... I was in hell. I, um ... I can't think too much about what it was like. But it felt like the world abandoned me there. And then suddenly ... you guys did what you did"
"It was Willow. She knew what to do" Tara told her
Willow looked embarrassed
"Okay. So you did that. And the world came rushing back. Thank you. You guys gave me the world. I can't tell you what it means to me" Buffy told them
Willow had teared up.
"And I should have said it before" Buffy finished
"You're welcome" said Willow tearfully hugging her best friend
"Welcome home, Buffy" said Xander wrapping his arms around the two of them.
"So uh… how about a good old fashioned movie night tonight? Popcorn? Carbonated drinks?" asked Xander
"That's a great idea!" said Willow "It's just what you need"
"Sure" said Buffy "I'll go get prepped"
Buffy made a hasty exit out of the back of the store. She opened the door feeling herself becoming more and more anxious, her chest tightening 'Is this what a panic attack feels like?'
She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't see Spike sitting on a pile of crates.
"Buffy" he called out to her
She looked up, to see Spike there. She frowned a little "Spike, it's daylight and you're-"
"Not on fire?" He said squinting looking up at the sky "Sun's low enough, shady enough here"
Buffy folded her arms around her middle.
"I was gonna go inside, but I overheard you and the Super-friends exchanging a special moment and I came over a bit queasy" he told her
Buffy moves her hair out of her face, she definitely wasn't listening to him
"Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug?" He asked
"Just wanted a little time alone" she told him
She walked over and sat on a packing crate a few feet away from Spike.
"Oh, uh, right then" he got up and started to walk away. He reached the line of a shadow and realised that he can't leave the alley without going into the sun. He stopped in his tracks and squinted up at the sky
"That's okay. I can be alone with you here" Buffy told him
"Thanks ever so" he smiled, he looked at her
He knew that she wasn't right. She wasn't herself, he'd heard her crying. Heard the nightmares she'd been having. She looked so lost
"Right" Buffy said softly
"Buff? ... Slayer? Are you okay?" He asked
She wasn't. How could she be? Her friends had torn her out of Heaven. she composed herself and nodded at him "I'm here. I'm good"
"Buffy, if you're in ... if you're in pain ... or if you need anything... or if I can do anything for you..." he said softly
"You can't" said Buffy looking down at her lap
"Well, I haven't been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know a thing or two about torment" he said sitting beside her
"I was happy" she said daring not to look at the confused reaction splayed across his face
"Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace" she said softly
Spike stared at her, the confession took him back but it made sense. Why wouldn't The Slayer go to heaven? It seemed only logical
"I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven"
Spike continued to stare at her in dismay.
"And now I'm not" she said almost angrily "I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friendsEverything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... knowing what I've lost..."
She looked up and realised that Spike is still there. She was uncomfortable, she didn't know why all of this had just come spilling out of her but it was good to finally tell somebody even if it was Spike.
She got up and walked to line where the shadows met the sunlight. She paused for a moment still with her back to him "They can never know. Never"
She still didn't look back at him she just continued walking into the sunlight.
'Those bastards' thought Spike
XXXXX
It had been a few hours since Buffy dropped the bombshell on him and then walked off into the sun. She didn't want to be followed he knew that, she didn't want him to say anything to try and make this better for her. He couldn't formulate the words anyway.
He'd been pacing his crypt waiting for the sun to go down so he could go and talk to her. He noticed through his crypt window that the sun had almost gone it was safe enough for him to move around town. He slipped on his duster and straightened the collar as he heard his crypt door swing open.
He climbed the ladder and found Buffy there again just standing around. She had changed her clothes into black leather jacket and white T-shirt paired with black jeans. Her hair pulled up into a high pony tail. She was out early for slaying.
"Y'know for somebody who just came back to the land of the living you sure like spending time with a dead man" he said trying to make light of the situation
She just stared at him
"Okay… poor comedy choice" he huffed
She still stood there not saying anything
"If you're gunna visit I'm gunna need a little bit more communication from you Luv" he told her
"I'm just here to make sure you got what I said earlier" she sighed "they can never know"
"I heard you Pet" he crossed his heart "I won't say a word"
"I can't hurt them like that" she said softly
"But they can hurt you?" He asked
She looked at him and rolled her eyes
"It's a valid point Buffy. They pulled the rug out from underneath you, brought you back to this godforsaken place and you don't want to tell them in case you hurt their feelings?" Spike ranted
"They did what they thought was best" she tried to rationalise it
"Best for who?"
Buffy thought for a moment and sighed "I'm not sure" she shrugged
The was a moment of silence as Buffy sat down in the chair that stood opposite the tv.
"Are you not happy that I'm back?" She asked
"Seeing you at the top of those stairs the other night was the single most miraculous experience of my life" he said as he sat in front of her "But now knowing where you were…"
"Kinda tarnishes it?" she finished for him
"It puts a dampener on it for sure… I'm unbelievably happy you're here Buffy, I don't think I need to tell you that. But the pain you're in… I don't want you to hurt" he told her
Buffy shrugged "That's the price… for being a Slayer"
"I want more for you" he told her
She smiled a little "Thank you"
There was a brief moment where their eyes were locked on each other. Spike had to look away first or he may do something he'd definitely regret.
"It makes sense now" he told her
"What does?" She frowned
"The crying… the nightmares"
"How do you… Ah your little stalker act" she sighed
"I was just making sure you were okay" he said defensively
"By just standing and listening?" She raised her eyebrow
"Not one of my better ideas…"
"You could've knocked" she offered
"And get a punch in the nose?" He sighed
"Not to much with the punchy these days…"
"If you need me all you have to do is ask" said Spike
"Thank you, I'll bear it in mind"
XXXXX
It had been a few days since their conversation in Spike's crypt. She hadn't seen him since, maybe he was waiting for that invitation.
She felt so alone even when she was surrounded by people. Although they meant well The Scoobies thought that the answer to her problems was to have a weekly movie night. Like memories of being in a hell dimension would all go away while watching Muppets In Space. The gang chuckled along with the movie as Buffy rose from her seat.
"Where are you going?" asked Willow
"Oh uh… more popcorn" said Buffy escaping to the kitchen.
She placed the half full bowl on the counter and opened the back door. The cool night air filled her lungs as she took a deep breath. A cigarette landed at her feet, immediately she stood over the top of it extinguishing the cigarette. "Hello Spike"
"Evenin' Luv" he smiled
She sat on the top step and he joined her
"You're missing movie night" she told him
"What movie?" he asked
"Muppets in Space" she shrugged
"Dawn's choice?" He smiled
"She made you watch it too huh?" asked Buffy
"More times than I can bleeding count" he sighed
Buffy smiled "Still weird that you took care of her while I was gone"
"Made a promise to a lady didn't I" he smirked "bit of the old William still left in me I suspect"
"He sounds like a nice guy" said Buffy
"He was a bloody Nancy boy and you wouldn't have given him a second thought" he told her
Buffy nodded in agreement
"How are you Slayer? The dreams subsided a bit?" He asked
She took a deep breath "Not so much"
"Anything I can do?" He asked
"I sleep with the light on…" she admitted "Waking up to that darkness…"
He thought for a moment "I can lurk around if you like… if you wake up I can help you through it"
"From outside?" She asked
He shrugged "I'll be around… you better get back to your mates" he stood and walked into the shadows
Buffy sat for a moment when she heard the backdoor open
"Hey sweetie" said Tara plopping down next to her
"Hey" Buffy said softly
"Whatcha doing out here?" She asked
"Just needed a little breather" Buffy smiled
"Was Spike just here?" asked Tara noticing the cigarette end on the floor
"Yeah… just checking in" said Buffy
"He's sort of an anomaly right" said Tara "I mean vampire… no soul but he still cares so much"
"He's just whacky that way" said Buffy
"He helped Dawn so much while you were gone, he helped her with homework and such. I think she misses him being around" Tara told her "Maybe we could invite him for one of our movie nights"
"Maybe" said Buffy