40

"You can keep telling to yourself it was all fake." Misaki says, as she sits in front of me. "But the rest of us will give you the benefit of the doubt." I got no idea where she picks up these phrases. "It's more than obvious Syaoran likes you. The way he looks at you, the way he treats you. What he does for you. Like all these notes he wrote you."

I'm about to ask her how does she know about the notes, when she opens my hatbox and then I see them: tons of pieces of crumpled papers, each of them with a message written by Syaoran. I thought I had thrown them away. Maybe Misaki picked them up from my trash can, and collected them. Maybe Misaki was in love of our relationship…

"He's not faking it." She says, as she looks at me, and how I pick some of the notes, and read them once again.

There are some notes that ask if I want to go grab a coffee, or get some ice cream. Messages asking what did I cook for lunch for him. Messages congratulating me for being an amazing support in all of this mess. Messages thanking me for going to his parties together, and not leaving him alone.

I get teary-eyed.

"I know you're also not faking it, Sakura." Misaki says, in a whisper. "I know it cuz, first of all, you would've not written that letter."

My mind is a mess, and I got no idea what to think. Dad had already said it before: Syaoran was bewitched. I bewitched him. And even Syaoran had said it: he likes me. Which where his words that time?

What are you afraid of?

And what was my reply?

I was afraid. Afraid of this being real.

And that's when I realize, yes, it all began as a fake relationship, but as time went by, it became more and more real. Everything I liked about Syaoran was still there. Everything that Syaoran had seen in me, when I was twelve, was still within me. Time had frozen for us; everything was occurring around us, but we had locked just as caterpillars do when they wrap in their cocoons and emerge as butterflies. It has been too many years since we had our first kiss; my first kiss, but it was already time for us to be together.

"Misaki." I say slowly. "I like Syaoran." I confess. "I really like him. And you know what? He also likes me. He also really likes me."

"So, why aren't you spending New Year's Eve together?" She asks.

"I don't know." I reply.

And unaware of what I'm doing, I stand up from the sofa.

"Don't get out of the house!" I tell her as I put on my coat. "Don't open the door to strangers!" I say as I put on my shoes. "If you get a phone call, only answer it if the name appears on the ID!"

Misaki says yes to everything, and says goodbye to me at the door. She looks at me running down the street, until I'm also unable to see her when I turn at the corner.

It's late. It's cold. The frozen wind hits me in the face and I can feel my nose and cheeks bright red, irritated by this cold. But I don't stop running, don't stop moving forward. The warm breath that comes out of my mouth goes up in a white fume that disappears almost instantly. The streets are empty. Luckily there's no snow for me to sink in. and I keep on running.

I stop for a moment to catch my breath when I arrive at Penguin Park, but go back to run as soon as I can. I keep on that way, until I finally arrive at the corner of Syaoran's block. And then I suddenly stop. Fear paralyzes me. I'm already here, but, what will I do if Syaoran's not here? What are the odds of, me once again not giving him a chance, he has decided to go back to Tomoyo's open arms, just as he did when we were twelve?

I can't even finish that thought, when my mind tortures me, and my imagination proceeds to show me different scenarios: Syaoran and Tomoyo are at her house celebrating New Year's Eve; both of them are at a popular kids party; or what's even worse, they are both at the Li household, having a wonderful time with Syaoran's sisters and his mom, and I'm about to ruin it all as soon as I present myself at the front door.

I'm about to turn around, and go back home (I got no idea what I'm about to tell Misaki) when I hear behind me a happy voice that says hi, and without prior notice, someone hugs me from behind.

I know I promised I'd finish posting this fic before 2023 ended, and look, it's already 2024, so I guess happy new year, fam.

Ribo~