"Jane's gone."

Lisbon nodded. She felt tired and empty. She'd known when Jane asked for her gun and took off, that the chances of her ever seeing him again were slim. Then they'd found Red John, dead, and no sign of Jane anywhere. Lisbon felt a faint sense of relief that Jane's dead body wasn't lying there, too. She knew that Jane had been the one to kill him. She didn't like or agree with his choice, but she understood, especially because they'd seen how easily Red John and his connections could manipulate the justice system.

She'd always suspected that he'd leave the day they finally caught Red John. He'd been Jane's only real priority for years, and he'd need time to figure out what the rest of his life would be like. She understood him leaving. He didn't want to be arrested and he needed time to heal. Lisbon repeated this to herself over and over as they processed the crime scenes. She repeated it while the FBI took over and disbanded the CBI and her team. She repeated it while she and her team were investigated as possible conspirators with the Blake Association. She repeated it to herself in the hospital as she got stitched up from being jumped by a member of the Blake Association outside a grocery store.

She sighed and stood up, wincing at what was probably going to be a spectacular bruise on her side. She'd hit the ground hard and she was still upset with herself for getting caught off guard like that.

Cho walked in and stared at her. Lisbon sat back down guiltily.

"You haven't been discharged yet."

"Well, I'm sure they're going to discharge me soon."

"And you thought, what, you'd go home alone, where another psycho might be waiting?"

Lisbon glared at him. "I'm not an idiot. I was going to…" she trailed off as she realized that she'd planned to spend the night in her office at the CBI. But she no longer had an office. Or a job. Crap on a cracker.

Cho waited for her to work it through. "Yeah. I'm staying at your place tonight. From now on, none of us goes anywhere alone. At least until they finish rounding up all the leftover nuts."

Lisbon grumbled, but gave in. She knew Cho was right. She'd be doing the same thing if their roles were reversed. "At least now maybe Abbot will back off on investigating us and focus on the actual members of the Blake Association."

Cho shrugged. "Maybe. I don't trust the FBI anymore than I trusted the CBI."

"Well, that's probably just as well, since who knows how many of Red John's people infiltrated the FBI. Let's go."

Cho, knowing better than to offer Lisbon any physical support, stood by silently as she limped past.

He frowned. This was only going to get worse. He was glad Jane had killed the bastard, but he really wished he'd used his damn intellect to realize how much of a problem his followers were going to create in the wake of his death. It had been 2 weeks since Red John's death, and they'd already had multiple attacks from Red John's followers. Cho's frown deepened. He'd spoken to the doctor. Lisbon had seventeen stitches from a knife to her shoulder, heavy bruising on her hips and legs where she'd fallen, and a black eye. She'd taken the guy down, but he'd caught her by surprise and done some damage first.

If they were lucky, this would be the only time one of Red John's followers got to her.

They weren't lucky. Just two days later, someone blew up Lisbon's car. Luckily, they screwed up and set it off when she was still far enough away that it didn't kill her. But she did get some bad burns, more bruises, and cuts from flying debris.

When Cho picked her up, she tried to smile. "Talk about the worst possible time to be without health insurance. If this keeps up, I'm going to blow through my retirement savings in a matter of weeks."

"You look like hell, Boss."

"Gee, thanks, Cho. How should I look after being almost blown up?"

Cho shrugged. "I don't know, but on TV they always manage to still look good."

Lisbon snickered. "That sounds like the kind of idiotic thing Jane would say." Her smile faded abruptly.

She still felt numb most of the time. She understood, she really did, why Jane had left. What she was struggling to forgive was the fact that he'd left without a word. Nothing. Not even a note to let her know that he was still alive. She was pretty sure he was, but still. It made her feel used, when she felt anything.

Sometimes she wondered if he'd thought about any of them when he left, or if he'd shed them along with his revenge. Then she felt guilty. No, he cared about them. They were friends. They'd worked together for years. He just needed time. Time and space to heal. And obviously he wouldn't have been able to get that here. He'd either be in jail for Red John's murder, or the target of every Blake Association member out there. Yes, it was good that he was gone. Lisbon was having a hard time protecting herself; it would've been extremely difficult to protect Jane, too. She was glad he was safe.

When Lisbon got Jane's first letter, she was relieved. He was alive. He was safe. The second letter came the day her car blew up the first time. She was still glad he was alive, but wondered why he'd bothered with a second letter. The third letter irritated her, though she'd just been stabbed, so almost everything irritated her. By the 5th letter, she was back to numbness. Part of her almost wondered if he'd just written a bunch of letters all at once and scheduled them to be sent at regular intervals. They didn't say anything of substance other than that he was alive. Which was good. Really. But when she was struggling to keep herself and her team alive, hearing about him being bored hanging out on a beach all day didn't exactly put her in the best mood.

There was another car bomb, a drive by shooting, several bomb threats, and a few attempted break-ins. Most of the threats were aimed at Lisbon, since she'd been the head of the team. And since Jane was gone, Red John's acolytes focused all of their rage on her.

She didn't realize she was waiting for him, waiting for him to come back, or to at least tell her what his plans were, until 6 months in, when one of the many followers of Red John that had slipped through the cracks managed to catch her off guard. It wasn't the first time; she'd been shot at and jumped several times over the past few months. Luckily she'd been wearing her vest like a second skin, and apart from some bruised and broken ribs, and a few bullet grazes on her arms and legs, she was fine.

This one was a little smarter and managed to break into her house at night, catching her sleeping. She'd managed to get away and to one of her hidden guns, but not before he'd stabbed her multiple times. In shock, she called Jane first, not remembering he wasn't there until she heard the message about the number no longer being in service. She managed to call Cho before she passed out.

She found out later that they had to do CPR on the way to the hospital, and they'd had to restart her heart twice during surgery. After that she'd been in a coma for several weeks. When she finally woke up, she kept expecting to hear something from him. Anything. But nothing came and she realized that nothing would. He didn't know she'd been hurt. He didn't know there were members of the Blake association still out there, and many of them had targeted her and the team. He wasn't keeping track of her. He wasn't really thinking about her at all, other than those stupid letters, most of which were so generic they could be to anyone.

Lisbon wasn't stupid. She'd always known that the chance of her and Jane ever becoming more than friends was unrealistic. He had too many issues, and even if he got his revenge, stayed alive, and stayed out of prison, he'd still be in love with his dead wife. And even if somehow he decided to move on, Lisbon had seen the kind of women that he'd been attracted to. They were all classically beautiful, tall, curvy, and definitely not like her.

But to be fair, she wasn't sure how much of her attraction to him was due simply to the fact that he was safe to think about; no commitment and no real risk of him being available. Yes, he was handsome. But so were a lot of men. Lisbon liked to occasionally daydream about having a real relationship, a family, maybe a couple of kids and a dog.

However, she also knew that reality rarely panned out and fantasy was safer. After all, even if you got the happily ever after, how long could it last? Look at Jane's family. Look at hers. Nothing lasts forever.

But even though she'd known their relationship would never shift beyond the platonic, she'd thought that they were at least good friends. He'd promised once to be there for her. He'd broken that promise more than once, but he'd always used the excuse of it being for her own protection. Lisbon never really believed it, but she'd always let it go, believing that Jane did care about her in his way. But now she was forced to admit that "in his way" didn't mean much. In his way just meant the occasional letter to let her know he was alive.

She wished Jane had found a different way, one that didn't involve him needing to flee the country. She wished he'd found a way to actually keep in contact with her, instead of one sided letters. But he hadn't. And he wasn't going to. He had left her, left all of them, and moved on. She could easily be dead right now, and he'd keep sending those stupid letters.

So, as she did physical therapy, Lisbon decided it was time to let go of that dream, or at least that dream with Jane. She needed to move on, too. It's not like Jane had ever given her hope for more than friendship anyway, and now even that friendship was a thing of the past. So when Cho told her he was thinking of starting a private security firm, and Van Pelt and Rigsby were interested in joining him, Lisbon decided to go, too. They were all tired of California and the bad memories from everything that happened the past few years, so after a lot of late night dinner discussions, they decided to set up shop on the Oregon coast.

Money was tight at first, and sometimes they dealt with petty cases. But it was nice not having to report to a bunch of higher ups, and even nicer not being responsible for piles of paperwork. She did miss Jane sometimes, especially when they got stuck on a case, or when they were in the middle of a boring investigation. But it made sense to miss someone she'd been friends with, worked with for over a decade. But even good friends drift apart.

By the time a year had passed, the team's business was fairly stable and they had a steady stream of clients. Van Pelt and Rigsby had a baby. Cho started dating a woman he met at his cooking class. Lisbon got a tortoise and named him Clyde; she decided she wasn't quite ready for a dog.

Soon, Lisbon agreed to go on a double date with Cho and Natalie, and met Greg. Lisbon had gone on multiple dates over the past year, but none of them had led to anything. Greg was different. He was funny, he thought her job was fascinating, and they had a lot of interests in common. They both liked sports, hiking, and other outdoor activities. They took a surfing class together and had a great time. Greg was a dentist, so he had more regular hours, but he didn't mind that hers varied. They'd go for hikes on the weekends, sometimes talking, sometimes just in silence.

He wasn't perfect. He didn't like old movies, he was a vegetarian, and he wasn't good at remembering details, like how she liked her coffee, or what her favorite treats were. He had a tendency to be almost right, but just slightly off. But no one's perfect, and Lisbon felt pretty lucky to have found someone so compatible. There weren't any fireworks, but fireworks usually fizzled anyway. Lisbon didn't feel giddy in love, but she felt content. After all, if something happened to Greg, or if they broke up, it would be painful-but she'd get over it. Losing him would be a manageable hurt, which gave Lisbon peace of mind. She'd had enough devastating loss in her life. At her age, she didn't feel like risking more.

She still got letters from Jane, and she still read them, shared them with Cho, Van Pelt, and Rigsby. They were nice, chatty letters from an old friend, but nothing more. The letters didn't ever change, and Lisbon wondered how long Jane would keep sending them, if they'd start to come farther and farther apart until they eventually stopped. The thought made her a little sad, but she hoped Jane was able to move on eventually, too.

A few months later, 2 years after Jane left, Greg proposed. It was much too soon, and Lisbon told him so. She wasn't sure she wanted to deal with that level of commitment. She liked things the way they were. Agreeing to something legally binding made her nervous. He asked if that meant she'd move in with him, and she told him she'd consider it when her lease was up in a few months. Maybe, Lisbon thought, she could have part of her old daydreams after all. A good job, good friends, a good man to share her home with. Maybe that could work. And if part of her heart wished someone else was in that daydream, well, that part was growing fainter every day. Lisbon was always practical, and it wasn't practical to want what you couldn't have.

And then the last thing Lisbon ever expected to happen, happened. Jane came back.