Listen to your heart
Bucky should have known better.
He sighs and rubs his oily fingers with a rag while looking at Sarah. He had really hoped to get through today without too much frills and has therefore been busy since this morning getting Carlos' boat engine back into shape. The task is not urgent, but the engine is housed in the workshop and here he can work undisturbed. "We said we wouldn't-
"And I told you that it's impossible to live in Delacroix and not celebrate your birthday." She smiles at him. She likes what she sees. The dirty mechanic's overall suit him well, together with the three-day beard and the baseball cap, he looks like the cool guy from some road movie. "It's nothing big, just dinner..."
Nothing big. Just dinner, Bucky repeats to himself. 'Just one dinner' in Delacroix, however, means a get-together of all residents with tons of culinary delights and lots of beer. Not that Bucky would turn down good home cooking. But just the thought of so many people around him makes him a little nervous. "I don't live here," he laments, but basically he knows he has already lost.
"You're part of the family," replies Sarah, not easily fooled.
Bucky closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It's not like he doesn't care about the people here. But on the contrary. He has been welcomed here with open arms since the beginning, nobody bothers about his vibranium arm. Instead, he's shown respect and acknowledgment, especially after he fought with Sam against the Flag Smashers. Still, he doesn't feel like celebrating. But nobody asks him. "I can't get out of the number, can I?" he asks, but he already knows the answer.
"No, mister. Not a chance." Of course she's aware that she's asking a lot of him, but then again, these are all nice people that Bucky has known for a while now. And she was careful not to invite too many guests out of consideration for her partner and his PTSD condition. But she also sees it as an opportunity, from time to time Bucky has to leave his self-imposed safety zone and face his fears. At least that's what Sam once mentioned to her.
[...]
A few hours later the last guests have left.
Bucky sits outside on the porch to get some distance again. Contrary to his fears, the number of guests was kept within manageable limits, which is probably also due to Sarah. Still, it was a challenge. It is not always easy for him to have to process so many impressions at once. Sometimes he really has to pinch himself to make sure he's not hallucinating. Some days he doesn't trust himself, but Sarah is always there for him. She supports him, gives him strength. On such occasions he always wonders how he deserved such a woman.
"You're fine on your own?" Sarah wants to know while standing in the doorway to have a look outside. All evening she's been paying attention to Bucky, watching him and looking for signs of dissociation in him. They've been together for almost a year now and she knows what's important. Knows most of the triggers for his panic attacks, although she can tell from experience that sometimes he can just lose his footing without there being a specific event.
Sam and the boys are still busy in the kitchen putting the dishes in the machine and washing the unwieldy things by hand. "Are you serious about hearing an answer to that?" he replies with a question in return.
"I just wanted to be polite," laughs Sarah. Then she falls silent for a moment. She doesn't want to be too pushy and wants to give Bucky his space while at the same time worrying if he's okay.
"Now go. I can manage here." Sam gives her an encouraging nod. "We'll be done in a moment and then I'll put them both to bed."
Grateful for his offer, she smiles at her brother and walks up to him and kisses his cheek. Then she grabs one of the last chocolate muffins and goes outside. The air is pleasantly refreshing, the temperatures have leveled off at 68° F over the past few days and you can hear the first courageous crickets chirping in the area.
"No candles to blow out?"
She flinches a bit when she hears Bucky's voice, but she quickly catches herself. "I'm afraid I can't fit 107 candles on that." Giggling, she picks up the muffin briefly and is about to take the chair next to him. "I didn't know if you even got around to eat one."
"And you don't have one for you?" Bucky looks up at her and then gestures for her to sit on his lap. Some days it's still not easy for him to allow closeness. Even after so many sessions with his therapist and knowing that he can fully trust Sarah. But today is a good day and he wants to show Sarah that. And thank her.
"We can share."
"Hm-mhm," he mumbles softly. The chocolate muffin looks tempting, but he only has eyes for the woman in his lap. He studies her features and leans towards her. First a little hesitantly, then a little more vigorously, he presses his lips against hers and in response it doesn't take long for their tongues to touch.
The muffin is quickly forgotten and put aside. Instead, Sarah wraps her arms around his neck and enjoys his caresses. His touch is soft and tender and she is grateful for having met Bucky. She feels safe with him, but not because of the super soldier serum. No. James is a wonderful man and more and more often she finds herself wondering why all men can't be like him. Considerate and gallant. Well mannered and respectful. Sure, she knows their relationship can't be called normal. After all, Bucky was born in 1917. That alone is ... something. But it's nothing extraordinary because of that. She googled specifically for this. After all, the oldest living person in the world is a good 10 years older than Bucky. Though not nearly as attractive. Her head can't put into words what makes their relationship unique, but her heart knows he's the one. Listen to your heart, her mother always said. After that, Sarah acted all her life. And she will do it again.
[...]
With one last look in the mirror, Sarah takes a deep breath and nods to herself in the reflection. Then her attention falls on a small box with a bow that she kept in her own drawer in the bathroom closet. She's waited until now because she's unsure of his reaction and didn't want to ruin the party beforehand. But now is the time to make it official.
Bucky looks up from the bed. It took a long time before he was ready to spend the nights in the bedroom with Sarah. The fear of hurting her while she was sleeping during a nightmare was too great and the fear is still there because the nightmares have lessened but they haven't gone away. Completely different from Sarah. She is fearless and not easily defeated and she is willing to go through the lows in his life with him. For that she deserves his respect and love. Smiling, he puts the book aside and studies her with his head cocked. Despite the good mood, something is different than usual. But he can't say exactly what. Sarah looks thoughtful and hesitant as she walks towards him and circles the bed, then lies on her side. She is holding a small box in her hands.
"What is that?"
"What does it look like?" she smiles softly.
"Is this a gift for me? But you shouldn't give me anything."
"But I wanted to." Her heart is pounding excitedly as she holds out the gift and takes another deep breath as she watches him curiously twirl it in his fingers.
The packaging is removed in a few simple steps and the content is visible. It's a velvet lined box and Bucky is confused. "What is that? One of those digital thermometers?"
Without wanting to, Sarah snorts. She didn't even notice that she was holding her breath from sheer tension. "Not quite. This is a pregnancy test."
"Okay." He can't quite assess the situation. He's wondering how he knows about these things, although he hasn't thought about their intended use yet. "Oh, they're over the counter at the drug store, aren't they?"
"Yes." She can't help but love this man for his ignorance. But she can't blame him either. As is well known, he comes from a different time when there were no pregnancy tests to buy on a daily basis.
"But what's the point of that anyway...? Don't you have to go to the doctor?"
Grinning at his train of thought, she scoots closer to him until their shoulders touch. "The point is to be able to test at home. Before going to the doctor. If you really want to be sure, then you have it examined more closely."
Bucky nods absently. He's never dealt with anything like this before. He also can't remember if his ma ever talked about it. But a lot was different back then than it is today. "And what are the lines for?"
"It shows the test result."
"You tried it? Just like that?"
"Yes. Just like that."
"Why?"
"Because I had a hunch."
"Then you can use it more than once? But is that possible if...? And what kind of result is it? Two lines? No numbers?"
"Take a closer look. And no, you cannot use them several times. Just once." Sarah shakes her head in amusement, not sure if Bucky's just kidding her. But his facial expression is currently characterized by curiosity.
Bucky takes a closer look and sees an imprint with the symbolism. Back then it used to be different too, at least that's what he thinks. These days stick figures like this are printed on everything, which are supposed to explain the meaning and purpose of something, but for him it's all just nonsense. This time there are no figures on the device, but the explanation is all the clearer. "One line = not pregnant. Two lines = pregnant," he reads. Okay, that doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation. But he still doesn't understand what that's supposed to mean.
"Or is it? Hold on! Does that mean ...?
Frowning, he narrows his eyes and looks at Sarah. Can this be true? He blinks at the test, looks back at Sarah, who in turn looks at him expectantly. And then the realization hits him with full force. Puzzled, he raises his eyebrows.
"Yes babe." She hopes she reads his gaze correctly and puts her hand on his.
"Y-you are...? Th-this ... isn't a joke?"
"I wouldn't joke with something like that."
Somehow his mind is blanked out, his whole body seems to be electrified. Again and again he wonders if he is dreaming all this and if he is electrocuted back to reality where he comes to in the chair. He feels a touch on his metal arm and blinks. The environment comes to the fore again. He's in the bedroom, that's for sure. But he still can't believe the rest and he swallows hard. His gut tells him Sarah is waiting for a reply, even though she didn't ask a question. "I-I don't know what to... say." His voice sounds thick.
It's hard to keep calm. But Sarah sees how much it works in him. Though excited herself, she tries to give him the time he needs to absorb the news. Encouragingly, she strokes his back affectionately. After a few moments of silence, she can't take it anymore and asks: "Are you happy?"
Now Sarah has asked him something and is definitely waiting for an answer. But his brain just can't find the words he wants to say. He starts to reply several times, but gets no sound. It's all empty in his head. Like back then with Hydra.
Sarah begins to have doubts and doesn't know what to do to keep the moment from tipping over. "Please say something."
The response comes promptly and without him actually thinking about it. It's like a reflex. "Something."
"Idiot!" She can't help but halfheartedly smack his chest with the palm of her hand while tears of relief well up in her eyes. "I thought you-" She doesn't get any further because he silences her with a kiss.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words. So he does the only thing he can think of in this situation.
[...]
They lie snuggled together in bed. Sarah is snuggled up against his right side, her head resting on his shoulder. He gently strokes her upper arm with the fingertips of his right hand, while his left hand rests on her stomach. Although Sarah has explained to him that it is still too early to feel anything, his brain tricks him several times. A comforting sigh escapes his lips as he just enjoys the moment with his eyes closed. He hasn't had many such opportunities so far, so he tries to cherish every emotion, to store every impression he gets, so he can never forget it.
Sarah is still a bit upset too. After two pregnancies, you might think you know every eventuality, but she's just as surprised by the test result as Bucky. Having a child together had never been an issue before, and suddenly their relationship took on a whole different meaning. Smiling and overjoyed, she strokes his bearded cheek.
With his vibranium hand, he grabs her wrist and brings her palm to his mouth to blow a kiss, then makes them both rest on his heart.
A pleasant tingling spreads all over her body as she feels his regular and strong heartbeat. "What are you thinking about?" She breaks the silence with her question, but she can't help it.
"I've tried ... I can't remember my previous birthdays. Or rather, not much for that matter. Not to the first few anyway. And later..." he pauses and takes a deep breath, "during the Great Depression..." he exhales audibly. "We were four children. Ma and Pa had to save. Often there were only things from the flea market. But it was okay. I was also happy about the little things. And actually I didn't expect anything today either. Really not. But now I'm happy about this", he still holds her hand in his and gently leads the two back to the place on her stomach where only his hand had been moments before and blinks away the tears that beginning to form, "because this ... is the greatest and most beautiful gift I have ever received."