Several days later, Martin had somehow stumbled onto the fact that the true Kevin Smith had taken shelter in a temple on-top of Mount Olympus. The only way to get into this temple was by finding three jewels that were guarded by a trio of warriors that Kevin Smith had specifically chosen to protect them. These jewels were an emerald, sapphire, and a ruby.

In order to get to these places as fast as possible, Martin had decided to split the Justice League into three teams.

Martin, the Green M&M, Busta Rhymes, and the Age of Consent for team 1, Michael Jordan, the Hamburglar, Gumby and Bobobo for team 2, and Mr. Teacherman and the Teletubbies for team 3.

The search was on now.

…

Martin and his crew were now in the city of Ba Sing Se, searching for the first guardian.

Martin said "remember team, be on your guard. This guardian is a very dangerous foe. You'll never know who it might be."

The Green M&M nodded her head and said "of course, we trust your wisdom."

That made exactly two of them.

The Age of Consent and Busta Rhymes had already run off to drink together at a nearby bar, and business was absolutely booming.

The Age of Consent and Busta Rhymes plopped their bottoms onto two wooden chairs and waited for service

A bartender wearing a black suit asked "what would you like?"

Age of Consent spoke up and said "konichiwa, I'd like one slamming glass of gasoline"

Busta Rhymes followed it up with "yeah, and I'd like to drink a tall glass of gamer girl pee."

The bartender wrote down both their orders and said "I'll be back in just a minute."

The two heroes awaited their order to arrive

While they waited, Busta Rhymes spoke up and said "so, your stake in this is to rescue your husband, right?"

Age of Consent nodded her head and said "yessiree sempai, Chris Hansen means everything to me. So far I've had ten million babies with him and all of them are named Optimus Prime."

Busta Rhymes then said "how has your womb not exploded yet?"

Age of Consent laughed and said "my womb has been blessed by the great God, Hayao Miyazaki, so I can keep having babies till the end of the universe."

Busta Rhymes laughed and said "well, I hope you and your husband make it out of this mess."

Age of Consent smiled and said "thank you Busta-San. May Hayao Miyazaki bless you."

A voice rang out and said "Hayao Miyazaki is a chump compared to me"

Both Busta Rhymes and Age of Consent looked to the left and saw the famous action star, Steven Seagal, drinking a tall glass of milk while eating a plate of cookies.

"Whatchu want nigga?" asked Busta Rhymes.

Steven said "I've heard you two are looking for the guardian of the emerald. Well, it seems like you've found me."

The mood suddenly shifted as Busta Rhymes cracked his knuckles while the Age of Consent pulled out a copy of Spirited Away on DVD.

Busta Rhymes said "well well well, looks like today is your birthday, and you're about to receive death as a present.

Steven didn't even flinch as he said "I don't know how to celebrate birthdays, I only know how to snatch them."

Busta Rhymes then rushed Steven with the intent to cave his skull in, but Steven didn't even bother getting up from his chair. Instead, he just caught Busta's fist with one hand before using his aikido abilities to flip him over.

Busta flew through the air several times before landing in a basketball hoop. He then fell through a glass table as a random referee shouted "ten points!"

The Age of Consent growled as she tossed her Spirited Away DVD at the action hero.

Steven deflected the DVD with his fist before grabbing the Age of Consent and karate chopping her neck, sending her flying across the room before she fell into a conveniently placed spike pit.

Spikes stabbed every single part of Age of Consent's body as she yelled "I'M NOT VERY SHIAWASE RIGHT NOW!"

Steven casually ate another cookie as he said "how much pussy do you think Hitler got in WWII?"

Busta Rhymes got back up and said "I'm not finished with you" before pulling out a Chips Ahoy Cookie and flinging it like a shuriken at the action hero.

Steven just said "I love the fuck outta cookies" before catching the cookie in midair and chomping it like his life depended on it.

Busta Rhymes then tried kicking Steven in the head, but Steven caught Busta's leg and snapped it in two, causing a large cracking noise to come from the rapper's leg.

Busta Rhymes was now on the ground, writhing in pain at his broken leg

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SAPANYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AWADIDIYAVA. That was my impression of the Lion King opening. What did you think?" said Busta Rhymes

Steven casually put his thumb down saying "that was the worst song I've ever heard, and I know good music since I'm a guitar player after all."

Busta Rhymes then began crying tears of steak sauce before Age of Consent spoke up from the pit and said "I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD, BUSTA-SAN!"

Steven Seagal then continued eating cookies like nothing had happened.

Suddenly, the doors to the bar flew open as Martin Luther King Jr and the Green M&M arrived on the scene. Martin's eyes burned with anger as he said "I know you're the guardian of the Emerald. Stand up and face me."

Steven casually ate another cookie before saying "I don't gotta stand up to fight anyone."

Martin gritted his teeth before pulling out his KKK shurikens and tossing them at Steven.

Steven casually deflected these white powered ninja stars with his fists before saying "is that the best you got? I have more trouble going up the stairs than fighting you."

Martin ran up and began attempting to punch Steven, but to no avail as Steven deflected each and every one of Martin's punches before grabbing Martin's shirt and judo flipping the man with a dream.

A cracking noise echoed through the room as Martin was tossed to the hard floor.

Martin then got back up and attempted to punch Steven with the power of equality, but Steven caught his fist and said "get outta my face" before flipping Martin once again, causing him to go flying out of one of the windows, causing glass shards to be scattered everywhere.

Steven laughed as he continued eating his chocolate chip cookies without missing a beat.

The Green M&M just stood there with her arms crossed, smirking at the action hero.

Steven just laughed and said "you wanna be next? I eat pussies like you for breakfast."

Steven then followed up with "come to think of it, I also eat pussies for lunch and dinner too."

The Green M&M just said "you may laugh now, but I've discovered your weakness."

Steven then said "really, and what would that be?"

The Green M&M then ran up to Steven, but unlike the other three members of the Justice League, the Green M&M didn't attack Steven head-on.

Instead, the wife of Martin Luther King Jr karate kicked the chair Steven was sitting on, causing the action star to fall flat on his face.

The Green M&M then said "now get up and fight me for real."

Steven began sweating profusely. He hadn't had to stand up in years. He wondered if he still knew how.

"Alright, I'll stand up, then once I do, prepare to have your pubes pummeled" said Steven Seagal.

Steven then began trying to stand up, but his arms were so flabby, that they couldn't support his goddamn weight, so he fell over once again.

"I'm waiting" said the Green M&M with her arms crossed.

Steven once again attempted to stand up, but he fell over once more.

"Are you going to fight or just lie down on your ass" asked the Green M&M.

The action star was really wishing that he had a stunt double to do this for him right now. He thanked God that they weren't fighting in a two story building or he might have to *gasp* climb up a flight of stairs!

Steven then tried using both his arms and legs at the same time to stand up but once again, he weighed too motherfucking much so he ended up falling on his ass for the 3rd time today.

…

Three hours had soon passed but eventually, Steven was finally able to get back up and face the green candy woman with a murderous glare in his eyes.

Steven then took on a combat pose and said "in a few minutes, you're about to meet Jesus, and he doesn't look kindly on chocolate people."

Steven then grabbed the Green M&M and attempted to aikido flip her, but the M&M moved out of the way and punched Steven in the face.

Steven was dumbfounded at the audacity of this woman.

"Hey, that's not supposed to happen. Whenever I fight someone, I usually just karate chop them and they get all floppy."

The Green M&M then shook her head and said "that's not going to happen. We're actually going to trade blows back and forth."

Steven felt his heart skip a beat that statement.

"Uhhh, ok" said Steven nervously.

Steven tried to do an aikido flip, but the Green M&M just stepped to the side and punched Steven in the face, knocking out one of his teeth.

Steven then tried using an aikido grapple, but the Green M&M stepped to the side once again and punched Steven in the stomach, causing the action star to cough up a wad of diabetes-infused blood.

It felt like punching the Michelin Man, only softer.

"You know if you wanna make some real money, you should try renting yourself out as a beanbag chair" said the Green M&M cockily.

Steven said "how dare you make fun of me, bitch!" before grabbing the Green M&M and trying to smash her through a table.

The Green M&M managed to slip out of the martial artist's grasp before jumping in the air and kicking him across the face once again, knocking out yet another one of his teeth.

Steven was heavily breathing now as the Green M&M gave him a sly wink before punching him in the stomach once again, causing the action star to vomit up all the cookies he'd eaten today.

Over 2,000 cookies spilled out of his gullet.

Steven then tried once more time to aikido flip the Green M&M, but Martin Luther King's wife had already thought one step ahead, as she grabbed Steven's cookie plate and smashed it on the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY PRECIOUS COOKIES!" yelled Steven Seagal.

The Green M&M then pulled out a custard pie and slammed it into Steven's face, before kicking the action hero in the stomach again, forcing Steven to cough up another puddle of diabetes blood. If one were to taste Seagal's blood, they'd say it tastes like a mixture of Cosmic Brownies and Twinkies.

Martin Luther King Jr then walked through the doors of the bar once again and said "good job honey, now let's finish this."

The Green M&M and Martin then highfived each other before pooling their powers together and yelling "MARS AND MARBURY: FINISHER!"

The power that flowed through this couple was some of the greatest in the universe. It was as if the universe was focusing all its energy into this one attack. Even the gods would tremble if this attack was aimed at them. It was truly a sight to behold and you could be forgiven for shedding a tear at the sight of this attack's beauty.

Unfortunately, the couple didn't get to use it because Steven Seagal killed over from a heart attack due to standing up for too long.

Martin and the Green M&M just stood there, silent at what happened.

"Well that was a fucking disappointment" said the Green M&M

"And I built up all that power for nothing" said Martin.

The Age of Consent then pulled herself out of the spike pit and said "Is Steven-Chan dead?"

Both Martin and his wife nodded their heads.

"Great, one step closer to rescuing my hubby" said the Age of Consent cheerfully.

Busta Rhymes got back up too and said "HA! Take that Steven! May he never ever rest in peace!"

Martin then reached into Steven's body and pulled out the emerald jewel.

Its shiny green tint glistened in the sunlight.

The team was now one step closer to reaching Kevin Smith on Mount Olympus.