17 — Royal Visits, U.K.
It was the Royal Visit to top all royal visits.
Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, and Defender of the Faith, was going to be meeting with the co-rulers of not just another nation, but the co-rulers of a nation on another planet! The Equestrian Princesses Celestia and Luna were going to come to Earth to meet with the Queen.
Second Lieutenant Castor James Searle swore he was going to be bald by his next birthday.
To say that the newspapers and video journalists were excited was a huge understatement. It almost . . . almost . . . overshadowed England's upcoming first planned manned-mission to the Moon!
Watching the Buran, Britain's own space plane, race down the runway for its first orbital flight had galvanized national pride in a way nothing had done since the Blitz. Yes, the Buran was Russian-made, but it was now fully and completely Britain's!
Britain's own scientists and technicians had been all over the shuttle, and improved it beyond its builder's wildest dreams — no giant booster was now necessary, it could fly like a true plane! The yanks were practically drooling at the prospect, and their efforts to be included in the project were getting downright ludicrous — and hilarious.
They had already caught one selenographer trying to sneak aboard the space plane with the absolutely ridiculous idea of being a stowaway. He had a trunk-sized rucksack filled with concentrated-food, and a home-built spacesuit with a CO2 scrubber/rebreather! How he expected to remain undetected mystified everyone.
The announcement that the rulers of the U.K.'s newest ally were coming for a personal visit had driven that fervour to a higher pitch.
The Equestrians had freely shared their medical knowledge to provide a cure for cancer, as well as the ability to regrow lost limbs. It was their technology, freely shared, that had thrust the U.K. to the forefront of the space-race, and made possible automotive and industrial air-scrubbers so efficient that the common man already could see the difference in air-quality!
The automotive and lorry manufacturers Morgan, Caterham, and McLaren, were rumoured about to release new models that incorporated several of those technologies. Automotive journalists who had seen advance models were agog over what they had seen — roomier interiors, greater mileage, better safety features. They even had witnessed one of the new models in a crash test at 100kph, with no damage to the test dummy — and only minor scratches to the vehicle! *
Then there were the motorhome and semi-trailer manufactures. Devon Conversions, Auto-Sleepers, Bilbo, Swift Group, Awaydays, and Lawrence David, among others, were all introducing models that incorporated some aspect of the Undetectable Expansion Technology. Different models included different sizes – the government was limiting the sizes of expansion available to keep other governments and citizens from panicking at the actual potential of the charm, Castor knew.
Everyone thought it had a maximum limit of triple the original size. Careful design of the runes, with a lot of red-herrings, made it nearly impossible for someone to decipher exactly what the limit was. Hiding part of the runes as the actual vehicle logo made it impossible to simply duplicate the vehicle. Sure, Ford could copy the McLaren version. But then trying to sell a vehicle as a Ford when it proudly proclaimed on the hood and bonnet that it was a McLaren was a simple no-go. Not to mention the various international trademark agreements that would violate.
Even the tip trucks had gotten involved, with Hestair introducing trucks with triple the normal capacity, odour control, and ultra-clean operation!
Naturally, they all had the same safety features as the passenger vehicles.
The rest of the world was stunned.
Of course, the Queen would invite the Princesses!
Castor swore he was a victim of the three Chinese Life Curses. First was "May your wishes be granted."
He had wished for a respite from tiresome police paperwork. He had certainly gotten that wish!
Castor had been the very first government officer that the Equestrians had met last year. Just a year ago, he had been a Detective Inspector in the Surrey Constabulary — a relatively sedate occupation, although with an exorbitant amount of paperwork, in his opinion. Prior to that position, he had been a Sergeant in the Special Air Service, the S.A.S., the Sport and Social, as the members called it, before he retired for the much more mundane Constabulary.
Immediately realizing he was way over his paygrade, he had bucked his discovery up to one of his former commanders in the military. He had, ultimately, had bucked it up to the Prime Minister.
The second curse was, "May you live in interesting times."
Bucking it upstairs had backfired on him. He had been reactivated as an officer in Military Intelligence — what an oxymoron that was! — Department Five, and then assigned as Concierge to the Equestrians.
No more pedestrian police work for him, no siree!
So, Concierge he was. Half his time was spent arranging visits to museums and theatres for the various scientists, and Twilight — a member of the Royal family who, apparently, had been put in charge of the First Contact on her side of the Portal.
Not to mention he had to get the teams of both pony and British scientists, technicians, and experts introduced and working together.
He had even had a staff, now. One of whom was on-site at the Equestrian Embassy to answer the simpler questions, and direct inquiries, leaving only the more difficult ones for him to field or arrange.
Being made the main point of contact to the ponies would never be boring!
The third curse was, "May people in high places know your name."
The Queen had invited the two co-rulers to visit. Which fell directly into his bailiwick.
Princesses Celestia and Luna.
You can't get much higher than the ruling Royals of two worlds not only knowing your name, but knew you by sight!
As if dealing with the Equestrians, for him, wasn't already like herding cats. He had no doubts that before it got much further along, not only would it be Celestia and Luna, but Twilight and the others in the Mane Six would want to be involved, too. Twilight would probably insist that Harry and his friends be dragged along, too.
Twilight. Well, he wasn't sure that she had Attention Deficit Disorder, but sometimes she sure acted like it. Or, maybe, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.
Plus, while the Queen's staff, and both MI5 and MI6, were well versed in the intricacies of dealing with an Official State Visit, the problems introduced by the Equestrians very alienness was the issue.
The arrival ceremony usually took place on the Horse Guards Parade.
Yeah, they really didn't want the pony Equestrians being treated to a parade of horses being ridden by the Queens Guard. They would have to use Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle — but those were more restrictive sites in terms of viewers. However, he knew this would have maximum attendance. Perhaps they could use two of the five regiments of foot guards: Grenadier Guards, Coldstream Guards, Scots Guards, Irish Guards, and the Welsh Guards?
If everything was on foot, maybe they could use a portion of each of the regiments, otherwise the Equestrians might question why the others were left out. Considering their EUP Guards, that might be a better option.
Then there was the food. How would the Princesses appear? As ponies? Or human? Or would they do both at different times? The Royal cooks were sure to lose their minds when they saw some of the Equestrian menus — hay-fries and hay burgers?
Vegetarian would have to be the watchword.
He'd heard the ponies had tried tofu, only to have their predator Griffins declare it a chemical weapon — it gave them extreme intestinal-gas problems. Which they had discovered when it had cleared out the Canterlot Palace banquet hall at the one event they had tried serving it to the meat-eaters.
Although, the ponies didn't mind fish being served . . ..
He would have to consult with Princess Twilight.
۸·_·۸
Castor was a bundle of nerves. The big-wigs on the Equestrian side were enough of a headache, all three princesses, plus Prince Blueblood. He had met the sister Princesses in Equestria more than once, primarily at the Grand Galloping Gala, and other such events. The Ambassador and Twilight he had met far more frequently.
No, it was the litany of English nobility that had him ready to melt into a puddle of anxiety.
A special open-air pavilion had been set up in front of the Equestrian Embassy for the first meeting of the monarchs. It was surrounded on three sides by the press corps — there was very nearly at least one reporter and cameraman from every country in the world — with bleachers for selected guests to watch this first, historic meeting.
Castor was waiting patiently — and nervously — outside the Portal Dome that kept the Portal, and a small area around it, isolated. With him were several of the Embassy staff, eager to meet their Princesses.
His first impression at seeing the Princesses exit the Portal, escorted by Blueblood and the local Equestrian Guards, was that they were much bigger than he had ever thought. The surreptitious pictures taken by MI5 last year had made Luna look a bit smaller than she really was, having only other humanized ponies present in the photo.
While Twilight was slightly taller than an average person, Princess Luna was at least two and a half metres tall! The third Princess was at least another metre!
Fortunately, M.I.5 had made the rather prudent decision to customize the interior of the Land Rover they would be using, and erred on the side of deliberately over-estimating the possible sizes of their visitors. The inside of that particular vehicle provided enough room for a thirty people, with a ceiling that was four metres high.
"Your Majesties," he said bowing deeply to the Equestrians as they left the Portal Dome and turned their attention to him. "Everything is set according to the schedule we sent you. The Queen and her entourage are waiting in a pavilion in front of the Embassy. After introductions, we'll take a Land Rover to Trafalgar Square, where we will transfer to carriages and take The Mall to Buckingham Palace. The Mall will provide the populace to see you and the Queen."
All four nodded, and followed him as he headed into the back doors of the Embassy.
The introductions were the worst. He had spent an entire day practicing until the words began to sound much less than a stilted speech and more natural. That still didn't prevent him from sweating and being nervous.
He could see the shock in the Queen's eyes, and everyone else's, at the two physically imposing princesses as they exited the Embassy proper. There was a collective gasp from the press people privileged to attend. Then there was an almost physical wave of clicks as the camera operators went into full picture-taking mode.
They had seen Twilight, or pictures of her, as she had travelled around England with her people, but that the other two Princesses were so tall and heavily muscled was a surprise. They looked more like fantasy Amazons than just . . . people. The tremendous sword slung across Luna's back did nothing to dispel that image. Neither did the gold bracers, greaves, and chest-plate she wore over her black shift — all of which were heavily decorated with Moon phases, complex designs, and gems that appeared as stars. The shift was heavily decorated in gold thread in similar patterns.
Celestia was not nearly as warrior-like, wearing a similar shift, but in white, with designs that reflected her relationship with the sun.
Celestia and Twilight wore crowns of gold, while Luna's was black.
They walked to the waiting entourage.
The noise of the crowd was still loud.
Princess Celestia frowned delicately as she looked at the hundreds of photographers and videographers that formed a horseshoe cordon around the open pavilion. She smiled slightly at seeing the four Embassy unicorns at the posts holding the canvas up, watching the crowd intently and ignoring her presence completely.
"Well," she said, just barely loud enough to be heard over their audience, "This is slightly annoying." She stood still for a moment and the sound gradually subsided to a mere whisper.
The Queen didn't react, but several members of her staff stared around in surprise.
"There, now," Celestia said happily, "That's better. Now we can hear ourselves think." She looked at the Queen. "They can still hear us quite clearly, so do be careful of what you say."
Castor nervously cleared his throat. "Your Majesty," he said, addressing the Queen. "I am pleased to present," he swept his arm towards the Princess in white, "Her Eternal Majesty, Princess Celestia, Mistress of the Invincible and Unconquered Sun, Bringer of the Day, Destroyer of Monsters, Bane of Evil, Guiding Hoof of the Realm, Monarch of Unicorns, Councillor of Earth Ponies, Commander of the Pegasi, Matriarch of the Night Ponies, and Co-ruler of Equestria and All Their Other Realms and Territories."
The Queen murmured a quiet, "Welcome to the United Kingdom."
To which the Princess nodded her head gracefully.
Continuing, Castor turned to the Princess in black. "I am also pleased to present Her Eternal Majesty, Princess Luna, Mistress of the Stars and Moon, Bringer of the Night, Guardian of Dreams and Destroyer of Nightmares, Bane of Evil, Defender and Grand General of the Realm, Matriarch of the Night Ponies, Monarch of Unicorns, Councillor of Earth Ponies, Commander of the Pegasi, and Co-ruler of Equestria and all Their Other Realms and Territories."
There was another brief exchange of pleasantries.
"It is my pleasure to present," he said, switching his attention to the Princess in purple, "Her Royal Highness, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Mistress of Magic, Bearer of the Element of Magic, Saviour of Equestria, Liberator of the Crystal Empire, Biggest Egghead Ever."
Twilight rolled her eyes and made a face. The other two princesses just smiled at her. "I hate that title," she murmured. "I can't believe you did that," she said glaring at her mentor.
Ignoring the byplay, Castor turned to the lone male. "And finally, may I present Prince Blueblood Platinum, Duke of Paradise Valley, Ambassador to the United Kingdom."
"Princesses, Prince," he turned to the Queen, "I present to you Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith." He then introduced the rest of entourage starting with her husband, Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. Then came Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, Prince Charles, Prince of Wales and Duke of Cornwall, and his wife Princess Diana, Princess of Wales. Her other three children Princes Edward, Earl of Wessex, Andrew, Duke of York, and Princess Anne, Princess Royal.
Princesses Celestia and Luna made the appropriate responses in greeting each individual as they were introduced.
There, it was done. He had managed to make it through without once bolloxing it up. He stepped back and tried to become invisible.
"Welcome to our world," the Queen warmly said. "We had never suspected that a portal to your world existed in our Realm." She glanced around. "In fact, Our advisors had never even suggested such portals could exist."
Princess Celestia smiled down at her. "While We have known of portals for millennia, the realms to which they led were almost invariably violently hostile. Had We known We would get such a warm and welcoming reception in this one, We might have pursued the subject a bit more diligently." She glanced around at the entourage. "The truth is, We recently discovered this portal completely by accident — a most fortuitous accident, if We may say so."
She gave a sidelong glance at her sister.
"Yes," agreed Luna. "Having another species to share Our discoveries with is a welcome change from Our world. Most of Our neighbours in Equus used to view Us solely as a food source." She gave them a smug smile. "They learned the error of their ways thousands of years ago. Despite that, we cannot freely share what we know with them."
"Discovering this portal was a delight," Celestia said. "You have a rich culture — we are especially taken with your Shakespeare." She gave Luna another sidelong glance. "Our Sister prefers Monty Python and Benny Hill."
"We were greatly saddened to hear of his demise earlier this year," Luna said sorrowfully.
"Our Faithful Student, Twilight, on the other hoof, prefers Dorothy L. Sayers, Agatha Christie, and P.D. James."
Princess Twilight was blushing.
"This, of course, is part and parcel with your inquisitive natures. You have delved into areas of science that we never dreamed of considering — such as your aeroplanes, television, radio . . . or even your internal combustion engines."
The Queen nodded and smiled. "And you have delved into areas we never considered," she said. "As your cures for cancer, and other diseases, have shown. For someone to regrow a lost limb was a hopeless dream to our researchers — but you have made it a reality.
"Plus, there are dozens of other innovations you have shown us that will inspire new discoveries leading to new fields of research. Our recent mission to our moon is one such innovation."
Luna straightened at the mention of the moon. "Yes," she said, nodding. "I thank you for your generous gift of material from your Moon. It is both different and yet similar to Our own. I look forward to seeing it tonight."
The Queen blinked, surprised. "You do not have to wait to 'see' it, Princess Luna," she said, nodding her head to one side. "It has already risen."
"Forsooth?" One second there was a tall woman standing there, then abruptly there was a dark-blue horned and winged horse in her place. Almost immediately, with a single flap of her wings, she was outside the pavilion and hovering as she stared at the whisp of a moon not far from the sun. "Sister! Come look! The sun and the moon do share the sky without conflict!" she called excitedly.
Twilight was shaking her head wryly. "I told her that!"
Celestia gave Twilight a warm look. "Yes, you did, but Luna suspected that there was more — tenseness? — involved than you could detect."
She turned and called out sternly "Luna!"
"But, Tia . . .," she gestured at the Moon as she glanced back under the pavilion and sighed. She looked back up and shook her head. "You poor thing," she murmured. She turned back to the pavilion and flew to her sister's side, landing lightly.
In her normal form, her eyes were about neck-level with the Queen. She shook her shoulders. "Yes," she said quietly, "This is much more comfortable." She smirked at the Queen. "For both of us, We would guess. Yes?"
The Queen's lips quirked slightly, as if she were holding back her own smile, but she did give a slight nod as she examined the alicorn. Her arm and leg bracers and greaves had changed to become metallic shoes that covered the hooves and fronts of the pastern bones. Her chest armour had become an armoured peytral. All were as intricately decorated as before, with the quarter moon as a theme.
Celestia nodded. "Yes, now that the formal formalities have been observed, perhaps it would be better." She transformed to her alicorn form. She was only a fingers-width taller than the Queen. If she relaxed her neck a tiny bit, they could see eye-to-eye.
Twilight followed suit.
Considering how much taller everyone else was to the Queen — she was the shortest person there — it was probably refreshing to not always be looking up to see someone's expression.
After a few minutes posing for the photographers, the Queen, her entourage, and the Princesses climbed into the Queen's specially modified Land Rover and they left for the official ride down The Mall to Buckingham Palace.
The interior of the Land Rover had been heavily modified. It now resembled a room in the Palace — albeit rectangular instead of square — with more than adequate seating for the entire group to comfortably speak to each other.
Castor had warned the staff that the Princesses might return to their native form, and suitable pillows had been swapped for their seats before they had boarded the vehicle. The Queen looked at the three Princesses after they were all seated. Luna had elected to sit by a window and was even now looking raptly up at the sun and moon overhead.
"According to what I have been told," the Queen said after taking a sip of her tea, "You will be staying here for three days." She raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
Celestia nodded amiably. "Yes, Luna and I are quite looking forward to the vacation. It is Our first in millennia."
There was a stunned silence. The books they had secured had indicated that Celestia had been in charge for centuries, but they had not been sure if that was true. It had been possible that it was a series of ponies named Celestia — much like the Dalai Lama in Tibet, where the death of the current monk started a search for his "reincarnated" soul, who then ruled as the continuation of the Dalai Lama.
Elizabeth carefully placed her cup on the small table at her elbow. "Are you immortal?" There was a very slight tremor to her voice.
Celestia shook her head. "No one is immortal, we are just extremely difficult to kill." She glanced out the window. "I draw my strength from the sun. Luna draws hers from the moons and planets. I imagine that I will . . . pass on . . . when my sun dies. Luna will do the same when her moons and planets are no longer able to generate their magic."
She turned back to them and smiled warmly. "I had never contemplated just how long that might be until We acquired some of your textbooks. From your books on Astronomy, that will probably not be for many . . . billions . . . of years." She looked out the window again with a strangely blank expression. She abruptly shook her head. "Unless, of course, magic has another . . . ending . . . in mind for Us."
There was a profound silence for several minutes.
Elizabeth took another sip of tea and set her cup back down. She sighed, then looked Celestia in the eyes. "You are responsible for the raising and lowering of your sun and moon?" She looked at them questioningly.
Celestia gave her a sweet smile. "Yes. I raise and lower the sun whilst my sister does the same for the moon."
"Then . . . if I may ask . . . how will that be managed in your absence? Or were you planning on returning to Equestria every evening and morning?"
Twilight gave her mentor a questioning look. She clearly had not been advised, either.
Celestia smiled, more to herself than anyone else. Luna proved she had been listening by giving a short snort of amusement. "As I said, this is Our first vacation in millennia. So, that chore is being handled by somepony who is well suited to the task. It will be good practice for her."
۸·_·۸
In Crystal City, a certain pink pony had just passed out and was lying on the floor beside her breakfast table. Maids were rushing around in a panic while her husband hurried to her side and called for a doctor.
Her Royal Highness, Mi Amore Cadenza, Princess of Love, Mistress of Heavenly Affection, Earthly Passion, and Icon of Eros, Guardian of the Crystal Heart, Niece of the Heavens, Liberator and Ruler of the Crystal Empire (aka Princess Cadance, as she preferred) had just received what she thought of as dreadful and horrific news.
The Princess had been calm and happy to see Philomena the Phoenix when she first flamed into their breakfast-room. While her aunts, the Royal Sisters, frequently sent her messages, most came by regular postmare. The official, waxed-stamp on the missive was a bit unusual, but nothing to be concerned about, it just meant this wasn't a simple note gleefully recounting Celestia's latest prank on Luna, or vice versa.
She had opened it and began reading. She had paled, her pink fur turning almost white, a faint feeling of horror wafted through the room.
Her husband, Prince Shining Armor, on the other side of their breakfast table, had quizzically stared at her uncharacteristic reaction. "Is something wrong?" he had asked worriedly.
She had looked up at him when she had reached the end of the letter. Her eyes wide in terror and shock, she had started hyperventilating.
"Tia and Lulu want me," she had said as she stared at Shining in rising panic, "to raise and lower the sun and moon while they visit the Queen of England on the other side of the portal for the next few days!" By the time she had reached the final words she was shrieking, and the pupils of her eyes were mere pinpricks. "Starting tonight!"
Her eyes had rolled up, and down she went.
Hence, the alicorn currently passed out on the floor, and the panic that was rather quickly enveloping the Crystal Empire.
Who were left to wonder, What could be so terrible as to cause their Empress to collapse when meeting King Sombra hadn't done that?
۸·_·۸
Somewhere outside of both realities, Discord had fallen out of his armchair, spilling popcorn everywhere as he guffawed in delight.
"Trollestia strikes again!" he finally gasped, before descending into another bout of laughter.
۸·_·۸
Twilight frowned a moment, then gasped and protested, "You didn't!?" She stared at her mentor.
Celestia raised an eyebrow in return as she sipped her tea.
Twilight put both hooves over her face.
Luna sighed, and looked over from her window seat. "Princess Cadance has observed Our Sister doing those chores several hundred times. She is more than capable of doing it herself." She stared at Twilight. "As can you," she added mildly. "You simply lack practice. The first few times are hardest, until you earn their trust."
The humans in the room looked at Twilight with a new respect. They had read that there were four Princesses, with the absent Princess being the ruler of the Crystal Empire.
The history of Equestria read like a fantasy story with magic and outrageous villains. At first, they had believed them to be exaggerations, but the more reports that poured in from their people on the other side of the portal, the more likely those stories became.
"What do you mean, earn their trust?" the Queen asked.
Celestia turned her attention back to the Queen, her smirk turning into smile. "Our sun is not simply a ball of gas and nor our moon a collection of rock, as your books tell us you regard your sun and moon. They . . . react . . . to our presence. They . . .," she frowned. "They welcome our touch."
The royals exchanged wondering looks.
"Your moon . . . there is something there, but We can't reach it yet," Luna said, musing, as she stared out the window. "Perhaps, when sunset arrives, We shall find out more."
The rest of the short trip to the Square was quiet as they drank their tea and the humans contemplated the concept that stars and moons might be, in some way, alive. Which meant planets were, too. Was the idea of Mother Gaia not the fanciful lark many supposed, but based in a reality none had ever understood?
۸·_·۸
Author's Note: * If the front bumper moves more than two centimetres, runes immediately trigger impervious and stasis spells on the entire car and everything inside it.