Author's Note

*peeks around corner* hello!

So, yeah, it's been a minute. What started as me getting writer's block that led to me losing interest in writing altogether in 2022, ended with me having the worst year of my life in 2023. I won't go into details but yeah, that's where I've been lol. I don't know what made me want to write again but here we are! Hope it's worth the wait!

Dani and Bonnie grew to be quite close as the year passed, Bonnie showing Dani the ropes around the ranch, and Dani, in return, helping Bonnie with her aim. Not that Bonnie was really a bad shot in the first place, but, after watching Dani, she wanted to be even better. Bonnie would often invite Dani for dinner or a drink after work, and they would sit on the porch and talk well into the night. Or there were nights, like tonight, where they would sit in Bonnie's room to avoid her father while they drank and talked. Well, while Bonnie drank. Dani had told Bonnie she didn't drink anymore because she couldn't handle it, Bonnie never pushed for anything further. Dani still had nightmares, and she thought about Sadie all the time, but these nights with Bonnie were a good way for her to just switch off.

One night, Bonnie, after a lot of liquid courage, asked something she'd wanted to ask Dani for quite some time, "Who's Sadie?"

Dani almost choked on her water, "What?"

"I just…well there was this one mornin' when I came to get you and you were still asleep. You were dreamin', or havin' a nightmare, and you just kept sayin' "Sadie, don't go" and sayin' her name a lot. You never mentioned anyone named Sadie before so-"

"Yeah, and there's a reason." Dani snapped. She closed her eyes and sighed after seeing the hurt look on Bonnie's face, "I'm sorry. It's just," she sighed, getting up and pacing the room anxiously, "She's…someone from my past. Last time we saw each other wasn't…well, let's just say we didn't exactly end on good terms."

"Was she from the gang?"

"Yeah. Not as long as I was, but yeah."

Bonnie bit her lip before asking, "Were you two…close?"

Dani's pacing stopped, her eyes narrowed as she turned to the other woman, "What exactly are you askin' me?"

"Well, it's just that you have to be real close with someone if you're beggin' them not to leave in your sleep. Did you…did you love her?"

Dani scoffed, "You can't-do you know what you're askin' me? I can't-"

"It'd be okay if you did. I wouldn't think any different of you, I just-" Bonnie cut herself off, taking another drink.

Dani frowned, "Bonnie, do you-I mean is there someone you-"

"Yes." Bonnie whispered. So quiet Dani almost didn't hear her.

The redhead let out a laugh, "Well shit, who? Ain't many girls round here…oh, maybe that girl who works in the general store sometimes? Or maybe a girl from Armadillo even? Oh, I know-"

"It's you." Bonnie whispered again.

"What?" Dani's smile dropped.

"I been havin' these…these feelin's for you. Feelin's I never really felt before. Kinda felt 'em from the moment I met you. Only took me all this time…and all this liquor, to wanna tell you."

"Shit," Dani sighed, dropping down beside Bonnie, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Bonnie, I…you know I care about you, right? I care about you a lot," she looked down at her feet, not wanting to see the look in Bonnie's eyes as she spoke, "but…Sadie, I had feelin's for people before but Sadie's just…"

"Special." The other woman scoffed, "If she's so special, how come she ain't here?"

Dani knew Bonnie only said that because she was a little drunk, she'd never be so mean otherwise. "Don't do that. It weren't her fault, it was mine. I messed things up, not her. You wanna know why I don't drink no more? That's why. I let it ruin what I had with her. I don't blame her for leavin'. Hell, you would too, if you were there. Trust me. And one day, I'm gonna find her, tell her I'm sorry, and show her that thing's are different now. Show her I'm different."

"So you're leavin', then?" Dani had never talked about her plans before, and Bonnie was so blinded by her feelings that she never considered Dani might leave one day.

"That was the plan. Some day. Once I'd saved up enough money."

"Great. I'm real happy for you."

"Bonnie-"

"Just go."

"What? Bonnie, come on, I-"

"I wanna be alone." Bonnie insisted, turning away from Dani.

"I don't wanna leave when you're-"

"Just go, Dani!" She snapped, making Dani recoil.

Reluctantly, Dani stood, "Okay. We'll talk tomorrow." She grabbed her jacket and shrugged it on before making her way to the door, "Good night, Bonnie. I'm sorry."

Her heart broke when she heard Bonnie sob behind the now closed door. She hoped she hadn't just lost another friend.

Mr. MacFarlane had, thankfully, already gone to bed when Dani was leaving. Lord knows she couldn't handle having a conversation with him right now.

She stood on the porch for a moment, thinking as she looked to the horse Bonnie let her use. "To hell with it." She eventually bit out, stomping over to the horse, mounting up, and rode off to Armadillo.

She wanted to forget. Forget Sadie, forget Bonnie, forget everything. So, here she was, in the saloon in Armadillo, staring at a second glass of whiskey. She'd downed the first one, and had been sitting staring at the second for a good 15 minutes now, her brain telling her to leave it, her heart, hurting so much, telling her to say "screw it" and get blind drunk. She hadn't had more than one drink in over a year. Whatever it was, bottle of beer, glass of whiskey, it was always none, or one. She could handle it, that one drink would be enough to remind her of why she'd stopped. She put her hand on the glass, about to finally give in, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"You gonna drink that?" Bonnie asked, and Dani just shrugged before she realised.

She spun round in her chair, "Bonnie?"

"Hey. Can we talk? I wanna apologise."

"Bonnie, you don't have to-"

"Please?"

Dani saw the pleading look in the blonde's eyes, "Alright. Let's go over there." She led Bonnie to a quiet corner of the saloon. Well, as quiet as it could be.

Bonnie took a deep breath before starting, "I'm sorry for what I said. Whatever happened between you and Sadie is your business, I shouldn't've gotten so mad."

"It's okay, really." Dani assured, "I know what it's like to, uh, to feel for someone who don't feel the same. But I…I do care about you, Bonnie. A lot. And…if things were different-"

"Don't." Bonnie stopped her, "It's okay. Really. I'll be fine."

Dani glanced around, making sure none of the patrons were watching them before taking Bonnie's hand into her own on top of the table, "You're an amazing woman, Bonnie. Anyone would be lucky to have you." She let out a laugh, "Hell, I wouldn't even deserve you, after all the shitty things I've done. You are way too good for someone like me." Bonnie just shook her head and laughed, "But you'll find someone, I know you will. Someone who loves you and treats you good. Someone who's, uh, not a former gang member." The two shared a laugh. "Anyway, my point is, don't get hung up on a lowlife like me. You deserve much better than someone who's constantly lookin' over their shoulder, even when there's no real danger." When Bonnie just nodded and looked down at their still joined hands, Dani cleared her throat and continued, "Now, come on, I better get you back home in case your Pa wakes up. I been shot at by gangs and lawmen alike but that don't stop me from bein' terrified of your father." She smiled when that got Bonnie to laugh, she squeezed the other woman's hand before letting go and standing, waiting for Bonnie to do the same.

Completely unbeknownst to them, none other than Sadie herself had been standing right outside the saloon. She'd been in town to inquire about a bounty, and was about to head inside to rent a room for the night. She was about to walk in but froze when she saw Dani. Her heart dropped when she saw her holding hands with another woman. When Dani stood, Sadie backed away from the door, bowing her head slightly to try and hide her face with her hat. Dani and her…friend walked right past her. Not giving her a second glance. Probably not even realising anyone was standing there. Sadie's heart told her to follow them, to say something, anything, to get Dani to notice her. But her head reminded her of the heartbreak she went through before, so she just watched as the two rode off into the night. 'Sides, she thought, they were in a saloon, Dani was probably drunk.

To hell with the bounty, Sadie thought, before striding back over to her horse and riding off. She'd rather camp out somewhere, get a bounty from some other town, than stay here a moment longer. Whoever Dani was with, Sadie just hoped she made her happy.

Back at the MacFarlane's ranch, Dani had just walked Bonnie to the house.

"Well," Dani sighed as they stood on the porch, "tonight was…eventful."

The two laughed before Bonnie spoke, "Right, that's one word for it. Thank you." When Dani frowned in confusion, Bonnie continued, "For forgivin' me"

"You don't need to thank me, Bonnie, you were upset. I get it, I do. I'm just glad we're still friends."

"Of course we are. I'd rather have you as a friend and nothin' more than not have you at all. And that includes when you…when you leave. I expect letters."

Dani smiled and tipped her hat, "Yes ma'am." They shared another laugh and Dani spoke again, "Well, best try and get some sleep. Good night, Bonnie."

"Good night." Bonnie smiled, watching Dani go. She thought for a moment, and bit her lip before, almost unconsciously, speaking up, "Dani…wait."

"Somethin' wrong?" Dani asked, frowning as she turned.

Bonnie sighed and shook her head, "No, no, just…can you come here a sec?" She walked round the porch to the side of the house, where her chair sat.

Dani nodded, the frown still present on her face. Bonnie had her back to her when she got there, "Bonnie, what's goin' on?"

Bonnie turned and looked around to make sure no one was around, "Can…I mean I don't expect nothin' from you but I just…just wanna know…" she blushed, unable to finish her thought.

It took Dani a moment to understand, "Wanna know wha-oh…you-you wanna k-kiss me?"

The blonde kept her eyes on the ground and nodded, "It don't have to mean nothin' I just-"

"Hey," Dani said, softly, stepping closer and gently bringing a hand to Bonnie's cheek. "It's okay, I get it." God, is this what I was like when I met Jess? "I just don't want you to do somethin' you might regret."

Bonnie's eyes suddenly had a look of determination in them, "I won't. I just…wanna know."

"Okay." Dani nodded, giving her a smile. They looked around once more before Dani put a hand to Bonnie's hip and leaned in for a soft kiss, giving the other woman enough time and space to pull away if she needed. She noticed Bonnie's breath hitch when their lips touched, but, sure enough, the blonde sank into the kiss.

Dani would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy the kiss, but she knew it would be wrong of her to take it any further. She cared for Bonnie, but she knew if she ever saw Sadie again, she would run to her. But, again, she would be lying if she hadn't had thoughts about another life.

Bonnie whispered a thank you when it was over, and Dani kissed her cheek before taking her leave.

"Oh, and Dani?" When Dani stopped and turned around, she continued, "You're not a lowlife." She smiled.

Dani smiled and bit her lip, tipping her hat to Bonnie before turning back around.

The next two years passed in the blink of an eye. Bonnie's feelings hadn't gone away, but they got easier to deal with as time went on. They hadn't talked about Dani leaving again. Sometimes, Bonnie would think about what she told Dani, that she'd rather have her as just a friend than not have her at all. She meant it, of course, but there was always that small, brokenhearted part of her that thought things would be a lot easier if Dani was gone. She often thought about the kiss they'd shared and, again, part of her was glad it happened, another part of her wasn't.

Now though, here she was, on her way to the small shack Dani lived in, going to make sure she was ready for the two to make a trip into Armadillo. She frowned when she saw Dani, sitting on the step outside the shack, staring down at a letter. The redhead hadn't gotten a single letter in the two years she'd been at the ranch.

"Dani? Everything alright?" When Dani didn't look up, Bonnie sat down beside her, putting a hand on her knee, "Dani?"

Dani jumped, "Shit, Bonnie, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"It's alright," Bonnie smiled, "Is somethin' wrong?"

"No, no…it's just, uh, my brother. Apparently he ran into Mary-Beth and she told him I might be here. He says he sent a letter in case I ran off if I saw him ride in."

"Would you?"

Dani chuckled, "I would certainly try, but my brother is a stubborn bastard, he'd still find me eventually."

Bonnie laughed with her, "Well, what else did he say?"

"Uh, that him and his family are okay, physically at least, apparently he did somethin' to piss off his wife…again. But he's tryin' real hard to fix it." Dani laughed again, "Bought a whole house, apparently."

"That's one hell of an apology!"

"Yeah," they laughed again, "It's actually not too far from here, it's out by Blackwater. Some place called Beecher's Hope?"

Bonnie let out an impressed whistle, "He's got his work cut out for him, then. Last I heard, that place was nothin' but wreck and squatters."

"Well, like I said, he's a stubborn bastard." Dani smiled before looking down at the letter again, the smile quickly fading, "He also said he, uh, did a couple jobs with Sadie recently."

Bonnie suddenly found the ground in front of her very interesting, "Oh," was all she said.

"Yeah. Said she didn't really wanna talk about me, or what happened between us, but he…he's sorry that we ain't together." Dani took a deep breath before moving on, "Anyway, he wants to see me. Says he could put me to work if I wanted, if not, just a visit."

The blonde slowly nodded, "So…what're you thinkin'?" She asked, really already knowing the answer, but not wanting to admit it.

Dani cleared her throat, trying to keep her emotions in check, "I…I'm thinkin' I've missed him. And Abigail, and Jack. And…I'm thinkin' he might know where Sadie is."

Bonnie clenched her jaw as she nodded, still not looking at Dani, trying to keep her own emotions in check too.

"And I…I'm thinkin' there's still a part of me that don't wanna leave. Y-Y'know, cause I know your Pa would miss me too much." Dani joked, hoping to bring a smile to Bonnie's face. It worked. A bright smile appeared on her own face when she heard Bonnie snort beside her.

"Shut up," Bonnie laughed, nudging Dani playfully.

"Really though," Dani said once the laughter died down, "Part of me really does wish things were different. Wishes I could stay. I, uh," she cleared her throat, "I'm really gonna miss this place. Gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Dani. But…this is your family we're talkin' about. I know you've missed them and…and Sadie. And," as much as it breaks my heart, Bonnie thought, "if he knows where Sadie might be then…you gotta go to her. And, if things don't exactly go to plan, you know you'll always have a place here." With me.

Dani wiped a stray tear away and cleared her throat again, "Thank you, Bonnie. For everything."

"Thank you. But you're on your own tellin' my father. He really is gonna miss you."

Dani groaned and dropped her forehead onto Bonnie's shoulder, the two of them falling into laughter once again.

They were stopped by, of course, Bonnie's father, "What are you two doin'? Ain't you supposed to be in Armadillo by now?"

The women just looked at each other before falling into each other, laughing as Mr. MacFarlane watched with a confused frown.

Although both Bonnie and her father told Dani she could leave that day, she insisted she stay and help around the ranch. Partly because she had chores arranged and would feel bad if she just up and left without doing them, but also because, again, there was that part of her that wanted to stay. The ranch was safe. Secure. Everything she'd ever dreamed of having as a kid. And Bonnie was there. Bonnie who was so much like Sadie but still so different. Who was soft where Sadie was hard, gentle where Sadie was rough, innocent where Sadie was oh so not in so many ways. Bonnie who, if she wasn't still so devoted to at least trying with Sadie, Dani could really see herself being happy with.

In another life, I suppose.

After packing her things, Dani headed over to the MacFarlane house in case she didn't get the chance to say goodbye in the morning.

"She's up in her room," Drew told her, "She thinks I can't tell but I know she's upset 'bout you leavin' tomorrow. You sure will be missed 'round here Miss. Marston."

Dani gave him a sad smile, "And I'm sure gonna miss this place, sir. And Bonnie. She's…been a real good friend to me."

Drew nodded, "And you to her. Bonnie ain't really had a friend like you, so, I'm real thankful for you."

"Thank you, sir. And thank you for givin' me a chance."

"Just don't be a stranger." He patted Dani on the back, "Good night, Danielle."

"Goodnight, Mr. MacFarlane."

Drew headed up to his room, leaving Dani alone downstairs. She took her hat off and hung it on the stand at the door before heading up to Bonnie's room. She knocked twice, "Bonnie? Can I come in?"

She heard a thump from inside the room and stifled a laugh when she heard Bonnie hiss, "Shit!"

"Bonnie?"

Bonnie slowly opened the door, and Dani's heart broke a little when she noticed her eyes were red from crying.

"Hey, mind if I come in for a bit?"

The blonde just nodded and stepped aside, opening the door wider for Dani, closing it behind her once she was in the room.

There were a few moments of silence in the room before Dani sighed, strode across the room and pulled Bonnie into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman's waist.

They stayed like that for a while before Bonnie broke the silence, "You come to say goodbye?" She asked, her voice so small it made Dani wince.

"Yeah." Dani whispered back, "I figure I should head out at first light."

Bonnie nodded before pulling out of the hug to look Dani in the eyes, "Will you stay with me?"

Dani closed her eyes and sighed, "Bonnie-"

"Just to sleep," the blonde jumped in, "please?" she pleaded.

Dani swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, "Okay."

A while later, they were in Bonnie's bed together, Bonnie doing her best to keep herself from turning to lay on the side that would face Dani, while Dani lay on her back.

"I wish you could stay." Bonnie whispered into the dark, squeezing her eyes shut.

The redhead blinked away her tears, "I know." Part of me does too…