The Great War
'All that bloodshed, crimson clover. Uh-huh, sweet dream was over. My hand was the one you reached for. All throughout the Great War
Always remember. Uh-huh, tears on the letter. I vowed not to cry anymore. If we survived the Great War'
Chapter Three
Buffy shut off the ignition and sighed heavily.
"This is it" said Buffy
"Looks smaller than I remember" said Xander
The three friends got out and stood in front of the car.
"They fenced it off" said Buffy staring at the giant crater formally known as Sunnydale.
"I heard people tried to climb down there" said Xander "The government had to put the fencing up to deter people from throwing themselves in"
"How did they explain it again?" asked Willow
"Massive earthquake" said Xander
"Meh, not so far from the truth" said Buffy
"Are you ready?" asked Willow
"Guys… thank you for coming with me but…" Buffy started
"Something you gotta do alone?" asked Xander
Buffy nodded
"Take your time, I kinda need to do a little reflecting myself" said Willow
The friends dispersed, Buffy walked along the fencing and chose her spot. There was a little ledge between the fencing and the crater so she climbed the fence and jumped down to the other side. She sat down her legs dangling over the edge of the abyss.
She sighed and looked down.
"Hello Spike…" she started
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Xander stood with his hands in his jeans pacing back and forth. He hadn't been back since that day, he thought about it a few times but chickened out. It was her final resting place and he was too much of a whimp to visit
'Get it together Harris' he heard her say
He smiled
"Oh Ahn" he sighed
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Willow sat cross legged before the fencing. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander. She pictured Tara in front of her smiling the most beautiful wide smile that Willow had ever seen. "Tara, Baby"
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Buffy swung her legs back and forth and she said there talking into the crater "And Dawn is so smart, super smart she's just incredible you would be so proud of her and the woman she is becoming. She's beautiful and she's strong, she's everything you'd want her to be… And she misses you"
Buffy swallowed down her emotions "I met someone and he proposed and I said yes. But it made me think of you. You're the first guy to have ever proposed to me, spell or not it was special"
"And I'm gunna miss you forever. Did you know that? I will spend the rest of my life missing you. In big ways and small ways and medium ways and always, I'm gunna miss you. There aren't many things that last forever but missing people never ends. Even people you shouldn't miss or want to miss or who don't deserve to be missed. That feeling will creep in like a robber on his tiptoes he's in there and there's nothing you can do about it." Buffy held back her tears
"I know I'll never forget to keep missing you, even when the spaces between remembering and forgetting get longer. But it's awful because you only have to miss someone when they're gone" Buffy's lip started to quiver as tears fell from her eyes
"Sometimes I'll miss you, and I'll know that's what I'm doing and sometimes it'll be emptiness or an ache that creeps in and takes me a moment to figure out what hurts and where it's coming from and then my body clues into the difference between the pain of a cut on my hand and the grief of you being gone" she sobbed
"And then I'll remember and I'll miss you then too. For all my days, not every day but in little pieces until the end of time I am going to miss you forever. And I find so much peace and so much pain in that all at once"
Xander and Willow stood behind Buffy they had listened to every word that had just poured out of her. They were crying too, because both of them knew all too well how she felt because they felt the same about their lost loves too.
Sobs took over Buffy's body. Her heartaches for the blond vampire who created the abyss in front of her.
"We should tell her" Willow whispered to Xander
"You heard what Giles said, he's working with Angel and that law firm. She's better off without him" Xander whispered back
"She's so hurt" said Willow
"Daniel is the guy for her" said Xander
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Once Buffy got back from Sunnydale, she threw herself into wedding planning. She chose everything, the flowers, the venue, the bridesmaids dresses. Everything. Except her wedding dress and today was the day.
She faintly remembered when she was under 'thy will be done' spell and her engagement to Spike and the dress that Riley caught her eyeing up in the store window. She smiled remembering how totally wigged out Riley was.
Now it was her turn to get a wedding dress for real. Dawn was giddy at the thought seeing her sister in a wedding dress. The day was tinged with sadness too they were missing an integral part of the wedding party. The mother of the bride.
Buffy decided it was best to put her thoughts of her mom to the back of her mind. Otherwise she wouldn't get through the day.
They arrived at the Wedding Dress Boutique. Dawn and Willow looked through the dresses excitedly and chose their picks for Buffy.
Buffy searched through the dresses but didn't find anything that jumped out at her
"Don't worry if you don't find something right away" said the attendant "Something will jump out at you, it always does"
Buffy smiled gratefully at the lady as she continued her search.
A/N: Credit to Josie Balka on tiktok for Buffy's 'missing you' speech