Title: Vamp for Rent 16/18
Author: Forsaken2003
Pairing: S/X
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed
Summary: After Anya dumped Xander he has become the fifth wheel. The girls start to notice he isn't hanging out with the gang as much so Buffy and Willow decide to do something about it.
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Dawn, No Anya.
Beta'd by: My Sister
Note: One chapter each week.
Part Sixteen
Giles dropped Xander at the apartment after trying to convince him the entire drive to stay at his flat for a couple days but Xander just wanted to be in his space. He thanked Giles before climbing out.
The trek up the stairs felt longer than it should have. Finally Xander made it into his apartment and he noticed Spike's bedroom light on. The room Xander thought would turn back into a spare room because he had hoped Spike would move into his room.
As much as Xander wasn't mentally up to seeing Spike his heart over ruled it. Quietly Xander made his way to the room and peaked in. His heart dropped when he saw Spike packing up his belongings. The box that had Spike's things from his human days sat on the bed beside the bag. "What are you doing?"
Spike had been in his own head that he hadn't even heard Xander enter the apartment. His head shot up and Xander could see Spike's eyes were red. "I'm gonna head back to my crypt. There's been no signs of the bastards that defanged me so I think it's time."
Xander nodded while his throat burned and it had nothing to do with the smoke from the night before. "Yeah, I get it. I guess me finding out ruined your plans. No need to be around me anymore."
Spike threw a shirt onto the bed frustrated. "You're an idiot! I don't want to leave but I can't stay here knowing you hate me."
"I don't hate you. If I did that would make this so much easier. It hurt so bad being ignored and left out and then you changed that because I thought you felt the same way. My life became consumed by you. You turned into my favourite person and no one had ever been able to take that title from Willow."
"I... was your favourite person?" Spike couldn't believe that. He was never anyone's favourite person except for his mum.
Xander couldn't believe he had just said that. He didn't want to open his heart more than he already had. "When we started hanging out you were the only person who started seeing me as more that just a liability."
Spike felt a wave of guilt crush him. He remembered the night he said those words. "No one ever thought you were a liability. I was angry and I wanted to hurt you."
"What's the saying? You always hurt the ones you love?" Xander sarcastically asked.
"I didn't love you than but yes that's the saying. I know nothing I say can change what I did but I am so bloody sorry, Xan. The minute I started having feelings for you I should have put an end to it but I was selfish. It was nice being able to afford my stuff. I didn't want to steal anymore because I know you don't like it." Spike sat on the bed emotionally worn-out. "I love you."
Xander sat on the bed as well not close enough to be able to touch Spike. "I love you too." He looked at Spike with sad eyes. "I don't know what we do now though. I don't know what I want to happen. The only thing I know is that I don't want you to move out."
Spike knew he couldn't be upset. Xander was giving him more than he deserved. He would do anything to gain back Xander's trust. "I don't want to move out either."
"Good." Xander sat their for a minute before standing up. "I'm gonna take a shower. I can still smell of smoke, then I'm gonna hit the sack. I'm exhausted."
"I didn't have the chance to say anything about you running into a burning building." Spike saw Xander's body tensed up as if he were waiting to be berated. "You are magnificent. I heard that old bat that lived there telling the nurses there were dozens of people standing around doing nothing and then all of a sudden an angel appeared and saved her sweet Harold. Most people wouldn't have gone into a burning building for a dog."
Xander had no doubt this conversation would be coming up with the others. Honestly he was surprised that Giles didn't say anything but it was appreciated with the other stuff going on. It probably would have sent him over the edge Xander was already teetering on. "To be fair I thought Harold was her husband."
"We both know you still would have gone in knowing it was a dog."
Spike was definitely not wrong about that. "Thanks, Spike."
"Anytime, lu... Xander." He didn't have the right to call Xander luv. Hopefully one day.
Xander had taken a couple days off work to rest. He had been physically, emotionally and mentally spent. The Sunnydale Gazette phoned him asking for an interview. He had no idea how they found out who he was but Xander wasn't interested. He didn't want the attention. It was bad enough that the guys from work were calling him up and for some good-natured teasing.
The girls had called multiple times but he had avoided those calls. Thank goodness for caller ID. He wasn't really ignoring them, Xander just wanted the next time they talked to be in person. And that was today.
Xander had no idea why he was so nervous, he had done nothing wrong. Giles was right though, he had the right to be mad but he loved his girls and he didn't want their friendship to be damaged because of this. That didn't mean he was letting them off the hook though.
Xander asked Spike not to come. Spike had been hurt by Xander not wanting him there but he was in no position to be demanding anything. All he could do is offer comfort if it was needed or wanted.
Walking into the Magic Box Xander saw that the research table was covered in food. All his favourites. He looked around and saw only Willow and Buffy there. "Where's the others?"
"Not here," Buffy said. "We asked if it could just be the three of us."
"I didn't realize you guys could detach from Tara and Riley." It was a low blow but deserved.
Willow and Buffy had the graces to look guilty. "We are so sorry, Xan. Things have changed so much in our lives but that's not an excuse for the three of us not spending time together," Willow apologized. "The three of us are family and we should be spending time together."
"We were stupid. We should never have bribed Spike into hanging out with you," Buffy added feeling guilty for everything that happened.
"I needed you guys when Anya left." Xander had been over Anya leaving him months ago but that wasn't the point. "I need to know that I can count on you guys to be there for me and not worry that I don't make the cut."
Tears welled up in Willow's eyes. "We didn't realize we were making you feel that way. That will never happen again."
"Definitely. You are our Xander shaped friend and you mean the world to us. We're sorry that we weren't showing you that." Buffy couldn't stop herself she launched herself at Xander and hugged him tightly.
Not being one to be left out of a hug Willow jumped in their too. "We love you."
Xander tensed up for a second but relaxed. These were his girls and he would throw himself on a grenade for them. He wrapped his arms around them. "I love you too," he said breathlessly because oxygen was becoming an issue.
The girls pulled back letting Xander gasp for air. "Are you hungry? I think we might have gone a little overboard."
"You guys went way overboard." Xander sat down before Willow and Buffy sat on either side of him. "But at least we'll have leftover for lunch tomorrow." Leftover pizza was amazing.
They all piled food onto their plates. Buffy took a bite out of her before asking a possible very sensitive question. "So you and Spike are together, huh?"
"Were. I don't know about now," Xander answered as he played with his food. "I don't know what I want."
Willow's hand froze in front of her face he pizza forgotten. "Xan, why?"
Xander looked at Willow like she grew a second head. Did the question need to be asked? "You know why. It was a lie."
Buffy dropped her pizza and wiped her hands on a napkin. Her and Willow caused this mess and they needed to try and help fix it. "The beginning might have been a lie but now the way Spike feels about you is real. It's as clear as day how he feels about you."
"That's what Giles and Spike said." Xander slumped back into his chair.
"So four of us have are all said the same thing and you're still questioning it?" Willow asked. "Does that tell you something?"
"You make it sound so easy to just forget about it." Xander wished it was that easy. He wanted to be with Spike but the doubt lived in his head rent free and he didn't think it would be moving out anytime soon.
"Not forget but forgive. None of our relationships have started out like normal people. It sucks but when love grabs a hold of us we have to hold on twice as hard because the way we live it can be taken away like that." Buffy snapped her fingers in front of Xander's face making him blink. "Don't let a stupid decision ruin your chance of being happy."
The girls gave Xander a lot to think about.