Jane discarded plan after plan, then threw his pen across the room in frustration. There had to be a clever way to convince Lisbon that she wanted to work with him again, and that she was better off without Greg, since that was sure to be a sticking point in her agreement. But everything he thought of had too many risks and potential for more disaster than he wanted to incur.

Surely there was something…hmm. Jane thought for a minute. It wasn't something he did very often, but maybe he could try some honesty. Lisbon seemed to like honesty and even though he preferred more subtle methods, none of those seemed to be working right now. He nodded firmly to himself. He'd start with the Greg-shaped obstacle in his plans.

After wheedling Lisbon into getting some ice cream at the park, Jane waited for an opening. It didn't take long.

"Sorry, Jane, Greg has a dental convention this weekend and he wants me to go with him."

"Come on, Lisbon, you can't honestly expect me to believe you're head over heels for this guy! He's boring!" Jane kept his tone light and teasing, though he meant every word.

To his surprise, Lisbon smiled. "I prefer to think of it as stable. And you're right, we're not madly and passionately in love. But that kind of love doesn't usually work out, anyway. The spark fizzles and then what's left? Greg is nice. He's reliable. At this stage in my life, I'm not looking for wild and unrealistic romance. I'm looking for someone who will be there for me, day in and day out, through the good and the bad. There's a reason weddings vows say through the good times and the bad. He's a good guy. I am more than content."

Jane realized his mouth was hanging open unattractively and shut it. "But you should be more than content! You deserve to be happy!"

Lisbon shrugged. "I don't know, if peace of mind and consistent contentment aren't happiness, what is? I know this might seem like a boring life to you, Jane, but it's what I want. This is what makes me happy."

Jane couldn't wrap his mind around it. How could Lisbon be content with mediocrity? How could she settle like this? It just didn't make any sense! But didn't it? Questioned a quiet voice in his head. Didn't it make sense that after so much hurt and betrayal and uncertainty in her life, that she'd want some consistency? She did deserve more than contentment, but she also deserved much better than him. He'd rarely been there when she needed him, and when she'd needed him the most, he'd failed her, spectacularly.

For the first time, Jane wondered if he was doing the right thing. Obviously, working with Lisbon was the best thing for him. But was it actually the best thing for her? Could he offer her more than what she currently had?

"Well, I still think you deserve the best, Lisbon. But there was actually something else I wanted to talk to you about." Jane hadn't been planning to bring the subject up, actually, but he hadn't expected her response to his Greg gambit and it was throwing him off.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "What, Jane."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane asked. He did his best to keep his tone even and calm.

"Tell you what?"

"About the Blake Association."

"Oh, that." Lisbon looked down.

"Yes. That." Jane's voice was flat.

"I don't know, Jane, it was a while ago." Lisbon crossed her arms and glared at him. "It's over now. And it's not exactly something I like to dwell on."

Jane clenched his fists and then consciously made an effort to relax, keeping his voice mild. "Would you ever have told me, if Cho hadn't told me?"

Lisbon shrugged and looked away. "I don't know. Probably not. What would I have said? 'I'm glad you had fun learning to surf, Jane, by the way, Red John's minions kept trying to kill us?'"

Jane put his hand on Lisbon's arm, trying to get her to look at him. "You, Teresa. They kept trying to kill you."

Lisbon pulled away, still refusing to look him in the eye. "They targeted the whole team."

"But mostly it was you. You almost died, and it's all my fault!" Jane couldn't believe how casual Lisbon was being. Didn't she understand how important she was? Didn't she know? How could she do this to him?

Lisbon looked up then, her face angry and her voice sharp. "Yeah, Jane, I almost died. And it sucked. But you know what? I didn't. I got better, and I moved on. I don't need to relive the whole thing just to satisfy your guilt complex."

"My guilt complex?" Jane felt blindsided. Where was this coming from?

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Good grief, Jane, you are obsessed with guilt. Sometimes I think you wouldn't know how to function if you didn't have something you could feel guilty about. But guilt doesn't do any good if you just wallow in it. You still wear your ring." She looked pointedly down at Jane's left hand.

Jane covered his ring protectively. "I don't wear my ring out of guilt."

"I think there's a lot of reasons that you wear your ring, and guilt is one of them. I think you wear it to avoid grieving and moving forward, to tie yourself to the past and avoid the future. I knew you'd leave after Red John was gone. But I hoped that you'd use that time to finally grieve for your family, to remember the good times, and to let go of your guilt. But instead, you just, I don't know, sat around? It's true that you seem to have at least made some progress, because you're not as angry and bitter now, but you don't really seem like you've moved on with your life, either."

Jane was stung. He'd expected this conversation to go much differently and he didn't like feeling defensive. "How exactly am I supposed to move on? What did you expect me to do? Start dating? Get married?"

Lisbon looked at him with something close to pity in her eyes. "I don't know, Jane. I expected you to find something to live for other than vengeance. Something to do with your life. A purpose. Not just…wandering through life."

"Well I'm sorry that I'm not living up to your expectations," Jane said, somewhat bitterly.

Lisbon looked at him for a long moment without saying anything. "I'm sorry that you don't have any expectations for yourself, Jane. I think it would be good for you if you'd let yourself care about people again."

"I care about people!" Jane protested, stung.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Yes, in your own way. But you don't let yourself love anyone."

"That's not true! I care about all of you, and I came back just to work with you again!"

"Yeah, Jane, but caring about me has never stopped you from hurting me, from leaving me, from lying to me. I've never come first for you. I've never been your top priority. And if I am now, it's only because you've taken care of the other items on your list first. And I can't help feeling like if something else came up, I'd get shoved back down the list again. And yeah, I care about you. But you've only ever made me feel lonely."

Lisbon stood up and put on her jacket. She looked at him for a long moment, and then she walked away.

Jane felt like his heart was being crushed to pieces, each word another blow. How could she feel like that? How could she think she wasn't his top priority? How could she – Jane's thoughts came to an abrupt halt. How could she think anything else? He'd lied to her, left her, told her he loved her and then pretended to forget. He'd never given her a reason to think otherwise.

It was crushing to realize just how badly he'd treated the only woman, aside from his wife, that he'd ever truly loved. He was forced to realize just how much his focus on Red John had warped him. He hadn't really made any progress as a human being in the last decade. He'd pretended to, but he'd made a plan, and he'd stuck to it. No matter who it hurt and what it cost. He'd told himself that Red John had to be stopped, that he had to do it for his wife and daughter.

But the truth was that his wife and daughter were dead. They didn't know or care what he did. And yes, Red John needed to be stopped. But if he hadn't been so focused on getting to be the one to unmask and end him, was it possible that they would have caught him sooner? Was it possible that Lisbon would bear less scars? That he would have been able to be there for her, to have helped dismantle the Blake Association? Was it possible that his single minded focus on vengeance hadn't been noble at all, but selfish?

For the first time in years, Jane stopped lying to himself. He hadn't been on a quest for justice. He hadn't been focused on trying to stop Red John before he killed again. He'd been focused on trying to make himself feel better. He hadn't cared about anyone but himself, and he'd hurt the people he cared most about. Again. He hadn't learned anything.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Lisbon threw the report she was trying to read down with a scowl. She couldn't get Jane's words out of her head. She loved Greg. She really did. And he was dependable and reliable. He was safe. And she was content with him. She really was, even if she wasn't in love with him. And she was even pretty sure that could be enough for her. Jane was wrong about that.

But that wasn't fair to Greg. Not if he thought this was a fairy tale romance and he was in love with her in a way she could never be with him.

She groaned. Great. Now she was going to have her lunch ruined by a relationship talk with her boyfriend that would probably result in a complete disruption to her life.

She really hated Jane sometimes.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Jane laid on the subpar couch and listened to Cho and Rigsby argue about lunch while Lisbon scowled at a report and muttered curses under her breath. And then it hit him, out of nowhere. He was an idiot. A complete and utter moron. He didn't just love Lisbon. He was in love with her.

It wasn't the same as it had been with Angela. He was a different person and they'd had a much different relationship. But it was just as real and just as deep. He loved her dimples, her green eyes, her hair, her smile, how she yelled at him when she was mad, her obsession with coffee. He loved it all. How had he managed to lie to himself for so long? It was so obvious and undeniable. He gazed at her, letting himself really look at her for the first time, without his denial and blindness. She almost glowed. His breath caught in his throat and he almost said something, he wasn't sure what.

And then she stood up and announced that she was meeting Greg for lunch and headed out. His heart aching and burning as though it had burst into flames and then turned into ashes, Jane closed his eyes and pretended to take a nap. He had finally realized that he was in love with Teresa Lisbon. And she had moved on.

He'd honestly never thought he could love again, and right now, he wished he'd been right. Love hurt.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Lisbon sighed. Well, that could have gone worse. Greg had taken it better than she expected, which really proved that it was the right decision. She sighed again. Single again. Probably for good, this time. She couldn't see herself settling for good enough, now, and she didn't think she was likely to find more than that, now. And as much as she still loved Jane, she knew it would never work. He'd never seen her that way and was dedicated to the memory of his dead wife. She snorted. Not that he'd be great relationship material, anyway. He'd probably hide all her coffee, try to use Clyde for pranks, and whine about getting up before noon. But at least he'd bring her bear claws, so that was something.

Busy imagining Jane using Clyde to teach Rigsby new magic tricks, Lisbon almost didn't register the yelling behind her until it was too late. She whipped around and saw a man sprinting towards her.

"Help! He robbed us and he has a gun! Someone call the police!"

Lisbon quickly moved into position and assessed the man; he was carrying a purse and even though there was a lump in his pocket, it wasn't a gun. She stepped into his path and grabbed his arm, wrenching it behind his back. She also got him to the ground before he fought back, he was so surprised. She caught a glimpse of metal out of the corner of her eye and leaned as far as she could without loosening her grip. No gun, but a knife. She winced as she felt it sear into her shoulder. Damn it. She hated shoulder wounds. At least she didn't get stabbed in the stomach or chest, though. Those took forever to heal. She slammed the man's wrist to the ground, and when his grip loosened, she kicked the knife away and finished pinning him to the ground, yanking out a pair of zip ties she kept handy to secure his wrists.

As she instructed one of the bystanders who wasn't screaming to call the police, she felt a little lightheaded. Looking down, she realized the man had gotten her in the stomach after all. Sighing, Lisbon managed to ease herself almost all the way down to the ground before she passed out.