30th April 2016

Jade stayed at mine for three days before I ultimately decided to call Beck's mom and explain what had happened.

This relapse had caught me completely off guard and I knew I needed backup. Jade kept insisting she was fine. I was sure by this point that she wasn't.

Jade was sitting in the back garden reading when Jenn arrived at my house. I showed her through and into the back right away. I noticed the slight sharp gasp she made when she saw how thin her 21-year-old adoptive daughter looked.

Jenn sat down next to Jade without saying a word. A flicker of despair crossed Jade's features. She folded her book away and placed it down on the bench, curling her knees up towards herself.

"Are you going to tell me what's happened?" Jenn eventually broke the silence between them.

"What do you already know?" Jade asked quietly.

"I know you were in hospital. And I know that Tori is worried enough about you to call me and ask me to speak to you about getting you back in treatment."

Jade shook her head.

"I'm okay Jenn. I made a stupid decision but I don't need any help. I don't need to go back to Valewood."

"Well, tell me what happened and I'll consider your side of the story." Jenn folded her arms.

Jade sighed, looking down at her hands and frowning painfully. Jenn reached out and took her hand into her own.

"I know how emotionally draining this is for you my love, I really do. But I need you to talk to me."

"I don't want any drama. I'm fine," Jade mumbled unconvincingly.

"Then what were you doing in the emergency room?" Jenn pressed.

"I'll tell you but don't overreact, please."

"I won't," Jenn assured her. I bit my lip wondering how exactly she would react when Jade told her how she'd almost killed herself.

"I had a really bad day. I overdosed on some emetics. I realised what I'd done and called Tori before I passed out. Beck found me. An ambulance was called. The rest is history."

Jenn sighed and I could tell she held back for the sake of keeping Jade on her side. They sat in silence while Jenn processed everything she'd just told her.

"What meds are you on at the moment?" Jenn asked sternly.

"Just prozac."

"I think you ought to talk to your doctor about getting you back on the zyprexa. In the past that has helped you a lot more than just prozac has." Jenn pointed out.

"I don't want to take any more meds," Jade replied exasperatedly. "I just want everything to go back to the way things were before this happened."

"Just answer me this one, are you suicidal?"

"No Jenn, I just.. in the moment.. I wanted to throw up more than I wanted not to die."

"And how's your heart after all those drugs?" Jenn enquired, a sad undertone to her voice.

"I'm fine Jenn, please don't worry about me. I'll send you meal plans, I promise I won't do it again!" Jade pleaded.

"I'm not going to ask you to send me meal plans if you are just going to make yourself sick afterwards,"

"But if you're going to force me to eat things I don't want, then I have to."

"See, it's that Jade," Jenn snapped. "That is what is scaring everyone. You are talking like a person who is trying to restrict and sees no choice but to force yourself to be sick if you don't."

"I'm not trying to restrict." Jade insisted.

"Sweetheart." Jenn replied with a doubtful tone. "If you're not okay, no one is going to be upset with you."

"I'm okay." Jade insisted.

"Jade, tell her what you've eaten since you got out of hospital three days ago." I decided now was a good time to intervene. I stepped into the garden and sat down on the steps across from the two of them. Jade ran a hand through her hair in clear distress.

"Four slices of toast," Jade admitted quickly. Jenn's face fell.

"I know, that's not enough but I still feel like crap after getting my stomach pumped." Jade gave her excuse.

"You're not going to make yourself feel any better by starving yourself," Jenn pointed out.

"I'm not starving at all, this is not starving!" Jade shook her head, angry tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"Alright, alright." I intervened before she spiraled into a panic, "Calm down."

"Tori, I know you want me to eat more but physically and mentally - I am not there," Jade yelled. "I am ashamed. I am embarrassed. I feel caught and I am scared you are going to make me eat stuff I don't want to eat."

"Jade, neither of us are making you eat anything, but you have clearly lost weight. That hasn't just happened in the last few days. Do you honestly believe you will start eating more tomorrow? And how many of those drugs do you have in your apartment for when you do?" Jenn interjected.

"That is, irrelevant, because Tori won't let me leave her house!"

"But you do have more of them?"

There was a long pause in the conversation. Jade didn't deny it and Jenn sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I know how this looks," Jade glanced anxiously between the both of us, "And this might be hard to believe, but I am on top of this."

Neither Jenn nor I replied to that comment. Neither of us believed her.

"What do I need to do to prove to you that I'm fine?" Jade asked in exacerbation.

"I don't think you can," Jenn admitted. Angry tears fell from Jade's eyes as she looked blazingly into the distance.

"Both of you treating me like I'm clinically insane is not helping by the way," Jade scoffed, her voice thick with tears. "I'm trying so fucking hard not to lose touch with reality. So fucking hard."

"Baby," I sat down next to her and pulled her close to me as she broke down. I stroked her hair and hushed her sobs, glancing at Jenn who was watching with a worried but firm expression.

"Darling, look at me," Jenn instructed firmly. Jade whimpered avoiding eye contact with her adoptive mother as much as she could. Jenn wiped a tear away from her cheek, her expression softening. She took Jade's hands into her own and said;

"It's not supposed to be this hard."