A/N: Mild trigger warning for this chapter for discussion of WL and what was done to Olivia. More of a synopsis than any great detail, just letting you know.

Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.

It was Elliot who woke first the following morning, taking a few seconds to make sense of his surroundings. Likewise, to register the reason why Olivia was sound asleep in his arms. Not that he was complaining, but it certainly wasn't something he was used to. Although Elliot wasn't ashamed to admit to himself that he wouldn't mind if this particular part of his routine were to become habit. He immediately pushed the selfish thought back down deep where it had come from, issuing the reminder to his brain that if things were going to move forward, it would have to be on Olivia's terms.

As he lay there reflecting in the quiet calm, his partner's slow, even exhales the only other sound in the room, Elliot considered what could possibly be on tap for the day. He knew Olivia had mentioned wanting to use this time spent together for some much needed conversations between the two of them, but he also hoped that would leave space for some bonding time as well. It wouldn't be much, but he thought perhaps he could start by offering to treat Olivia to breakfast in the hotel restaurant that morning.

Elliot shifted as easily as he could, reluctant to disturb Olivia for any reason. He tensed as she mumbled something softly in her sleep, only to instantly drift back off again. The truth of the matter was, his bladder was becoming more and more insistent, but he would lie here for as long as necessary to avoid waking up the woman who was slumbering so peacefully against him. Though she hadn't exactly elaborated on it, Olivia had alluded enough that restful sleep had been few and far between lately, a luxury that Elliot understood all too well. He'd experienced more than a dozen or so nights tossing and turning while he had been away, homesickness more to blame than the stress of the case he had been working on.

Before Elliot even realized what was happening, a familiar and welcome voice cut through the stillness of the room and interrupted his intrusive thoughts.

"Sorry, El. Didn't mean to use you as a pillow – again. I hadn't realized I was so tired last night."

"You have nothing to apologize for. If it means you can sleep, I'm happy to help out in whichever capacity you may need. Whether it be company, a human pillow, anything. Just a note of warning – you might not want to ask me to sing you a lullaby. My kids have told me repeatedly over the years that I can't carry a tune."

"Duly noted."

As though she had realized that she was still cuddled up to her partner, Olivia moved back to rest her head on the pillows gracing what was her side of the bed, a faint blush staining her cheeks. Elliot wisely chose not to comment, but instead directed the topic of conversation onto how the rest of the morning should proceed.

"I know we're just waking up, Liv, but did you have anything specific in mind for today? If you're willing, I'd like to take you down to the restaurant for breakfast. Maybe a short walk if you're feeling up to it."

"That sounds great, El. I thought maybe we could pick up a light lunch while we were out, some soup or sandwiches or something we can heat up here in the room? I don't want to sound ominous, but I'm probably not going to want to leave or have any interruptions once I start talking."

Elliot's brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, something he was certain Olivia was sure to notice, even though he made every effort not to let his concern be visible. Rather, he asked a question to gauge his partner's comfort.

"Did you want to use the bathroom first so you can get ready? Or would you rather lounge in bed for a few minutes more?"

In this particular instance, Olivia opted to defer to Elliot.

"You go ahead. It won't take me long to get ready, either. By the time you are done, I'll be awake enough and have my outfit sorted for the day."

"Sounds good to me."

All in all, it had taken a combined total of thirty minutes before they were ready. Though she didn't say anything out loud, Olivia couldn't help but be amused that she and Elliot had each chosen similar articles of clothing – dark wash jeans and long sleeved tops. While Elliot was wearing what easily becoming his 'signature' Henley with the top few buttons undone, Olivia herself had opted for a tunic length sweater. Sliding her feet into a pair of comfortable shoes – and feeling grateful that she didn't have to fuss with the annoyance of the more rigid heels she typically wore to work, Olivia tucked her wallet into her back pocket and grabbed her cell phone. With Elliot's assistance, she slipped into her leather jacket, and then they were on their way out the door.

Even though it was during the holiday season, and Christmas had been only two days prior, the restaurant crowd was relatively sparse. Olivia was grateful for the quiet atmosphere, her mind already swimming with the myriad of topics she wanted to broach with Elliot, unsure of which avenue would be the best way to start. While not everything she wanted to discuss was negative, a part of her reasoned it might be better to get all of the heavy stuff out of the way first. However, the more rational side of her brain argued that finding a more delicate balance might be the better way to go.

"Liv?"

Realizing that she had been caught lost in thought, and that not only Elliot required her attention, but also a server who was patiently standing by their table, Olivia tried to focus on what the question had been. Not having a clue, but able to use logic to reason that it must have been what her preferred beverage for the morning would be, she was able to form an answer.

"I'll have coffee, please."

Satisfied that she had given the correct response when the server disappeared to go and get their drinks, Olivia turned her gaze to the menu in front of her, hoping that Elliot would know better than to start asking any sort of questions right now.

For his part, Elliot was curious as to where his partner's mind had wandered off to, but he understood Olivia's personality well enough to realize that this was neither the time nor the place to start making inquiries. Instead, he studied the breakfast options, trying to narrow down a selection, deciding that if anything were a safe choice of discussion topic, food would win the contest.

"So, what sounds good to you?"

If she were being honest with herself, Olivia would say that nothing looked appealing. But refusal to eat would only result in setting off red flags that she wasn't ready to deal with just yet. Plus, there was no telling just how much her appetite was going to be affected later in the day, so it was better to eat now while she could. She just needed to choose something that would be fairly gentle on her already sensitive stomach.

"I'm not sure. I can't quite decide what I'm in the mood for. How about you?"

It was a classic tactic, the one of diversion, one that Elliot most certainly recognized, but Olivia hoped that he would humor her. Anything that would take the attention away from her long enough that she could string two or three thoughts together in order to figure out how to manage what to choose for breakfast. Eventually, she narrowed it down to two options – blueberry pancakes or eggs and toast. Not trusting how her stomach would react to eggs, Olivia put her vote toward the former. When the server returned to their table with two cups of steaming coffee, she was able to tell the young man what she wanted, not surprised in the least when Elliot requested the more adventurous sampler platter.

A part of Olivia was conflicted, wondering if she should have warned Elliot about what was to come later. That way, he too could have exercised appropriate caution in choosing something that might have been more gentle for his digestive system. However, she'd never known Elliot to be squeamish. Then again, the situations that they had dealt with at work had never been in relation to her, either. Again the battle of indecisiveness reigned in Olivia's mind, so much to the point that she wondered if she'd be able to eat at all.

"Liv?"

Ashamed for having been called out yet again, Olivia chastised herself for not being able to stay in the present, and tried to turn her attention on Elliot. Mentally, she willed him not to press the issue, hoping he would be able to intuit from both her expression and her body language that now was not the time to question her on her evasiveness.

Wisely, Elliot seemed to have gotten the message. His concern for his partner hadn't abated, but he knew better than to delve into what could potentially be a sensitive subject while in public. Instead, he changed the topic of conversation to something benign, in the hopes that it would put his companion more at ease.

"I know you mentioned wanting to take a walk after breakfast. Did you have anywhere in particular in mind?"

"Not really. Maybe just a block or two, perhaps running into one of the nearby bodegas to grab a few things. If it's not a problem, I also would like to stop at a pharmacy. There is something I forgot that I need to pick up."

"No problem. The beauty of this week is we're on no set schedule."

Managing a smile, Olivia felt her breathing return to normal as their plates were delivered to the table. Despite her minimal appetite, she did have to admit that the blueberry pancakes looked amazing. Elliot's platter, on the other hand, only looked intimidating. It was laden with pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns. Olivia found she had to avert her gaze away from it all to avoid getting indigestion just from the sight of it. Thankfully, her own portion was much more manageable.

In the end, Olivia had ended up eating almost all but a quarter of her pancakes. It was no fault of her own – or even her traitorous stomach – they were simply very filling. As Elliot was also finished with his meal, the pair declined any additional coffee. Instead of paying the check directly, Elliot merely had it charged to the room, but left a generous tip.

"Ready to head out for a bit, Liv? Are you going to be warm enough in that coat?"

"Yes, and I'll be fine. We won't be gone for that long."

The pair headed out of the hotel, and seemed to almost innately agree on which direction to walk. The fresh air was already helping to clear Olivia's head, and she hoped the time spent in the outdoors would give her the strength she needed for what was to come.

The walk had been beneficial, in more ways than one. Not only had it provided Olivia the opportunity to duck into a store or two and get the necessary items she had wanted, but it also had allowed her the time to collect her thoughts. Her only regret was having to ask Elliot if they could return back to the hotel sooner than she would have liked because her ankle was starting to bother her. Of course, his concern had heightened immediately, which she was able to put at ease by explaining the drop in temperature due later that day, plus the snow in the scheduled forecast.

"I'm willing to wager your ankle is probably more accurate than most of the meteorologists."

"Probably. Think it's too late in life for a career change?"

A brief flash of panic washed over Elliot's features before he realized she was only joking, though he reprimanded himself that he was in no position to judge Olivia. Not after the way he had treated her. She didn't owe him anything. What she was giving him now, this week, was a gift. A second chance he didn't deserve, but was going to grab hold of with both hands and hold onto with everything he was worth.

For her part, Olivia was grateful for the levity and the lighter mood. But she couldn't shake the impending sense of dread that was looming over her as they neared the hotel on their return journey. Logically, she knew she could delay things, make up some excuse, but that wasn't what she wanted. She and Elliot were finally in a good place, both mentally and emotionally. If they were ever going to be able to take the next step forward and see if something more could become of their relationship – which was what they both wanted – they needed to learn about each other's ghosts of the past. In this instance, ghosts that Elliot wasn't even aware she was still haunted by.

Back up in the room, after making sure she didn't need to use it first, Elliot took his clothes into the bathroom to change, granting Olivia the privacy of the sleeping quarters for her needs. Slipping into the same soft knit pants and cozy long sleeve tee shirt she had been wearing the night before, Olivia accentuated her outfit with an old favorite – a gray hooded sweatshirt. She didn't know if Elliot would recognize the article of clothing that she had pilfered from his locker so many years ago when packing up his things, but it had brought her comfort often during times of stress during his absence, and even since his return. Today, she needed that feeling of a warm hug it would provide – even though Olivia knew that if an embrace were what she truly needed, Elliot would be more than willing to oblige. She just wasn't sure once she dove deep into the rabbit hole of her nightmares if she'd feel comfortable being touched, of having something she held so dear tainted by the monster who had caused so much pain.

Before she got settled on the sofa, Olivia made certain to grab one of the bottles of water that Elliot had stored in the mini fridge. She wasn't particularly thirsty, but knew from experience that conversations like this were likely to result in dry mouth. She also figured that it might help to have something to hold or fidget with while telling her story. It was one of the reasons she had bought a stress ball at one of their stops this morning. While the prospect of lobbing it at Elliot's head should he annoy her was a tempting idea, Olivia knew the main purpose of her purchase would be to help her self soothe.

Olivia was just starting to compartmentalize her thoughts and get them in some semblance of order when Elliot emerged from the bathroom. As though he had immediately honed in on the tension radiating from his partner, he hesitated before approaching the sofa, opting instead to ask where she would prefer him to sit.

"Where do you need me, Liv?"

"You can come over here with me, just maybe stay on the opposite end? It's nothing personal, I promise, it's only that I need some room to breathe."

"You don't have to explain. Like I said before, this is on your terms."

Stopping to help himself to a bottle of water as well, Elliot took his place on the sofa, but sitting in a way that he was facing Olivia. He wanted her to know she had his full attention, but not feel as though he were staring. It only took a moment before she mirrored his position, and despite the seriousness Elliot could feel of whatever was about to transpire, he couldn't help the slight smile that pulled at his lips as he realized that the two of them resembled bookends. It had been a long time since they'd shared that, and he'd missed it.

Olivia cleared her throat, and tried to figure out the best place to begin. Ultimately, she decided that laying a few ground rules might help.

"There are a few things I need to ask of you Elliot. The first is, try your best not to interrupt me. I'm sure you're going to have questions, and I understand that. I'll do my best to answer them when I can, but I also need you to realize that talking about this won't be easy for me. I may need breaks, and there may still be some things I can't discuss with you. It's nothing personal, there are things that have happened to me that I can't talk about with anyone."

"Whatever you want to tell me is entirely your choice. At the risk of sounding extremely elementary, would it be all right if I raised my hand if there were a point I needed to interject something or wanted to take a pause? Of course, it would be entirely up to you whether or not you felt comfortable answering."

"I think that would work."

Exhaling a breath, Olivia took note of the time on her phone. It was just after ten thirty in the morning. So much had happened already today – most of it good. She would need to remind herself of that in the minutes and hours to come when the memories of darkness surrounded her. She was safe here, and Elliot was with her. Maybe today would be the day she finally freed herself of her demons for good.

It didn't start out all that bad, to be honest. Yes, it had hurt for Olivia to recount the many times she had tried to reach Elliot after the day he had been forced to shoot Jenna in the precinct, but it wasn't as though he weren't already aware of that. Likewise, when she related how she had been called into Cragen's office to be told that her partner had put in his papers. That was something else Olivia had already shared with Elliot, but given the circumstances at the time, she wasn't sure he had remembered. What she hadn't told him then, but didn't hold back on now, was the way she had locked herself away in an empty interrogation room and broken down in tears.

After sharing that, Olivia had to avert her gaze, because the expression on Elliot's face looked as though she had punched him, and she was only getting started. If he was reacting this way now, how would he ever handle what she had to share about Lewis? No, no, she couldn't make it about him. It had to be about her, what she needed. He was the one who had left, who had walked away without a word. What happened to her may not have been Elliot's fault, but it wasn't hers, either. But he needed to know what he had missed, or they didn't stand a chance at having a future together.

Gradually, Olivia began to talk about what it was like to work with Amanda. Then, when the even more difficult blow had come of having been made to clean out her partner's desk and locker. She'd been unable to keep the bitterness from her voice as she detailed that memory, yet still managed to let Elliot know that a box of his things still resided in a closet at her apartment, should he want it. But now wasn't the time to dwell on that. If she stopped now, she'd never move on to the things she really needed to talk about.

Surprisingly, it hadn't hurt as much to tell Elliot about Nick as she had thought it would. Granted, he'd gotten that look on his face again, but Olivia figured that served him right. What had he thought? That she would spend the rest of her career working alone, or pining for him until the end of her days?

That was why Olivia had also decided not to hold back on her dating history – not that it was any of Elliot's business, but she wanted him to know. Things may not have always been perfect in her relationships, but she needed him to know about them, and that she'd been treated well. David, of course was the first, and if anything Olivia supposed he could have been considered her rebound, even if she and Elliot weren't technically romantically involved. Nonetheless it hadn't mattered, because before things could ever really get started, David had decided to opt for his career, and she couldn't really fault him for that. As much as it had hurt at the time, Olivia could admit now that she wouldn't have given up SVU for him, either.

Elliot learning about her having reconnected with and started a relationship with Brian Cassidy was certainly something Olivia knew her partner hadn't been expecting. Truth be told, she hadn't planned for it either. Brian had come back into her life at a time when she was craving something familiar. Not that it diminished what she felt for him – she had cared for him, after all – but he had always been more invested than she. Looking back now, Olivia was able to see that, but appreciate the relationship for what it was, and feel grateful. Plus, even though she was leading up to the most traumatic experience of her life, a part of her couldn't help but be amused that if Elliot had been shocked at the idea of her and Brian, just what would his reaction be when he learned who Ed really was?

Finally, Olivia was at the point where she could stall no longer. Feeling the twisting deep in her gut and a fine sheen of perspiration break out on her brow as she prepared to delve into the details of just how William Lewis first entered her life, she was suddenly struck by an idea. Maybe it was malicious on her part, an attempt to drive home the details, make it hurt. The side of Olivia that still held on to bitterness over the fact that Elliot wasn't there when she needed him most, that wanted him to see exactly what he hadn't protected her from. Pushing it to the side for the time being, she forged ahead.

The story began easily enough, a flasher in the park who had been spotted harassing tourists. As many times as Olivia has recited the tale, it still gave her a chill even to this day. Amanda had known the man was evil on sheer instinct alone. The fact that he had burned off his fingerprints to escape recognition should have been a clue, but without adequate evidence, there had been nothing any of them could have done.

Olivia faltered a bit when talking about what had happened to Alice Parker. She wasn't certain if it was the memory of having felt so helpless, or the reminder that her fate had been so similar. Reminding herself that Lewis was dead, Olivia continued on, detailing the intense interrogation and trial that ultimately involved a monster being set free, and her having been sent home for two days.

Uncapping the water bottle that she held in her lap, Olivia took a hesitant sip. As a result, the pause in her storytelling had allowed for Elliot the ability to raise his hand, curiosity written all over his face.

"What do you need to know, El?"

"What you're telling me, it's terrible, and I can't imagine what that poor woman had to endure. But I don't understand why you feel the need to tell me, though I'll gladly listen to anything. Did the case really rattle you that much, did Cragen have to make you take more time off, is that it?"

Olivia shook her head, picking up the tablet off the table – a different one than she had been using previously, this one connected to the NYPD database – and typed in her credentials. Locating the case files that she was looking for, she pulled up an image of William Lewis' mug shot from his initial arrest from the incident in the park and passed it over to the man sitting on the opposite end of the sofa.

"That is William Lewis. He called himself The Beast. And I'm telling you this because the night Cragen sent me home, he was waiting for me when I walked into my apartment."

Even though he knew he had no claim to any sort of emotion after the way he had walked out of Olivia's life without a word, rage, guilt, and fear all began to bubble in conflicting amounts in the pit of Elliot's stomach. The torment was brutal, as though he were experiencing the events in real time instead of hearing about them after the fact. Shaking his head in an effort to clear his traitorous thoughts, he reminded himself that this was not about him. How he felt didn't matter here. Whatever was about to be shared, Olivia was the one who'd had to endure it, who had survived it. Summoning all his courage, he asked the question he dreaded the answer to.

"What happened next?"

Elliot hadn't known what to expect in way of response. Somewhere, in the recesses of his mind, he could recall the case they had worked against Robert Morten, when Harrison Thomas had broken into Olivia's apartment one night when she'd returned from work and tried to attack her with a knife, slashing her arm in the process. That memory was a shameful one, because instead of reacting appropriately to his partner having been involved in a harrowing situation – and having been terrified himself, he'd allowed his distractions from Kathy's pregnancy cravings to cause him to make callous and stupid remarks. Then, there had been the time Olivia had been framed for murder, and Brady Harrison had broken down his partner's door, intent on attacking her and committing suicide. He'd arrived only after Olivia had managed to subdue Brady, feeling terrible about the fact that he hadn't connected the dots sooner.

And now, this William Lewis. For Olivia to have been assaulted for a third time in her home, a place that should only have been seen as a sanctuary of comfort, was incomprehensible. Elliot had so many questions, but didn't feel like it was within his right to ask. Already he felt like he had overstepped, and judging by the slightly green complexion of Olivia's skin tone, she wasn't faring too well with telling her story. There was part of him that wanted to move closer and offer comfort, but the far-off look in her eye warned him that might not be the best idea. The last thing he wanted was to upset her further. So instead, Elliot just sat and waited patiently.

For her part, Olivia was finding it hard to speak. But she knew she needed to get through this, for herself if nothing else. She needed to prove that William Lewis no longer held power or control over her life, and after today, she would hopefully never have to speak his name again.

"I'd come in carrying a bag of groceries – I know, that sounds odd for me, but I had been known to shop on occasion. I had set the bag on the counter in the kitchen, when I heard a noise. I should have pulled my gun, it's something I'll always regret not doing. But I thought maybe Brian had come over, he'd had a key, and my head was still all over the place from having received the news that Lewis had walked."

Olivia licked her lips, and continued.

"I turned, and took a step toward the living room, and there he was, with a gun pointed at my head. I didn't stand a chance. The last thing I remember from that moment is him swinging the gun toward me with full force."

When she began to speak again, Olivia's inflection of voice had changed. It was almost monotone, and she had curled into herself, her legs drawn up into her chest and her arms wrapped around her knees. Her eyes were glazed over slightly, and she was staring off at some point in the direction over Elliot's left shoulder. It was as though she had disassociated, had needed to in that moment as means of protecting herself from reliving the trauma that had been inflicted upon her.

Horrified, and nauseated, Elliot was helpless to do anything else but listen to the dreadful tale, praying that this were a nightmare they both could wake up from, but knowing for certain that it was reality. Olivia had been assaulted. Tortured. Held captive for four days. Forced to endure unimaginable pain and incapable of saving herself or the countless others that William Lewis had harmed during his reign of terror. Deprived of food and water, even sleep – aside from the drug and alcohol induced oblivion that would occasionally have claimed her. The constant fear that like the others this monster had tormented, Olivia herself would also be raped and murdered.

Needing a breather, Olivia unraveled herself from her protective posture long enough to reach for a sip of water. Likewise, Elliot was also grateful for the reprieve, but found himself too filled with rage to do anything but focus on his breathing in an attempt to keep himself from shaking. Briefly, he recalled when his partner had first mentioned the monster's name, she had spoken about him in the past tense, so that must mean that the bastard was dead. Elliot certainly hoped that was the case, because if it weren't, he'd find him and murder him with his bare hands, and to hell with the consequences.

A moment or two passed before Olivia recovered sufficiently enough to talk about what had happened after she had gotten the bar loose on the bed. As she detailed the story of her escape, including her regret to this day about having threatened Viva Nuñez and her daughter with ICE to keep the woman from calling police. Though he could hear the conflict in his partner's voice as she detailed the way she had allowed William Lewis to taunt her to her breaking point, until she ultimately beat him to within an inch of his life with the metal bar, Elliot felt nothing but pride.

"I know this may not be the words you want to hear from me, Olivia, and that you've probably heard the same advice from people who were actually there to help you when you needed it. But, you weren't a cop in that moment. You were doing what you needed in order to survive. And I just have to say, I'm so glad you're still here."

At first, Elliot thought that Olivia hadn't heard him, but after a beat or two had passed, she met his gaze and gave him a wan smile. Mistakenly believing that the worst of it was already over, Elliot opened his mouth to speak, not knowing that the saga of Olivia's ordeal with William Lewis had only just begun.

When it came to the trial, Elliot had known that would have been inevitable, especially after he had learned that William Lewis had survived the injuries Olivia had left him with. A part of him was a bit bitter that had been the case, though he had a feeling he wouldn't have been the only one to express those particular emotions. It had felt strange to hear about Rafael Barba from an entirely different perspective, however. Now more than ever before, Elliot began to understand just what Olivia had gone through when her friend had taken Richard Wheatley on as a client. He'd been so wrapped up in his own grief at the time, he hadn't even considered the betrayal she had been dealing with, too. From the sound of things, beyond everyone at SVU, Rafael had been an instrumental part of the support system in helping Olivia with not only her recovery, but in keeping her sane throughout the tedious process that was William Lewis' trial.

Given his extended background in law enforcement, many of those years having worked side by side with Olivia at SVU, Elliot was well aware of the many underhanded tactics used by both the criminals themselves as well as their defense counsel. But, much like his audacity for his crimes, William Lewis seemed to be just as bold and arrogant when it came to a court of law. He relied on his unprecedented streak of good fortune, as well as his charm, to the point that everything seemed to fall in his favor. When Elliot heard Olivia tell him that the monster who had inflicted so much pain had been granted permission to represent himself, he yet again longed for the ability to turn back the clock and go back in time. He hadn't been there to protect his partner from the worst nightmare of her life, and he hadn't been there to shelter her from the fallout, either. How could he have been so blind to it all? It wasn't as though he had been living under a rock, although admittedly when it came to news from the NYPD, he'd spent several years with his head buried in the sand. Too afraid of hearing that something had happened to Olivia that he hadn't been there when he should have. No wonder she had been having so much trouble opening up to him since his return. Elliot was counting his lucky stars that Olivia had dared speak to him at all. Instead, she'd not only been there to comfort him when he had been falling apart, but had helped him pick up the pieces, even when he kept trying to push her away. He didn't deserve her, but he was damn sure going to do everything in his power to prove himself worthy.

Logically, Elliot knew it was an individual's constitutional right to represent themselves when on trial. What he couldn't understand was how William Lewis had been granted so much latitude during his questioning of Olivia. It also angered him even more, because he understood the mechanics of the reasoning behind it – it had been yet another method of torture for the sadist. And there was something about the way that Olivia was so cavalier about the jury – in particular the forewoman – that gave him chills. If he still had hair on the back of his neck, Elliot was certain it would be standing on end.

"In the end, he was found guilty on two of the four charges against him. When it came down to it, he'd charmed the jury. They'd barely believe me. To this day, I'm amazed they convicted him on what they did."

Knowing what that would have cost Olivia's pride, her sense of integrity, to have been doubted like that, Elliot's heart went out to her. But there was something that she was holding back. He debated whether or not to call her out on it, then ultimately decided to go for broke.

"What is it, Liv?"

"The jury – in particular the forewoman – wanted it to go on the record that I had used excessive force. They didn't see me as a victim, they saw me as a cop with a vendetta – exactly what Lewis wanted them to see."

It was then that Olivia revealed something that surprised both herself and Elliot alike – the fact that after the verdict had been read, she had hidden herself away in a secluded stairwell at the courthouse and broken down in tears. She'd never told anyone that, not even her therapist.

Gradually, Olivia began to reveal snippets of her recovery, and though Elliot believed that some of the details of the story were out of order, he knew that didn't matter. What she was putting herself through in order to share this with him, because she wanted him to know meant so much. Again, he felt like such a heel for never having once asked what the years had been like for her during their time apart, save for that one remark inquiring about her dating history. If he were being honest with himself, Elliot knew it wasn't from a place of not having wanted to know, but it was from wanting to keep up the pretense and illusion that she had been safe. Now that he knew that hadn't been the case, he dreaded to think what else he could have missed.

Just when Elliot thought he could breathe again – Olivia was detailing that she'd returned to work, had told him about Munch's retirement and her promotion to Sergeant. He hadn't anticipated that she would have been put in command of the squad so early on after he had left, but at the same time, he wasn't surprised, either. He had always known even early on as her partner that she was meant for bigger and better things than remaining a career detective. Elliot's heart just ached for the subsequent losses Olivia had had to deal with so soon after everything else, although he was faced with the nagging reminder that at least Munch and Cragen had given her the courtesy of telling her to her face that they were leaving. Plus, they had actually stayed in touch, too.

After sharing that bit of news, Olivia began to retreat back into her prior protective posture. Elliot felt the anxiety that had been starting to recede start to rise back up again, wondering what anvil would possibly fall next. He remembered what had been said about the jury forewoman, and hoped that no one at IAB had taken her claims seriously and attempted to bring excessive force charges against his partner, when it was obvious to anyone that she had been acting in not only self defense, but from a place of trauma.

The last thing Elliot had been expecting was that Bronwyn Freed had maintained contact with William Lewis, to the point that the monster had convinced her to help facilitate his escape. Knowing that there was no way that Olivia would be this calm if her attacker were still on the lam, Elliot began to hope beyond hope that Lewis had somehow been killed during his attempt to escape the prison. Yet again, he had no clue how wrong he could be.

This particular narrative was more stilted and out of order than the one previous. For whatever reason, Olivia was having more difficulty keeping the details in a linear fashion. She had already filled him in on the background of how William Lewis had managed his prison escape, now she was saying what had started out as any normal day on her way to work had been abruptly interrupted with a video call from an unknown number, only to find that monster's face on the screen.

While Elliot had understood Olivia's frustration in her authority having been undermined by being replaced, he did understand the need for it- not that he would tell her that. Likewise the fact that she had been assigned a protective detail. What Elliot could agree with Olivia on is that the office politics could have been better managed instead of having blindsided Olivia in the process when she was already feeling vulnerable.

As Lewis' trail of mass destruction began again, a veritable game of cat and mouse, the anger surged anew. Why hadn't they been listening to Olivia at all, a man who understood the monster's madness and motives better than anyone else? When Olivia spoke of how Lewis had contacted her and was willing to trade the young girl in exchange for her, if only she came to him voluntarily, Elliot knew he didn't even need to ask what his partner's choice had been.

"What happened when you went to him?"

When Olivia looked at him with a wry expression an an arched eyebrow, Elliot couldn't help but smile, despite the gravity of the situation.

"I know you, Liv. I know you'd never sit idly by when there was a chance you could make a difference. We're alike in that way. So, how did you slip your detail?"

Even though he could not honestly fault Olivia for her actions, Elliot could not help but feel anger toward to the two individuals who had been assigned with her safety. While he didn't know the outcome of their negligence, he hoped that at the very least they had been demoted, if not kicked off the force entirely. Olivia had used the oldest trick in the book, and neither of the Detectives had even thought to check the bathroom prior to her using it, let alone wondered about her whereabouts until she had been missing for twenty minutes.

Once again Elliot watched as Olivia disassociated herself from her surroundings. After what he'd learned before from her initial abduction, he thought he'd been prepared to hear anything. He was wrong. Of all the horrors he could have possibly imagined, Russian Roulette hadn't even made the list. Despite the very real reminder that Olivia was here, now, in front of him relating this story, Elliot felt sick inside at the knowledge of how close he'd come to losing her for good. Not just once- but twice.

When Olivia detailed the aftermath of what had happened – how the final bullet had been meant for her, how certain she'd been that she'd been about to die – only for Lewis to switch hands at the last possible moment at shoot himself in the head, she ultimately fell apart. The brave facade that she had managed for so long crumbled and Elliot watched, helpless, as she shattered into a million pieces. Tears were streaming from her cheeks, and her body shook with great tremors as the memories came back from the past to consume her whole.

It was when the hyperventilating started and Olivia's breathing began to come in choppy gasps and hiccuping coughs that Elliot could sit idly by no longer. Up until this point, he'd respected his partner's need for physical space, but he couldn't let her suffer alone. At the same time, the last thing he wanted was to do anything that would trigger her further.

"Olivia. Liv, It's me, it's Elliot. Can you hear me? You don't have to say anything, just nod once if you can."

A sharp – but succinct nod – informed Elliot that he was indeed being heard.

"I'd like to come closer Liv, to hold you, to comfort you. But I'm not going to anything without your permission, without your consent. May I touch you?"

A soft sob escaped from the recesses of Olivia's throat as she closed her eyes. For a brief moment, Elliot feared his request would be denied, and she would remain trapped within the hell of her own torment, but just when he thought all was lost, a trembling hand reached out in his direction, and he grabbed tight and held on for all he was worth.

Chancing to scoot closer, he wrapped an arm around Olivia's shoulders, and sighed in relief when she curled into him, losing the battle with his own tears as a few trails of saltwater began to spill from his eyes. Suddenly, Olivia bolted upright and made a mad dash toward the bathroom, and Elliot's heart broke anew as the sound of retching could be heard.

Knowing he was taking a risk, Elliot decided to follow. He set the bottle of water he had brought with him on the sink, and grabbed one of the folded washcloths. Running it under cool water, he knelt down beside his partner and held it to the nape of her neck as she heaved, murmuring soothing words.

"That's it Liv, let it all out. I'm right here."

After a few minutes, Olivia sat back on her heels, physically and emotionally spent. Elliot stood long enough to dampen the cloth again, then passed it over so she could use it to wipe her face. Then, uncapping the water, he did the same, allowing Olivia the opportunity to drink.

"Are you feeling better?"

Knowing she had likely frightened him, Olivia fumbled for an explanation.

"It's trauma response, El. You know that, same as me. It can't be controlled or willed away by a simple thought process, no matter how much we'd like for that to be the case. I've made it through before, and I can make it through again."

"I know, Liv. I didn't mean it would go away automatically. I just wondered if your stomach had settled some from how it was a few minutes ago."

Feeling like an idiot for having misunderstood, Olivia could only nod.

"Are you up to heading back out to the main room, or would you rather sit here for awhile?"

"Let's go back out there. I'm too old to be sitting on the bathroom floor."

With a smirk, and an arch to one eyebrow, Elliot couldn't help but give his response, relieved that Olivia was allowing some room for levity despite all that had transpired.

"You're the one who said it, not me."

As Olivia settled herself on the sofa once more, Elliot busied himself with a few other things before joining her. First, he grabbed one of the spare blankets in the room, and wrapped it around his partners shoulders to ward off any additional chills she may be feeling. Then, conscious of the fact that trying to introduce food would be pushing his luck, he instead asked if she wanted him to call down to room service and ask for some hot water to be sent up so she could have some tea. It hadn't escaped his notice that Olivia had purchased some while they had been out that morning, and he thought that perhaps the soothing herbal brew would ease both her nerves and her stomach.

After placing the call, the water arrived in their room quickly, and Elliot hurried to make the tea. Bringing the steaming mug over, he again asked for permission before taking seat next to Olivia, surprised when she curled up against him almost on instinct. He had a good feeling that conversations were over for the day – at least the more serious ones – but none of that mattered. It had been an incredible step of bravery for Olivia to open herself up to him this much, and Elliot was deeply humbled by the gift he'd been given.

"I'm sorry."

Apologies were the one thing Elliot couldn't allow. Even if he understood the mechanics behind them – the impulse to make amends for the abundance of emotion, Olivia had done nothing that she needed to be sorry for. Even worse, he had a feeling she was seeking repentance not for her own actions, but for having upset him, which was no fault of her own, and everything he deserved.

"Don't do that. Don't minimize your pain, Liv. Not this time. Hold me accountable. Hold me responsible for the hurt that I caused. You're right to blame me. Point any finger that you want, and you'd be right. I'd deserve it for the being the selfish son of a bitch that I am."

Twisting in his arms ever so slightly, Olivia looked up to meet his gaze.

"But you came back. It may have taken you a decade, but you came back. You showed up for me on what was supposed to have been one of the greatest night of honors of my life, and ended up being one of the most devastating of yours. If you're looking for punishment, I'd say you've suffered enough."

Tucking her head back under Elliot's chin, Olivia exhaled the first steady breath she'd been able to take since she had begun telling the whole twisted tale. This, this was what she had needed back then – the safety and comfort of her partner's arms. Even though they'd only scratched the tip of the iceberg in terms of things they'd needed to discuss, it felt like a large weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and Olivia drifted off into a dreamless sleep, feeling at peace for the first time since having woken up that morning.

A/N2: There will definitely be at least one more chapter to follow, possibly more. These two are still early on into their week together, and we have some of Elliot's story to hear, too. Plus, not all of Olivia's tales from her time spent in Elliot's absence are sad ones. Hope you are still enjoying this, this fic that popped up in brain with a little idea that refused to leave me alone!