I wanted to be loved

I wanted to be home

I wanted people who cared

I wanted it all.

You promised me, Andrias.

You pledged to give it to me

You told me it was fine

You told me it was safe

You said I could have it all.

Now here I stand

Alone and forgotten

Lost and bereft

I don't have it all.

They tried to take me away

They said they loved me

And it was for my own good

But I wanted it all.

They said I was stupid

They said I didn't pay attention

They said it didn't matter

They said it didn't matter at all.

I tried to fight

I tried to run

I went to those I loved most

And went away from it all.

I was wrong, I know that now

But is being wrong a crime?

What did I do to deserve this pain

Why did you do this?

I was lost, happy and scared

But my mother came and met me for the first time

But then you came, you laughed and said it was okay

And for a while it was okay.

Those I loved were missing

But it was okay, you said

We would find them

You said we would have it all.

I poured my heart out to you

A foolish decision

And you said it was okay

I don't have to do it all.

Mother and I explored this world

And I met mom

Together we indulged and explored

Together we played and laughed.

But I still longed for those I brought with me

We searched and mom found word

And you said we would find them

You were kind.

When I found her you clapped with me

We played together and you seemed to care

But your heart was gone long ago

You hurt me through my heart because of your destroyed love.

My loves fought one another because of me

I know we were not perfect

I know now we had to grow

But I did not know you wanted us to grow apart.

Then you came.

You took it all from me

You hurt me

You hurt everyone

And you didn't care about me at all.

You destroyed my body

You fed me into that machine

You took my mind

You took it all.

You used me to destroy my world

You used my body as a puppet

You chortled as I hurt

You mocked me for it all.

My mothers came

More than those who bore me ever did

And you took from them too

If this was your goal, why do it all?

We were saved, no thanks to you

Though you claimed otherwise

You tried to stand up

You tried to give back it all.

It's not possible

Neither is what happened next

I fought the red

And my love was lost.

Only then did I lose it all

Everything was taken

I have no home, my loves are taken, and my mothers are gone

And you thought I would treat you with anything but disdain.

And now here I stand

Lost on foreign soil that bore me

My mothers are gone

My loves are lost.

My heart is broken

My soul is adrift

Those who bore me expect me to heal

The world I came from now alien.

How can I be happy that I have lost?

How can I feel joy when I feel despair?

How can I forgive you after what you've done?

How can I be satisfied with an ending such as this?

Do you think a few tears repairs the damage?

Do you think a few lies make me forget my heartache?

Do you think I will get back what was lost?

You claim I can.

Perhaps you and my birth parents share something in common

You believe childhood must be abandoned

You believe we must move on and let go

You claim it will come back.

But I cannot get the years back you took from me.

My mothers won't see me grow

My forebears have taken ten years from me

And my loves won't recover.

Somehow when I defy them

I am punished

Somehow when you defy him

You are rewarded.

What is the difference? is it scale?

You did so much worse

Yet we were in the same boat

And still, you are rewarded while I am returned to this foreign soil.

A few smiles don't fix this damage

A paltry platitude won't heal my broken heart

A shrill bark of a recovery won't fix the damage

You can't have it all, sir.

This was not coming of age.

This was disgusting.

The way you hurt me hurt deeper than the blade.

You took it all from me, Mr B.

You are not like me. You are like him, Mr A.