Unusual Meeting

It was finally done. It stood there on the table. Years of effort... Why had he started such a project, what was his purpose? He didn't know. How far back could he go, what could he undo? Changing time wouldn't make the past disappear. It wouldn't go beyond consoling himself. It wouldn't go beyond suppressing the feeling of guilt. Time couldn't be reversed, no, not ever. What happened would always remain as it happened. No powerful wizard, no powerful spell could change that. So, what was his purpose? Was he afraid? Afraid of death, of dying, of the end of everything, of embarking on the unknown path. Or was he afraid of learning the truth? He had indeed had a long, very long life. Long and healthy. A life that most pitiful people would envy. Did he want to live a little more now? Why had he made this device? Why? Even if he went back in time, it wouldn't change the situation for his sister. Moreover, going back in time with all the wisdom and weariness of these times, was it worth it?

In his office, Albus Dumbledore was sitting in front of his impressive phoenix bird, muttering to himself and was in deep thought. In fact, his mind was filled with thoughts that shouldn't be written here. He looked at his darkened hand. Time was running out. He knew he couldn't stop Voldemort anymore. Everything depended on Harry Potter now. He had to leave it to him. He chuckled bitterly. Harry was born way after Voldemort's rise, he was just a kid still. When did he become so important, placed at the center of events? Wasn't he expecting a bit too much from such a young green boy? Or from Severus? Yes, Severus. He would probably understand the situation. But he feared he would decide too quickly, act on impulse. After all, he was younger than him, bitter, grumpy but not a mature adult he likes to think he is. And even after all these years, his pain was still fresh. He was amazed that he hadn't noticed it sooner. He understood the shock and regret he experienced right after he realized what he had done. But later, he had thought he was trying to take revenge on Voldemort, that he had distanced himself from him because he didn't value him. After all these years, it was surprising that his mind was still lingering on Lily Potter. It was something unexpected from Snape. I wonder what Harry would say if he knew? Well, he would definitely be shocked.

His thoughts were interrupted for a moment when the door opened. Severus entered with a grim expression on his face.

"You've summoned me, Professor," he said with a rather formal tone. His first entrances were always like this. As if he were an unfamiliar young man facing to his new employer.

"Please sit, Severus. We need to talk."

Severus Snape thought of handful of things, but without expressing any of them, he sat down. He began to look at Dumbledore carefully, allowing Dumbledore's blue eyes to delve into his soul. He kept his mind closed as always. His mind, his own place, no intruders or even guests, thank you very much...

"I don't know how to say this, my dear boy."

Dear boy? How affectionate, Dumbledore. Let's see what's going to come out of this.

"Do you know what this is?"

When he entered the room, he had overlooked the small object. It looked harmless on the table, like a simple figurine. But now he noticed that this thing was filled with dark magic, whatever it was. The intense magic emanating from the object could be felt from where he was sitting. It was interesting how such immense power could come from something the size of his palm. Maybe it was another item like that ring? Damn it, Albus Dumbledore, what kind of help you are asking from me now, again without telling me a single damn thing? Or are you going to say, 'It might be better if you killed the boy, my dear son. Maybe Voldemort can't do it'? Of course, he didn't say any of these thoughts, not even a comment on the intense magic of the object. He only gave a simple answer to the question.

"No."

"I made this."

"New accessory of yours?" he said with a mocking tone. So, the ring didn't work? Oh, you fancy old man!

"Oh no, my dear boy, no," the old man smiled. "This is, um, I haven't named it yet?"

"So, you made this?" he raised an eyebrow. "I understand." It was partly true, partly false. He was eager to find out what the object was for, but he didn't need to show it. Dumbledore had obviously called him to tell him about it.

"This thing is a thing which can change everything and in actuality change nothing. Let's not deceive ourselves. But time can buy us time, my dear boy, to rectify the mistakes... Voldemort," when the name was mentioned, Snape flinched slightly but didn't react further. "He's even more dangerous than he should be in my current state. I'm dying, and you know your duty." He glanced at Snape, and the man nodded with a serious face. He knew. "I know some things about him. These, um, these things," he said carefully, measuring his words.

"Information that you can't transfer to one basket constantly in the Dark Lord's circle, yes."

"Exactly. But I'm too late, too late. Blaming everything on Harry, expecting him to solve all the chaos, it's unfair, cruel, even mad. It's more than a child can bear."

Professor Snape straightened up in his chair. The subject had begun to interest him now. In fact, he had some things to say about the way Harry Potter, the arrogant piece of work who looked too much like his father for his liking, had been treated. He wanted to say, 'You want to see a poor soul oppressed by responsibilities, I am sitting here under your nose' but it wasn't the time for that unfortunately. Dumbledore must have realized his mistake and had apparently decided to share these secret pieces of informations with him. Maybe the strange object had something to do with it.

"There's something here that can take us back in time. With our knowledge, experiences, and our state of mind intact. Ah, Severus, think about it! Knowing everything that will happen, knowing the destiny in advance! If we don't fall into the temptation of changing what we can change and getting lost in the void, it would be a great success for Voldemort's end. If we go back, only you and I will know these things. No one else. There will be a young and inexperienced Voldemort before us. And we will prevent him from going further."

Snape waited patiently for Dumbledore to finish speaking. But his eyes were burning on his expressionless face. Now he understand, he understand very well actually. The strange object was a great gift that Severus Snape couldn't even dream of seeing in his wildest dreams. He couldn't even put it into words, let alone imagine it, yet there it was, right in front of him. His heart began to beat rapidly. He wanted it. Whatever its name was, he could wield that object. It was so precious. He had also understood what Dumbledore meant. The man was saying the opposite of what they were talking about. Perhaps he was afraid of death? The headmaster looked more excited and uncertain than Severus had ever seen him before. There seemed to be a hint of guilt on him. He had talked about stopping the Dark Lord early, as if he had no other desires. Snape paused at that moment, wondering if this old man had any past regrets. He clearly had some, otherwise, what was the meaning of this device? And now he hesitated to use it, huh? Snape really understood why. Dumbledore was right; he was the only one who could understand him this well. He saw it as unfair. What was done, was done. Trying to change it, seeking redemption, felt cruel to him.

Severus Snape closed his eyes and thought of Lily. No, he didn't deserve her. He had loved a girl who had never loved him back. What had Lily ever given him? Unbearable pain. A child who had never been loved by anyone in his life. One day, he saw an angel and fell for her. But the angel was too pure for him. He, on the other hand, was too dirty, ugly, abnormal, and antisocial to be worthy of her. But at least, he could have not ruin her life. He could have even prevent her to marry Potter. Lily was not the kind of person to get permission for marriage, to be honest. Bu if their friendship never shaken from its core, would Lily still go out with him, even just to not hurt her friend's feelings. Of course, Snape was deluding himself. What did thinking ever achieve? Lily had never loved him as he wished. In fact, she had not even loved him in her own way. She had never loved him. He felt sorry for himself. He pitied a wretch that no one had ever looked at, that no one had ever loved. Because he was wretched, and Lily, the beautiful angel, was too good that she had not what others saw at first glance. And he had fallen in love with her because of it. What else could he do? An angel was holding your hand, promising you friendship that no one else would offer, and you wanted more, love. No, no, he wouldn't expect her love if he went back now. He understood that he was not worthy of her love. It would be enough for her to look at him with respect. Not with eyes filled with hate and disdain. He does not hope to wish a love-sick look, but at least not a pitied hateful look. She didn't love him. No one loved Snape. But he could gain her respect, maybe that, yes. If he had made the right choices this time, Lily, with her beautiful eyes and beautiful face, would have respected him. She would have allowed him to stood by her side, would have looked at her husband with burning jealousy but shut up about it. But was it worth the risk? Re-living everything? Watching Lily, his Lily, marry Potter again and despairing beyond belief? But doubt, a devastating doubt... Maybe Lily wouldn't marry James Potter again. Maybe she wouldn't. Why not? Her marrying someone else was also maddening, but it was better than marrying Potter. He could even find her the person who would make her happy by his own hands. As long as their friendship would be intact. As long as Lily would be around him. And she would respect him. Maybe Lily would do that if he had made the right choices this time. He had frightened her with his ambitions. He had acted like a fool...

While he was thinking about these, Albus Dumbledore seemed to be scrutinizing the young man's face as if he could see each speck of thought. Snape's face, on the other hand, was as solid and meaningless as a wall. Finally, he straightened up.

"So, what do you want from me?"

"I want you to take this."

"Me?" He was excited. "Can I take it? Why?"

Dumbledore did not answer immediately. Why, indeed? He didn't know. If he gave this object to Snape, he wouldn't think and would return to that night to save the Potters. But he knew that he couldn't do it. He couldn't use it; no, he couldn't go and get his sister back. He couldn't fix everything, he didn't have the right. More importantly, he didn't have the strength. He didn't have the strength to go back in time and re-live everything. But at least, they could solve the Voldemort problem. He know what horcruxes were and what the items were and will be. If they went back, they would have plenty of time. A tragic end for Tom, too..."

"Because, my dear boy, you can use it the best way I, myself cannot."

Snape wanted to say many other things, but he was afraid that Dumbledore would change his mind. He immediately reached out and took the strangely colored object with no name. Unlike the seemingly red and yellow colors of flaming hot, the object was ice-cold, but he held it in his palm, warming it. He was now ecstatic. He held this greatest gift of all times, and it had Dumbledore's special permission too. He had understood what the old man was thinking, but his own plans were more selfish. Yes, selfish, but he would do it. He would try again.