It was a typical Tuesday at Bob's Burgers. Bob was busy prepping the burger of the day the "It's Not a Turmeric" Burger. Gene and Louise were scandalized by the idea of turmeric on a burger. Seemingly forgetting their disastrous burger experiments from a few months earlier. The rest of the family remained upstairs. Tina, Gene, and Louise were getting ready for school. While Linda fumbled her way through making breakfast. She hadn't been feeling well the past few weeks. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she made a mental note to schedule a check up if she didn't feel better by the end of the week.
"So do you think Jimmy Junior will like that?" Tina asked.
"Oh yeah sure." Linda replied, not realizing just how much she had zoned out.
"Mom you just told Tina that she should make a cake of Jimmy Junior's butt for his birthday." Louise laughed.
"Oh no don't do that!" Linda cried.
"But you said sure!" Tina moaned.
"Sorry sweetie, mommy isn't feeling well." Linda apologized.
"Do we have any cyanide?" Gene asked.
"What? No! Why on Earth would you need cyanide?" Linda gasped.
"If you have cancer and die like grandma did. I don't want to live without you." Gene explained.
"I don't think it's cancer, Gene. It's probably just that nasty flu that's been going around." Linda assured.
"Agghhh sick! Stay away from me!" Louise cried.
"Why would you not want to get sick Louise?" Tina questioned.
"Well normally I would kiss Logan Bush on the lips if it meant I could catch the flu and miss school, but I can't get sick this week." Louise explained.
"Why's that?" Linda asked.
"Because Rudy's dad is dating a knife saleswoman and she is having a knife party on Friday. A knife party that I am attending." Louise explained.
"Louise that is just a MLM scam." Bob sighed entering the kitchen.
"Rudy's dad's girlfriend is selling knives that have the type of stories that got me banned from using the school computer on them?" Gene questioned.
"No Gene what Mr. Stieblitz' girlfriend is doing is called mid-level marketing. All they do is try to get people to start selling products. Like the oils your mom tried to sell." Bob explained.
'And the sex toys!" Tina cried.
"Tina" Bob warned.
"Well, that's what they are." Tina sighed.
"I know but that's not really the type of thing it's OK to advertise." Bob explained.
"Well Louise I've got bad news for you. If I do have the flu, you are already exposed." Linda explained.
"Super" Louise sighed.
"You also aren't going to Mr. Stieblitz' girlfriend's knife sale. We can't afford any new knives and we don't know the lady or anybody who will be there." Bob explained.
"Please, daddy." Louise begged.
"No Louise now eat up. You are going to be late." Bob ordered.
"I think I'm going to be sick!" Linda cried cupping her hand over her mouth.
"The injustice is nauseating? Isn't it?" Louise questioned.
"Loufhafhuasfuaa" Linda retched vomiting all over the table.
"SICK!" Louise cried she could not stand real puke.
"Mommy!" Gene cried.
"Linda go back to bed." Bob ordered.
Each of the kids ended up getting splashed by Linda's throw-up. Tina and Gene went to their respective rooms to change but Louise had to make a beeline for the bathroom. Linda made the same trek. At least this time Linda got a little closer to the toilet. This time vomiting all over the bathroom floor. Louise was a few steps behind her mother. The vomit smell was now filling the apartment. She hated this part of herself, but she could not stand the smell or the sight. She ended up getting sick herself in the bathroom door. Linda was now hanging over the toilet. Louise getting sick again herself. By this point Bob had made it to the bathroom carrying a tray of crackers and water. He set the tray on the sink and helped Linda into the tub.
"Well, you don't have a fever, but you don't always get a fever with the stomach flu." Bob commented.
"So, it's definitely stomach flu?" Louise questioned.
"I don't know but Louise I know that you always get sick when you see somebody throw up. Go get changed and if you are still feeling bad, I will call the school." Bob explained.
Bob cleaned the bathroom and then got Linda settled on the floor. Linda picked up a book trying to read between bouts of nausea. She hated feeling sick. She hated being away from her babies, she hated missing out on the fun downstairs and beyond the bathroom door. Eventually she gave up on reading and laid down in the makeshift bed Bob had made on the bathroom floor. She closed her eyes and the next thing she knew the kids were home from school. She was feeling much better. The nausea was all but gone. She ate a couple of crackers and drank the glass of water. Everything stayed down. She brushed her teeth and cleaned up the mess. Leaving the bathroom and entering the living room.
"Aren't you supposed to be quarantined?" Louise demanded, covering her mouth and nose with her dress.
"I am feeling much better. The crackers and juice stayed down. Must have been a short bug or something I ate." Linda explained.
"Maybe your pregnant." Tina commented.
"Bite your tongue!" Louise cried.
"I am too old to be pregnant." Linda laughed.
Eventually Bob realized the kids were not doing homework and ordered them downstairs to help. Linda wanted to join them, but Bob made her stay upstairs. Just because the nausea had passed did not mean that she was not sick after all. She settled in on the couch and turned on a cheesy Hallmark movie. Before long she had drifted back to sleep. This time she woke to the sound of her phone ringing. She put her glasses back on and squinted at the screen. It was Gayle calling her. She sighed annoyed. She was feeling better but still not sure if she was up for Gayle's nonsense. Still, she was her sister, and she knew Gloria and Al did not check in as much as they should.
"Hey Gayle, what's up?" Linda greeted.
"Oh, Linda it's so awful!" Gayle cried.
"What's wrong?" Linda demanded her heart racing. Had something happened to one of their parents or one of Gayle's cats? Was Gayle sick?
"I think I have a yeast infection!" Gayle sobbed.
"A yeast infection?" Linda questioned, annoyed that her sister was so upset by such a minuet condition.
"Yeah, I'm super itchy down there and it smells. Oh, Linda it's so bad!" Gayle cried.
"Gayle it's really not that big of a deal. Just make an appointment with your Vaginacologist." Linda sighed.
"Uh I don't see one of those." Gayle whispered.
"What?! Why not?!" Linda demanded.
"I don't want some doctor looking at my vagina alone in a private room with a bed." Gayle scoffed.
"Gayle, they have a supervisor with them." Linda assured.
"So that makes it a gang rape!" Gayle cried.
"No Gayle it doesn't." Linda sighed.
"If the gynecologist is so safe. Than why don't you go?" Gayle demanded.
"Because I just had my appointment three months ago." Linda replied.
"Fine just let your sister get raped by the doctor. Don't care." Gayle whimpered.
"Fine Gayle! I will make an appointment for both of us, but you cannot back out." Linda ordered.
"Excellent" Gayle replied.
It was already six o'clock, but Linda knew her gynecologist was good about responding to calls even after hours. She called his overnight number and left a message informing him that she wanted to make appointments for herself and her sister ASAP. By this point dinner was ready. Bob had ordered take out from Reggie's for himself and the kids. Linda was hoping for her standard "Hoagie's Heros" sandwich but Bob had ordered chicken soup for her instead.
"But I'm feeling better." Linda whined.
"I know Lin, but stomach bugs are tricky. I don't want you to push yourself." Bob explained.
"Hmmphhh" Linda scoffed.
After sleeping most of the day Linda was restless that night. Restless and hungry. She polished off her crackers and headed to the kitchen greedily shoveling down Tina's leftovers. She grabbed Louise's leftovers and began to do the same.
"Uh what are you doing?" Louise questioned.
"Eating your dad wouldn't give me dinner and I'm hungry." Linda explained stuffing her face.
"Didn't you spend the whole morning puking?" Louise recalled.
"I did but I'm better now." Linda insisted.
"Whatever just try to make it to the bathroom when you puke this time." Louise pleaded.
"I'm not gonna puke." Linda insisted.
Linda polished off the family's leftovers. Before returning to bed. She was not tired but found herself eventually drifting into a fitful sleep. Much to her annoyance the nausea was back when she woke the next morning. Bobby and Louise were right. She was still sick. She sighed and made herself comfortable in the bathroom. She fell back asleep and woke again to the sound of her phone ringing. This time it was Dr. Peters' office calling. Apparently, he had accidentally left his work phone at the office and missed her call. He did, however, have two appointments that afternoon for two and three thirty. Linda was feeling awful but knew it was important Gayle get checked out before her infection got out of hand. Besides, maybe he would be able to give her a prescription for this nausea.
"You are taking Gayle to the gynecologist?" Bob questioned.
"Yeah, she's scared." Linda insisted.
"I get that, but you are sick. You don't need to be going out." Bob replied.
"I have to." Linda sighed.
At least Linda was feeling better by the time it was time to leave with Gayle. She walked down the street to where the car was parked and drove to Gayle's apartment. Once they arrived, she began the process of getting them checked in. She opted to go first to ensure Gayle would see it was safe. She was called back about ten minutes after her scheduled appointment time. Squeezing Gayle's shoulder before walking back. She changed into a gown and hopped up on the table.
"I wasn't expecting to see you back so soon, Ms. Belcher. Is everything OK?" Dr. Peters greeted.
"Oh yeah it's fine I just wanted to show my sister there is nothing to be scared of." Linda explained.
"Well, that is lovely but are you sure there is nothing else going on?" Dr. Peters questioned.
"Well, I have been feeling a little off lately. Mainly nauseous but I've been tired as well." Linda explained.
"Hmm well I am going to do some bloodwork. Maybe that will give an answer." Dr. Peters replied.
Dr. Peters performed a cervical exam, a pap smear, and drew blood. Linda left her appointment not expecting to get any answers and made a note to make an appointment with her GP if the nausea returned the following day. Gayle insisted Linda go back with her during her appointment and Linda reluctantly agreed. Gayle was diagnosed with a yeast infection and given medicine to treat it. Linda dropped Gayle off at home and returned to the Belcher home. She was still banned from the restaurant but sick of the bathroom. She made herself comfortable on the couch and once again dozed off. For the third time she woke to the sound of her phone ringing, and it was Gayle once again.
"LINDA!" Gayle cried before Linda had a chance to say hello.
"What is it, Gayle?" Linda questioned.
"Dr. Peters' office just called me!" Gayle cried.
"Is everything OK?" Linda gasped.
"NO! Oh, it's bad it' so bad!" Gayle sobbed.
"Is it cancer?" Linda gasped.
"It's worse! So much worse!" Gayle wailed.
"Worse than cancer?" Linda cried.
"I'm pregnant!" Gayle sobbed.
"PREGNANT?" Linda shouted.
"It's Philip's" Gayle whispered.
"Woah! Woah! Back it up! Are you telling me that Aunt Gayle is pregnant? With Mr. Frond's baby? I am going to have a half Frond cousin in a few months?" Louise cried.
"Yes, Louise and because Mr. Frond has moved on, she is going to need our support more than ever." Linda explained.
"I like the idea of having a cousin. It's like having a baby sibling but without the responsibility." Gene quipped.
"Yeah, Louise cousins are really fun." Tina added.
"No way!" Louise cried.
Thursday morning the nausea was back but Linda had promised that she would help Gayle break the news to Frond. She got up and dressed with the kids. Tina and Gene gratefully accepted the ride that was offered but Louise refused to get in the car with Gayle and the unborn "Frondling." They managed to catch Frond before he opened his office.
"Hello Gayle" Mr. Frond greeted awkwardly.
"Hello Philip, we need to talk." Gayle announced.
"Oh of course step into my office." Mr. Frond replied.
Linda patted her sister on her back and followed her and Frond into his office. Mr. Frond took a seat behind his desk and the sisters sat in the student seats on the other side.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Mr. Frond questioned nervously.
"I'm pregnant and it's yours!" Gayle cried.
"But we've been broken up for six months." Mr. Frond reminded.
"I know but you were the last man that I was with." Gayle insisted.
"Oh boy and things are going so great with Cassie. Oh boy." Mr. Frond muttered.
An awkward silence fell over the room. Mr. Frond was holding his "Real Life Plot Twist, Oliver Twist" doll in a death grip, trying not to cry. Gayle was rubbing her belly nervously muttering about being days away from motherhood. Linda just clutched her purse still trying to take everything in. She knew she would be saved by the bell, but she was expecting it to be the school bell. Not her phone ringing. Once again Dr. Peters was on the other end of the line.
"Hello, am I speaking to Linda Belcher?" Dr. Peters receptionist questioned.
"This is she, is this important? I am in a meeting." Linda questioned.
"Yes, I am afraid there was a small mix up after your appointment yesterday. We accidentally gave your sister test results that were meant for you. We have tried to contact her, but she is not answering." Dr. Peters' receptionist explained.
"Are you saying that I am?" Linda whispered.
"Yes Ms. Belcher, you will need to see an obstetrician right away." Dr. Peters' receptionist explained.
"Well, I have good news for you guys. Gayle you are not pregnant. I am." Linda announced hanging up the phone.