Chapter 11

Apparently, throughout the palace, they did not wear shoes inside. They were either barefoot. Or they wore some kind of slipper only meant for indoors. Only when venturing outside was when shoes were worn. It was a strange rule, but oddly enough I enjoyed it. We walked along the halls in silence. The servants watched me and whispered, but their stares were different. It wasn't like before. These looks stemmed from curiosity, not disdain.

Rin came running down the hall and threw her small arms around me.

"Hello, princess."

I smiled, instinctively wrapped my arms around her. I pushed her hair out of her face.

"Hello, Rin."

"Will you play with Rin!?"

She did not give me time to answer. She grabbed my hand pulling me out into a garden; she plopped onto the grass. I sat beside her.

"Rin will make you a welcome gift."

I watched her pull small flowers from the ground, weaving them into a small crown. She seemed so content. She stood placing the crown on my head.

She smiled. "There, now you are one of us."

One of us.

I smiled. "Thank you, Rin?"

She grinned. "Rin will make another one so we can match."

She hummed softly, as she made herself another crown.

"Rin, where is your family? Do they not care that you are staying here? Surely they must miss you."

"Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken are Rin's family. Rin had no family before them. What was it Master Jaken called me? Oh! An orphan he said."

What a harsh thing to say to a child.

She placed the small crown on her head and smiled up at me. I plucked a blade of grass from her hair.

"I understand what you mean."

"But in Rin's book, it said you have a family."

I gave her a small smile. "Yes and no. It is a bit more complicated than that Rin."

"That is okay," she said lying on my lap. "Rin and Lord Sesshomaru will be your new family; Master Jaken too! So you won't be lonely anymore."

"Why would you think I am lonely?"

She smiled up at me.

"You look the same way Rin looked when I first got here."

She had picked up a few things from Sesshomaru indeed. She was too observant for her own good. especially at this age.

I noticed her studying my face.

"You and Lord Sesshomaru will make the most beautiful babies, and our family will be even bigger!"

I put my finger to her lips. I looked around to make sure no one was close enough to hear her.

"Rin, how could you say such an embarrassing thing?" I said pulling my hand away.

She seemed to be genuinely confused.

I smiled.

How innocent.

"What? It is true. You and Lord Sesshomaru are so beautiful. Rin thinks you are more beautiful though." she said, whispering the last part. "Your eyes are the prettiest green Rin has ever seen. They remind Rin of the treats Lord Sesshomaru brings me after his travels."

I laughed. "Thank you, Rin. That is very sweet."

"It seems you two have gotten acquainted."

I turned to see Sesshomaru standing there.

"Rin was telling the princess you two would make the most beautiful babies."

"Rin!" I yelled embarrassed.

I had been yelling and acting unladylike since I arrived here.

"Is that so?"

She giggled running off into the palace. Sesshomaru sat beside me.

"We truly would make the most beautiful children," he said whispering in my ear.

I refused to look at him. I would not have him tease me for my embarrassment yet again. I could feel him run his fingers through my hair. He came closer to me, inhaling my scent; placing a kiss on my shoulder. It made me wonder. Would I have turned out differently if this was where I would have been raised? Receiving affection and such. Would I have been as happy as Rin?

"What are you thinking about?"

I turned to him, his face was almost touching mine. He was staring at my lips.

"I..."

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

I turned in the direction of the voice. A short green impish thing was running towards us. He stopped in front of us, out of breath.

"What is it, Jaken?"

I looked over at him. Everything about him was different. His demeanor, and tone of voice. It was as if he was a different person.

"I wanted to introduce myself to the future empress of the West."

I have not seen many demons before. Only a handful in my lifetime, but the one before me was not what I was expecting.

"You are an imp."

I covered my hand with my mouth. I had not meant to say it out loud.

"Apologies. I did not mean to say that."

"No apologies needed. Yes, my lady, I am. I am also Lord Sesshomaru's most loyal confident."

I could see by the look on Sesshomaru's face, that this couldn't be further from the truth.

"Leave us Jaken."

The imp sighed. "Yes my lord," he said, traipsing away.

"Is this how you are with everyone? Your behavior is not cruel, it is just different. Different from what you have shown me."

"Would you prefer that I behaved with others the way I am with you?"

"If that is what you wish for, your majesty."

He grabbed my wrist pulling me into his lap, his hand on my thigh.

"Your jealousy is welcomed, Himiko."

"I am not jealous," I said matter of fact.

He smirked. "Is that so?"

"It is. If there were someone better. She would be here with you. Not me. You yourself chose me. Unless you mean to say your decision-making skills are lacking?"

He chuckled. "As I said, Himiko. Your jealousy is welcomed. Besides." he said resting his chin on my shoulder. "There is no one for me other than you." He kissed my neck lightly. "You needn't worry."

"You are very comfortable touching me," I said.

"It is to help you get used to me. If you prefer that I would not touch you. All you need to do is say the words."

"It is not... unbearable."

Truth be told I was touch-deprived. So... it was enjoyable more than enjoyable. I felt embarrassed. I was behaving like an adolescent experiencing their first crush.

"At least when you are behaving yourself and not being a pervert," I said.

He smiled, squeezing my thigh. "You enjoy that part of me the most. You will admit that eventually," he said, licking the shell of my ear.

I licked the shell of her ear. Her blush was almost instant.

"Sesshomaru!"

"It is not ladylike of you to yell this way."

"A gentleman would not do the things you do."

I kissed and nipped at her jawline. "I am no gentleman." I nipped at her neck and she shivered. "I am a beast."

I continued to kiss her down to her neck. My self-control was slipping. My hand was slipping deeper between her thighs. Her breathing became heavier.

"Sesshomaru," she whispered. "You're going too far... we are outside. We are not yet married."

"It seems as though you are enjoying it. Please, do stop me at any time."

I licked my lips looking up at her. Her hair spilled wildly over her shoulders. Her face was deep red and her eyes were closed. I continued to stroke between her legs. Watching her reaction.

God, she was beautiful.

She laid against me grabbing a fistful of my haori. Her breathing picked up. Her soft moans were music to my ears. She was getting closer. I pulled my hand away. If I had not stopped I would have taken her right here. She looked up at me in confusion.

"Your eyes..." she trailed off.

I took a deep breath. "I apologize. I have gone too far. If my eyes had become fully red I would not have been able to stop." I slid her off my lap. "Again I am sorry," I said walking away.

He kissed and sucked on my neck. I could feel his hand slipping between my legs. The fact that we were outside... I enjoyed it. Still, I was embarrassed. Up until a few days ago. I would have never done something like this. I... unmarried woman.

"Sesshomaru," I whispered. "You're going too far... we are outside."

"It seems as though you are enjoying it. Please, do stop me at any time"

I hated how right he was.

"It seems as though you are enjoying it. I need you to be used to my touch... for what's to come," he whispered in my ear.

It sent a shiver up my spine. I gripped his shirt and I could feel this pressure rising in me. Suddenly, it was gone. I looked up at him confused. Had I done something wrong? That was when I noticed it. The red in his eyes.

"Your eyes..." I said trailing off.

"I apologize. I have gone too far. If my eyes had become fully red I would not have been able to stop." I slid her off my lap. "Again I am sorry," he said walking away.

I watched him walk away going into the thicket of trees. I clenched my jaw, and standing up I brushed myself off. I made my way back into the bedroom. I tore the clothes off going into the spring. I dunked my head under the water. For a few seconds before coming up for air. The water scalded my skin but in a good way.

My feelings were hurt, and I felt rejected… unwanted. Things I have not felt since I was a child. All because I had let my guard down.

I went over to the edge, sitting and resting my head against the stone.

"Himiko."

"Your majesty."

He stood in front of me, but I did not look up at him.

"I am fine." I lied.

He stooped down in front of me.

"You are not fine, Himiko. I can smell it in your scent."

I said nothing.

"Himiko, please do not ignore me."

Again I said nothing.

"Fine."

He left the room, returning a few moments later. He grabbed me by the wrist, picking me up out of the spring. Wrapping a towel around me. He used the second one to dry my hair.

I sighed. "Sesshomaru-"

"It was not my intention to hurt your feelings."

He held both my hands kissing them both.

"The last thing I want you to feel is unwanted; by me especially."

I had acted like a child.

"I apologize… for behaving childishly."

It was the first time I had ever had to apologize for being wrong. It was the first time I had been wrong.

He gave me a small smile. "I look forward to having many more fights with you," he said, pulling me to the bedroom.

What a strange thing to say.

We lay down on the bed. It was still morning, but I did not mind hiding away in here. From the prying eyes of others. I did not feel the need to be so perfect here. No one was watching me but him. So for now, I could relax.

"When did you realize it?" He asked. "That leaving your home was your only option left?"

"The day my father said I would be married off. I would never be able to live in peace there. The one thing I had looked forward to my entire life. My throne, my birthright. He let that be snatched away from me, because of some woman. She wanted to make me suffer. It was a sudden feeling. It washed over me. I felt so tired. As if I had been drained of everything that I had... and I could not do it anymore..." she trailed off.

"Go on. It is alright. There is no judgment here. No shame, only understanding. You cannot bottle things up. Holding these things in will only cause the pain to take root and fester inside of you." he said putting his hand on top of mine. "You have my word, Himiko. You can trust me."

I took a deep breath. "I see myself as someone who has been dead inside for quite some time... but I was still holding onto hope. That there was more. That something extraordinary would happen and I would no longer feel this way." I sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "I am my absent father's daughter. They have made me feel as though I am unlovable; an afterthought. I cannot afford to trust someone again. Only to have them betray me again. That is a constant thought in my mind. My father left me behind... I feel as though everyone will always leave, and I will be alone. Just as my father is. I survived off the strength of one day turning my rage onto those who had poisoned me with it."

I could feel him staring at me. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Have you ever said these words to anyone else?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not a soul."

"Has anyone ever touched you, let alone gotten close to you the way I have never."

"Never," I said quickly.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I had gotten used to being alone. While your behavior at our first meeting was different. It was the first time I wanted someone's company. Not because I was lonely, but because for the first time. There was someone who saw more than my crown. You saw me. I never understood the importance of touch. I had been deprived of it my whole life. Until I met you. In a way, your touch gives me a sense of comfort... of safety. These are things that I am not used to receiving."

"Hn."

"Do you think I am wrong?" I asked.

He smiled. "I did not say that you were."

"You did not have to. It feels as though there is something you are not saying."

"It will all make sense to you in due time."

I finally looked at him. "Sesshomaru -"

The door slid open. "Princess! Come and play with Rin!"

She did not give me any time to answer. She grabbed my hand and yanked me out of bed.

"This is not over," I called over my shoulder.