Chapter 2 – A Promise
Unable to resist any longer, especially with the way that he was looking at her, Elizabeth made the decision to brush her finger through his hair. If anything, it would show how much she cared about him, so while Nathan still had her right hand in his hand held against his chest, Elizabeth reached up with her left and gently brushed that rogue curl off his forehead and ran her fingers through his hair, down to the back of his neck. Nathan visibly shuddered and let out something akin to a hiss as she played with his hair. It was Elizabeth's turn to freeze. She stopped, leaving her hand curled in the hair at the nape of Nathan's neck. She wasn't sure if Nathan was upset or she had pushed him over an edge. All she could see was the raw desire in his eyes. Eyes that bore into her own. Eyes that were almost begging for her to continue to make the moves so they could be on the same page.
Nathan leaned forward, bringing his lips within inches of Elizabeth's face. Her fingers still curled in the back of his hair. His eyes darted from her eyes to her lips and Elizabeth thought that Nathan was going to close the distance and kiss her. She wanted him to lean forward and kiss her. There had been a few times where they had almost kissed for the spell to be broken for one reason or another. Nathan wanted nothing more than to kiss Elizabeth, but he also didn't want to appear like he was taking advantage of the situation.
Suddenly, Nathan stopped, closed his eyes and said some to himself. Elizabeth couldn't make it out, but saw his lips moving. She wondered if he was trying to talk himself into or out of kissing her. Even with his eyes closed, Elizabeth could feel the internal battle that was waging war within Nathan. She herself had battled that war, but she had decided that it was worth taking the shot. Elizabeth just hoped that Nathan would feel the same way. Elizabeth had realized that she had sat on the sidelines of life too long and she was willing and ready to participate again, including going after what was in her heart. She decided to settle the debate for him, because he was taking too long for Elizabeth's liking. She pushed up on her tiptoes, using Nathan for balance and closed the distance between their lips.
At first, the kiss was soft and gentle. Nathan, startled, didn't respond immediately, but slowly started to kiss her back. His free arm wrapped around her tiny waist and held her tightly against him. Then in an instant the sweet kiss between them became a full-blown, all devouring, pent up passion fueled kiss. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other. Their lips dance across each other, their tongues battled and they pour all their unsaid feelings into the kiss. It was much more than a first kiss between two people, it was the sharing of two souls. Nathan felt Elizabeth's knees buckle, as he held her tighter. Not sure what was keeping him up, but he poured as much passion into the kiss as Elizabeth did. As they kissed and Nathan held Elizabeth tight against his body, the electricity arcing between them. Nathan was sure that if anyone had come upon, they would have been able to physically see the sparks that flowed between them.
Finally after what felt like an eternity to her lungs, Elizabeth slowly pulled back from the kiss to catch her breath. She didn't move from Nathan's arm as she laid her cheek on his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart. She was sure it matched her own.
Once she had mostly regained her breath, she moved to pull back from Nathan, but he didn't let her go. He just took his finger and lifted her chin so she would look at him. Nathan was going to say something, but Elizabeth beat him to it.
"I am sorry." Elizabeth said. "I shouldn't have done that."
Again, Elizabeth tried to pull back, but once more Nathan held tight.
"Don't be sorry." Nathan said. "We both felt it and both wanted it. But I have to ask. Is this really what you want? Are you ready to actually move forward in a relationship? Because if you are not, I don't know how I am going to walk away, but walk away I will have to. I can't continue to do this and not have you be mine. I have tried to be a gentleman and allow you your space, but I can't anymore. I need to either move forward in some sort of relationship or I need to walk away. It has to be that way for my own sanity. I can't keep this up and if you say, no then I am telling you that I am leaving. I have to. Watching you and not being able to have you is starting to physically hurt and I need to do what I have to. Also I am sure that Allie has seen how we are and has gotten her hopes up again. If you are not able to offer me a relationship, then for both Allie and I, we will need to leave."
Elizabeth closed her eyes. She thought she was ready, but now that he had flat out asked her she started to panic. Nathan released Elizabeth and took a step back. He let out a harsh breath, picked up his serge and started to put it on. Elizabeth immediately realized she had hurt him and that wasn't what she wanted. She moved to stand in front of Nathan again, but he wouldn't look at her. She reached up and stilled his hands as he did up one of the brass buttons.
"I am sorry." Elizabeth said. "I didn't mean to push you away. I had come up here to work out how to tell you it has always been you. You are the one in my heart. You are the one I am in love with and have been for a very long time. I will also be honest and tell you there is still a fear of losing you, but I am trying. I LOVE YOU."
"I love you too, Lizbeth." Nathan said. "But I can't do this push and pull, back and forth anymore. Either you love me and want to be with me or I need to leave. We can deal with your fear, but I need something. I can't stand by and wait for you anymore. It hurts too much. It hurts walking away from Jack and not being able to give him the father he so desperately wants. It hurts too much to see Allie getting attached again and looking at you as a mother in her life. It hurts too much watching the two of them together and then not being able to actually be the siblings they want to be. Either you make a commitment to me, or I am going to have to take Allie and leave. I can't do this back and forth anymore."
Nathan took a step back from Elizabeth, and moved to gather his things while he gave her a moment to decide. It was breaking his heart to push her like this, but it was what they both needed. They had danced around things for long enough. He needed a commitment from her. He needed her to say it. He understood there would always be some fear about his job, but they could deal with that if she would just let him in.
When Nathan picked up his guitar, Elizabeth reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Play for me." Elizabeth said.
Nathan just looked at her, he saw the pleading look on her face.
"Please." Elizabeth said. "I want what you want, I just need a minute. I had been ready to approach you about moving forward when I came upon you playing up here. I had come up here to try and find the right way to speak to you and apologize for all that has happened. Seeing you standing there like that and looking at me that way …. It threw me and then that kiss. I just need a moment. So can you please play for me."
Elizabeth released Nathan's arm and took a seat on the corner of the blanket he had spread out. She didn't look at him, but gently traced the pattern on the quilted fabric. Nathan let out a shuddering breath, but took a seat on the log and not the blanket. He started strumming the guitar again. He wasn't sure about this but he wanted to be with Elizabeth and since he had already pushed her more then he had intended, he was going to give her a few minutes. However Nathan told himself that they needed to come to some sort of agreement before they left the meadow or he was going to have to walk away. Nathan also knew that if he walked away that he would never settle for another woman, but at that point he was okay with walking away since the constant push and pull was too much to take anymore.
"What do you want me to play?" Nathan asked.
"Play what you were playing earlier when I interrupted you." Elizabeth said softly.
Nathan started to slowly strum the guitar. He kept his head down, looking where his fingers were because he couldn't look at Elizabeth. He started the first verse again, but it was soft and timid.
"When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know
It is well, it is well, with my soul."
Nathan closed his eyes and brought his head up. He tried to clear his mind and only focus on the notes and words. He couldn't think about the fact that his entire future hung in the balance. He couldn't look at Elizabeth because if he did, he wouldn't be able to help himself. He would put the guitar down and move to kiss her again, no matter how ungentlemanly it might be.
Nathan's voice became stronger as he started the refrain.
"It is well, (it is well),
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul."
With Nathan's eyes still closed, Elizabeth moved a little closer to him while still staying on the blanket. She wanted to show Nathan that she was there and not running away. She knew that he still had a doubt when it came to her and she wanted to clear all that doubt away.
As he started the second verse, his voice resounded around them and it became filled with emotions, as if he had entered a place of pure worship and he had forgotten the turmoil that had swirled around him just moments before.
"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul."
Before Nathan could start singing the refrain again, Elizabeth moved in front of him and put her hand over his, quieting the music and Nathan's voice. Nathan opened his eyes and stared at Elizabeth. She took the guitar from Nathan and set it aside. She knelt before him. As she opened her mouth to speak, Nathan put his finger to her lips.
"Unless you are going to tell me you are ready to move forward." Nathan said. "I don't want to hear it. I have heard your apologies over and over. All I want to hear is that you want to be with me, no matter what fear is still there. If you can't do that, just get up and be woman enough to walk away and not shatter my heart again."
Elizabeth closed her eyes to stop the tears at Nathan's words. She knew she had hurt him, but to her the raw emotion in his voice almost broke her resolve. Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth moved closer to Nathan and leaned in to kiss him again. She felt that a kiss would show him that she was serious or at least she hoped it would.
After a moment of enjoying the kiss, Nathan pulled back and looked at Elizabeth.
"As much as I enjoy kissing you." Nathan said, his voice full of emotion. "I need. I need to hear it from you. I need to hear the words. Too much has happened for me to trust this without the words to back it up."
Elizabeth nodded, then stood up. She offered her hand to Nathan, who also stood. They were both struggling being so close to each other. Neither had needed to say anything about the sparks that passed between the two of them each time they had touched as of late. It seemed that morning that each and every touch created stronger and stronger sparks, literally shocking both of them as they made contact.
"Nathan." Elizabeth said. "It is you that I have loved for the last five years. I think I fell in love with you the day I saw you standing in the street, but it scared me that I could not only love again so soon, but to love someone as deeply as I loved you. Because I was scared, I ran from you, while still trying to have you in my life and that wasn't fair to either of us. I am so sorry that you got hurt, if I would have just been honest with myself and everyone else, it would have saved a lot of heartache.
But I am standing here in front of you willing to give you my heart if you still want it. I can't promise there won't be times of fear, but what I want is to build a future with you and Allie. I want you to be the father that Jack needs. Please. I am asking you to give me another chance."
Elizabeth had laid her heart out and offered it to Nathan, when he didn't immediately say something, Elizabeth's hopes were dashed. She just looked at him, but she couldn't read his face like she could earlier, it was like he had pulled a curtain across his emotions and shut off her access to his inner thoughts.
Nathan took a step around Elizabeth and picked up his saddlebag. Elizabeth turned and wiped the tears from her eyes. She figured she had hurt Nathan too much and they would only have the memory of that morning in the meadow. However to Elizabeth's surprise, Nathan stepped into her path and stopped her from retreating from him any further. Stunned, Elizabeth just looked at Nathan confused.
Nathan for his part, held his right hand behind his back. He took a deep breath and looked at Elizabeth. As much as she could normally read him, she couldn't at that time. He had masked his face with what she called his Mountie look. She knew it was the face they had been taught to show others, keeping all emotion in check. She had seen it from Bill and even a few times from Jack when they had been together. With his left hand, Nathan took Elizabeth's left hand.
"Thank you for being honest with me." Nathan said. "I am more than willing to give you another chance, as long as you can promise me that you will talk to me and not run away when things get hard or your fear rears up."
With that, Nathan dropped to one knee, while still holding Elizabeth's hand. Elizabeth for her part gasp.
"Elizabeth Grace Thornton." Nathan said, his voice rough and thick with emotion.
Nathan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then looked up at Elizabeth who had tears trickling down her cheeks.
"I have loved you since the day you walked into my office all those years ago." Nathan said. "You were really the first person to make me feel welcome here. We have had our ups and downs, but we have always been drawn to each other. I have carried this with me every day since right after I turned down that Inspector promotion and decided to stay in Hope Valley and put down some roots."
Bringing his right hand around and showing her the ring.
"I would love nothing more than for you to make me that happiest man on earth." Nathan continued. "Will you do me the honor of walking side by side with me in life as my wife. Will you marry me?"
Nathan slid the ring on Elizabeth's finger as she nodded her head, too stunned to speak. Nathan stood, cupped Elizabeth's face with his large hands and looked deep into her eyes.
"Is that a yes?" Nathan asked.
"Yes." Elizabeth choked out. "Yes, I will marry you."
Nathan wasted no time and captured Elizabeth's lips with his own. Once again the kiss intensified quickly as Nathan let his fingers slip into Elizabeth's silky locks and she wrapped her arms around his torso. They were still in the shadow of the tree line, but their two horses grazed in the sunlight.