Disclaimer: Don't own Fifty Shades
It feels like forever that I've posted a new chapter. My deepest apologies! Many things have happened in my personal life. The biggest challenge was working on my mental health. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time and given how dark and too close to home this story is, it took a toll. Many thanks to all who've reached out, reviewed, etc. I'm hopeful about this new year, and it is one of my resolutions to complete this story:) Many, many, many thanks to all of you who continue with this story and for putting up with me.
WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of sexual assault and grooming of a minor. No explicit scenes, but please continue with caution.
Ana's POV
Kate sat on my bed, holding my hands in hers. When she got to my apartment, after kicking Christian out, she'd wrapped my blanket around me. Regardless of that gesture, and the hugs and kisses she gave me, I felt cold. I couldn't meet her eyes. I couldn't talk to her.
After I got off the phone with her, my throat felt like it swelled to twice its size and I began crying. Christian tried to talk to me and hold me, but I feel like I've been frozen into a block of ice.
Kate squeezes my hands, and says, "You haven't said anything for ten minutes, Ana. I'm really worried." When I still don't say anything, she says, "That's okay, Ana, take your time. I'm here for you, and I love you. Even if you changed your mind about telling me whatever it was that you wanted to tell me, I'll stay right here with you. Glued to your side."
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
For the hundredth time, she asks, "I swear if Christian hurt you, I'd cut out his heart and eat it." I shake my head.
Why can't I tell her? Why do I feel guilty? I told Christian I'd be able to do this because it wasn't wrong.
I remember the day that I met Case.
My dad hosted a reunion with friends from his army days. It was a small gathering of drinking, smoking, eating, and recalling the days of youth. Wives and kids weren't allowed. I didn't mind because I got to spend the whole day at the movies with José.
In those days, José and I were as thick as thieves. We never dated, even though I'm quite sure we had crushes on each other at some point or another. We did a lot of stuff together: riding our bikes, skateboarding at the park (he skateboarded, I watched), swimming at the local pool, playing at the arcade when we'd saved enough quarters, etc. The movies were a treat that happened about a couple times a year.
That day, as soon as our dads shooed us away, José and I raced our bikes to the movie theater. After buying our tickets for one movie, we foolishly splurged the rest of our money on sodas, snacks, and popcorn. By the time the end credits were rolling, we realized we were stuck with unopened candy and half eaten popcorn with no second movie to watch. Unable to get more tickets for another show, and unwilling to call it quits, we hopped into another movie and returned to our feast. We got caught after trying it a third time and ran before the employees could kick us out. By this time, the last boxes of M&Ms fit in our pockets.
We hadn't been given a curfew, and we didn't know how long the get-together would last. We decided to go to my house to pick up a movie and watch it at José's house. José waited in my driveway while I went inside.
I walked into my room, unaware that someone was resting on my bed. All of my dad's friends and he were supposed to be outside in the backyard, so I didn't think to close my bedroom door. I spilled soda on myself during one movie. Though it had dried, my shirt felt sticky. I'd taken it off, chucked it to the floor, and searched in my dresser for a clean T-shirt.
From the corner of my eye, in the reflection of my mirror, I saw a shadow move. I spun, throwing clothes towards the shadow.
"Woah! Easy! I'm your dad's friend." The shadow turned out to be a man on my bed.
Shaking, I couldn't think of anything to say. The man continued on to say that he had been napping in my room because he'd been tired from the hours-long drive to our house. He said that my dad said it was okay because I was going to be gone all day. That my dad's bedroom was close to the backyard, and he couldn't sleep a wink with all the noise the bastards were making. Our couch in the living room was too lumpy for him, too, so my bed was the only choice. Through it all, I stood there with my bra on display.
Case told me years later that he liked to call me Rose because it pays homage to when we met. My bra had pink and red roses. It was my first bra and my favorite.
He told me his name, said he knew my name already, and that he would go back with my dad. I gave him a small smile and waved as he left my room. I remember thinking he was the cutest guy I'd ever seen. My heart was racing, my face felt hot, and I just wanted to go after him to hear him talk some more. Instead, I put on a shirt and continued my day with José. I didn't mention what happened to him.
I couldn't wait to see him again.
And as luck would have it, he ended up moving to town. He also came over a lot, like José's dad, to watch TV, hang out, eat, or drink. Cason was younger than either of our dads. I think he was only thirty-two when we met. He was polite, joked sometimes about me breaking hearts, but mostly left José and me alone.
I had a teeny-tiny crush on him that my dad teased me once about. After a few months, though, I got over it. I could understand that he was an adult who wouldn't look twice at a kid who could barely say two words to him. After a year, though, the crush came back. Cason began noticing me more. He'd say I was growing into such a beautiful woman, I was so smart and sweet, and if I could learn to cook, I'd be the total package.
Who doesn't like to be complimented? Not one boy in my school noticed me, but what did they know? I had this man inflating my self-confidence. Who cared what stupid boys thought? He thought I was special. I was someone worth taking a second look at. If I were older, I'd be perfect for him. That was what Case told me.
For my fifteenth birthday, José got me a mood ring. I was so happy because I'd always wanted one. But José's girlfriend was mad. She told me that I was ruining her life, and her friends told me that I needed to back off from her boyfriend. I told them he was my friend first, but they told me that he made fun of me behind my back. He'd said he was only friends with me because his dad made him. He didn't want to be friends with a loser. I didn't believe them, but then they told me they knew I'd never been kissed.
How could he tell them that? Was everything they said true? Could he make fun of me? They laughed when I ran away crying. José had been my best friend for so long. He was there when my mom left me. I had noticed him brushing me off to hang out with his girlfriend but didn't think much of it. We've known each other forever, been friends forever, and he wouldn't forget me. Right?
Case found me. He saw me running behind the library and was concerned. I was sitting on the ground, hugging my knees when I felt his arms encircle me. He dried my tears, I explained what happened, and the next thing I knew, he kissed me! I was so dumbfounded; I didn't do anything. He was a grown-up and my dad's best friend.
Case told me he kissed me because it made him so sad to see me cry. He thought that if I had my first kiss, then there was nothing the girls could hold against me. He took me to his house and told me how much he really liked me. He knew I was young, but my maturity made it hard for him to stay away. He told me that he's had other teen girls crush on him, but I was the one that outshined them all. He said he understood if I didn't want anything to do with him because he was a lot older. He told me that if I wanted to tell my dad that I was uncomfortable, he understood. When I told him he wasn't making me uncomfortable and that I always liked him, too, he kissed me again.
I didn't plan to lose my virginity to him on Halloween night. At least, I don't think I did. Dad was out drinking with his girlfriend, and I stayed home to pass out candy. José and I weren't on speaking terms. Case came over to check on me. One thing led to another, and I ended up wearing an old costume for him. Then. . .
"It wasn't rape," I start, closing my eyes. "He told me so many times that I could say no and he'd stop. I didn't. I loved him so much."
"What!" Kate lets go of my hands and grabs my shoulders frantically. "Who raped you? Was it Christian? I'll fucking kill him!"
I finally look at her, tears spilling down my cheeks. "Christian has never hurt me. I'm not talking about him."
Kate stands and throws her hands up in the air. "Well, for hell's sake, I thought he was the one we were talking about, the one who made an ass of himself at the party, and made you cry?"
Gods, the Halloween party feels like four years ago. "That has nothing to do with this." At her pointed look, I sigh. "Christian is … mistaken. He thinks I was hurt, raped, but I wasn't." I look down, closing my eyes. "He thinks Cason. . ." I can't finish.
Kate gasps. "Isn't he like your dad? What the fuck? You had sex with Cason? Ew." She shudders and makes a gagging face.
"Yes," I whisper, still keeping my eyes closed.
"Okay, like, pause. How the hell did that happen? When did it happen? Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Suddenly, Kate cups my face, rubbing the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. "Why are you crying?" She gasped, "Cason raped you?"
I shook my head, incapable of speaking. "Ana!" Kate shouts, "Did he rape you?"
Again, I could only shake my head no. "Ana, then why does Christian think that Cason raped you?" I still can't talk and start to sob, holding my hands over my eyes. I can't fucking talk, horror freezing my bones.
"Oh, sweetheart," Kate wraps her arms around me. I don't how long we stayed like that, or when we ended up lying down with my head cradled on her shoulder. She held me tightly, not saying a word.
Eventually, I stopped crying. Kate was quiet, but I don't think she'd fallen asleep. I felt exhausted, emotionally and physically. I settle more into Kate's side, feeling loved.
Christian's POV
The sun was rising. I was cold, stiff, and exhausted. Ana kicked me out of her apartment after inviting Kate over. She was on the verge of shattering, and if I couldn't be there to pick up the pieces, at least her best friend was up there.
But I'd be damned if I left her completely. My men and I stayed parked in front of her apartment. None of us have slept. Taylor and Sawyer trained for shit like this, but I'm feeling it. I'm not a young man anymore.
I stretch as much as the space allows, my joints cracking. Damn, I'm not a young man anymore. I'm going to be hurting tomorrow. I groan as I settle back against the seat.
"In five minutes, I'm sending one of you to get coffee," I warn.
Sawyer snorts, then quickly covers it by clearing his throat. That's right, jackass, I'm still your boss.
"Sir, Ms. Kavanaugh exited the building," Taylor says, both of my men straightening in their seats.
I tear my eyes from Ana's apartment window to the sidewalk, where Kate is headed to us. Her movements are fast and jerky, and she looks murderous.
After instructing my men to stay put, I step out and greet Kate with a nod of my head.
She stops, her eyes red, and a large damp spot on her shoulder. "What did Cason do to Ana?" she spits out.
I lean against the SUV, unsure what to say. "What did she tell you?"
Kate steps closer to me, wrapping her arms around herself. "She didn't tell me anything. She couldn't. All she said was that he didn't rape her," she says hastily.
I look up to my sunshine's window, exhaling. "I don't think it's my place to say."
Kate snaps, "Cut the bullshit. Ana just cried herself to sleep in my arms." She pinches her sweater, where it's damp, "These are her tears, Grey! What the hell is going on?"
I clench my fists, fury burning my body. God, I need to kill that rapist with my bare hands.
"Did he rape her?" Kate asks, venom coating each word. "Tell me, Grey."
A few seconds pass, and I finally say, "She doesn't call it rape."
Kate raises her fists, shouting, "Stop it! She said you think it was. I want to know why!"
Kate and Ana are close, practically like sisters Ana told me once. Ana did not want Kate to know, or she would have told her about Westbrook. Is it my place? Kate and I share one thing: our love for Ana. As people who love Ana, is it not our right to protect her? To shield her from as much pain as possible? To be there to hold her together when she's falling apart?
"Ana was fifteen when they…" I trail off, unable to call it anything but rape. "That disgusting piece of shit rapist was thirty-four."
Kate steps back, red spots coloring her cheeks. She shakes her head as if to clear it, and opens and closes her mouth. She stares at me for a long moment. I stare back, regret forcing me to be silent. Maybe I shouldn't have told her.
Kate spins around abruptly. As she runs for her car, she yells, "I'm going to kill him!"