Liesl woke slowly to find her youngest sister curled up against her side, her head pillowed on Liesl's shoulder. With a fond smile, Liesl shifted the girl off of her body and slowly slid out from under the blankets that the siblings had piled on top of them to chase away the cold of the night. Liesl was surprised to find none of her other siblings awake; Marta especially was an early riser, and it was rare that Liesl beat all eight of her siblings down to breakfast. A quick glance out the window also told her that the morning was already well advanced. Deciding to enjoy her solitude, she glanced around, surprised to find no trace of her parents. Given the lateness of the morning and the fact that her father often rose earlier than any of the children, she assumed he had gone to find more food for them to eat. As if considering the possibility, her stomach gave a loud growl. Laughing to herself, Liesl grabbed a handful of mushrooms to tide her over until her siblings awoke and moved to tend the fire.
The clicking of a door caused her to turn, and she noticed her father walking out of the second room sans shirt, his trousers slung low over his hips and his hair in complete disarray. Despite his somewhat disheveled appearance, he seemed genuinely happy; a large smile split his face in two, and Liesl could not help but smile as well. "Good morning, Father," she greeted.
He turned to her, surprised, so lost in his own thoughts that he had not noticed him standing there. "Oh. Good morning, Liesl," he said, his words a bit hesitant. After a few moments, however, he continued. "Did you sleep well?"
"Very well. You were right; walking did wear me out. And you? I saw you were gone, and I thought you would be out gathering food."
"I slept very well, thank you." Liesl noted he had a slight tinge to his cheeks.
"Have you seen Mother this morning yet?" Liesl questioned, hoping her mother had not wandered off again where she might once more faint. Georg suddenly looked uncomfortable, and Liesl noticed him shoot a quick, likely subconscious, glance at the room from which he had emerged. Suddenly, the pieces fell into place. His disheveled appearance, the fact that he was in the back room, presumably with Maria, the fact that he had not risen with the sun, all could be explained by the fact that he and Maria had not been alone for a few days and were quite passionate people.
"She's just waking up," Georg finally said. "I was just coming to check if our clothes were dry." He moved to the fire, his face turned away from Liesl, but she could still see that his cheeks had tinged red. She imagined her face was in a similar state. She was sixteen now; she really needed to think before she blithely asked questions. Otherwise, she would quickly find out much more about her parents' relationship than she really wanted to.
"I think they're finished drying," Liesl said, accepting the change in subject gratefully. She picked up the clothing and handed it to him. He shot her a quick smile.
"We'll be out in just a few minutes. Do you want to go ahead and wake up your siblings?"
"Of course." Liesl turned to do that as he disappeared into the back room. She started with Marta, knowing the small girl was the most likely to rise without complaint. Sure enough, as soon as she touched Marta's shoulder, the brunette sat up, rubbing her eyes.
"Mother?" she questioned.
"No, it's Liesl," Liesl corrected. "Mother and Father are getting ready. They'll be out in a couple minutes. Why don't you help me wake everyone else up?" Marta nodded eagerly, happy for the important task, and they quickly roused the remainder of their siblings. Louisa protested the loudest but did still eventually rise after some cajoling. Kurt immediately woke with the promise of food, and Brigitta, Johannes, and Gretl were close behind him. Phillip rubbed his eyes once but, as usual, the small boy woke fully as soon as his feet touched the floor. Friedrich, surprisingly, was already awake and seemed deep in thought. Liesl let him be, knowing it was sometimes nice to have a moment of retrospection.
Maria and Georg had joined the group by the time they had all awaken, and Brigitta immediately accosted them. "Are you feeling better, Mother?" she questioned.
"Much better, Sweetheart," Maria assured her, bending to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for asking."
"You look much happier," Brigitta noted. "Father, too."
Liesl had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop her laughter at her parents' discomfort with the innocent observation. "I'm just happy your mother is feeling better," Georg said. "Why don't you go and get some breakfast before your siblings eat it all?" Brigitta's eyes widened at that thought, and she scampered off. Maria and Georg followed behind more slowly.
Once they had all eaten, they quickly doused the embers of the fire and packed all of their supplies. After some debate, Maria took Johannes and Friedrich Phillip with most of the items from their packs (which, given how much they had eaten, were already lighter than when they had started) moving into the packs of Liesl and Georg. Gretl scrambled onto her father's back, his pack behind her, and he led the way out of the cabin. The terrain grew steeper throughout the day, and Liesl knew instinctively that they were nearing the mountain peak. She only hoped they would reach it soon; her calves were burning with effort only two or three hours into the hike, and she noticed Brigitta and Marta struggling even more. Even Kurt was slowing down though she thought that perhaps he was doing so due to lack of food.
Georg did stop for lunch after about three hours of hiking, and they ate in a clearing where the afternoon sun warmed them all, chasing away the last of the chill from the night. All of the family clearly needed the rest; Liesl noticed that even her father had dark circles under his eyes, and his clothes were stained and wrinkled, a far cry from his usual impeccable appearance. However, despite his unruly appearance, his discipline remained intact, and he rose soon after eating, obviously intent on continuing. However, he met his wife's eye, and something that Liesl did not understand passed between them. With a short nod, he sat back down, and Liesl felt herself inwardly sigh in relief. She could certainly use the additional rest.
They rested for nearly an hour and a half before Georg finally rose and began packing the bags. Friedrich immediately began helping, and Georg smiled gratefully at his son. As Friedrich reached for the wrap for Johannes, Georg shook his head and clapped the boy on his shoulder. "Marta looked to be tiring. Would you mind taking Gretl for a bit so I can get Marta? I'll take Johannes with me.
"Then you should not be taking so much in your pack," Liesl insisted upon overhearing the conversation. Friedrich nodded, reaching out to grab his father's pack.
Georg smiled. "I'm not as old as you children seem to think I am. Don't worry about me; I have a lot of kilometers left in me yet. Years of Navy training do come in handy."
"You know there's no point in arguing with them, Darling," Maria remarked, joining them. "I can carry Phillip for a bit longer, but I'm sure Louisa and Liesl would be happy to split what's left in your pack. Georg sighed but let Friedrich take his pack to redistribute the items. He turned and called Gretl and Marta over, and they ran to their father, both wearing large smiles despite the stress of the past couple days. They trusted him completely, confident he could overcome any obstacles. And though Liesl was older and past the age of childhood hero worship, she realized that she shared many of the same feelings for her father. She, too, felt that her father could do anything. It was why she had followed him without hesitation into the mountains, why she had never doubted they would make it to Switzerland despite the fact that the odds were heavily stacked against them. And she still believed that. They had so far made it further than most men would have with nine children, and, Liesl noted with some surprise, all of them were still relatively happy. As she watched his father effortlessly lift Marta and his pack onto his back, she suddenly realized why she had never had a long-lasting relationship. Few men could compare to her father. However, watching him shoot his wife a small smile, she realized that perhaps it was worth waiting for one who could.
After their break, the family made good time to the top of the mountain, reaching the peak with three hours to spare before nightfall. Georg glanced back at his family. Liesl could tell he wanted to continue, to reach the border as soon as possible, but he also knew it had been a grueling day for all of them. He was not crossing the mountain range with seasoned soldiers but with his children. He hesitated, and it was Maria who sensed what he was thinking and voiced the question he did not. "Are you all okay to continue without a break?" Maria asked. "We could still make a few more kilometers before nightfall, and it should get easier from here."
"We're fine," Liesl said quickly, and the rest of her siblings nodded. Georg looked from one eager face to another, and Liesl saw the pride flash in his eyes before they met Maria's. She grinned at him.
"Lead the way, Captain," she told him. A short laugh escaped his lips as he turned back toward the path and began the descent.
They had reached a ridge, so the path did not descend far before beginning to rise again. The slope was gentler, however, and they moved quicker than they had before. After about half an hour of walking, Marta began to ask to walk with her mother, and Georg stopped to let her off his back and take Gretl from Friedrich. The boy flashed him a grateful smile, and Liesl knew that he was tiring even if he would never show it. As Marta grabbed Maria's hand, she asked, "Could you sing the song about grace again?" She said the second to last word in English, and Georg looked back at her, clearly surprised.
"Of course, Darling," Maria agreed easily. "Do you want to sing with me?" Marta shrugged, and Maria smiled gently at her before beginning the song.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see"
Georg looked at her in surprise. "That is a lot more English than I taught you."
"I may have done some studying on my own," she answered, reverting to her native language as he had done. "And I do know a number of hymns. Amazing Grace was one of Sister Margaretta's favorites."
"You never cease to amaze me, my love," he said. "How did I not know this?"
Maria shrugged. "There were more important things to discuss. Besides, I'm barely conversational."
Georg looked at her consideringly. "Still, it's something. We should all probably brush up on our English skills." Liesl looked at him in surprise.
"Is Switzerland not our final destination then?"
Georg sighed and shook his head. "It is too close to Austria for comfort. Truthfully, I have not made final plans, for a lot will depend on the state of Europe, but England is an attractive destination for a variety of reasons." The children looked at him warily.
"Would we be staying with Grandmother and Grandfather?" Friedrich finally asked, braving the question none of his siblings dared to voice. The children had visited their grandparents only once since the ill-fated visit with Maria when she and Georg got engaged, and it had been fraught with tension despite the fact that they only saw their grandparents and hour or two each day. It did not help that their father had disappeared two days into the visit, leaving them without a familiar adult since Maria had stayed home with Johannes who was still a baby. Liesl had tried to put on a brave face for her siblings, but when Georg had finally returned to take them back to Austria, she had extracted a promise that they would not visit again for awhile.
"It is one option but not the only one," Georg hedged.
"We could stay in your friend's house again, the one with the lake!" Kurt suggested. Georg smiled.
"I could perhaps arrange a visit, but I think that it would be best for us to have our own space since we are not just there for a short visit.
"How long would we be there for?" Louisa asked.
Georg looked uncomfortable. "It is difficult to say. Now, why don't we practice our English?" Liesl recognized the change of subject and suspected most of her siblings did as well, but they all accepted it. Georg asked about what they wanted to see in Switzerland in English, and the oldest five answered him immediately in that same language. Maria and Marta stumbled through their answers as well with some help from the others, but Gretl flatly refused to speak in English. Georg did not pressure her, instead moving on to a new question, and eventually, with much cajoling from Maria, even Gretl and Johannes began to speak a bit of the foreign tongue though Johannes mostly repeated phrases the others spoke.
Georg called a halt to their hike about an hour before nightfall. The temperature had already started dropping steadily, and Liesl imagined they were in for a chilly night. Already, all of them had bundled themselves more tightly in their traveling cloaks. Georg immediately sent all of the children to gather firewood, and even Johannes happily followed his mother and siblings when Georg set him on the ground, chattering about how he would find wood. Maria still had Phillip strapped to her body, and the boy seemed perfectly happy to stay there. "Be safe," Georg whispered as they walked away.
Liesl and Maria were both on their way back to the camp with decent-sized bundles of firewood. Gretl, Marta, and Johannes trotted beside them, and all of them carried some wood as well. Just as they were setting it down, Liesl heard a loud bang quickly followed by another. Maria's head shot up, her eyes wide with fright. Before Liesl could ask what was happening, Maria began running in the direction of the sound. "Marta, Gretl, stay right here with Johannes and wait for the others!" Liesl told them frantically, running after Maria. Something was horribly wrong.
After only a few seconds, Liesl saw her father in front of her, crouching over something on the ground. Maria rushed forward. He obviously heard her approach, for he stood, and she fell into his arms, her hands frantically roaming his body. "Are you okay?" she asked, running her hands over his chest and arms.
"I'm fine. What's wrong?"
"I heard shots."
"Food for tonight," he said, gesturing at the two rabbit carcasses. "I thought it would be a good change. Wait, you didn't think. . ." He broke off, for her frantic actions and precipitate arrival made it clear exactly what she thought. "I'm fine, my love," he assured her, stilling her hands by grabbing them in his own. "We're all fine. I'm very sorry to have startled you." Maria let him pull her into his embrace, and he placed a kiss to her forehead. Sounds elsewhere in the forest announced the imminent arrival of others, and Liesl turned to face them. "Do you mind heading off the children?" Georg suggested. "I don't want them to see the rabbits until they look. . . er, less like rabbits."
Maria nodded, appearing too stunned still to speak. With another kiss to her forehead, Georg stepped back, moving to the rabbits as she turned to leave. She joined Liesl just as Friedrich and Kurt came crashing up behind them, and they quickly led the boys away from their father and back to the camping area where the younger three kids had fortunately remained despite their obvious fright. Maria quickly calmed them as Friedrich built the fire before suggesting that they should collect more wood just in case. Liesl nodded in agreement, leaving her mother with the four youngest children while she returned to the spot where they had found a good amount of firewood.
By the time Georg returned to the campsite with the cleaned, skinned rabbits, the five oldest children had built up a large pile of firewood, and Maria had laid out all the blankets on a thick layer of leaves for beds. "Friedrich, do you want to help me cook?" Georg asked. The boy immediately scrambled to his feet, grabbing one of the sticks to which Georg had tied a rabbit. They roasted them together, joining in with the rest of the family's conversation.
Dinner left them all full and satisfied for that night. Though the rabbits did not provide much meat once spread across eleven people, the fact that it was something different than what they had been eating left them surprisingly satisfied. Even Kurt declared that he was full, something which he had not stated since they had begun the journey. After dinner, Maria suggested going to bed earlier, and the children had agreed without complaint. Georg watched them go with a soft smile, listening to their voices mixing together as they sang some of the English hymns Maria knew. Liesl helped Maria settle the youngest children in bed, but she soon realized her oldest brother was missing. Glancing up, she saw that Friedrich was approaching Georg, and Liesl moved to join them, curious.
"Are you coming to bed, Father?" Friedrich questioned, sitting beside his father.
"I need to make sure the fire doesn't go out," Georg told his son. "It's going to be a very cold night, and it would be very bad if we lost the fire."
Friedrich's eyes widened. "You're going to stay up all night?"
Georg laughed at his son's expression. "Yes, I am. You children keep treating me like I'm in my dotage. I may be older than the rest of you, but I'm perfectly capable of carrying your youngest siblings up a mountain or staying up all night to watch the fire."
"I don't think you're old, Father," Liesl assured him, joining her brother on the log on which he was sitting.
"I don't either," Friedrich added quickly.
"Good to hear." They sat in silence for a few moments. Friedrich finally broke it.
"Father, can I ask you something?" His voice had a nervous tinge to it. He glanced over at Liesl who started to stand, thinking he wanted to talk in private. He shook his head. "You can stay if you want. It might be good actually." Liesl sank back down again, and silence settled over them. Friedrich's hands danced nervously in front of him, and Liesl wondered what he was thinking that had made him so anxious. Georg obviously wondered the same thing, for he placed a hand gently over his son's.
"You can ask me anything, Son," he assured Friedrich. "I promise not to get angry."
"It's just. . . I got up early this morning, in the cabin. Call of nature. And when I was going back to sleep, I noticed you and Mother were both gone, and I got a bit worried, so I went to look for you. I thought you might have gone to the back room, and I opened the door without thinking, and I saw. . ." He trailed off, but he did not need to continue. Liesl could guess what he had seen, and Georg obviously knew, for his face crimsoned.
"I see. I apologize if we made you uncomfortable; we did not realize anyone else was awake, so we thought we had some privacy, but we should have waited until we could be sure."
"No, it's not that, it's just. . . why didn't you wait?" Georg looked at his son curiously. Friedrich swallowed hard before continuing. "Why were you. . . uh. . . performing your marital duties? It doesn't seem like the right time or place, and I wouldn't think you would want to have a baby right now." Liesl leaned closer, curious as well what her father's answer would be. She would never have been brave enough to ask such a question of her father–even with Maria, with whom she certainly had a more open relationship, she would skirt around such topics, keeping her questions vague.
Georg stared at his son for a moment before sighing. "While we would, of course, welcome any children just as we welcomed you, you are perhaps correct in saying that now is not the ideal time for bringing another child into this world." Liesl noted that he was not answering the question Friedrich asked, and she guessed he was likely as uncomfortable with the conversation as she was. It seemed, however, that now that Friedrich had worked up the courage to bring up the subject, he was not going to let it go easily.
"Then why are you having sex?"
Georg looked at Friedrich sharply, and Friedrich shrank from his gaze. Liesl worried for a moment that the old version of her father, the one with sharp words who insisted on order, would suddenly reappear. However, after a few seconds, Georg's expression cleared, and he seemed almost. . . regretful. "How much have you heard about making love, either of you?" Georg questioned. Liesl noticed the switch in terms to describe the same actions. She supposed it was purposeful, for her father rarely did anything accidentally. Likely, her father was attempting to tell them something, but Liesl was not sure what.
"Just some things from the guys at school," Friedrich answered "We also had a class on it one day."
"And some of the women at your parties aren't as quiet as they think. I know it's how babies are made. And that it can hurt sometimes but people still do it so they can have more babies. It's a wife's duty to her husband," Liesl added, growing bolder now that it seemed Georg was willing to talk about the subject with them.
"Sometimes, I wonder why I paid so much to send you all to that school," Georg said. He closed his eyes, obviously thinking hard "Friedrich, Liesl, making love is the way that babies are made. You're right about that. But it shouldn't hurt and it certainly should not be considered a duty. It's a. . . special way for two people who love each other to express their feelings for each other. And when you do love someone else and you're committed to her, it can be very pleasurable for both of you. It should be pleasurable for both of you. If it's not, that's not fair to either of you."
"But why isn't it pleasurable for everyone?" Friedrich asked
"Because they're too busy thinking of it as a duty to enjoy the act of making love."
"How do I make it pleasurable?"
"By making sure it's with the right person and for the right reasons. Once you have those two prerequisites, just follow your instincts. Trust me, you'll be fine."
"You don't have more. . . practical advice?"
Georg's eyes narrowed. "I would hope neither of you have need for practical advice at this point in your life." Both Liesl and Friedrich quickly shook their heads, and Liesl assumed they were done with the conversation. However, Friedrich continued to press.
"What about when I do need it? Will you give it to me then?"
"We can talk about that closer to time. But in the meantime, just trust me that it's much better to wait until you're married."
"Did you?"
Georg's eyes slid over to Liesl. Though her cheeks were flaming, she managed to keep her voice steady. "It's alright. I've done the math."
"The math?" Liesl gave her brother a sharp look. It took a few seconds, but understanding finally dawned on his face. "Oh. Oh! I never even thought. . . why didn't you wait?"
"I'm not perfect, Friedrich."
"Then why do I need to be married?" Friedrich asked.
"Because only when you're married can you give yourself freely to another person without fear of repercussions. Are you ready to be a father, Friedrich?" Friedrich shook his head vigorously. "Then you're not ready to make love. It's as simple as that."
"Were you ready to be a father?"
Again, Georg looked to Liesl, this time with a small smile. "I like to think I did okay."
She returned his smile. "You did more than okay," she assured him. Liesl considered for a moment, but since Georg had answered all of her brother's questions without rancor, she decided to ask one of her own that had bothered her for some time. "But your first time wasn't with Mother. . . our birth mother, I mean. Was it? So were you ready to be a father before that?"
Georg looked at his daughter sharply. "How did you know that?"
Liesl shrugged, looking a bit sheepish. "I've heard the gossip. I know what your reputation was, both before you married our birth mother and after she died."
Georg shook his head firmly. "You should be careful about listening to rumors. There was no one after your birth mother until Maria. And I have never even considered taking another woman into my bed while married."
"I know that," Liesl told him. "You would never have an affair. But what about before you were married? Are those rumors false, too?"
Georg rubbed the back of his neck, seeming a bit self-conscious. Liesl had never seen that particular expression on his face before; he had always seemed cool and collected in the past. "They are exaggerated, but you are correct that I had some experience when I met your mother. Trust me, if I could take my actions back now, I would, but I cannot. All I can do is try and help you and your siblings to not make the same mistakes I did." They lapsed into silence for a minute or two.
"Thank you," Friedrich finally said. At Georg's look, he clarified. "For talking to me honestly. For not trying to treat me like a little kid."
"You have both proven time and again over the past few days that you are not little kids any more. I am very proud of both of you. Just please do not be in too much of a hurry to grow up."
"We won't, Papa," Liesl assured him, reverting to the more childish form of address. He rewarded her effort with a smile. "I love you, Papa," she told him.
"I love you both, too," he answered. "More than you can ever imagine." They both smiled at him but neither moved to leave him and go to bed.
Friedrich chewed his lip thoughtfully for a moment, an action that Liesl had seen her birth mother perform countless times. "Do you think I could stay up and tend the fire as well? You should get at least some sleep, and I'm old enough now to not need so much."
Georg looked at his son, the pride clear on his face. "I'll wake you up in four hours for second shift," he agreed. Friedrich gave him a wide grin and then stuck a hand out. Georg grabbed the hand and used it to pull his son close, wrapping an arm briefly around the boy's shoulders. "You're never too old to hug your father," he said. Friedrich wrapped his arms around Georg as well before standing to join his siblings on the other side of the fire. Liesl then moved into her father's embrace, and he kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry that we never talked about the. . . circumstances of your birth before. I am sure it was a shock to learn about that badly kept secret."
"Don't worry. I never doubted yours or Mother's love for me or each other."
"Good. There was no reason to."
"Wake me when you wake Friedrich." He looked at her for a moment before smiling.
"I can do that. Good night, my darling girl."
"Good night, Papa."
As promised, Georg woke Friedrich and Liesl for the second watch of the night. They did not talk much during their watch, spending most of it staring at the fire. Liesl was still going through the earlier conversation with her father in her head, trying to place it with other snippets of knowledge she had gained about the relationships between men and women. She suspected Friedrich was having similar thoughts. She was so occupied that she barely noticed the sun beginning to peek over the horizon, but the faint light finally broke her from her introspection. Seeing that Friedrich was still lost in thought, she rose and placed a couple more logs on the fire. As she watched them catch, she chanced a glance at the other nine members of her family who were all still deeply in slumber. His siblings had curled up together on two blankets, Phillip spread-eagled on one side, then Marta and Johannes using Louisa as a pillow, then Brigitta, then Gretl surprisingly cuddled next to Kurt. Liesl often considered Kurt to be one of the younger kids, but it seemed that Kurt had grown up in the past few months, gradually taking on responsibility for himself and his younger siblings as well. He had actually been the one to walk with Marta through many of the more difficult patches before her father had begun to carry her the previous day, and Liesl had seen him surreptitiously move some of the items from other packs to his own at a few of their stops. He did not openly challenge his father about doing more as Friedrich did, but Liesl was beginning to think that his way was equally effective.
Liesl's eyes strayed from her siblings to her parents who had a separate blanket a few feet away from the children. When she caught sight of them, she stared for a moment, for she had never had a chance to see them sleeping together. In fact, she could not remember the last time she had watched her father sleep at all. When she was a little girl, her father had always kept the bedroom door locked, so if she awoke during the night, she had to knock to see her parents. Then, it was usually her mother who would emerge to comfort her and put her back to bed.
Now, however, her father was sleeping peacefully, his normally inexpressive face relaxed into a slight smile. He lay on his back, one arm around his wife who lay on her side with her head on his shoulder, an arm slung across his chest. They were lying close, much closer than Liesl had ever seen them in public and certainly much closer than propriety would have allowed under normal circumstances. But they seemed relaxed and content, comfortable with their closeness. Liesl supposed that was what her father had meant when he said she needed to find the right person. She needed someone who she would let as close as her father let her mother, someone she was comfortable with.
"Father looks very peaceful when he sleeps," Friedrich suddenly remarked. "They both do, I guess. But I would have expected it from Mother. However, I'm surprised Father ever rests."
"Me, too. But I'm glad he did. It looks like he needed it."
Friedrich nodded. Liesl cast one last look at her sleeping parents, noting how her mother moved slightly, turning further on her side. Her father automatically adjusted his grip to pull her closer. Turning back to Friedrich, she switched to lighter topics, hoping to pass the last hour or so before her siblings awoke.