"Gavin, come down for dinner," Chloe cooed softly as she opened his bedroom door. He hadn't left the room all day. Not since he'd seen off Nines and the others that morning. Her brow creased in sympathy as she clicked her way across to his bedside and slipped out of her shoes. "Gavin…" She crawled onto the bed and peeled back the covers. Gavin grumbled and tugged them down again, hunkering lower. Chloe huffed softly as she raised the edge and slipped in beside him, shuffling her way down until she was lying in front of him. "Hey…"
"Hey." The stuffy sound of his nose told her he'd been crying. She could barely see him in the darkness beneath the sheets, especially since he'd kept the lights off and the curtains drawn. He sniffled quietly, humming and wrapping his arms around her as she moved closer and looped an arm across his waist. She used to do this a lot when they were younger. Their families had always been close, and they'd always known that Gavin was different. They'd never worried or placed any extra rules on their time together the way they had with Elijah. Her aunt had always been present during meetings with Elijah, but she was free to come and go around Gavin as much as she pleased.
"You barely touched your breakfast this morning, and you didn't eat lunch," she chided gently, hoping she could guilt him into eating a little.
"Wasn't hungry…" He knew that wasn't an excuse she'd let him get away with. He only got away with that if he was actually sick. He whined softly. Nines' scent had faded from the sheets and pillows. He'd brought little with him in the first place, and whatever he'd brought, he'd taken back with him. The only reason Gavin knew the past few months weren't some sort of fever dream was the little ring sitting on his bedside table. It would probably crumble in a few days when it dried out, but he was going to keep it there regardless. He was pretty sure Nines took his with him. He hadn't noticed it lying around anywhere.
"Nines wouldn't want you to go hungry…" That was a low blow. Chloe was truly shameless. She kissed the corner of his mouth in apology. "How about we eat a little dinner, and then you can write him a letter! I'm sure he'd love to hear from you." Gavin almost scoffed. He'd barely even left! He probably hadn't even reached France yet. How could he miss him already? He skipped over the part where he already missed Nines. Nines was different. Who wouldn't miss Nines?
"Are you going to write Connor?" He felt her stiffen at the question. That's right, I noticed. He was pretty sure the whole hospital had noticed, except Elijah. His brother was as dense and work obsessed as ever, which explained why Chloe had strayed in the first place.
"How do you know about that?" It was probably a reasonable question, though they hadn't exactly been careful. They'd been seen together around the house plenty. To their credit, nothing had happened publicly. The only reason Gavin was certain there was something going on was that he'd actually seen them come out of Connor's bedroom once. He sighed softly and rested a hand on Chloe's head.
"You and Connor aren't exactly subtle. I think half the house noticed you mooning over each other…" He felt her stiffen in shame at the news. His mouth felt dry as he swallowed. It wasn't his business, of course, but he couldn't help being curious.
"You think you'll leave Eli?" He could just barely see Chloe lower her head at the question. He couldn't blame her hesitancy. It was a big decision. It wasn't that she was worried financially. Her family was pretty well off regardless, and from what he understood, Connor did pretty well as a veterinarian, too. She was probably more worried about hurting him and Elijah than how she'd live afterwards.
"I don't know…I do love Eli." Gavin knew that. She'd had a soft spot for him since they were children. She loved the way his mind worked, his enthusiasm for science, and his desire to help people. She also loved the way he used to look at her, like she was his world. "I'm just…not sure he loves me…" Gavin sighed and pulled her closer. Yeah, my brother's an idiot. He held back from pointing out that it was very unlikely that Connor loved her. They'd barely known each other for a month. He had a crush. He'd give him that much, but love? That shit took time.
"I'm pretty sure he does, he's just…" He wasn't sure how to end the statement.
"Eli…" Chloe concluded for him. Gavin huffed his agreement. "I didn't mean to get attached to Connor, it's just…I've been waiting for over a year now. Elijah promised we'd be married last spring, and then the war started, and…I love that he wants to help people, and I love that he loves his work…I just…wish he loved me as much as he does his projects." Fair. He was pretty sure most other women would have tossed his ring back at him months ago. Chloe was a rare gem. A treasure. She'd joined Elijah on his travels, and even trained up as a nurse to help him in his work. When was the last time he let her know he appreciates her? Not recently, if her latest tryst with Connor was anything to go by.
"So you're not…out of love…" If anything, it seemed she had too much to give. He knew Elijah wasn't exactly the lovey-dovey type, which made it hard for someone like Chloe. She loved to show affection. She liked cuddles and kisses, holding hands and fleeting touches. He knew his brother wasn't like that. He'd always been socially awkward, and that extended to physical affection. In public at least…He had no idea what they got up to behind closed doors. The problem was that he'd noticed Connor was a lot more physical. He offered Chloe an outlet she just didn't have with Elijah.
"No…" That didn't really convince him. Chloe sighed as she rested her forehead against his chest. Should I talk to him? He didn't want to out Chloe, but he also didn't want his brother to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him. Then again, he didn't hate Connor. If his brother wasn't in the picture, he'd cheer him on the whole way. Connor deserved to be happy. Chloe deserved to be happy. The problem was, his brother deserved to be happy, too. Even if this whole mess is sort of his fault…"Why is life so complicated?" He was pretty sure she meant love. Life was pretty simple.
"Because men are idiots." He smiled as he felt Chloe giggle against his shoulder. It was good that she didn't plan on running off anytime soon. He wasn't sure he could take being in the house without her, especially now that Nines was gone. "I guess I could eat some soup…" he relented at last. Chloe threw back the covers and waited as he strapped his leg on. It was fucking raw. He didn't know if there was such a thing as wearing it too much, but that's what it felt like. He hissed and grimaced as he laced it in place.
"Is it really that sore? Maybe I should prescribe a balm for you…" Chloe said thoughtfully as they set off and Gavin limped along the hall with both crutches. He was trying to put as little weight on his leg as possible. He nodded appreciatively. Maybe it would help, maybe it wouldn't. He'd take whatever he could get where his leg was concerned. Chloe took his crutches and walked ahead as Gavin gripped the banister and slowly limped down. His leg was searing and raw the whole way. He totally got why Jeffery took off his legs and locked them in his closet for days on end.
"You think it would help if I took a break for a couple of days?" He wasn't sure whether that would help heal the sores or make it worse when he started again.
"Why don't you rest tomorrow and then see how it feels? I'll give you some balm to apply before bed." That sounded good. It wasn't like he had much going on in his life right now. Without Nines, he had nothing to strive for. It was a depressing thought. "Oh! Your cane should be here by tomorrow. Elijah had it made at a little place in town. Very gentlemanly." Gavin scoffed as they reached the bottom and Chloe handed the crutches back.
"Do I look like a gentleman?" Chloe laughed as they went. It was nice, but weird. He was used to being with Nines. It felt wrong for him not to be there. The dining hall was much quieter, too. Without Sixty, the ruckus of the last month was gone. A few guys were playing cards, but the atmosphere was far dimmer. Almost sullen. He'd forgotten how miserable it was without the twins around. Jeffery was there, sitting on his own with a tumbler of whiskey. Gavin automatically hopped his way over to sit. "Evening, Jeffery…What's wrong?" Something wasn't right.
"Got some bad news is all…Nelson, my sister's boy, is missing in action…" Gavin closed his eyes with a solemn sigh. It happened far too often and rarely had a happy ending.
"Shit, I'm sorry…Any idea what happened?" Gavin asked as Chloe poured him some water and arranged for food to be brought. Jeffery sipped his whiskey with a sour expression, swirling the glass slowly. He didn't take ice. He liked his whiskey good and strong.
"His position was overrun…He could be a POW, or he could have been killed…Won't know until it's over." Gavin nodded his sympathetic agreement. It wasn't like either side kept each other updated on who they'd taken. Not unless they were high in rank and useful as bargaining chips. From what he'd heard, a lot died in the camps anyway. Jeffery drained his glass before pouring himself another. Gavin couldn't help feeling bad for him. He'd already lost his own brothers and son to this damned war. At least his daughter is out of it…
"Let's hope it's over with soon…" Gavin grumbled as he sipped his water.
"Not too soon…We're on the back foot at the moment. Best it end when we've taken the upper hand." It was probably shitty to say, but if it would get Nines back here sooner, he didn't care which way the war ended. He wanted Nines and Connor safe. He wanted Captain Allen safe. He wanted the doctors and nurses in the resting camp safe. Hell, he even wanted Sixty safe! Gavin squirmed in his seat. He was restless. He wanted to be out there watching their backs, not sitting on his ass in the lap of luxury. Phck, if I could just go back in time and move a little further to the right…He probably would have been shot instead. Gavin didn't voice such thoughts. He gave a tight-lipped nod of agreement instead.
"I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew…I really hope he's alright!" Chloe said softly as she re-joined them. Jeffery was grateful for her good wishes, but with his brothers and son already gone, he knew better than to hope. Almost every young man from his hometown was gone at this point. He came from one of the smaller places up north. A lot of young men had joined up together and been posted in the same regiments. It was only now it was becoming clear how much of a mistake that was. How devastating to the smaller towns and villages. He'd already heard of a little village that had lost every man. People were calling it the village of widows. He couldn't help but wonder how many there would be in the end.
With the Andersons' departure and Jeffery's bad news, the evening remained sombre and quiet. Chloe and Gavin ate, then remained at the table. It didn't seem right to leave Jeffery alone when he'd suffered such a loss. He seemed to understand, quietly pouring Gavin a whiskey in thanks and accepting Chloe's gentle hand on his arm. Once the table was cleared, Chloe hurried off to fetch some paper and a pen for Gavin. She really thought writing Nines a letter would cheer him up, and that Nines would need all the cheer he could get as he returned to the front.
"What am I even supposed to say? I saw him barely twelve hours ago!" It wasn't like anything had happened. Nothing good anyway…He could tell him about Jeffery's nephew, but that wasn't really the sort of news he'd want to hear. He probably doesn't want to hear about how I was sulking in bed all day either…He managed a wry smile as he thought about Nines. He probably already knew he'd spent the day sulking. He was perceptive like that.
"Writing to your boy? Just tell him you miss him and all that soft stuff girls usually write about." He knew what Jeffery meant, but did he really have to say it like that? It's not like men don't write that stuff, too…He sighed as he looked at the paper, hoping the words might write themselves if he looked long enough. How should I even start? To Nines? Dear Nines? Just Nines? He was definitely overthinking it. Chloe nodded her encouragement as she started on her own letter. He couldn't believe how easy it was for her. She didn't even hesitate before putting pen to paper. He sighed as he finally started.
Dear Nines, I'm not good at writing shit like this, but Chloe thought it would make me feel better, and that getting this letter might make you feel better. He paused as he looked it over. It wasn't great, but it was a start, and he could imagine Nines chuckling as he read it. He felt cold as he thought of Nines in the camp. It had been cold and damp when he left. The weather should have warmed since then.
It won't surprise you to hear that I didn't do anything today. You barely left twelve hours ago, and I spent the whole day hiding under the covers. Chloe pretty much forced me to come out for dinner. Thinking of you out there made me remember the weather and how shitty it was the last time I was out there. I hope it's better for you now that spring is nearly done. If the weather is good tomorrow, then I'll ride out to our secret place. The apples will grow soon. Don't worry, I'll be sure to take a few back for Goliath. He'll probably miss you as much as I do. He fiddled with the pen a little. That was a good way of saying I miss you, right? His lips thinned as he stared at the words.
I'll be good and keep training while you're out there. I'll be walking with a cane when you get back. Chloe says it'll be a fancy once. Eli ordered it from town. Maybe I'll send you a picture when it arrives. He cringed at the thought. Portraits weren't really his thing. He'd avoided them as much as possible over the years. His father used to insist on it. It had stopped as they grew up and hit their late teens. Especially after he found out he was Elijah's half-brother. That had been messy. He'd been taken in as a baby. The child of a whore. He still remembered the look on his stepmother's face as she'd told him. The sneer of disgust. She'd always been distant, but he'd had no idea she harboured that sort of resentment. Focus, asshole!
Think of me often when you go to the woods. He smirked at the thought. Would Nines go out there sometimes to relive old times? He hoped he'd go by himself and not with someone else. I'll think of you often. Come back safe. I love you. Gavin. The sentimental sign-off made him cringe, but he was pretty sure Nines would like it. He was sappy like that. He read it over uncertainly. Was it good enough? Would Nines like it? Maybe he should just shove it in an envelope and forget about it.
"You're done? Good!" Chloe took the folded paper before he could even begin to object and slipped it into an envelope with her own letter. "It'll save on postage if I send them together. They're going to the same place," she excused as she sealed the top and turned it over to write the address. He'd wonder how she knew it, only she'd been there before. He glared stubbornly as she got to her feet. She'd only taken it because she knew he would have hidden it away somewhere. She gave him a smile before skipping off to the post. Mail went out every morning. There was a bag in the hall where anyone could leave letters to be taken to town.
Gavin looked at the bottom of his glass and sipped up the remaining amber liquid. He didn't take so many meds these days, so it wouldn't mess him up the way it had before. He smiled as he remembered how Nines had chided him, tone laced with amusement as he'd helped him across to the bed. Warm lips on his temple. Gentle hands loosening his clothes. An ache filled his chest at the loss. The heavy feeling remained for the rest of the night, long after he'd parted with Chloe and headed to bed. He turned over to face the open window, staring up at the dark night sky and wondering if Nines could see it, too.