Chapter 3: Old Mag de Hag:

Blarney's POV - Flashback:

About 100 years ago, my wife, Faye, and I lived happily with de rest av de Kilakilarney and O'Clogjigger leprechauns, with de Kilakilarney leprechauns (mahstly males) beeng de gold miners, and de O'Clogjigger leprechauns (mahstly females) beeng de shoemakers, but de gold dat de Kilakilarney leprechauns would mine attracts rainbows which are giveaways to w'ere dey're hidden and wan av those rainbows brought Mag to our island! Mag is a bans'ee!

Singer/Chorus: Oh, de golden de gold av Ireland's only seen by leprechauns
Fhr we mine it in de middle av de night
And we chop it into nuggets and we pile it into pots
Which we bury 'fhre de early mhrneng light

Oh, de golden gold av Ireland, Nobody's ever seen
Nobody's ever seen, Nobody's ever seen
Oh de golden gold av Ireland, Nobody's ever seen
Cause it's covered by de Emerald Ireland green

Oh, de golden de gold av Ireland's only seen by leprechauns
Fhr we mine it in de middle av de night
And we plant a sea av shamrocks to disguise de hideng spots
Dat's de way we keep dem out av bloomin' sight

Oh, de golden gold av Ireland, Nobody's ever seen
Nobody's ever seen, Nobody's ever seen
Oh de golden gold av Ireland, Nobody's ever seen
Cause it's covered by de Emerald Ireland green
Cause it's covered by de Emerald Ireland green!

S'e can disguise as anywan, but you can always tell who s'e is through 'er bans'ee tears! de problem is, everywan has tears, so s'e can come up with de perfect excuse fhr dat.

"Can you spare me some gold?"

"Look at those tears! S'e's de bans'ee!"

Yeah, dat lass was actually just cryeng because s'e was down on 'er luck. You see de problem? But de real Mag was still getteng no w'ere with de Kilakilarneys, so s'e decided on anoder option. S'e came to my wife What are you like?

"Who are you," asks Faye.

"I am yooehr guardian angel," says a disguised Mag, "and you must get yooehr husband to get rid av dat gold! It's evil! If 'e truly loves you, den we would get rid av it fhr you!"

"Wait, you have tears, you have to be de bans'ee, I will not... oh wait, never mend, dere's a bowl av chopped onions right next to you. False alarm."

I don't know w'ere dat bowl av onions came from, but I have a feeleng Mag was confused about it as well.

. . .

"Give up de gold," I asked, "dat's mad! dat was de bans'ee you talked to!"

"Blarney, it was my guardian angel!"

"Did s'e have tears?"

"Yes, but only because av a bowl av chopped onions."

"A-ha! Chopped onions can't make angels cry!"

"Actually, dey can."

"Oh right. Well, I still say it was de bans'ee and s'e will never get this gold as long as I live!"

"If you think dat gold is mhre imphrtant than lesteneng to me, den I'll leave!"

"Den you might as well leave!"

Den s'e left.

Dinty's POV - Present:

"It kend av sounds like you were both at fault dere What are you like? 'er because s'e was too trusteng and you because you were not trusteng enough," I said.

"What I said was pretty much de stupidest t'eng I have ever said. But I had to keep de gold safe."

Old Mag the Hag's POV:

"We get it, you ruined yooehr marriage! Now drink de tea already!"

Blarney's POV - Flashback:

I den went to de mine, but nwan av de oders showed up. dey all became shoemakers. dat was w'en Mag showed up.

Singer: Kilakilarney shoes make you dance
Kilakilarney shoes keep de beat
Kilakilarney shoes put de rhythm in yooehr blues
Try a pair av Kilakillarneys on yooehr feet

Kilakilarneys, Kilakilarneys
Made by leprechauns (Chorus: wan size fits all)
Kilakilarneys, Kilakilarneys
Ask yooehr local leprechaun to call

Kilakilarney shoes put de rhythm in yooehr blues
Try a pair av Kilakilarneys on yooehr feet!

"You're all alwan," says Mag, "give up yooehr gold!"

"I'll die befhre I ever do dat," I said.

Mag den got so mad, s'e created an earthquake dat separated this island from de rest av de shhre and dat was de last I've seen my old home.

To Be Continued

In the next chapter, Blarney tells what happened to Old Mag the Hag.