Trigger warning: this chapter contains mentions of gender dysphoria.
It's raining. Because of course it is. In a place like District 6, even the Sun is too afraid to stay out past 4 o'clock. Gray clouds block out the sky and the sound of thousands of water droplets hitting the pavement eventually goes from annoying to just…there.
I shiver, rubbing my arms with my hands and wishing I had the foresight to grab a hoodie. Of course, I didn't know that I'd spend the day before the Reaping in the slammer when I got dressed this morning. I just lean backwards on the bench I'm sitting on to stay out of the rain, feeling my head brush up against the wall.
I suppose I could start walking home by myself; I'm not a child anymore. I don't need my mother to hold my hand as I cross the street. She's definitely not coming to pick me up. Besides, the longer I wait here, the less time I have to get home before Mom does and I don't want to face her. She'll be angry, which is fine. I know I fucked up and I deserve to get reemed out for my actions.
But if she's upset…I don't know what I'll do.
I can picture her in my mind now and the image makes me grimace. She's weepy eyed with her face red and blotchy and tears streaming down her cheeks. She's bemoaning how she fucked up in raising us, that she's human garbage, that she's such a terrible mother. And the worst part will be that there's nothing Tullia or I can do to comfort her. Because we all will know that she isn't lying.
The streets are my sanctuary. Home is suffocating and claustrophobic, a reminder of how much of a shithole life is. Outside is where I truly feel I can breathe. I don't have to hold anything back, I can weave between cars on my bike and feel the wind pushing past me as I fly. I can spray paint a beautiful mural on the side of a factory. I can scream obscenities and air my grievances into an empty alleyway, so isolated that nobody will come running out to yell at me for making noise.
"Be grateful," my teachers would say. I hold back a snort. There's nothing left to be grateful for when you're born into Panem's shithole. The streets are dirty and reek of death. Homeless people sleep on the street, sickly addicts lurk in the shadows until they can get their next fix. Every day is spent living paycheck to paycheck, making money stretch until it can't be stretched any more, skipping lunch just so we can afford to eat the next day.
They say people in the outer districts have it worse. Be glad you're born in District 6, because you could be a lowly cattle rancher or a filthy coal miner instead. Where there's no open spaces for grass to grow and tons of smog in the sky. So much for living in the transportation hub of Panem. At least the 12s have guaranteed jobs. At least they're not known across the country for having a serious drug problem. It's like we can never win.
A figure obscured by fog approaches me, wielding an umbrella over their head. I don't even have to ask. I know who it is. I just stand and try to hide my shivering as Tullia gets closer.
"Hey," she says, her voice drenched in exhaustion.
"Hey yourself," I respond. Neither of us smile. She motions for me to follow her and I do.
We begin the trek home, as I can't stay out on the streets forever. I've never been good at not returning home. As much as I like to stay outside, I always go back at some point. I used to threaten to run away all the time when I was little, and Tullia was always quick to poke holes in my plans and remind me I'd never be able to survive out there on my own.
"What did you do?" she asks. I bristle, but I know she's right to assume that I did do something, rather than was just unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Even if the asshole who started it did far worse. Justice never cares about stuff like that, though. Guilty until proven innocent.
"I beat a guy up in broad daylight."
She just nods. I kick a pebble and watch it disappear down the road. My knuckles still ache and I'm pretty sure I have a nice bruise on my side where he kicked me when he went down.
"He deserved it." I don't know why I feel the need to justify myself when I know Tullia is on my side anyway. "He's been stalking me for weeks, just so he can always throw slurs and punches to my face. He even tried to lift my shirt up today. Good thing I was wearing my binder but you just don't do that to someone!"
Tullia hums her agreement. "I hope you made it hurt."
"I never go down without a fight."
"Good."
At home, we start work on preparing dinner. It's a very simple meal of leek soup and bread Tullia makes from our tesserae rations, but the outside is cool and the soup is hot. I'm staring down the pot as if that'll make it boil faster when I hear the front door open.
"Cicero Canale!" My mother's shrill voice fills the kitchen, and probably the entire apartment. "Do you want to explain why I was told you got locked up today? I had to hear about it from Mrs. Karrigon. Mrs. Karrigon! In front of everybody! It was so embarrassing!"
I quickly tell her everything I told Tullia, but Mom doesn't seem to care. "So? I raised you better than this! What in heaven makes you think you have the right to behave so violently and tarnish my family name!?"
I see my sister flinch out of the corner of my eye. I clench my fist to stop the shake in my hands. "It's okay, Mom. Everything got resolved and I'm not being charged for anything."
"You still have an arrest on your record. People saw what you did."
"It was in self-defense."
"How the hell are you supposed to find a decent job now?"
"I already have a job," I remind her, doing my best to keep calm and not fly off the handle. I don't want an argument. I'm so tired. I just want to nip things in the bud before she starts crying or blaming herself because then I know everybody will feel miserable and I'm pissed off enough as is.
"Is it my fault?" she suddenly asks and oh God, here it comes. The guilt. The victim card. "Was I not there enough for you that you feel it's appropriate to act out like this instead of solving your problems like an actual fucking adult?"
"You didn't do anything," I mutter, making sure to heavily emphasize that last word.
"Guys!" Tullia speaks up, having finished ladling out the soup into three bowls. "Let's just eat before everything gets cold! It's over now and-"
"You stay out of this!" Mom roars at her. "This is between your brother and me!"
"Leave her alone!" I yell.
"I will not be spoken to like this in my own household!"
"Then stop being a bitch and stop picking on her! You got a problem with me? Say it to my face!"
Mom grits her teeth and whispers something I can't hear before grabbing her bowl of soup and storming off to her room. "Ungrateful brats," she hisses. "Absolutely disrespectful. Never fucking wanted them anyway."
The door slams shut.
I decide to sit down and start eating. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, I hear a chair scrape across the floor as Tullia joins me. I can tell she's trying to hold back her tears.
"It's fine." Her voice is wobbly. "You know she didn't actually mean that, right? She just got worked up. She still loves us."
I love Tullia, but I don't understand why that's the one thing that seems to fly over her head: Mom never really truly loved us. The only reason I stay under this roof is because I truly have nowhere else to go. I have my friends, but none of them can afford to take me in. At this point, I'm just waiting until Tullia gets married or something, in which she finally gets her own place and I'll just crash on her couch every night.
We just end the conversation there because I know nothing I say will make Tullia feel better. I'm just glad Mom didn't yell at her too much. Tullia's biggest problem is that she never knows how to stand up for herself. She's not like me, she cares too much and too deeply. I never care at all. Maybe that's not a good thing, but all I know is that I can take shit and give it too. I don't care if it's my own mother; when Cicero Canale gets in a fight, he finishes it or goes down swinging.
The food gets eaten, the dishes get washed and put away.
Tullia looks at the clock. "It's getting late. Time for you to shower and go to bed."
I roll my eyes. "Girl, I am not seven. I don't need a bedtime."
"Yeah well, you reek of sweat and you need a shower." Tullia pokes my arm. "Are you gonna take one tomorrow before work? Yeah, didn't think so."
"Who died and put you in charge?"
"Very funny, Cici."
"Stop calling me that," I grumble, but head to the bathroom anyway. The lukewarm water feels really good on my bare skin, though I try to avoid looking down as much as possible. I don't need to be reminded of the two large fleshy lumps on my chest I'll probably never get rid of, no matter how hard Tullia tries to save up for eventual surgery. I'll end up dying before we can afford it. I wish I could just rip them off but alas. Life is never that simple.
Might as well get some decent rest. Tomorrow's a big day, the ever-important watching as two kids get sent to their deaths. It's basically a guarantee at this point. District 6 never does well in the Games.
Ah, well. That's a problem for tomorrow's Cicero. Today's Cicero is going to sleep.
Guess who's back! Back again!
If you've been around here long enough, you probably remember VR Kingsley's adventures in Rainbows and Storms and Hearts of Glass and Gold. Well, we're returning to the verse but with a new character in tow! Everybody say hi to our narrator for the story, Cicero Canale!
This is a partial SYOT, but this story already has a predetermined Victor and will only be told from Cicero's POV. If you want to submit, please keep that in mind. If you do not wish to submit, that's totally fine but I hope you'll still enjoy the story as well.
This story will be FCFS. You can hold reservations for three weeks from when this chapter goes up or when you first reserve a slot.
Maximum three submissions and/or reservations per person. I will do my best to keep the tribute list updated as much as possible so if there's a slot you want, grab it while you still can.
Form link will be posted on my profile. You don't have to be super detailed with the form, just give me enough content so I get the gist of your character.
See you all next chapter and thank you for your support!
-Vr
