Over the next few days, I visited Itachi in his room. After he started sleeping again, his mood got better. The cold edge slowly went away. His appetite needed longer to come back, but we were working on it.
When he wasn't napping, we would hang out and chat. I'd bring plates of sliced fruit to share.
I told him about my time at the Fire Capital. It felt like the old times, when I used to tell him about my day. Three months was a lot longer than a single day though. Three months was basically a forever amount of stories.
Itachi didn't mind. He liked my stories. He liked hearing me talk. He just didn't like hearing me talk about him.
That was okay. Just like with Shisui, we didn't have to talk about it. We didn't have to do anything he didn't want to.
I told him about dance school and all the different types of dance. I told him about Jonasan, Saimon, and the rest of my park family. I told him about Aoi and everything I learned about hair.
Itachi liked my haircut a lot more than Aunt Mikoto did. His interest didn't seem to be just polite. When he did look, he looked very thoroughly.
"Do you remember what it's called?" he asked.
"Eh?"
"The brand."
He was talking about the shampoo. I realized after he did that without my shampoo, my hair would get all messy again. After my first bath, there were already parts of my curls that had separated.
"I don't think we'll find it in Konoha," I said, laughing nervously.
Itachi caught himself. "I suppose not," he admitted.
After all the easy things were talked about, I moved on to the harder stuff. I told him about my Kurohyou friends.
Itachi did not have the same prejudice for Lightning that Otoha did. I didn't expect him to, but it was still a relief.
Itachi told me Otoha lived in Miyako. It was not possible to live in Miyako and not know about the Masako incident. It would make sense that strong feelings would come out.
Tomoe was forever changed by the incident. Michio had to face a lot of difficulties too.
Michio had lived in exile for most of his life. He was hidden in Miyako like a dirty secret. The first time he came back to Konoha was the day we all came back together.
Michio never grew up with a real family. He and Tomoe were entirely estranged. Shisui adopted him like a little brother, but that also created a lot of tension between Shisui and Tomoe.
"Wait, why would Tomoe care?" I asked. "If they're already estranged."
"Lady Tomoe had another sister. From what I heard, they were very close, but Lady Tomoe lost her in the incident. I could imagine that, despite appearances, Lady Tomoe did not take well to losing her last sister. Shisui gaining a brother is just the salt in the wound."
"Can't lose what you've never had," I grumbled, grabbing an orange slice. "If she wanted Michio as family, she should have treated him like family."
Itachi didn't disagree. "Many of our clan's ills are self-imposed. Blaming an entire country for them is misplaced at best." He returned the focus to me. "Did you have fun with these new friends?"
"Yeah! They taught me how to breakdance. They're all really talented. J is a fashion designer. M and N can rap. It's like… extremely advanced poetry. And Z is amazing at painting. Not with water, but with air!" I paused, then smiled guilty. "He's my boyfriend. Z."
I sweated. I figured it was important to be honest. And this was Itachi. I didn't think he would be too bothered by it.
He wasn't.
In fact, he was a little too unbothered… and insultingly so!
"And you met them all at school?"
"Yeah, they were exchange students." Pouting, I leaned in. "You heard me say boyfriend, right?"
"I heard. Do you want to tell me about him?"
"You're not surprised? You're not baffled? I just told you I have a boyfriend!" I paused. "Had?" I paused again. "Have." Long-distance stuff was confusing.
Itachi looked away, hiding his smile, the first real one I'd seen on him since I came back.
"Why would it be surprising that you'd have admirers? Or that you'd meet someone you admired back." He paused. "I would not have estimated three months," he admitted. "But the Fire Capital is not insulated like it is here."
"You're not jealous?" I whined.
"Can't lose what you've never had," he repeated my words back to me.
I threw his pillow at him.
I stomped with my bare foot. NEVER HAD, MY ASS.
Itachi's smile widened, as he shielded himself with the pillow.
"What do you want me to say?"
I puffed my cheek. "How about your real feelings!"
Itachi considered that, lowering the pillow. He dropped the act.
"I used to be," he told me.
"Used to?"
"That other friend of yours. From the Academy."
I had to think for a second.
"Gin?! You were jealous of Gin?"
"Maybe I wasn't as dreadfully unsubtle as Shisui claimed," Itachi said, amused.
"But I don't even like him like that!"
"I know. That made it worse," he said flatly.
I stared at him like he made no sense. Because he didn't.
Itachi looked away. "I found him… irritating. I could tell he was the one who had convinced you to go down the ninja path. I thought that was sufficient reason for my reaction and had been unwilling to look deeper into the root of my displeasure."
His grip on the pillow tightened. "Of the dozens of students he could befriend, why did it have to be the one in my life. Of all the reasons for you to become a ninja, why such a dumb one. The irony that it was my own actions that brought you together was not lost on me.
"But he wasn't taking away anything that was already existing. He wasn't the reason we were not closer. I was."
His fist unclenched.
"Self-imposed grievances," he said, tossing the pillow back to me. "I'm not any different from the rest of the clan."
I needed a minute to recover.
"And what about your feelings now?"
He said nothing.
"Do you truly want to know?" he asked.
My heart hammered. I nodded.
"What I feel now is relief."
My mind blanked.
Relief…?
"I'm relieved there exists people outside of here who can do what I can't. That my shortcomings do not matter, and a good outcome will happen regardless."
I realized this wasn't an act of politeness. Itachi was telling the truth about his feelings.
"The jealousy is gone?" I asked, my voice small.
Itachi heard my disappointment. He couldn't understand why. He thought it was a good thing to have gone, to not cause me any trouble.
"Is that not… beneficial?"
I stared at him.
"I… no," I said. "I was hoping you'd be bothered."
I would be bothered, if I came back and learned Itachi had a girlfriend. Whether I think it'd be a good thing or a bad thing, whether I'd like it or hate it, none of that would change the fact that I'd be bothered.
Because something about that would feel really unfair. What about us? We liked each other too, didn't we? If it had been possible all this time, then why couldn't it have happened to us too? Why didn't we also get the happy ending?
Without jealousy, how would we know we weren't happy…?
"I see…"
Itachi picked up an orange slice.
"Do you want me to insult him?"
I collapsed.
That was a fast change!
"How can you insult him! I've told you nothing about him!"
"You've said enough. He's an artist, isn't he? If not mediocre, then mad. If not privileged, then poor. The type to be word wise and action foolish, gone before the season is over."
I closed my mouth.
"He's a good person fighting for equality," I said.
Itachi took that into consideration.
"So a criminal."
He smirked seeing he hit the mark. The pillow flung back to his side. He caught it.
"Make up your mind, Ayae. Do you want me to be petty or not?"
"Neither! Both! I don't know." I covered my burning face with my palms. "I want the truth."
Itachi thought that one over.
"I'm sorry, Ayae." He got up, picking up the empty plate. "It is difficult for me to be jealous of male peers…"
My shoulders lowered.
"... when their only chance is if I don't compete."
It took me a moment. He was already out the door.
Sasuke had just gotten home, still in one sandal. He blinked when I chased Itachi into the kitchen. The plate in the sink, Itachi had already hopped over my shoulder.
"You can't paint with air!" I accused.
"I can paint with nothing," he reminded.
I screamed, waving madly to dispel the genjutsu.
"I liked the humble version better!"
"This is the humble version. Humility is neither overestimation nor underestimation of oneself. It is simply the truth." He leaned in teasingly. "I'm giving you what you asked for."
He disappeared up the stairs. I ran after him.
The door to Itachi's room was open when Sasuke looked in.
"What are you guys doing?" Sasuke deadpanned.
"Talking about feelings!" I spat.
The pillow fell off the bed. My arm gave out. We tumbled, back to rolling on the floor.
"It's been quite one-sided so far, this talk," Itachi said, on top. "Is there something you want to share, Ayae?"
"If there's something you want to know," I said, gritting my teeth, "you have to use words and ask!" I flipped us over.
We stared at each other. We blinked.
Our pretend-fight ended, both of us getting off each other. We looked at opposite walls.
Itachi didn't ask. We had been so caught up in the moment, we forgot we weren't supposed to talk about it. We didn't talk about Shisui, and we didn't talk about him.
"How was your day at school, Sasuke?" Itachi asked.
Sasuke couldn't believe it. His brother was normal again. His gaze snapped to me, demanding how I fixed him.
I gave a smug shrug. What could I say? Naps and snacks and gossip. The ultimate cure to all great woes.
Was I a great doctor or what? My dad would be proud.
Sasuke dropped his school bag and joined us. He got very suspicious when something was too good to be true. He tried to act calm and casual, just in case this was all a trap.
He saw it wasn't.
And so, he exploded like a dam that had been held together by duct tape. We listened to him tell us about the Academy.
He had a lot to say about Naruto.
Actually, all of it was about Naruto.
The other kid had been up to some shenanigans that had been driving Sasuke crazy. Naruto was supposed to be the class clown. The idiot couldn't barely read or do his multiplication tables, and yet had skipped ahead to D and even C-rank level jutsu, out-sneaking and out-tricking Sasuke at every turn.
All of this happened after Naruto started learning senjutsu from Shao.
Sasuke had enough. He desperately needed Itachi to teach him senjutsu too. Now that Itachi was better, they could go training together. There was no school tomorrow. It was perfect.
"You always say next time, next time," Sasuke whined, rolling on the floor. "No more next time, Brother."
Itachi was defenseless against the cute.
"We can train tomorrow, Sasuke."
Sasuke beamed.
"But if senjutsu is what you are hoping to learn, I'm afraid that's outside my capabilities."
Sasuke opened his mouth.
"Have you considered also asking this Shao person?" Itachi suggested gently.
Sasuke deflated.
My ears perked.
"Oh, what's that?" I said, resting my cheek on my fist. "Is that the sound of Uchiha Itachi admitting he can't do something? That he's not as good as… male peers."
My lips twitched.
It was my turn to run.
Aunt Mikoto didn't need to call us to dinner. I found her first, hiding behind her back. To Itachi, I stuck out my tongue.
"Oh, Itachi," Aunt Mikoto said, seeing him downstairs. "Will you be joining us tonight?"
Sasuke entered the kitchen a second later, crashing into Itachi's back. He looked up at his older brother.
Itachi relented.
Dinner that night was the liveliest it had been since I came back. It felt like the dinners we used to have before I left. Even better, Itachi could eat a full meal again.
Aunt Mikoto noticed. She was so relieved, sending me looks of gratitude across the table. I returned a cheery smile.
Unfortunately, Fugaku also noticed.
"Are you recovered now, Itachi?" Fugaku asked, examining him.
"I believe so, Father."
"That's good. You can go back to duty tomorrow."
Sasuke's head snapped up. He immediately looked back down, poking his rice to hide his devastation.
"Too long of an absence won't look good on your records," Fugaku continued, completely oblivious to the rest of us.
I looked at Aunt Mikoto, waiting for her to say something. Why wasn't she saying anything?
No way was Itachi already leaving. He had just started to get better. He had just started to eat and sleep again.
"One more day."
Everyone turned to look at Itachi.
"Just one more day, Father," Itachi said. "Then I will report back."
Fugaku took that in. He closed his eyes and agreed.
"Day after tomorrow then."
Sasuke breathed in relief. Happy, he went back to his rice. Everyone went back to their meals.
Everyone, except me.
My hand shook around my chopsticks. I continued to look at everyone like they were all crazy. I looked at Aunt Mikoto the longest. Because there was no way she hadn't noticed.
How Itachi had gone from eating to pretending to eat again.
