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Chapter 4: Is It Wrong?

The journey back across the city was a tense and quiet one for Noca and Pan. Fortunately, they didn't have very far to go, however, Noca said nothing the entire time. He clearly wasn't himself, and Pan could both see and feel that within him, but she wasn't totally sure how to address it. She hoped he would open up without any pressuring, but she wanted to wait until they got back to the apartment.

Noca was first to enter and, even though he was back in his own home, his bad mood had not subsided, and the negative energy continued to float around. He tossed his keys onto the dining table as he continued through the apartment, up the hall towards the bedroom.

"Noca, please talk to me," Pan said, as soon as she closed the front door and rounded the corner into the main space.

"I need to clean up," Noca threw over his shoulder.

He went straight into the bedroom and pushed the door to a close behind him, although he made sure he didn't slam it, only pushing it so it was left slightly ajar. Once inside the bedroom he immediately removed his shirt, tossing it aside. It was a reasonably nice shirt as well. Noca chose it because they were going out for dinner with Bra and the others, but it had been completely ruined by Vegeta's blast.

Pan headed up the hall and stopped just before the bedroom door. She wanted to head right in, knowing she was well within her rights to do so, but she also felt like Noca needed some space to calm down, if the walk hadn't done that for him. She gently put her hand on the door and sighed. She knew it wasn't just the scuffle with Vegeta that had pushed Noca to the edge. There was a lot more going on under the surface that he was struggling to process, it was only amplified by the Saiyan Prince's words and actions.

Noca had gone inside the bathroom and just stayed standing by the door after closing it. He took a few deep breaths with his eyes closed, hoping to compose himself and calm down. He bowed his head and continued to breathe deeply.

Realising he couldn't push it aside he decided to give up on that and turned to the sink, looking in the mirror at a face that he really didn't want to believe was his own. Vegeta had done some damage. Noca could see that some bruising was already clearly starting to form around his eye, with a clear slice underneath it that already had some dried blood around it, but the wound itself was still wet. His nostrils were also very red and wet from blood, with more dried blood around his mouth, and there was even a cut on the bridge of his nose.

There were even cuts on and inside Noca's mouth and he was struggling to understand how he had managed to ignore all of it while fighting with Vegeta. There was so much blood on his face, there were scratches on the front of his torso too, it was ridiculous.

Noca turned on the tap, cupped his hands underneath, noticing his knuckles were marked too, but he ignored that. He brought the water to his mouth and started to wash it out but was immediately met by an uncomfortable stinging pain. He spat the water into the sink and saw that it was deep red, and thick. The pain was all finally starting to hit him, and he winced while gripping the sides of the sink.

He had managed to push all of it aside during the fight, it must have been the adrenaline, but Noca could finally feel that Vegeta really wasn't pulling his punches. Maybe he was holding back by not powering up all the way, but he certainly wasn't taking things easy on the young Saiyan man. That much was obvious from the pain he felt, the cuts on his face, and the bruises.

Noca looked up at himself again. He couldn't even tell if he was angry anymore, or if he was just tired, or sad. Either way, it was a lot.

Pan finally entered the bedroom, picking up Noca's shirt off the floor and putting it in the trashcan, and then she sat at the edge of the bed, waiting for Noca to emerge. She wasn't going to disturb him in the bathroom, and she knew he needed a moment to himself, but she was still eager to talk to him.

After ten minutes, Noca walked out, still shirtless, showing off the bruises and scrapes on his torso, along with the larger marks from where the Ki blast had exploded. He was also carrying a towel that appeared to have traces of blood on it.

Pan just looked at her boyfriend, taking it all in, and she let out a deep sigh upon realising just how worse for wear he was. It was like the exterior was showcasing the emotional turmoil going on within Noca, and there was a noticeable difference to the way Noca held himself now compared to when they first entered the apartment.

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, right beside Pan.

"Let me take a look," Pan said, reaching out towards Noca's head, in an attempt to turn him to face her, but Noca raised his arm and pulled away out of Pan's reach.

"It's ok, I'm fine," Noca said.

Pan brought her hands down to her lap again and let out an exasperated sigh.

"No, you're not fine," Pan told him, her tone shifting. "Now, let me take a look at you."

Noca looked back to her, meeting her eyes, and he relaxed.

"Ok," he said, moving back to a natural sitting position and turning to face her.

She brought her hands up again and very gently cupped his cheek, Noca did wince slightly, but she continued to be gentle. His face was still very sore. Pan shook her head as she looked all over his face, at the cut on his lip, the bruise and cut under his left eye, the cut on his nose, the redness in his skin from all the blood that hadn't been cleaned up properly. Noca, still keeping his head up, let his eyes drop, looking away from Pan.

"I need to clean you up properly, we don't want anything getting infected, especially inside your mouth," Pan said, "how do they feel?"

"Not great," Noca replied.

Pan took a hand away from Noca's face and reached down to hold his hand, but he didn't react. He was far too deep in thought, and there was clearly something he was trying to process, or something he just didn't want to speak about even though it was clear in his mind. Pan wanted him to open up, but she couldn't force him, they both lost something recently and it had affected them in different ways, ways they couldn't immediately notice.

"I'm gonna get the first aid kit," Pan said, standing up and letting go of his hand.

However, as she approached the bedroom door Noca said something that immediately stopped her in her tracks.

"Do you think he's right?" Noca asked, quietly, although loud enough for Pan to pick it up.

She stopped and turned around to look back at him, an inquisitive frown forming as she was certainly missing context for where the question had come from.

"Who?" she asked, speaking softly as she inched towards him again.

"Vegeta. Do you think he's right?" Noca asked again.

"Right about what?" Pan questioned.

"Me. Am I selfish?" he asked. "Is it wrong for me to want to just live my life without all this burden?" He questioned further, a little bitterness creeping into his tone.

"I don't want to run off on another ridiculous quest right away just because Vegeta wants me to, just because there's some sort of, I don't know, destiny waiting for me," Noca continued, the volume of his voice increasing along with his frustration. "I'd like to have a moment to actually sit back and live my life a little bit."

Noca then looked up at Pan, which forced her to halt her movement as it had caught her off guard, but when she saw Noca's face again she noticed that he wasn't just angry, it was so much more.

"Is it wrong for me to feel like that?" Noca asked.

Pan slowly shook her head.

"No," she replied in a whisper.

"It feels like… ever since I lost my mom… I've been hit with this constant pain," Noca said, "but it's not just me, it's everyone, it's you, it's Holline, and… I just don't want that for any of us anymore."

His thoughts were running deep, deeper than what had happened with Vegeta. It had sent him spiralling, that was certain. Pan could see that his frustration was beginning to subside, only to be replaced with an uneasy sadness and confusion. It was overwhelming him, and she was beginning to get an understanding on what he had kept bottled up inside. It was more than just his guilt, there was so much anxiety in there too.

Noca's head dropped into his hands, and he groaned, gripping onto his hair slightly.

"I can't keep doing what he wants me to, I can't keep doing this to myself, and I don't want to keep doing it to you," Noca said, getting more and more annoyed as he spoke, keeping his head buried in his hands.

Pan sighed and moved to him right away. She dropped to her knees in front of him at the end of the bed and she put one hand on his knee, hoping to offer him the slightest bit of comfort.

"What do you think?" Noca asked, his voice calmer, and muffled, "honestly."

"I think you're free to make your own choices, Noca," Pan said, moving closer to him, hoping he would look at her. "You're right, we've both been through so much, we've lost a lot, and for you to want to hold on to what you have… that's not selfish."

She was doing her best to tell Noca exactly what he wanted to hear, perhaps because she believed it was what he really needed to hear, or maybe it was so she could help him calm down in this moment. She wanted him to realise that running along that train of thought was getting him nowhere, it was pointless, and it was unhealthy. Pan reached up with a hand and gently held his arm, hoping to pull it away from his head.

Noca let it happen, and he slowly released his hair and looked up, meeting Pan's big blue eyes. She moved her hand along his arm until she held his hand in her own, with her other one still on his knee. She peered into his red, teary eyes.

"If I'm honest, I don't want you to go out there again. I have no idea what's waiting for you, but if it's anything like what we just went through, then I know it's too much," Pan explained.

"I want to build a life with you," Noca said, softly, holding Pan's hand tighter. "I don't want to keep putting it at risk."

"I want that too," Pan said.

"But I don't know what to do anymore," Noca said, sighing as his gaze dropped to their hands as they remained clasped together. "What should I do?"

Pan opened her mouth, hoping to reply right away, but she didn't really have all the answers herself. How could she? She had to take a moment to figure out what she was going to say, but it wasn't easy. She closed her mouth and swallowed. She looked down at their hands as she thought, and Noca looked up again. He hoped she would say something that could help him, that could ease him. However, Noca ultimately wanted her to speak from the heart, and speak her truth.

"Maybe this stuff that Vegeta always talks about, maybe it really is important," Pan pondered, which didn't seem like it was going in the direction that Noca wanted.

Pan looked up to meet his eyes again.

"Maybe there are answers out there, and maybe there truly is a reason for everything we've been through," Pan continued, her voice cracking a little bit as she got emotional. "But I will never tell you to go chasing for it. Maybe that makes me selfish…"

Pan drifted off a little bit as she said that, really thinking about her words, but then her expression hardened and with all her passion she looked back to Noca.

"Or maybe it means that I don't want to lose any more of the people I love," Pan finished, and it was clear that the thoughts were making her upset, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

Noca leaned forward, lifting his hand to wipe away the tear and then he cupped her cheeks softly with both hands, as they both stared into the depths of one another's soul.

"I won't leave you," Noca said, defiantly. "Vegeta can do whatever he wants, follow whatever he believes, I don't care. I only want to be with you."

He let go of her face and took her hands again, and they both leaned towards each other, closing in for a kiss. However, as soon as their lips pressed together, Noca winced in pain and pulled back.

"Oh, sorry," Pan said, realising that Noca was still in pain.

"It's ok," Noca said, bringing a hand to his mouth and touch the lip softly, wincing again.

He pulled his hand away to inspect it after touching the wound on his lip, noticing that there was still blood, fresh blood.

"Let me get the kit and I'll get you cleaned up properly," Pan said, standing up and heading for the door again, "and then I'll call Bra and tell her that we need to cancel."

"No," Noca half-exclaimed, halting Pan, again.

"No?" Pan questioned. "It's ok if you're not feeling good."

"I'm fine, honestly," Noca said. "We can get all this cleaned up, I'll freshen up, and then we can go."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes, we're not cancelling our plans because of me," Noca said, "we both need this. You need this."

Pan smiled softly and tilted her head as she looked at Noca. She felt bad that he was still willing to go out in his current physical and mental state and pretend everything was ok, just for her. Even though they were both pretty much pretending everything is ok. Everything had been rough lately.

"We both need to get out with our friends and see that the world hasn't ended. We need to unwind and relax," Noca continued.

He was right. Pan wanted this.

"Only if you're absolutely sure," Pan said, checking one last time.

"I'm sure," Noca said, smiling up at Pan, but then he scoffed quietly. "Although I'm gonna need a new shirt."

Pan chuckled.

"Definitely," she said.

Pan quickly left the room to get the first aid kit, sharing a smile with her boyfriend as she left the room. As soon as she had stepped out Noca's smile faded and he sighed to himself as he stayed seated at the edge of the bed, staring into space. No matter what, he knew he could count on Pan to say the right thing, or at the very least say what he wanted to hear. He just hoped it was more than what he wanted to hear and that it really was the right thing.

He also needed to stop letting Vegeta get into his head.


Initially, the plan had been for Pan to get ready for their night out over at Capsule Corp., with some assistance from Bra in the deciding what to wear section. Obviously, there had been some changes to the plan and Pan instead decided she would have to make the choice herself, in the comfort of her own home, while Noca needed to find something new to wear also.

He was initially just wearing one of his favourite shirts, a burgundy one that fit perfectly, but instead he had to go with an alternative, which wasn't very difficult. We would just wear a black one. He wore the shirt with the top couple of buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbow. Along with that he wore a pair of dark grey jeans and some white sneakers. Smart, yet casual. He was very much dressed to go out.

Noca didn't really feel the need to put too much effort into outfits, it wasn't all that important to him. He just knew that Pan would want him to look nice. Apparently, they were going to a nice place, so it was best that he be appropriately dressed for it. That's what Pan was doing.

While Noca was sitting on the couch, getting in a couple of quick matches on a first-person shooter, Pan was in the bedroom getting ready. Once ready, she came out of the room, and Noca could hear her as she walked up the hall thanks to the clacking of her heels against the hard floor. Although she didn't pass him and instead went into the kitchen to do something.

Noca did glance back to see what she was doing but found himself having to do a double take and he looked back again, ignoring the fact that his game had continued without his attention.

"Wow," Noca muttered.

Pan stopped as she walked out of the kitchen, ready to go back up the hall, but she heard Noca and looked back to him. She was confused but then looked down at herself and back to Noca as he stared at her.

"Oh, do I look nice?" Pan asked, doing a silly pose as if trying to show off her outfit.

It was rare to see Pan all dressed up but when she did it, she went all out. The girl who normally felt better being as comfortable as she could possibly be, was always capable of looking incredibly glamourous when she wanted. She was wearing a blue dress that wasn't too long or too short, it stopped a little bit above her knee, and it had thin shoulder straps and a plunging cowl-like neckline.

"Yeah, you look gorgeous," Noca said, almost stunned.

Pan had opted to wear her hair down with the outfit as well, and it looked as if she had curled her hair a little bit too, even though it rarely stayed that way.

"Thanks," Pan said, winking at Noca and poking her tongue out at him as she turned and went back up the hall.

Noca stood up as she went to get what she needed, turning off the TV and stepping into the space between their kitchen and dining area, and he watched Pan disappear into their bedroom again.

"You're gonna look too good standing beside me," Noca called after her, with a chuckle.

Pan emerged from the bedroom with a smirk on her face, while trying to put a necklace on properly.

"With that face, almost certainly," Pan teased.

Noca scoffed and shook his head, noticing that Pan was struggling with her necklace.

"Let me help you," Noca said.

Pan turned around and let Noca sort out the clasp on the necklace for her.

"Is this the one I bought for you?" Noca asked.

"If you have to ask then what kind of boyfriend does that make you? Pan questioned, maintaining the teasing tone.

"I don't know, the kind that's taken too many blows to the head," Noca replied.

Pan scoffed and turned around to look in her boyfriend's eyes. They smiled at each other. Pan put her arms around Noca's torso, her hands clasping behind his back and Noca put his hands on her waist. They head each other close, so their bodies were touching.

Noca looked down towards Pan's chest, at the necklace, recognising it immediately. He brought his hand up, taking a hold of the pendant on the necklace, brushing Pan's skin gently as he did, and he brought the pendant closer.

"Ah, yes, I got you this for Christmas, a long time ago now," Noca said.

"Well, the pendant is the same, the necklace chain broke a while ago and I bought a new one," Pan said, smirking as she pulled away and grabbed her purse and capsule-watch.

"Didn't it come with a bracelet as well?" Noca questioned, turning around.

"Yep," Pan said, raising her left hand, showing the bracelet on her wrist.

"Oh, I didn't see it," Noca said.

"That's because you were too busy looking at my chest," Pan replied, chuckling to herself.

"Well, I wasn't going to say it," Noca replied, laughing with her.

He walked up beside her, and she looked at him out of the corner of her eye as she made sure everything was there in her purse.

"You really do look beautiful," Noca said, softly.

"Thanks, you too," Pan said, smiling.

She turned to him and pulled up as he leaned down and they connected with a kiss, one that that they both intended to be quick, but became so much more. As they stood like that, Noca put his hand on Pan's back and pulled her close, so she was touching against him again and his hand slowly moved down until it was touching her rear. Pan chuckled and pulled away from the kiss.

"Maybe later," she said, in a hushed voice, taking Noca's hand away. "Did you feed Jessie?" Pan asked, turning away again, and grabbing her phone to text Bra.

"Uh, yeah, I did," Noca said, having to bring himself back into the moment as he awkwardly turned around. "Are they meeting us here?"

"Bra and Dom, yes, and then we're flying to Satan City to meet the girls," Pan explained as she continued to text. "They'll be here soon."